


Like blood and fire

by Nuredhel



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Family Secrets, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Second Chances, Silmarils, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 14:15:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 108,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3771316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuredhel/pseuds/Nuredhel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sons of Fëanor did many a deed of which little is known but there is one deed which has consequences nobody would have been able to foresee. There is a descendant of that Family still alive, a carrier of the Power of the Silmarilli. When Glorfindel and the twins come across a strange feral elleth in a hidden valley they get involved in something that could prove to cost both lives and souls....and in a forest near the Ettenmoors a very tall readheaded ellon is brought back to life....There is someting he has to do, the Valar demand it...But will he obey?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The ghosts of who we were

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one: The ghosts of who we were.

 

The middle of the third age: 

A mountain range to the east of the sea of Rhûn.

The female was sitting on a branch high above the forest floor, her keen eyes were following the movements of the animals scurrying around below her, unaware of her presence. She didn’t move a limb, to anyone watching her she would have been naught but a shadow. She was one with the forest, one of its habitants and so she had been for most of her life. She had found this secluded valley a long time ago and she had never left it. She had forgotten if it ever had had a name, if it was marked on any map. It probably wasn’t, it was too far away from any settlements and it held nothing of value. There was just some game, some foul and the thick dense forest itself, no valuable ore or precious gems to dig for and the soil was thin and poor, farming was not an option. 

She had no idea of how long she had lived there, to her time was just a worthless notion, a word she had long ago forgotten. She had forgotten almost everything by now, even language. She had become like the animals of the forest she saw as her own, shy and careful, always alert and never did she relax or let her guard down. The only thing she remembered was the shame, the fear, the feeling of being different, something despicable. It was the reason she had sought refuge within this forest and why she had chosen such a life for herself. As a hermit she never had to face anyone, she could live her own life, a life she could form as she wished. 

This was freedom, the only freedom she would ever know, she was free from who and what she was and it was all that she could ever ask for. She had found a cave in the mountains when she first arrived so many long years ago, it had become her home and she had survived there alone through cold winters, through blistering heat and both drought and floods. The valley had changed since she first came to the place, landslides and ice had reshaped it and so had the river flowing through it. The forest had moved up the mountainsides and down again several times, the summers got longer and then shorter and she accepted these changes as just natural. She adapted as did all of nature’s creatures. 

She didn’t need much, she was clad in animal hides in winter and the only weapon she had was a flint dagger and a very crude bow with some arrows made from twigs. She lived from one day to the next, her mind set upon the moment and she was no longer thinking in words but in feelings and images, like an animal. To the forest creatures she was one of them, in the winter she would share the cave with countless other creatures and she would survive the cold cuddled up among them. She was very thin, her body strong and sinewy and still her appearance would betray her, she never let anyone see her. 

People had stayed in her valley several times and none had noticed that it had an inhabitant. Orcs and foul creatures had passed through it too and they had never noticed the eyes that were watching them. The forest was her family and her life and it protected her, told her of dangers, warned her and nurtured her. She had returned to the way of the very first of her race and it felt righteous in some way. She was paying for her past, for her very being. 

The female had hardly seen anyone of her own people for a very long time now, she had almost forgotten about them. She stayed there because it was all that she knew by now, she was caught by the routine of her life and the freedom it provided her with. She was living the life of an animal and as such she never had to think. It was good that way. The cave had looked like the dwelling of someone for the first years she had stayed there but now it looked like an animal’s cave with very little left of the things she had brought with her so long ago.

She had been so very bitter and angry back then, it had shaped her, hardened her and turned her into something she gradually realized that she couldn’t allow herself to be. She had become everything she had loathed and feared and this was the only way she could save herself from becoming one of them completely. It was her greatest fear. 

She had tried to flee from her own destiny and her own past and perhaps she in some ways had succeeded in this, a little too well.  
It had been peaceful now for years, a year was such a short time to her, and yet the years were so very long. Every day a struggle to survive and she had honed her survival instincts into something superior even to the rest of her kin. Her senses hyper sensitive, her instincts sharper than the best blade, she avoided problems and she could almost go into a sort of hibernation if the winter became too long and cold for her small supply of food. She never knew if she would wake up again when she let that heavy sleep claim her but she didn’t worry, she didn’t think ahead at all. 

She was resting against the trunk of a mighty old oak, the tree had grown from a tiny sapling to its mighty size in just a short time compared with the time she had spent in this valley and she knew every tree there and every living creature. She had eaten this day, a rabbit. The concept of cooking your food was one she had forgotten about, she ate the meat raw and she just wiped the blood of her face with her fur garments. Her hair was extremely long and tangled and she used it almost as a blanket when she slept. She felt at rest, peaceful. It was summer, that it would be yet another winter soon was something of which she was almost oblivious, the now was all that there was. She yawned and stretched herself, she felt drowsy but it was not the sleep time yet, and she wasn’t home either. 

She was ready to get up when she sensed something new, the trees were whispering to her, telling of something new, something that could be a threat. Something had entered the valley. She was on her feet, ran like a wild deer towards the cave and safety but on the way she got curious. The trees told her of confusion, but no hostility. She veered off her course, moved through the canopy towards the source of the disturbance. Her heart was hammering, she had gotten a bit bored of lately and everything new was something she wanted to explore as long as it wasn’t dangerous. And the trees didn’t speak of danger at all. 

 

The three riders who slowly rode along the river were chatting together rather merrily, they had chosen to go exploring when their mission was completed and this area was abandoned by everyone ages ago. It was too close to the vast deserts of Rhun to be considered habitable and the very mountains were hard to get through with narrow passes and many dangers. This particular valley was so secluded they had a feeling that they were the first ever to enter it and they stared at the huge ancient trees and herds of deer with wide eyes. It was such an idyllic site and they stopped by the river and let the horses drink. They dismounted and sat down in the long grass to rest. The tallest of the three took a wineskin from his saddle and took a sip, handed it to one of the two almost identical ellyn who rode with him. “This place is gorgeous, so lush.”

The younger ellon’s voice was filled with wonder and awe and the tall golden haired one grinned and pulled off his tunic, sighed with relief. “It is the mountains, they trap the moisture. I think we may stay here for a couple of days just to explore, or what do you think? My horse is limping a bit and I feel like relaxing.”

Elladan grinned. “Yes, that is an excellent idea.”

Elrohir nodded vigorously, he was in fact very tired since they had been out hunting orcs for two whole months and he felt as though he needed some time off.  
Glorfindel sat down and removed his boots. “Then it is decided, we are staying.”

 

She was sitting in a tree, the canopy was hiding her from view but she could see very well enough. She felt a strange tingling sensation, a need to know more, see more. She didn’t know what these creatures were, they were familiar to her somehow but she just couldn’t remember. They were making strange sounds with their mouths and she tilted her head, her curiosity burning. If she had been able to keep more of her old self intact she would have reacted otherwise, she would have gone into hiding but she was naught but a forest sprite now, a strange innocence had replaced the once so harsh and bitter personality.  
The three creatures stayed by the river, even when darkness fell and she did sneak up closer to them, driven by some inexplicable and irresistible pull. After a while she was in the bushes just a few steps away from the simple camp and neither they nor the horses did notice her. Her scent was that of the valley itself by now and her very being was so in tune with nature nobody would feel her presence anymore. 

The three creatures killed some rabbits with their bows, and they hung them above fire? That was something she somehow did recognize but she didn’t understand how. Then the two with dark hair rolled themselves into something that looked soft, she had no longer any words for blankets but she did understand the concept and knew that they would keep themselves warm and comfortable like this. The taller golden haired one was sitting there still, staring up at the stars and he was singing softly to himself, a sweet and somewhat sad tune and she just lay there, mesmerized by the sound. She had never heard anything like that, or at least, that was what she believed. It was haunting her, bringing forth a sense of melancholy, of deep longing. She lay there almost trembling as waves of repressed memories tried to break free from the clutches of her mental shield wall but to no prevail. The barriers did hold, she was still the sprite, the wild thing. The one she had been was forgotten also this night. 

The next morning Glorfindel walked down to the river and he wanted to take a quick bath so he undressed and walked into the shallow river. It felt wonderful and he just stood there, relaxing and enjoying the sensation of getting cooled down. Then he suddenly sensed something new, he was being stared at. He swallowed, it wasn’t the twins, they were by the horses and the valley didn’t have any orcs or anything like that. The forest itself would have warned them. No, this was something different, it felt almost like an animal but yet not quite that elusive. This was something with a conscious mind.  
He walked a few steps towards the shore, just to be safe. Stared around him and wished that he had brought his sword, he didn’t like being unarmed. 

She was hiding in the thick canopy of a small tree that was leaning over the river, staring at the creature out there. The sight created a new sensation in her, a sort of longing. Her instincts told her it was a male and she stared at her own limbs and saw that they were the same, the same species? She cocked her head, felt confused. It had removed the things that covered its body and she sort of liked what she saw, it was a very healthy big male, one she was sure all the females would like. There were something almost akin to memories trying to reach the surface of her mind, a feeling of recognition, of desire. She just knew that she would have liked to feel that body close to her own, why? 

It was summer, too early for the mating season or perhaps the species she was off was different than the deer? Was that the answer? She had some understanding of the act of mating, she had seen the animals in the woods doing it countless times and she felt a surge of intense longing, yes, that was it. She needed a mate, and this male was the first she had seen worthy of her. Of that she was sure. She was breathing irregularly and couldn’t take her eyes away from him, she moved slowly further out over the river along the branches, how was she to approach him? She had no idea, somehow she just knew that she hadn’t been mated before. She forgot to look down, and suddenly there was nothing there to support her. She had stepped onto a dead rotten branch and she let out a short yelp as the water welcomed her into a very wet embrace. 

Glorfindel spun around, ready to defend himself when he heard the sounds. He saw something moving in the water, it had fallen from a tree and it was just one being. He caught sight of something red and white and then it got back onto its feet and he stared wide eyed at something his mind had problems comprehending there and then. It was an elleth, but she was like none he had ever seen before. She looked like some wild thing, naked with a huge mass of matted tangled hair, a body so skinny every bone could be seen and a face he suddenly recognized. He had never seen her before but he had seen someone who looked so much like her it couldn’t be a coincidence. Glorfindel just stood there, staring. Her bright red hair and the shape of her face and eyes, and above all, her height told him who she had to be, beyond any doubt. She was so like him it was frightening and the eyes, Valar, it was the same eyes. The same grey silver eyes with an unearthly shine to them. He had never seen a taller elleth ever, she was as tall as he was and few ellyn reached his height. 

Glorfindel swallowed, she stood there, frozen in shock like him. Too shaken to break free from the spell his presence had thrown over her. She was beautiful, no wonder, so had the one who had to be her sire been too. His body did respond to what he saw, she was not wearing anything and she looked at him and then she whimpered, those huge grey eyes got wider and she was gone in a flash, like a fleeing deer. Glorfindel just sighed, what in the name of the Valar was going on? Who the hell was she? Well, there was no doubt about who her father had been, but how had that happened? It was ages ago damn it, back in the first age! She had to be ancient and still she had an air of innocence around her that was shocking. How had she ended up there? Why? 

He waded out of the river, put his clothes back on. There was no point in pursuing her, she knew this forest, was a part of it. The trees told him this and she had been there forever, or at least that was what they said. He did believe them, she had lived there for more than an age, almost two. He would have to hope that she would return, come to him instead. She had been curious, of that he was sure. She would come back, he would see to it. 

He walked back to the twins and Elladan frowned. “Fin, you look pale?”

He nodded and sat down, crossed his legs. “Yes, I had an encounter with a ghost down there.”

Elrohir gaped. “I beg your pardon?!”

Glorfindel just sent the peredhel a wry grin. “Or perhaps not a ghost, for she was very much alive, but still a relic of the past.”

Elladan sat down too. “Explain this Fin, who?”

Glorfindel stared at the remains of the camp fire, his eyes distant. “We have stumbled upon a mystery my friends, someone who really should not exist.”

Elrohir grasped the wineskin and took a long draught. “Someone who shouldn’t exist? You need to explain that a bit further.”

The golden haired warrior sighed. “When I was bathing a buck naked elleth fell out of a tree that was leaning over the river, she fell straight into the water.”

Elladan did snigger. “A naked elleth? Are you sure you haven’t tried some of the mushrooms growing by the tree over there? They can cause some hefty hallucinations. Darn it, it is always you who get things like that happening to you. A naked elleth, wish it was me.”

Glorfindel just shrugged. Elladan was leaning forward, he was eager now but Elrohir was more relaxed, he had always favored his own gender and couldn’t have cared less if the elleth was naked or not. “I have had nothing but wine, and yes, she was real. And I have no doubt whatsoever who or what she is, the question is how in Manwe’s name she has ended up here.”

Elladan was squirming. “Damn it Fin, tell me, who is she then, this mysterious elleth?”

Glorfindel sighed, his eyes distant and memories of his first life pushed forth, made him cringe as he remembered the bloodshed, the carnage and the sheer madness that terrible oath had released. “She is the last living descendent of Fëanor, most likely a daughter of Maedhros for she is the spitting image of him.”

The twins just stared with shock in their eyes. “The daughter of one of the kin slayers?”

Glorfindel sighed once more. “Yes, some wild thing, barely an elf at all. I think she will show herself again though, I can sense it somehow. “

The twins just stared at each other, the expressions on their faces told of an equal amount of shock and doubt mixed with a fair share of disbelief. 

 

 

East Rhovanion: Year 30 : Second age of the sun. 

 

Aira just knew it the moment she saw her daughter run towards her down the path, the time had come, the truth could no longer be hidden. She got to her feet, dropped the basket of nuts and took a deep breath, brazed herself for what was to come. Halariel stopped in front of her, tears were streaming down her cheeks and her still childlike body was shivering. She had a bruise on her cheeks and her dress was muddy and torn. Aira let her hand slide through her daughters long red hair, so beautiful, like fire and blood mixed. “What is it my little one?”

It was such an irony to use those words, already now, at a mere thirty five Halariel was taller than anybody else in the small tribe, but she was still pretty much a child in every other way. The girl sobbed and dried tears off her face with a muddy hand. “Mother, is it true what they are saying about me?”

Aira sighed. “What are they saying sweetheart?”

Halariel sat down, she was shaking still. “That I am a monster, that my father was a monster, Calmatan said you were a whore and then I slapped him but he hit me back and pushed me into the mud.”

Aira felt a terrible pain in her chest, like her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. She loved her daughter fiercely, would do anything to protect her but how was she to protect her most beloved one from herself? Nobody who saw her could doubt who she was, it was her curse. “That was not nice of him, just don’t listen to them, they are just being mean.”

Halariel bit her lower lip, her chin was trembling.”But is it true mother? Was my father one of…of the kin slayers?”

The young elleth’s voice was trembling with emotion and Aira knew she owed her daughter the truth. “Yes, they are right.”

Halariel gasped and stared at her with huge eyes.”Oh mother, how could you?! Valar! How could you…love one of…them!!”

Aira stared down, her eyes filled with dark sorrow. Halariel, daughter of shadows indeed. “My dearest, I didn’t love your father.”

Halariel just stared, incredulously until the true meaning of her mother’s words sank in, she went pale and her eyes huge with terror. “Oh sweet Eru, am I the result of such sin…Mother, did he rape you?!”

Aira swallowed. “My dear child, I got you didn’t I? You are worth it, you are worth it all. You are the most precious thing I have”

Halariel was backing away from her, eyes huge and dark and so terribly like those of her father, of the cursed one who had caused so much grief and sorrow along with the rest of his kin. She keened, a shrill sound that sounded like some dying beast, then she ran. Aira reached out as if to grasp onto the fleeing child but she wasn’t fast enough. “Oh Halariel, I wish it was different, but it is the truth. And we have to live with it, no matter how hard it is.”

Aira’s mate came running, he had seen it all and he stopped, uncertain of what he should do. Aira put her hands around his neck, leaned onto him to seek comfort. “Let her run, she has to know. She will calm down eventually.”

He shook his head. “I fear you may be wrong in that assumption my dear, I know her very well and she is just as stubborn as they all were.”

Aira closed her eyes, she felt so tired, so very exhausted having faced the consequences of those days over and over again. “At least she’s gotten something that may benefit her.”

He nodded. “Remember, she is your child too, she is only your child damn it, forget about him. You have raised her well, she will be alright and they will forget him soon enough. Worry not.”

Aira sighed again and threw some locks of her own dark burgundy hair out of her face. It was that damn color that had brought her undoing and she had cursed it too many times to count. She closed her eyes and drifted off again, back into memories she had tried to forget, memories of war and death and tragedy and the days that would change her life forever. 

 

The war of wrath: year 585 first age of the sun

 

She was pulling at the rope with all of her strength, trying desperately to pry it loose, she had to hurry or they would be furious. The stable master had asked for the extra rope to tie up the feet of the ticklish gelding so the farrier could trim his hooves without getting kicked and she had found only this one but it was stuck. 

The camp was filled with elves and humans and dwarves too, it was a well organized chaos and she felt so frightened the whole time. She was just an Avari, a forest elf and one of the few survivors from a tribe almost obliterated by a vicious orc attack. Those who had managed to get away had fled westwards and the small group she had been of had run straight into one of the war camps. They had been desperate with hunger and fear and they had been put to work immediately. Since they were Avari they were not worthy of becoming anything but servants and since Aira was young and strong she had been told to work in the stables. She was afraid of horses and terrified of all those haughty Noldorin and Sindar elves who saw her as something almost akin to an animal. 

She was being fed and she was safe from the orcs but she knew that this war would determine everything, if they lost then the enemy would surely turn the whole world into hell. She was so scared of that and she barely slept at all. As a servant she didn’t get any information, but she knew that they were making progress. She kept her fingers crossed and tried to work hard so nobody would have a reason to complain about her. 

She tugged the rope free and ran to the stable master with it, handed it over with her eyes to the ground. He just scoffed and grasped it, didn’t even look at her. At first everybody had been looking, she had such a rare haircolor and her pale skin and green eyes were not exactly common among elves and absolutely not among the Avari but she was Avari, one hundred percent. She found a wheel barrel and started mucking out the makeshift stalls, she had gotten the hard work and the stable hands of the lords and knights loved to tease her and make her job even harder than it already was. 

Being a female with no family and no friends had put her in a precarious situation but she was tough, she knew how to fight and she had gotten some reluctant respect from the others. There were thousands of warriors and horses in the huge camp and it was easy to get lost but she had learned to find her way through the veritable forest of tents and banners. Sometimes the stable master had her running with errands or messages and she liked that, she was a fast runner with long legs and she liked to get away from the stable. 

The farrier was done and the stable master got over with a note in his hands. She didn’t know how to read or write and so he often used this Avari elleth to transport messages, she couldn’t read them and because of that she was perfect since she couldn’t leak any information. He handed her the note and nodded. “The edain lord with the boar on his shield, the western part of the camp, go now!”

She knew that part of the camp, it was reserved for the edain and she was a bit frightened of them, in fact more than she was of the elven lords and warriors. There was something in their eyes she didn’t understand. She ran off, the western part of the camp was close to the part reserved for the Noldorin warriors and she was too well aware of what some of them had done in the past. The camp was rather silent this day, many were out there fighting and she ran as fast as she could and reached the western part of the camp without even breaking a sweat. She found the tent with the right banner and mark upon it and a servant came forth and stared at her. She bowed and held the note out. “I bring a message from the stable master to your lord.”

The servant took the note and read it, he made a grimace and nodded to her, turned around and went into the tent and Aira took a deep breath and turned around, started walking back. The camp was muddy and stinking and even though there were latrines dug some gave a damn about it and did their business behind the tents or wherever they felt like it. Many of the edain warriors had gotten ill and the elven healers were furious and up over their shoulders in work all the time. She would have thought that the Valar would have prevented something like this from happening but no. They were too busy trying to conquer Morgoth and his balrogs and dragons to bother with the sanitary conditions of the human encampment. 

She was turning a corner when she suddenly stood face to face with a small group of young edain warriors and she immediately knew she was in trouble. These were no knights, these were just ordinary foot soldiers without any sort of honor and she turned around to flee. One of them was very fast and grasped onto her arm, held her tightly. “Oh slow down pretty one, are you perhaps lost? We can show you the way, it won’t cost you much.”

She tried to twist herself free but now three of them were holding onto her and the one who had to be the leader of these men grasped her by her chin and grinned, his teeth were brown and his breath did stink and she coughed and tried to kick. “This one is feisty guys, look at those pretty red locks? I bet she know how to keep a mans bed warm and his cock hard”

He tried to get his hand into her tunic but she squirmed and managed to let out a shrill cry, he slapped her across her face and she felt how her heart threatened to break out of her chest, it was beating so fast and hard and her feeling of panic almost made her paralyzed. The man leaned forward to kiss her but suddenly he was yanked back and the warriors backed away. She blinked and felt how they let go of her. 

“You filthy bastards dare lay hand on one of the firstborn? Be glad I don’t ask for your heads!”

The men stared at the two tall ellyn and their eyes were wide with fear, hers were too. She knew these two and she knew that it only was their skills in battle that had allowed them access to the camp and the war. They were the cursed ones, oath bound. She whimpered and swallowed hard. The tall dark haired one didn’t look so bad though, his eyes had some kindness in them. He lifted her chin with a finger and studied her face with a puzzled expression on his face. “What is your name child and from whence do you come?”

Aira felt the eyes of the other one on her the whole time, piercing grey eyes and he was towering above her, how could anyone be that tall? “I…I am Aira my lords, I come from…the east of here.”

Maglor sighed. “A refugee or what? Are you alone here? It is not safe for an elleth to be here without anybody to watch over her.”

She looked down. “I have nobody my lord, I work in the stables.”

Then she felt a hand touching her hair and she jerked, it was his brother and he stared at her red locks with narrow eyes. There was something akin to sadness in those hard cold eyes and his hand was rather gentle. She knew that she was rare, just as he was. His hair was red too but in a lighter tone, more like fire. Hers was almost the color of blood. He tilted his head. “Another fire top, how peculiar.”

She didn’t dare to look at that beautiful and yet so terrible face. “Yes my lord.”

He sighed and bent down a little, stared at her. “You are Avari are you not? I have never met a red headed Avari, and such lush color too, you are rather rare young one.”

She blushed and looked down. “Yes my lord.”

Maglor was smiling. “Is yes my lord all that you can say?”

She shook her head. “No my lord.”

Maedhros grinned, it looked peculiar. “Indeed are you a strange one, I tell you what, you are far too precious to be working in a stable. We need a servant, you are perfect for that task.”

He turned to Maglor. “Send a note to the stable master and tell him we have requisitioned his Avari stable hand. “

Aira just stared at them, working as a servant for those two?! By the Valar, she had stepped from the frying pan and into the very fire itself. Everybody knew who they were and what they had done and the only one people hated and feared more than that family was Morgoth himself. But on the other hand, nobody would dare to hurt her if she served them and she would be safe, at least she hoped that she would be. 

She had to follow them through the camp, felt like a midget even though she was fairly tall for an elleth. The two brothers and their followers had an area all to themselves on the outskirts of the camp. It was almost a camp in itself and she feared that she from now on would become even more of a pariah than before. She followed them into the tent, it was rather huge and split up into separate rooms with screens and sheets and it was simple but clean and elegant enough.  
Maglor sat down and sighed, he motioned towards a chair and she sat down too, very nervously. “Worry not young one, we will not demand that you work too hard. If you make sure we have clean clothes, clean bedding and hot meals we will be more than happy with that.”

She just nodded and stared down at her toes. Maedhros made a grimace. “You stink of horse and those clothes have seen better days so your first duty will be to bathe and clean yourself.”

He gestured towards the back room. “There is some water in there and I think we have some extra clothes here somewhere.”

He went rummaging through some chest and pulled out a blue shirt that was long enough to be used as a dress, a belt and a pair of breeches that probably were way too long for her. He tossed them over to Maglor. “Here, cut half of the legs off, then they will be her length I presume.”

Aira went into the back room of the tent, it was not large but there was a wooden bath tub there and water in some buckets. She just stared at it all until Maglor came with the clothes. “Here little one, they are clean and there is a comb underneath that pile of towels. You look as if you have been attacked by a tornado.”

She had to grin, she kind of liked him already, there was the same sadness in his eyes as in his brothers but it was softer, more melancholic. Maedhros eyes on the other hand were hard, cold, tormented and there was such anger and hatred in them and also fear, enormous amounts of fear. She wondered if it was true what people said about him, she had seen already that he missed his right hand but had he really been the prisoner of the enemy? Then it was no wonder he looked the way he did, as if he was harboring something to terrible to imagine. 

She washed quickly, got the new clothes on and combed and braided her hair, she suddenly felt like a person again and she was shocked by the dark color of the bath water. She had been covered in grime. She drained the tub and washed it and prepared it for the next one who wanted a bath and then she returned to the front room. They sat by the table talking in quenya which she didn’t understand and both stared at her. “Morgoth’s breath, there was an elleth underneath that filth and those rags after all!”

Maglors voice was filled with surprise and Maedhros tilted his head and whistled. “Indeed, you look almost like some Noldorin maid.”

Aira just blushed and Maglor got up, he smiled. “There is a kitchen tent not far from here, you can go there to get us food three times a day. There is wine in those skins in the corner and it is very strong. We want one cup each every evening, do not touch that wine for it will be too strong for you, if you want wine we have a skin with a more normal type.”

She shook her head. “I do not drink wine my lord.”

Maglor raised an eyebrow. “Really? Well, you have missed out on a lot then. “

Maedhros just shook his head. “Oh don’t start corrupting the young one, and don’t spoil her.”

Maglor just grinned at his brother and she sensed that the two indeed did love each other dearly, she hadn’t seen it from that point of view before. They had lost their father and five brothers, and all because of Morgoth and the oath and those jewels their father had made. Of course they were sad and it was something deeply tragic about it, they were like ships without a rudder, being pulled along by a strong current, heading headlong into disaster, helpless to avoid it. 

And so Aira became the personal servant of the last two sons of Feanör and she slowly got used to her new life. She rarely saw them, they were busy most of the time with meeting discussing tactics and battle plans and she soon discovered that she had gotten a new sort of status now. The feanörians were looked upon with scorn and hate and resentment but also with respect and as their servant some of it was transferred to her. And her hair did add to it, she was red haired as Maedhros and some thought she had to be some relative of them. 

The job was easy enough, she got up from her small bed by the tent opening as soon as the sun rose, rolled it up, made breakfast and tea and laid out clean clothes. After they had eaten and left for the day she did eat and washed clothes and bedding and prepared the rest of the meals for the day. She didn’t interact that much with the rest of the elves in the camp but she could see that they were very curious about her. She did her best to do her work to their satisfaction and they never complained and that gave her a feeling of pride. It was after all way better than working in the stables and she felt as though she mastered these tasks. 

She got used to them in a way, Maglor was often very silent and he would sit there staring into nothing but he could also be very kind and show real emotions. She knew that they had fostered two elflings and that Maglor missed them a lot. He would often speak of them and how he wished that he could have been with them instead of fighting in this war but there was no choice.  
Maedhros spoke very rarely but he spoke in his sleep, he was often screaming or whimpering and tossing around and she did pity him then. Whatever it was he was reliving, it had to be absolutely awful and it seemed to get worse. She would go to him when he woke up in the middle of the night, carrying a cup of the strong wine and she would see that his hair was wet with sweat, his body trembling and his eyes wide and filled with a despair too great for her to truly comprehend. He would take the cup and empty it and then he would ask her to leave and she heard him sobbing afterwards, every time. 

Maglor did sometimes sing, sad songs, filled with longing and sorrow and she would ask if they had nobody left? He answered that their mother was alive in Aman but that they probably never would meet her again, they had one relative left on Arda though, the son of one of their brothers and he was in every way as ingenious as their father had been but not bound by any oath and he had turned his back to them all. Perhaps there was hope for their family after all, if Celebrimbor didn’t do anything as stupid as their father had. 

The war was raging and she saw its brutality every day, wounded, dead or dying, heard the screams from the healer’s tents and saw the smoke and dust from afar. Dragons were flying and packs of orcs roamed the lands, she was so afraid every night that the enemy would attack the camp and she was almost shivering when the sounds from the battle fields reached the camp at night. Maglor would actually hug her and calm her down, humming softly and talking to her as he would to a child and she felt safe around him. There was a gentleness in him and she knew he had been a musician, not a warrior at all. This had to be very hard on him, perhaps worse than it was for his brother who had been prepared to lead others most of his life. 

She had stayed there for about four months when it all changed, she had been busy washing cloaks and shirts when Maedhros returned to the tent, much earlier than usual. He looked rather terrible and she saw blood on his clothes and there was dark shadows lurking within his gaze. A dark hopelessness that would have broken weaker souls. He sat down and she poured a cup of wine, put it in front of him. He sent her a tired gaze, made a strange wheezing sound and tossed the strong wine back as if it was water. He coughed and wiped off his mouth, as always he kept his right arm hidden inside of his cloak, as if he was ashamed of his missing hand. “One more.”

She obeyed, poured another cup and he drank that too greedily, with a shaking hand, she saw tears on his cheeks and knew that he somehow had reached a sort of threshold, that it was getting too much for him. He gasped and then he threw the cup at the tent wall, in a fit of uncontrollable rage. “Damn him, damn him forever!”

She didn’t dare to ask him, just retrieved the cup and poured more wine. He took it and drank more slowly. “It is all his fault, all of it. I am so tired of it all, the deaths, the sacrifices, everything!”

She just sat there, he wiped tears of his face and his eyes were distant, and hurt. “I have seen too many die Aira, far too many. And still that…thing! … is sitting there like a goddamn leech sucking the very lifeblood out of the land. I loathe him, more than anything else.”

She did understand but he was staring at the wine skin and then he just grasped it and poured more from it into the cup, pushed it over to her. “Here, take a sip, I hate drinking alone.”

She took the cup, hesitantly. The wine smelled nice though, and she didn’t want to displease him. The taste was stronger than she had expected but not bad, just different. He was drinking straight from the wine skin now and she was a bit shocked by it. He was used to this strong liquor but how much could he really handle? She just sipped at the wine and he kept drinking. He was huge and muscular and strong but even such a massive body had its limits. 

He was mumbling, sobbing and speaking in quenya, she recognized the names of his brothers and after a while he tilted forward across the table, just shaking with grief. Aira had finished her wine and it made her head spin, they were right, it was way too strong for her but at least she had had only a small taste of it. She hadn’t been drinking several gallons of the stuff. The wine skin was almost empty by now and he was unable to pronounce the words correctly, his speech slurred and incoherent. She got over, shook him. “You ought to get to bed, you cannot sit here like that.”

He nodded and got back onto his feet, staggered and hit the edge of the table, unable to find his balance. She reached out, supported him and helped him get into the side room that was his. It didn’t have much furniture, a bed and a washstand and a chest with clothes in it, that was all. He was swaying and mumbling and she unfastened his cloak and got it out of the way, then she unlaced his boots and he sat down upon the bed and his eyes were closed. He looked so innocent like that, and again she did pity him. Had he had a choice at all? Probably not, when his father did swear that oath he too had been caught by it. How could he have refused?  
Morgoth had killed his grandfather damn it, who would have hesitated under such circumstances? They must have thought it was the end of the world, that seeking vengeance was their only option before the end. 

She pulled his boots of, got the blood stained tunic and undershirt off him too and he just sat there, passively and with his head hanging low. He was swaying and she knew that the alcohol was kicking in. She bent down, lifted his legs and tipped him over and onto the bed but he suddenly jerked, reached out and grasped her. She found herself laying on top of him and he had put his arms around her, pressed his face against her throat and was mumbling something that sounded very sore and sad. 

She felt like a log. Stiff and rigid and she barely dared to breathe, he was warm and his arms so strong they felt like they had been made from steel. She did tremble, tried to wriggle herself out of the grasp but she found that it was impossible. He sought comfort, warmth and contact like a child seeks its mother and she just knew she was being too kind. 

He mumbled again, turned around and suddenly she was trapped beneath him instead of being on top, it had gotten from awkward to frightening and she yelped and tried to push him off of her but to no prevail. He was two feet taller than her and more than twice her weight and he was dead weight too. He just lay there for a while, he didn’t move at all and she feared that he had passed out where he lay. She squeaked, he was so heavy she could hardly breathe and she didn’t want his brother to come and see them like that.  
He mumbled again and snuggled against her, she felt his warm tears against her skin and rolled her eyes. What in the name of Eru was she to do? He was so much stronger than her and she felt like some tiny insect, something barely noticeable. He sighed, he was probably going to fall asleep and she had no idea of what to do. Gods, she had to get out of there. His long hair did tickle her and she wasn’t blind to his beauty but damn it, she could not think like that, not about him. She did one last effort, pushed against the wide shoulders with all of her might and he groaned and lifted himself a bit, eyes closed and expression somewhat drowsy. “Get off me!”

She hissed it and he blinked, his eyes completely out of focus and he leaned onto his right arm and then his left hand slid over her face, just once. It was a caress, awkward and almost shy and something about his demeanor changed within the blink of an eye. He tensed up, his breath changed and now his hand was sliding all over her and he started pulling at her clothes. Aira did freeze, she was in serious trouble now, he was making some strange sounds and he held her down with his right arm. She yelled, he didn’t react at all and panic took her. She started fighting him but somehow that only fueled whatever it was that had possessed him. He was panting, gasping words she didn’t understand and he just ripped her clothes. 

Aira felt a weird sense of distance, as if she really wasn’t there at all. She wondered if this was how an animal felt once the hunter or predator had gotten its claws into it and the end was inevitable. A sort of floating sensation, a way to protect her own sanity perhaps. He was whimpering, his hand sliding over her skin and he tried to kiss her but she managed to throw her head out of the way, instead he kissed her neck and started licking the skin, it made her cringe. She yelled again, now she hoped that Maglor would return, oh how she longed to hear his footsteps outside of the tent. 

She tried pushing him away again but he was way too heavy even when she was filled with adrenaline and fear. He somehow had managed to unlace his own pants and he had also pushed them down, she felt his warm skin against her own and he held her with his arm while he got her pants down too, ripped them apart and pushed her legs apart with a weird mewling sound. She saw his eyes and she just froze again, she was unable to move at all. The fear in them was paralyzing her, she had no idea of what he saw but he was desperately trying to get away from it, to feel something else than terror, to erase something absolutely awful with bodily emotions. She wasn’t even sure that he was aware of what he was doing, it was as if the body on top of her had a will of its own and it was stronger than that of the fêa within it. 

Aira was no maiden, she had had lovers before, back home with her tribe but she already knew that this would hurt, she didn’t want it and he was so rough and impatient and more so, he was huge. He let out a strange moan as he pushed into her and his eyes rolled up, she feared that he was passing out. She bit her lip not to scream, he was splitting her in half, cleaving her down the middle, it had never hurt like that before, not even her first time. She closed her eyes, tried to pretend as though it wasn’t happening but it was. 

He moved slowly at first, as if he really didn’t know what to do or how to do it, but then he started thrusting more vigorously, laying down onto her and she could just try to endure. She was gasping for breath and felt her own warm tears streaming down her cheeks. He moaned and gasped with each move, had found a rhythm that made the bed creak and shiver and she felt as if she was a nail being hammered into a wall or something. Then he tensed up, threw his head back and she felt him shudder and pulse, felt him spill himself inside of her as he let out a hoarse guttural growl in a mix of pleasure and grief. 

Aira sobbed, unable to think clearly, to traumatized to move. He groaned a few times and then he collapsed on top of her, unconscious. She whimpered, he was crushing her with his weight and her own emotional shock was getting too much for her. She felt the world slipping away in front of her eyes and she passed out like a candle in the wind. 

 

Maglor had been held up in a meeting with some of the leaders of the campaign against Morgoth, they had lost many that day and some were elves they had known, elves who had followed them into exile and stayed loyal to them through the whole mess. He had seen his brother leave the others earlier, stricken by grief and he was worried so he hurried back to their tent. He walked in and expected to see Aira busy doing the shores they had given her. He had gotten really fond of the girl and her presence had made things a little easier for them both. She wasn’t there but an almost empty wineskin lay on the simple camp table and so did a cup.  
Maglor felt a strange chill running up his back, he took a deep breath and hawked, listened. No sound was heard and he coughed, no reaction. He walked over to the screen that separated his brothers sleeping area from the rest of the tent and pushed it aside. He just stared, to shocked to move. He wasn’t even able to really understand what it was that he was seeing until his brain had had some time to analyze it. He staggered back two steps, his hand pressed against his mouth, tears swelling up in his eyes. He made a keening sound, his legs felt as though they had no strength left. “Oh brother, what have you done?!”

His usually melodic voice naught but a raspy hoarse whisper and he swallowed the nausea and moved forth, hesitantly. She was breathing, the skin clammy with sweat and there were traces of tears on her face but she was alive, at least for now. He knew too darn well that an elf could die from being raped and the thought that his brother could have done something this terrible was too shocking even for him. They had all killed, yes, even their own kin and for that they were forever condemned and cursed but this? Oh sweet Eru, not this! He pushed his brother off her, he had collapsed without even removing himself from her and Maglor cringed and felt a terrible sensation of rage and sorrow. He lifted the unconscious elleth gently and walked over to his own bed, placed her on it and found some water and a cloth. He was no healer but he feared that she could be injured both in Hroa and fêa. There was blood on her thighs and he felt the smell of seed and he almost retched. 

He washed her gently, wrapped her in soft blankets and then he turned his attention to his brother. He felt a strange need to turn his back to him, denounce him, even hurt him, but he couldn’t. Maedhros was his brother damn it, no matter what he had done . He washed him too with considerably less gentleness and got his pants back on him before he rolled the ellon back onto his back and pulled the covers over him. When Maedhros woke up there was going to be some very serious and not very gentle words exchanged. 

 

Aira was confused, she had no idea of where she was and she blinked and tossed her head around, what had happened? This wasn’t her bed? Then she remembered and she froze up again, oh gods no. He had… She felt tears swelling up in her eyes again and she felt her body now, the ache between her legs and the terrible feeling of having been betrayed somehow. She tried to breathe normally, tried to remain calm and not let hysteria overcome her. She hadn’t survived the attack and the escape to die now, never. She heard voices, didn’t want to listen but she had to. It was Maglor, his voice was shivering with emotions and he sounded as if he was close to tears. She closed her eyes, tried to deny it all, push it all aside. 

“Are you aware of what you have done?!”

There was a mumbling answer, almost nothing more than a whisper. 

“Ha?! As if what we have done wasn’t enough already! Are you seriously trying to end up being eternally damned? “

Then she heard Maedhros voice, it was shivering, thin, almost like a frightened child’s voice. “I am already condemned, lost. What difference does it make?”

There was the sound of someone being slapped hard and a whimper. “It does matter, to her! Are you trying to commit every thinkable sin possible? Answer me damn it, what are we to do?!”

She heard him sob, a racking hopeless sound. “I am so sorry, I am! Please believe me, I…I was drunk! You know me, I wouldn’t…”

Maglor was almost growling. “And yet you did! You did brother, you raped her! She was bleeding damn it, she was unconscious. If she dies I will never forgive you, ever!”

She heard more sobs and a low keening sound. “Then do it damn it, kill me! Avenge her, avenge them all, all those I have slain, all the bloodshed I have caused. I am worthy of nothing except death.”

Maglor was mumbling something. “And the oath? Am I to stay here alone, bound by that awful mistake our father made? Do you wish to leave me?”

Maedhros was whispering, his voice so sore and hurt. “No, I do not wish to leave you, never.”

Maglor was walking around, she heard his steps. “I will not forgive you this brother, but I don’t want to see you dead either.”

Aira held her breath, what was to happen to her now? Were they going to get rid of the evidence perhaps? Maglor sat down on the bed, she heard it creak. “I am going to nurse her back to health, no matter how long it takes, then I will help her return to her people if so she wishes. And I will make sure that she is compensated in every way, do you agree?”

She heard Maedhros sighing. “Yes”

Maglor moved again. “I will not let you see her again, you have caused enough grief”

He almost spat out the last words and Maedhros whimpered again, as if he was in pain. She had thought that Maglor was soft, gentle and even perhaps a bit reluctant to use any sort of force but she started to realize that he too had a darker side. It was just very well hidden most of the time. 

She lay there staring into the roof of the tent, it was alright with her if she never saw him again, more than alright in fact. And returning to her people? If it was at all possible then yes, she wanted that. Maglor entered the small room and sat down next to her, his eyes were so sad and he tried to smile but he was a bit pale. “I am glad to see that you are awake. How do you feel?”

His voice was trembling and she knew that he probably weren’t all that used to females in the first place, after all, with six brothers he probably had grown up in an environment completely dominated by males. She had had two sisters and one brother but they had all perished in the orc attack and she had sort of pushed the sorrow away, it would have crushed her sanity if she had allowed herself to think of it. “Sore, I am aching.”

He bit his lower lip, he was blushing and then he was pale again. “Is there something I can get you? Are…are you going to be alright?”

She cringed and sighed, her entire body was aching but she felt a weird heat coming from inside somewhere, a sort of rage. It would allow her to just give in. “Yes, I won’t just lay down and fade if that is what you fear.”

He let out a sigh of relief and petted her hand, almost hesitantly, as if he feared that he would be doing something bad by it. “I am glad, I…do you want a healer? I can get one of them to come to you?”

She swallowed hard. “And let everybody know what he did to me? What just happened? Do you think people will forget about that? The blame will not be his you know, he is already feared. No, it will be mine, I will be the despicable one, the tainted one. I will be the whore who let a kin slayer fuck me.”

Maglor winced, a grimace of pain crossed over his fair face and he shook all over. “Aira, don’t speak like that. It wasn’t your fault, he was drunk and assaulted you, how could you have stood a chance against someone that much stronger than you?”

She looked down, feeling a wave of bitterness rush through her. “Your words are as lovely as ever Maglor, but I did speak the truth you know. No, no healer, I will survive. I can take care of myself.”

He closed his eyes, swallowed. “Then let me know if there is something you need.”

She just nodded and pulled the blankets up, she just wanted to get out of there, so she could forget all about it. 

 

For the next two days she stayed in bed, Maglor was nursing her as he had said he would. He fed her, brought her everything she needed and she felt grateful towards him. He would sing to her and his attempts at cheering her up were heartfelt but also desperate. She had stopped bleeding and her body was mending itself, slowly. She didn’t see Maedhros again, he stayed away but Maglor told her he was deeply ashamed of what he had done and that he more than anything would have wanted to turn back time so that he could stop himself from doing it. She did believe him, but it didn’t change anything. 

Maglor had managed to get her a horse and new clothes, food and weapons and also a pouch filled with some gold coins and some pearls. She did feel like a whore when she received it, the payment for that one act of what should have been love but wasn’t. But she needed it, if she was to make a new life for herself she needed it all. A scout was to guard her and help her find some tribe she could join and she felt grateful but also terribly ashamed of herself. Maglor did take her hand as they were to say goodbye, he pressed something into it and she stared down. It was a tiny gem, not larger than a child’s little finger nail but it was so sparkly, it shone with a light that was shocking. She just stared at it and he made a weird grimace. “Ada gave that to me, when he made the Silmarils there were leftovers, small pieces. This is one of them, I have carried it with me but I guess that you deserve it more than I do. After all, the jewels were untainted by evil, I am not, not anymore.”

She put the small gem into a pocket inside of her tunic. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

Maglor stared down, when he looked up she saw tears in his eyes. “Aira, this war will either kill us or destroy us completely, I am sure of it. We are helpless to change the destiny that awaits us. We will be remembered as monsters, as abominations or even worse. I just have this one wish Aira, do remember me as something else, please.”

She nodded, leaned forth from the saddle and kissed his cheek, a quick and chaste kiss and he smiled and touched the spot with his eyes held down. “I will remember you for your kindness Makalaüre, for naught more than that.”

She spurred the horse and rode after the scout and the tall dark haired ellon stood there for a long time, staring after her. Perhaps there was hope after all, perhaps all good hadn’t abandoned them. He could only pray. 

Aira rode to the south and then to the east and finally, after many weeks she found a tribe of Avari who welcomed her. She never told them of what she had been through, she just said she was a refugee and that someone had been kind enough to offer her a horse and some provisions.  
She was settling down when she one day discovered that the gem was missing, she looked for it but it was nowhere to be found and she accepted that with a shrug and thought it was sad but nothing more than that. A week later she realized that she indeed had been left with more than she had believed to begin with, she was with child. She did fall into a fit of hysteria but calmed down after a while, it shouldn’t have been possible but yet it had happened and she just had to accept it. She decided that she never would see this child as his, only as her own. She never told anyone of who the father was and they accepted that. They had all suffered losses so terrible they preferred not to speak of them. 

When her daughter was born Aira was nervous, she was a red head so it wouldn’t look weird at all if the child had red hair. The eyes were the problem, and she was shocked to see that they were his. Luckily this tribe had had nothing to do with the Noldorin elves and none had ever met any of the feanorians. They didn’t care at all if her daughter had red hair and grey eyes and grew like a bean stalk. It wasn’t until that one fateful evening she had to tell Halariel the truth and it was all because of new elves who joined the group and told of the kinslayers and of the death of Maedhros and the disappearance of Maglor. She felt just an empty cold feeling hearing about how her daughter’s father had ended his own life but she did mourn Maglor, if he was dead then it was sad, truly sad. 

She had found a good ellon she had married and she hoped that the future would be good now that Morgoth was vanquished but she knew that her daughter could face a difficult life, she just prayed the Valar that the sins of the father wouldn’t come back to haunt the one good thing he had left behind on this earth.


	2. The sins of the father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, who is she, and what is she to do?

Chapter two: The sins of the father

The mountains west of the sea of Rhûn.

She had fled back to her cave, confused and frightened. There were strange images in her head, images she could not explain, not in her current state of mind. The pull was there still, strong and undeniable and so very new to her. She hadn’t known what to do, she tried to rest but there was no such thing as rest to be found. She just wandered around in the small cave, chewing on her fingernails, trying to make sense of it all. She had to go back, she had to see him again, before he left. There was a terrible fear in her now, what if he was gone when she returned? The very idea made her shiver. She needed him but she didn’t know why or how she knew this. She shivered and slowly her feet started bringing her back towards the river and the glen where the three riders had put up camp. 

It took her quite a while to get there for she felt as though she was torn in two, a part of her feared them and didn’t want to go and the other part was eager to see him once more. She didn’t walk a straight path, sometimes she almost turned around and ran back and she was circling the area many times and for every round the circle got a little bit smaller. Finally she saw them, they were still there and she breathed a sigh of relief, why she didn’t know. She was creeping closer, hid underneath the dense bushes, used every small rock or tree for cover. Her nose shivered and she stared at him with huge eyes. Why did she feel this attraction? She had no idea! She got as close as she could without being seen and lay there mesmerized by the sight, her eyes were glowing with a mix of fear and awe. 

Glorfindel could sense her, she was close but he would let her come to him, if he tried to go to her she would bolt and flee again. The twins had sat down on the other side of the small camp fire. They had been ordered not to move if she appeared and they would most certainly obey. He saw that Elladan was very curious but also a bit nervous, his brother acted more as if he was very fascinated and Glorfindel knew that he was far more fond of books and lore than his brother. He probably knew more about the things that had happened in the first age than his brother.  
The sun was heading back towards the horizon and he guessed that she would make her move soon, before the night fell. He had prepared well, he had a wineskin close by and he had added some herbs to the wine that made you sleepy but nothing more than that. He had no idea of whether or not he would be able to make her drink anything but he would try. He didn’t want to see her run off again. He had to solve this puzzle, he was deeply fascinated by it and also a bit shocked. They had not heard of anyone having had a relationship with Maedhros, he had never married and rumors flew just as fast back then as they did now. If he had taken a mistress everybody would have known. This was really a mystery. 

As the sun sank and the skies were colored by its reddening light he saw movement in one of the dense juniper bushes close by, he cringed. The bush was rather huge and its branches filled with needles, it had to be uncomfortable to say the least. 

He just sat there, motionless and he felt his heart beat in a rather fast rhythm, this was a bit exciting. He had no idea of what he could expect. He had removed his tunic and sat with his upper body bare, to distract but also to provide her with nothing to hold onto if she turned out to be hostile, he had also braided his hair into one long braid and he had a knife in his belt. He only moved his eyes and then she slowly emerged from the bush, on her hands and knees, crawling like some animal. The eyes were wide open, nervous and frightened but filled with such curiosity and wonder and a sort of hunger he didn’t quite understand, at least not at the moment.  
He didn’t meet her gaze, stared down but kept an eye on her from the corner of his eyes. She crept closer, very slowly, even the smallest movement or sound made her jerk and freeze like a kid playing some game. 

The twins saw her by now, they didn’t move and they didn’t make a sound, Glorfindel saw that their eyes were wide open in shock. She was even stranger to look at so close, so thin and so marred by a life that had to be very hard. He saw scars and what had to be flea bites and he cringed internally. Of course she had fleas, and probably lice too. She smelled of forest and he started to realize that she had been reduced to a state where she was just an animal. There were no words in those huge grey eyes, just emotions, raw and unshielded. She could not pretend to be anyone or anything she wasn’t, for she would not know what it was to lie or play games.  
Glorfindel wondered if she knew who she was, if she had any idea of what her past held? She had to have come there from somewhere? Was there a way to find out about her path up to the now? She stared at the small fire, panted with a terrible mix of confused emotions. She didn’t dare get any closer and yet she had to, she took one small step closer, then yet another one and the entire body shuddered. Glorfindel kept his eyes to the ground, she acted like an animal and to most animals direct eye contact is a threat. She didn’t stare at his face either, her nose shivered and she did indeed remind him of an animal of some kind. Perhaps she was insane? Someone abandoned by her caretakers, too far gone to be saved? Her father had been more or less insane at the end, could that be the reason why she was there? 

She stared at the male and felt his scent, it was warm and musky and it made her feel that strange longing yet again. She was so afraid, so terribly afraid but it was stronger than her fear, she got closer and felt the heat from the fire against her skin now. She was afraid of fire, had witnessed terrible forest fires when both trees and animals had perished, the fire burned you, it hurt you but it obviously served these creatures. She saw the two dark haired males, they sat there and they looked benign enough, they didn’t stare or move and so she decided to forget about them. She was so close to the tall male now that she could touch his long leg and she whimpered and didn’t know what to do. How did she show him what she felt? She was so confused, so afraid. He was so huge, so obviously strong and she knew somehow that she didn’t stand a chance against someone like that if he became hostile. She kept her head bowed, one step forth, two. She was mere inches away from him now and Glorfindel looked away, this was like introducing yourself to a nervous dog. She leaned forth, the strange hunger within so terribly strong and she was sweating as she sniffed his skin. 

Glorfindel felt her warm breath against his skin and it tickled but he didn’t move a muscle. He could smell her too, she didn’t smell quite right, she was malnourished and weak and she probably had parasites too. But he did smell one thing more than that, she was absolutely female and she was aroused. It almost made him loose his calm, make a move. She wanted him, like an animal wants a mate when the season is right for it, but that was not the way it was supposed to be and he didn’t want to sleep with her. She was so thin, and he saw lice in her hair and she should not be dictated by some animalistic need but make such choices from her heart and not like this.  
She made mewling sound, sat on her haunches right in front of him and he didn’t want to startle her, she tilted her head and her eyes were pleading. He took a deep breath, whispered softly. “Hello there? Do you speak?”

She jolted, pulled back with huge eyes but she didn’t flee, she just sat there, looking confused. There was an emptiness in her eyes and he began to fear that she maybe was retarded somehow, He had never heard of a retarded elf but perhaps she had suffered some injury in the past? She almost growled, then she got closer again, eyes flickering and breath uneven and shallow. She was so fearful, he could smell it and by the Valar how he did pity her. How was he to reach her? He whispered again. “Speech, do you know how to speak?”

She tilted her head again, those sounds were so strange and yet she knew she had heard such sounds before, when? She tried to make her lips move like his had done but all she managed to produce was a slight hiss. 

Glorfindel sighed.”No, you do not know how to speak do you? Have you forgotten or have you been unable to do it your whole life I wonder?”

She flinched when hearing those sounds but nothing dangerous happened and she got bolder, he didn’t move and she was getting curious too. Slowly she reached out and touched the thick braid of golden hair, if felt so soft against her skin, like the fur of some fluffy little animal and she let it slide through her hand and tried to nuzzle it, like she would her animal friends when they spent the cold winter in the cave. Glorfindel was rather wide eyed by now, she was acting like a child, her curiosity so obvious. Had she never encountered her own race before?!

When the male didn’t react to her touching him she got even bolder. She bit her lower lip and prodded his shoulder with a finger, it was hard and warm and she let out a small gasp and her finger touched the tip of his nose and then the tip of his right ear. That made him wince, his ears were ultra-sensitive as on all elves and it felt a bit weird. She realized that she had done something wrong when he moved and whimpered, afraid that she had ruined her chance. She looked like a dog the owner has kicked and she cowered before him. The terror in her eyes was just a bit too much and he made a grimace. “I should not touch you, you might believe that I am encouraging you but I can’t just sit here watching you sit there like that.”

He slowly raised an arm and het his fingers slide along her cheek, very softly and gently and she whimpered and closed her eyes but she didn’t pull back. She was so confused, did he like her then? How did she convince him of her fitness and strength? How did she show him that she was a female it would be wise to mate with? She got desperate and tried to act like the animals she had seen, she rolled onto her back, wriggled herself, got up and imitated a pair of cranes she had once seen with calls and everything and Glorfindel had never seen anything that peculiar or bizarre ever! It was rather obvious that she wanted him to mount her and he would have laughed his guts out if this hadn’t been so tragic. She gave her all, tried in every way thinkable to show him she was elegant and fit and strong, he didn’t seem to react at all and she just sat down in front of him, sighing. There was despair in her eyes and he felt sorry for her. She was beautiful in her own way, with more flesh on her bones he was sure she was stunning and he wouldn’t have hesitated a second if a sane elleth looking like her came to him looking for a good time.  
He reached out again, touched the matted tangled hair that looked like felt. “I am sorry pretty one, I would be taking advantage of you if I did what you want of me, it wouldn’t be right, not for any of us..”

She scoffed and tried a last desperate attempt, she spun around on all four and he suddenly had her shapely although painfully skinny derriere right in front of him. She was ready, there was no doubt about it and she whimpered like a puppy that has been whipped. She was suffering and he groaned and swore. “Alright then, I may offer you some comfort and perhaps end your misery too but I will not fuck you, no way. Although, I doubt you understand what I am saying.”

He laid a hand on her ass and the skin was soft and warm and she did freeze up, then she turned her head and her eyes were wide with shock and a desperate hope. The twins sat there with eyes that had gotten very huge indeed and he threw them a rather cold glare. They got pale and started staring down at their own feet instead. He got affected by what he saw, he wouldn’t have been male if he hadn’t but he kept himself under strict control. He wasn’t going to do anything stupid.  
She could barely believe it, he touched her! She just surrendered, hoping that the hungry sensation would be gone whence he had done it. She had seen how the animals did it and they rarely did it more than once and then they didn’t care for that sort of activities again for at least a year. She was ready, she just hoped that it wouldn’t hurt or anything but the animals didn’t act as though there was pain involved even though it looked a bit brutal at times, in fact they almost appeared to be liking it. 

Glorfindel sighed and shook his head in disbelief, of all the things he had done. He let his hand slide up the inside of a very thin thigh and his fingers found slick wetness where her legs met, she let out a strange sound, a sort of hoarse gasp and she started to tremble. Poor thing, she was obviously a stranger to also this kind of emotions. She stood there on all four in front of him swaying her back and being the very picture of erotic need and wantonness. She had no idea of how arousing that was but he wasn’t going to give in. 

Instead he started caressing her with his hand and he had no problems finding her most sensitive spot and he let his thumb play with it while he slowly let two fingers enter her wet tight opening. She had closed her eyes, her mouth open and she was making some exquisite sounds of pure pleasure. She was in fact rocking herself back and forth against him and he grinned, he could hear her heavy breathing and her heartbeat was fast and hard too. 

She had never felt anything like that, it was so good, no, it was more than good. It was all consuming and so strong it took all of her control away from her, she wanted to scream in sheer joy but she had long ago got used to never make much noise. She had had no idea that her body could produce such feelings and why hadn’t she sought some male to mate with before? The touches were like fire but such a delicious flame it was, she wanted more of it, oh so much more. He was just using his hand and not those male parts of him but she didn’t care, all she needed was for him to continue touching her like that. 

Glorfindel was rather certain that she was a virgin, she was too tight to have had real sex before and the discovery sort of shocked him. She was rather old even among elves and still untouched? That was strange indeed and he was more eager than ever to solve the mystery of her life and existence. He increased the speed of his hand and she arched, so wet it was dribbling down her legs and then she screamed and trembled violently in what had to be her first release in a long time if not ever. He held her tightly, allowed her to calm down in his arms and she just lay there, panting and gasping and her eyes were wide with shock and glazed with pleasure. He touched her chin gently. “Now, that felt good didn’t it? You needed that badly, so what am I to do now?”

He gently lifted her and she was shivering still, probably from the physical contact but she didn’t try to resist him and he made her sit up leaning back against his strong body. She was trembling and he felt how her thin body probably had no reserves whatsoever. He wondered how she survived the winters. He opened a pack of Lembas bread and held a piece in front of her mouth, she sniffed it with suspicion and looked confused. He took a small bite and she tilted her head and stared at the bread with a strange expression. “Try it, it won’t bite you”

It was such a strange thing to say but he didn’t come up with anything else. She swallowed and nibbled at the piece, then she almost bit his finger as she desperately tried to get all of it at once. “Whoa there, hungry are we?”

He broke of a new piece, rather large and she grasped it with her hand and started stuffing her face desperately. He felt his heart drop in his chest, gods, she was so hungry!? No wonder she looked like a freaking skeleton. She probably hunted but maybe she wasn’t that skilled at it. She burped and didn’t seem as though she thought that was rude. She had no manners whatsoever. “You are very charming, I bet your eating habits would be truly admired by everyone.”

He had to laugh and she yelped and looked nervous again. “You just ate enough to make two adult males full for days.”

She sensed that he wasn’t hostile, the tone of the sounds he made was light and friendly and she hesitated, then she pushed her face up along his, like a cat greets its owner. Glorfindel had to chuckle. “You are an affectionate one, I wish I knew more about you though.”

She wanted to stay there with him, he had given her food, that had to mean something right? She had often seen that males brought food to their mates. She felt stuffed though, and thirsty and she licked her lips. The river was far away and she didn’t want to leave him, he was so warm and comfortable to lean up against. Glorfindel grinned to himself, yes, she was thirsty. He held up the wine skin and pretended to take a sip and she stared at him with wide eyes, it smelled nice? It smelled like berries and fruit and she leaned forward eagerly. He held the opening to her mouth and she started drinking as if she had been completely parched. It did taste so good, she had never tasted anything like that before and she had to be stopped before she drank all of the wine in one go. She burped again and wiped her mouth and grinned, her teeth were pretty and white and she blinked and looked a bit confused. 

Glorfindel knew that she was unused to alcohol, she would feel the effect of it rather fast and so he let her lean back against his chest and he caressed her arms gently and hummed, he knew that sound was very soothing and she relaxed. He saw lice crawling in her hair and he cringed. He didn’t like to have her this near to his own body but he had to. He hoped that she would fall asleep and she was making some faint sounds, pulled her knees up and yawned. She trusted him, it was rather strange but true. Before long her eyes got distant and unfocused and her breath got very slow and steady. She was asleep. 

Glorfindel let out a sigh of relief and let her rest against the ground, he had to work fast now. He gestured towards the twins and they got up and got closer. Elladan was blushing, he had been rather affected by what he had seen and heard and he tried to avoid looking at her. Glorfindel pulled a blanket over her, just to keep her warm. “She is full of lice and fleas, and so thin. She probably has got parasites and look at all those infected flea bites. I wonder how she has been able to survive here alone.”

Elrohir was the best healer of the two, he had gotten his pack of equipment from the saddle and sat down next to her. He grasped onto her arm and shook his head. “She is just skin and bones, I don’t think she would have lasted another winter to be honest. Like Glorfindel said, she is probably rather weak. “

He got a sharp knife from the pack and started cutting away all the matted tangled hair. It was teeming with life and he cringed. Elladan was preparing a salve to cover the irritated skin and Glorfindel examined her arms and legs, in shock of the number of small scars and marks he could find. He had warmed some water and was washing her with a soft cloth and he lifted the blanket and sighed. “Elrohir, when you are finished shaving her head, there is yet another job for you to do, down here!”

The peredhel winced. “Aii, does she have lice there too?”

Glorfindel nodded. “Most certainly.”

Elrohir remover all the hair he found except her eyebrows and then they washed her all over with some medicine made from herbs and powders they had brought. It should remove the infections. Elrohir then boiled up a concoction that should take care of any parasites within and they managed to get most of it into her. They had to do it now when she was asleep since it tasted so terribly she never would drink the stuff otherwise. She did look awful, her skull bare and covered with nasty red bites and Glorfindel felt his heart weep for her. Elrohir stroked her cheek carefully. “Poor thing, what are we to do now?”

Glorfindel sighed. “Make her trust us enough to follow us home, she won’t make it out here alone, not for much longer anyhow. Sooner or later some orcs are gonna get her.”

Elladan nodded and took out a kettle. He was going to prepare a decent meal for them all and he had already skinned a rabbit Elrohir had caught and now he was making stew. Glorfindel had burned all the lice infected hair and the cloth he had used to wash her. It had become dark grey with grime and they were shocked to see how pale she really was. She couldn’t have washed herself for ages, a bath in the river didn’t remove anywhere near enough of the mud and grime clinging to her skin. They wrapped her in blankets and just allowed her to sleep, she would probably sleep until the next morning and Glorfindel laid down next to her to keep her safe and comfort her if she woke up in the middle of the night. 

Strange images danced in front of her eyes, she could not find the words to describe them for she had no such things as words but she did recognize feelings. And slowly she made some sense of what she saw in her drug induced sleep. It was her past, a life she no longer knew and yet it had been real. She had turned away from her mother and foster father after the truth had been revealed, in the beginning it was just a youthful rebellion, born out of shock and dismay more than real resentment or anger. Then as she grew she got more aware of what the truth meant, what her father had done and what that family really had caused. It made her so ashamed of herself. Aira tried desperately to mend the wound in her daughter’s soul but to no prevail. Halariel had indeed inherited a lot from her father’s blood, and first and foremost was a stubbornness so strong it was rather frightening. 

Halariel became withdrawn, most of the Avari tribe didn’t in any way hold her parentage against her, she was after all an innocent child and could not be blamed for her own conception but some were different. Some did in fact react to her with rage, disgust or even open hostility and every time she got more hurt. When she came of age she refused to celebrate and she did also refuse to take a lover, she never let anyone touch her. In her own eyes she was tainted and the tales she heard made her more and more convinced that she was just as cursed as her father’s family had been. She preferred her own company and when her mother and her mate finally had a child together Halariel became withdrawn for real. She sought only her own company and Aira tried again and again to prevent her daughter from becoming a parody of an elf. She failed. 

Halariel waited until her mother had three children before she left for good, by then Aira had more or less given up on making Halariel a normal elleth, it was too late. The overly tall female was vary of anyone she didn’t know, she was bitter and her sometimes hostile behavior just confirmed what many believed about her father’s family. She knew she had an uncle alive but she would never approach anyone of her relatives, never. She knew what her father had done to her dear naneth and she didn’t see that she herself was causing just as much hurt and harm. She was too young and inexperienced to be able to see the greater picture. 

She left, she stayed in the woods and travelled east and then south. On the way she learned how to use both blade and bow from friendly encounters and some not so friendly ones. She became the shadows and the dark, she became cold lonely nights and solitude. She became the wolf, the wanderer, the restless ghost roaming the forests almost never seen by anyone. Slowly she forgot, and when she reached her valley most of it was gone already. Her mother just a memory of warmth and love and her past life something to be thrown away like a worn out rag. She was a new being, and a new life awaited her. 

The morning light was slowly turning the dark night into a new day and Glorfindel had been sitting by the fire for quite a while when she woke up. She jerked and made a startled cry when she felt the blankets around her, and her body felt so weird? She didn’t understand anything. Then he was there and he was humming softly and her fear did subside a bit, the soft things that were wrapped around her kept her so warm and it felt comfortable. Then she noticed something else, her head felt so light, and so cold? She lifted her hand after having pulled her arm free from the blankets and she yelped when she felt nothing but her scalp. She hissed, a sense of rage rose in her but it too died down. Somehow she realized that they only had tried to help her. She remembered the intense itching and she had had no way to get rid of the vermin. 

Glorfindel smiled and held a bowl in his hand, it was filled with something that smelled so good it made her stomach rumble and she sat up in the blankets and let him hand her the bowl and a wooden spoon. She stared at the utensil with confusion but then a faint memory started to form deep within her and she slowly put the spoon into the bowl and lifted some stew towards her mouth with it, her head tilted and her eyes filled with intense concentration. Glorfindel grinned and nodded. “You have some memories still, good!”

She stared at his mouth, language, speech, she was starting to remember that these sounds were a way of communicating. “Aa?”

Glorfindel nodded and smiled. “Yes, try. You have got it, I am sure you do, somewhere.”

She took a hesitant taste of the stew and then she wolfed it down and ended up with stew everywhere, she ate like a toddler would but she had never felt so eager when it came to food. It was so good and when the bowl was empty she felt a sense of bliss and fell back onto the blankets with a sigh. Glorfindel found a piece of fabric in Elrohir’s bags and washed the stew off her face, her eyes were distant and dreamy and he caressed her cheek gently. “We have to feed you a lot from now on, you are so underweight.”

She heard the care in his voice and nuzzled his hand and he had a peculiar expression on his face and he sat down and smiled at her. “I wish I knew your name, I can’t just call you it, or elleth. I am Fin, do you remember your name?”

She cocked her head, he pointed at his own chest and repeated the short version of his name and she tried to form that noise. It represented him, she just knew it, it was who he was. She swallowed and her lips tried to mimic the sound. She was good at mimicking animals but this was way harder. She managed to make some strange growling sound and he laughed. “No, that was not quite right, keep trying. I will keep you company today, the other two are hunting so it is just the two of us.”

She continued trying and after many attempts she managed to say his name, sort of. At least he did understand what the sound was and she was beaming with pride. It felt so good laying there with him close and she leaned forth and sniffed him again, enjoyed the masculine scent of his skin and the silkiness of his hair. She remembered that her own hair had been just as nice, but when? She felt that longing sensation again, was it possible to experience that good feeling again? She held her breath, rubbed her thighs together, yes, it was the same need and she whimpered, confused and a bit shocked. Glorfindel saw how her eyes changed and he noticed her scent to, she wanted him again and he sighed and touched her cheek. “You are at it again aren’t you? But never mind, if I can make you trust me then it is a good tool, and I have no problems with it. “

He gently got the blankets out of the way and she gasped and reached for him, let her hands slide through the soft golden locks. He kissed her neck and she yelped, she had no idea of what this was but it felt nice and it made the heat inside of her burst into open flames once again. He pushed himself downwards and proceeded to kiss her nipples. That made her squeal and writhe and her breath was getting heavy and fast. He kept teasing her. She was clean now and he allowed himself to touch her more than the last time, he ached when he felt how skinny she was but she would survive. It was really in the nick of time they had found her, another winter would have been the death of her for sure. She had gone too far to be able to prepare herself for the upcoming winter.

He kept licking and sucking her breasts as he caressed her with his hand and she surrendered completely, opened her legs willingly and he brought her slowly towards the heights of passion. She screamed as she came, arched up, her hands digging into the blankets and she was covered with sweat and her eyes burning with emotions. There was really a strange light in her eyes, like some internal fire. She came down from her high slowly, panting with her eyes closed and she gasped when the last tremors rushed through her body. She was glorious, so passionate and eager and he was getting tempted to go all the way. But she was too weak, he would have to wait. And perhaps she would change her mind when she got stronger and her mind more normal. If that ever happened. 

The twins returned from the hunt with some grouse and three rabbits and a marmot. They were careful not to startle her and she was a bit curious, the two looked like they were exactly the same person but they were two, not one and she tried to wrap her head around that. She felt sticky and wet after the activity she had participated in and Glorfindel helped her up and escorted her down to the river. She washed and went into the bushed to relieve herself, she had a strange feeling in her stomach and sat there for quite a while and afterwards she returned to the river again to clean off. It was no doubt that the concoction Elrohir had made had had its effect for she had passed a rather terrifying amount of parasites. 

She looked shocked and scared and Glorfindel was holding her and mumbling soft words to her, she calmed down and she knew somehow that they had helped her again, that the filth inside of her would have killed her. That was why she was so hungry all the time and never put on weight. She leaned her head towards his shoulder and sighed, she felt grateful but what now? Her head felt funny, she was constantly seeing these weird images and she never really knew what they were. Perhaps he could help her making sense of it all? 

Glorfindel saw the expression in her eyes, the lost and faraway look., he smiled and kissed her brow. “I will help you, trust me, I will. You have chosen me and I do not take such things lightly.”

She felt a sort of reassurance hearing those words, as if she on some level had started to understand this speech thing again. She grinned and just sat there, leaning towards him and Glorfindel smiled to himself. Some more days, and they could start on the journey back home, if she wanted to join them that was, but he was sure she would. And Elrond would be thrilled to see her, after all, her father had fostered him as an elfling and to see that Maedhros in fact did have offspring would come as a major surprise but hopefully a happy one. The only question was, what in the name of Eru was she to wear? She could not travel buck naked, not that it bothered him but how about everybody else. They would have to come up with some ingenious solution there, sacrifice one of the blankets or something.  
He tickled her flanks and she giggled and hit after his hand, there was a childishness to her that was very charming but he did sense that she had some very dark moments in her past. He just hoped that they could help her overcome them. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The small meadow was peaceful, butterflies and birds were flying around, a few deer were grazing and the sun shone brightly. The figure that suddenly appeared in the middle of it was very large and he was glowing slightly, the animals didn’t notice him at all, after all, he wasn’t their concern. He sighed, shrunk to a more normal size and took a look at the surroundings. Why here? It was not many who travelled through this area, well, perhaps that was for the better. He hadn’t liked their suggestion a bit, and he would have openly gone out against it if he hadn’t known that their arguments were sound. It was not the way it should have been, it was interrupting with his plans. After all, the dead were his responsibility, his to rule. He was perhaps the doomsman and feared by all but he was never unjust, and this was just that, unjust. It was not the way it was supposed to be, it was more towards cruelty the way he saw it. Punishment was one thing, torture something entirely different, in special when the fëa in question already was repentant and did regret its deeds. 

The others had thrown their arguments at him, and he had to agree with them, if it was possible then it would greatly benefit them all, but if it wasn’t? He knew every soul out there, each and every one of them and he also knew that one soul of whom they spoke, the one who shouldn’t have been, the one not even Eru had planned. How could that have happened? Everything was within the song, but this one being was not! It was a loose cannon on deck, a hazard. Someone like that in the hands of the enemy could cause irreparable damage, just look what had happened to Celebrimbor. And if this one was like the rest of the family? They had to know, but they could not intervene, not directly. So someone had to do it for them, and who was better than this one soul? 

Nàmo shook his head, he made a gesture and a body appeared out of the very blue, laying on the grass in front of him, it was perfect, just like the first one this soul had been clothed in and the master of the halls sighed deeply. It was in truth cruel, he wasn’t even sure that this soul would be able to cope with the shock of being re-embodies thus. He had a sense of understanding when it came to this one, some of them had been cruel, some had just followed or been dictated by their pride but this one, this one had done it out of a sense of duty, out of a fear of disappointing his father, out of youthful and unrestrained anger. The oath, that was the thing that started the whole mess, or rather, Melkor had been. And the family problems, not to forget them. If not Fëanors mother had refused to ever be reborn much of this wouldn’t have happened. 

But he never did blame the dead, the living yes, rather often but never the dead, never those in his realm. Whatever they had done and whatever their punishment was he always did what he had to do with a sense of respect, even of love. Only if they did repent and saw the errors of their ways could they truly be free and thus he helped them overcome the traumas life had thrown at them. 

This was…wrong. It was wrong in every way but he had to obey his brother. Manwë had given specific orders and yet Nàmo had a feeling that they had hidden something from him, something very important. He didn’t like that, no, he didn’t like it a bit. So he had done a few things too, things of which they were oblivious. The hunger for knowledge and power could sometimes lead even the righteous ones out into dangerous terrain. 

He held the tiny spark that was a fëa in his grasp and then he suddenly and forcefully joined it with the new body laid there before him. The creature jerked violently and gasped, heaved for air and he bent down and kissed its brow with an expression of sadness and love before he became invisible once more. “Forgive me child, forgive me for what I have done to you, forgive me for letting them talk me into this. The world you left was cruel, it has not became any less so I fear. You will suffer, that is all I can promise you, but I pray that you have the strength to do what you must. See it as an opportunity to redeem yourself. And blame me not, for I am not the one behind this.”

The creature jerked again, limbs moving in spasms, eyes opening staring up at the skies, wide with fear and agony. A hoarse cry forced its way out of the mouth, he clawed at his throat, wheezed and coughed. Eyes rolling in his head, his body trembling violently. A tortured mind slowly started to gain control of his hroa, grey eyes stared at the meadow, filled with utter confusion. What had happened? Where was he? He had jumped, felt the searing heat consume his flesh and his last breath had been filled with flames, had scorched his throat. He whimpered, what was this? His throat hurt still, terribly in fact. And he felt so strange, so weak? 

He tried to get up, couldn’t find his balance and fell onto his knees, think, just think. His mind tried to make sense of it all but it couldn’t, the last thing he remembered was that final decision, to end his existence knowing he was to vile and evil for the silmarils to accept him, and it was the same with his brother. He lifted his head, his brother? Where was he, where was Maglor? He sat up, stared around him. This was not familiar terrain? He was in a forest, but he didn’t know it and he was buck naked and without any weapons or tools. He whimpered, tried to call out, to see if anybody was there but he only managed to create a sort of hoarse cawing sound. His throat had been so damaged he couldn’t speak and he felt how a terrible feeling of despair descended upon him, choking him. How was he to find his brother now? This wasn’t the halls of Mandos, of that he was sure and it wasn’t Valinor at all. This was Arda and he had no idea of where he was.  
He stared down at himself, he was as he had been or wait a minute, not quite, his right hand was where it should be? He moved it with huge eyes, it had been returned to him, as if it never had been cut off. What was this? He gasped with gratitude and opened and closed it several times, just to get the feel of it again. It was…it was simply too much. Was he alive again, was he dead? He had no idea. 

He slowly managed to get up, to gather his body and he felt weak like a toddler. There was no strength in him, he had problems walking and it did take him quite a while before he mastered his balance and was able to move in an efficient way. What had happened to him? Why? He slowly walked through the forest and tried to make a sort of mental map of the area. To the north west there was some huge mountains and to the south some lower rolling hills, he didn’t know that he was somewhere between the Ettenmoors and mount Gram and the Coldfells. 

He didn’t feel cold and he started to find his strength again after a couple of hours, the forest wasn’t very dense and it was filled with light and life and he started to feel a little better. As all elves he did love the forest and he found it beauty breathtaking. He felt hungry though, and thirsty and he quenched his thirst in a small stream. He did find some berries and they were ripe so he ate all he could of them. He hadn’t seen anyone yet and he tried to walk south, why he did not know but it felt as though he had to go in that direction, that there was something he needed to do. He was walking down a gentle slope among the trees when he suddenly heard something moving in the bushes not too far away from him. 

He froze, he had no idea of what kind of enemies he might encounter there and he had nothing he could use to defend himself. He held his breath, a snorting sound could be heard and he gasped. A wild boar, there were few animals as dangerous as those wild pigs and even when on horseback they were an enemy he rarely would go up against freely. The tusks could gut both a horse and a man or ellon very easily and he shivered and looked for a place to hide. There were none, the forest floor was even with not even a tall rock and the trees were slender and tall with no branches. The boar appeared, a huge male, the biggest he had seen and it was angry. It had smelled that there was something there, something alien to its territory and it was not going to let this thing, whatever it was, get away without having shown it who the boss of this area was.  
He reacted on instinct, and did the wrong thing. He ran. He knew he couldn’t outrun a wild boar and yet he tried. He ran downhill so fast he almost went flying and he did in fact keep his distance for a while. He spotted some ragged cliffs ahead along a small river and ran towards them with the boar right behind him. He almost made it, almost. 

The boar did toss its huge head upward and a tusk caught him in his thigh, tore through skin and flesh and his speed was so great he ran the last steps to the cliff barely on his forward momentum. He jumped onto the cliff, got up where the boar could not go and there his injury kicked in, the leg gave in under him and he fell forward, the leg got caught in a crack in the rock and he felt and heard a disgusting cracking noise and felt something being twisted both in his knee and hip. The agony was unbearable, white lightning shot through his body and he threw his head back and screamed. The boar did actually get scared from the sound and ran and he laid there with the leg twisted in the crack and felt how his consciousness was slipping away. 

He woke up, it was dark and he was alone in a strange place and severely injured. The wound was large and he had lost much blood already, he felt light headed and more so, he felt warm and cold. He was getting a fever, the tusk had been anything but clean and infection was setting in. He moaned and felt warm tears falling down his cheeks, had he come back to life just to die again, like this? Alone and afraid? Well, it wasn’t that he didn’t deserve it. He sobbed, just laid there while the pain shot through him like stabs from an orcs blade. He missed his brother, oh gods how he missed him. He missed them all, he had deserved this, perhaps this was his punishment for the sins he had committed? He was ready to let go and die, he felt nauseous and so terribly thirsty and more so, devoid of any hope. 

He had passed out again and the next time he woke up he could barely open his eyes, they were swollen and his body felt so heavy and alien in a way, he didn’t know why he wasn’t dead already. Then he heard sounds, voices, laughter even. He flinched, a desperate fear rushed through him, he could not lose this chance, he had to let someone know. He called out, it sounded like the scream of some wounded animal but it had to be heard from afar for he laid all his might into that one scream he managed to push out of him. Then he fell back again, the world spinning in front of his eyes, his field of vision shrinking. The last thing he saw was a round face with blond hair and blue eyes and a simple leather band to keep the hair out of the face. A young human. Then the world went black.


	3. The choices we make...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three: The choices we make

She was simply amazed by it all, the gentleness they showed her and the food they gave her and everything. She felt so much better now and she felt her strength return to her, it was weird but she hadn’t realized that she had grown weak over the years. Now it became ever more apparent that she wouldn’t have lasted that much longer and she felt a strong sense of gratitude towards the three ellyn and the tall golden haired one in special. She managed to pronounce his name now and she never wanted to leave his side. 

Glorfindel was a bit shocked by her lack of inhibitions, she had forgotten everything about proper behavior and she acted like some child with very forgiving parents. He tried to teach her to speak again but it sort of failed most of the time, she had the attention span of a squirrel but he couldn’t stay mad at her. She was just too sweet and he tried to make her understand that she should show some restraint when it came to some types of behavior but to no prevail. She had some sort of untamed and fierce joy of being alive burning within her, and it was both uncouth and consuming. She seemed to live each minute to the full, caught within the very moment. She didn’t think ahead or stop for even a second to consider her past, she was like an animal caught in the eternal now of those living as one with the powers of nature. 

The twins were fascinated by her as well and they too tried to teach her some words, she accepted them by now, she didn’t fear them and she even dared to touch them with the curiosity of a kid meeting someone new. The fact that they were identical was a source of never ending entertainment for her, she would sit there staring at them, tilting her head trying to find some visible difference between the two of them. Towards Glorfindel she acted like some overly cuddly kitten, always seeking his attention and he was sometimes a bit tired of her constant affection. She was charming in her own ways but she did sometimes test his patience and he didn’t want to frighten her by shouting at her or becoming visibly angry. 

They did sacrifice one of their blankets and the twins did take one of their shirts and managed to turn it into a sort of wide tunic for her. The blanket became a rather rough but still useable skirt and she did put the garments on with loud giggling and ran around beaming with joy. To her these not very nice clothes were wonderful. Glorfindel had started planning their return to Imladris, he had presented her to the horses and he had managed to convince her of their benign nature. She was still acting very strangely and he didn’t know if she ever had ridden a horse or if he would manage to make her follow them freely. He didn’t want to drug her again but he knew that he had to if she refused to come with them. She could not remain there alone, the darkness was spreading once more, the watchful peace was coming to an end and there were orcs and other foul creatures everywhere. 

So one morning they did pack their things again and put it all onto the horses and she stared at what they were doing with huge and wild eyes. She was obviously afraid that they were leaving her behind and she didn’t protest at all when Glorfindel lifted her up onto his great white stallion and mounted the horse behind her. She just grasped onto the saddle horn and looked nervous but she didn’t utter a single sound that could be any sort of protest. They rode out of the valley the same way as they entered it and it soon became very apparent that she had forgotten everything about the world outside of her tiny realm. 

She stared at everything with huge eyes and Glorfindel did smile and tried telling her the names of the things she saw. She was learning now but she would often mix words and she didn’t know how to put them together into sentences. She tried, that was very obvious to everybody but she failed miserably most of the time. Glorfindel just hoped that she would continue trying, that the problems didn’t cause her to give up. 

They rode down a rather wide valley with gentle slopes and a small river in the middle, the area was not as lush and beautiful as her valley had been, the soil was less rich and could not support such fertile woodlands. But there were wildlife enough and they did trust the trees and the land itself to warn them if any dangers did appear. 

Glorfindel had her sitting across his thighs in front of him and in the beginning she was obviously afraid that she would fall for she did hang on to the saddle as if her life depended upon it but after a while she started to relax a bit and leaned more against him. Not that it was all that comfortable but at least it felt better for his horse. It would take weeks to get back home and he just hoped that nothing would interfere with their long journey. He didn’t want to end up in a fight with her there with them, she was vulnerable and maybe even unable to determine whether or not things could pose a threat. The twins had to be extra alert from now on, to make up for the fact that she stole his attention most of the time. 

 

Irelen was busy going through a sack of wool when she heard shouting and running feet, she immediately got back up, stared in the direction of the sounds. She just felt it, something was wrong. The men had left earlier that day to go looking for the material needed for weaving baskets and they shouldn’t return this early. She dropped the bag and got out of her small hut, the son of her neighbor, a tall blond boy stopped in front of her, he was panting and had obviously been running very hard. “What is the matter Lannam? “

She was nervous something bad had happened to any of them, the village was small, everybody knew each other and depended upon each other too and almost every soul there was related in some way. The boy caught his breath. “We heard someone scream, and then we found a wounded elf.”

Irelen gasped, she didn’t quite believe what the boy had said. “An elf? By the gods, there hasn’t been elves in this area for a long time?”

Lannam nodded. “I know, but it is an elf, and he is messed up pretty bad. We need your help Irelen.”

She just stared at the boy, too shocked to really be able to do anything, then she saw the men coming down the path from the woods, carrying a stretcher and she took a deep breath and snapped out of her shock. She yelled at them. “Bring him here, hurry.”

She ran back inside, put a clean sheet and a blanket onto her bed and put a kettle with water over the fire. Her hut was small but well equipped, being the mayor’s sister had given her some privileges and being the village healer even more. 

The men came in with the stretcher and she gasped when she saw the figure on it, first of all, he was so tall the stretcher was more than two feet too short, his head and his lower legs just dangled from it, and he was naked. She blushed, she was of course used to seeing naked men, it was just natural in her job but she had never seen an elf before and he was beyond beautiful. It was like seeing an angel. The men lifted the elf onto the bed and she heard a moan from him, filled with agony. Lannam looked as if he was in despair. “Is he gonna die Irelen? He is so pretty, and so big. He lay on the cliffs outside of the holt of beeches.”

Irelen sighed and started looking over the injuries. “I do not know Lannam, I have to check his injuries first before I can even start to guess whether or not he will live.”

She saw that wound in his thigh and she could see that it had to have been caused by an angry boar, she had seen her fair share of those before, and it usually spelled trouble. He was burning with a fever and she thought she had read that elves are tougher than humans when it comes to such injuries but he had to have been laying there for more than a day. The infection was far spread and she could in fact smell it too. 

She grasped Lannam. “Go get your brothers, I will need some strong hands here, his knee and hip is dislocated and I need someone strong enough to pull them back in place.”

Lannam cringed. “Oh gods Irelen, that has to hurt like…”

She nodded. “It does, but it has to be done before the joints get too damaged, go now.”

He just ran and she saw that the entire village had gathered on the outside of her cabin, curious and worried. Elves were so rare to come across there and they had great respect for them. She couldn’t believe the size of the elf, how tall was he? He would be towering above her if he had been standing up and she rolled him over onto his side with some effort and started cleaning the wound. She used herbs her mother had taught her about and then she cut away the infected tissue and let it bleed for a while before she stitched the gaping wound up. It did look bad, very bad but hopefully it would heal. 

She made a concoction of herbs and then she carefully lifted his head and poured a little at a time down his throat, he did swallow and she hoped that it would lower his fever. The boys returned and she looked at the swollen knee with narrow eyes. It looked grotesque, so black and huge and she just hoped that the ligaments and joint weren’t too injured. The hip was a problem too, it would take some serious tugging to get it back into position and it was going to be a tug of war with him as the rope. Lannam’s brothers were huge and strong and they stared at the elf with awe and a bit of fear too. They knew so little about the firstborn and neither of them had ever seen one. The oldest of them, Grim, touched the long silky locks of red hair with narrow eyes. “Grandpa saw an elf once, and he didn’t say anything about it being so huge?”

Irelen shook her head. “He, not it, he! And some elves are very tall, the very ancient ones I think.”

They accepted her wisdom, she had learned to read and write and that had brought her some respect which women usually never enjoyed there. She nodded. “We will deal with the hip first, Grim, grasp him under the arms, hold back as hard as you can. Lannam, Olrich, you grasp his thigh and pull. I will show you how. “

She had placed a towel over the elf’s crotch, just to protect the modesty of them all and still the young men winced and looked uncomfortable. The idea of touching another male was not all that tempting. She frowned. “Now!”

The boys sprang into action and grasped onto the body and she directed them. The leg had to be both pulled and twisted a bit and after some attempts she heard the clicking sound that told her it was back in place but it caused the injured elf to scream in agony and the sound made the three boys pale and a bit green. “Poor fellow, gods!”

Irelen nodded. “Yes, it is agonizing but it had to be done. And now, the knee!”

They all pulled once more and she guided the joint back into place, it made them all cringe since the elf was making some awful half choked groans in pain but they managed to get that back in place rather quickly. Irelen grinned. “Thank you boys, and now I will give you another task. Please, see to it that everybody goes back to their homes? They are doing nothing good standing outside of my door like that.”

The boys just grinned and she went back to work, washing the joints with herbs that should decrease the swelling and bleeding and some that removed pain too. Then she bandaged the knee to prevent it from becoming dislocated again if the elf moved and put some sort of sling onto the hip too. It took a lot to dislocate that joint so it was little danger that it would happen again, ever. She made the elf drink even more herbs and then some pure water and when that was done she sat down. She had done what she could, now it was up to the gods if he was to live or die. 

The village was in an uproar, the men who had been there when Lannam found the elf had to answer all sorts of strange questions and Lannam was the one who got most questions of all and he refused to answer the most stupid ones. He suddenly felt like an important person and not just the blacksmiths youngest son and his face had gotten a serious expression. Some of the women were giggling and asking if there was great difference between an elf and a man and Lannam blushed and refused to say anything, he didn’t want the elf to be overrun by curious womenfolk. Finally most of the villagers returned to their homes to chat some more and the small square became silent once more. Lannam let out a sigh of relief and returned home too, this day had been far too exciting. 

 

He felt himself burn, felt how the extreme heat made his flesh catch fire and his blood boil and he screamed in agony and tried to escape the inferno. Then he opened his eyes and yelped, no fire but still there were pain and he didn’t know where he was. He stared straight up into a roof made from reeds and woven twigs and it smelled of herbs and smoke. He felt terrible, nauseous and weak and his head was spinning. He groaned and closed his eyes, remembered the boar and the wound and he tried to move but found that he couldn’t. He was wrapped tightly in blankets that smelled of sheep and he opened his eyes again. Someone had found him and the smells told him that this had to be a healers home but not a healer like the ones he was used to. 

A face appeared through the semi darkness, it was a woman and it was obvious that she was well above her youth. Her dark hair had streaks of grey and her face was wrinkled but she looked very kind and there was a softness in her eyes that calmed him a bit. She smiled and sat down on a chair next to the bed. The room looked very simple, no decent furniture and no colors to speak of, this was a poor persons home. “Relax beautiful one, fear not. I have done what I can to help you, now it is up to your Gods.”

He did understand her, she spoke a language he had heard the humans use but her dialect was very strange and she spoke rather slowly too. He shivered, the agony in his thigh was almost unbearable and his knee was throbbing and so was his hip. She lifted a hand and he felt a cold cloth being pressed against his brow, it did feel good and he winced, he didn’t deserve this kindness. She was just a human but she should not waste her precious time on someone like him. He was condemned, an abomination. He whimpered and tried to turn his head away from her hand and she sighed and touched his cheek gently. “I know I am just human, you would probably prefer that someone of your own race took care of you but there are no other elves here in this area. You just have to accept me I am afraid.”

He wished that he could explain to her that she was wrong in her assumptions, he didn’t mind at all that she was human. He tried to speak but couldn’t, the only sounds he managed to create were hoarse coughs and she tilted her head and looked at him with such pity. “Are you a mute my lord? Oh gods, what dreadful destiny.”

He felt a tear running down his cheek, why he wept he did not know but perhaps he did weep for himself, and the things that were lost. He felt so alone, like there was an endless void surrounding him and he sobbed and wished to hide in a deep black hole. She was there with the cloth again, wiped the sweat away from his brow and then she went over to the hearth and came back with a cup. “Here my lord, this will ease the pain and perhaps help you fight the fever too.”

He drank the terrible liquid with a grimace but he did feel that it worked, the agony wasn’t that sharp anymore, more of a dull ache than a throbbing stabbing pain. She stroked his hair and for a moment he remembered his mother, how she had tucked him in at night when he was just a child and he whimpered once more. His mother, had anyone suffered more as a result of their deeds than her? He didn’t think so, she was everything good and pure in this world and the memory of her the most precious thing he had. 

The woman sighed and her face was sad. “Oh, I bet there is someone out there missing you right? But I do wonder what you were doing out there in the forest alone and naked.”

He blushed, he hadn’t really thought of that fact before now and even though the idea of being undressed in front of others of his kin didn’t bother him the idea of having humans glaring at him did cause a slight discomfort. He closed his eyes and she smiled and pulled some of his long hair away from his face. “You reek of disease and sweat but fear not, when your wound closes up I will make sure that you get a bath.”

He nodded, the thought was like a vision of heaven, he did feel sticky and smelly and just terrible. Then a new thought struck him, he didn’t even know what year this was. A sense of dread overtook him and he started breathing faster, his eyes flickered and he was suddenly terrified. What had happened? He remembered the end of his life, how the Silmaril had burned his hand and how he had chosen death. How much time had passed by? Years? Centuries? He could not remember anything between his final moment of mental and physical agony and the awakening in the woods. She touched his shoulder gently, worry apparent in her gentle eyes. “My lord, what is wrong?”

She got nervous seeing his strange reaction, he was writhing and his eyes filled with tears and fear. He made those strange hollow sounds again and then he got his hand free and pretended to be writing something. She got a piece of hide and a stick from the fireplace and he made some strange symbols on it, she shook her head. “I do not know how to read your writing my lord.”

He moaned, then he drew a sun and looked at her with a desperate plea in his eyes. “The sun? it is daytime yes, but it will be dark soon?”

He shook his head, groaning. He drew a line across the sun and marked the beginning and she realized that he wanted to know what time of the year it was, that was odd, he should know that? “It is summer my lord, I am sure you are aware of that? “

He rolled his eyes, drew a circle and pointed at the line. She did understand, didn’t he know what year it was? She smiled. “I am not sure of what year this is the way you measure time, we call this year the year of the pig but it has been forty years since our area was under the rule of another tribe. I heard a merchant call this the third age though, and I think we are somewhere around year two thousand eight or nine hundred but I am not sure.”

He just stared. The third age?! Valar protect him, several millennia had passed since his death, oh gods, they were probably dead, everybody he had ever known were dead and gone. He let out a wailing sound and covered his face with his hands, shivering and she stared at him in shock and confusion. Then she sat down on the bed and embraced him and he pressed his face into her neck and let his tears run free. He was lost, truly and utterly lost. He had no idea of what had happened in the world since his death and he sat there crying until fatigue overtook him and he fell into a restless sleep. 

Irelen sighed and stroked the silky red locks, he looked so young but she knew that he probably was thousands of years old, but why had he reacted like that to what she told him? She sighed, she knew little about the firstborn and their lives and could just accept that something had caused him immense grief. She hummed softly and felt a sort of maternal protectiveness towards him, he was weak and wounded and in need of her aid and she would willingly help him in whatever way she could. 

She got back up and started preparing some food and there was a soft knock on the door. She opened it and it was one of the other women of the village, she held a freshly plucked chicken in her hands and her eyes were shining with curiosity. “Here, make some soup from this, there is nothing better for the sick than chicken soup.”

Irelen just gaped, such generosity was unexpected, after all, this was not one of their own. “I thank you Shela, I have only some dried rabbit meat and it won’t last for long.”

Shela went over and stared at the sleeping elf, there was something very reverent in her eyes. “I never thought that I ever would see one of the firstborn. Oh gods, he is so beautiful, please tell me he will survive?”

Irelen nodded. “Yes, his fever is going down now and elves are stronger than we are.”

Shela sat down and sighed. “Has he told you anything? Who would wander around in the woods wearing only their skin!”

Irelen shook her head. “He is a mute, he cannot speak.”

Shela gasped, her eyes filled with shock and disbelief. “No? Oh poor thing, that is tragic!”

Irelen made a grimace. “Yes, and I do not know how to read his language, I have no idea of where he has come from, and when I told him we are in the third age of the sun he almost broke down. There is something weird going on here.”

Shela looked at him. “Do you think he is dangerous?!”

Irelen shook her head. “No, absolutely not, but there is something tragic about him, I can sense it. His soul is marred Shela, tormented somehow.”

Shela gathered her skirts tighter around her legs. “So what are we to do with him? He cannot stay here?”

Irelen shook her head. “No, he needs his own people with him, someone who can understand him. I think I will suggest that someone escorts him south. There are elves living further south, in Rivendell. They can perhaps help him.”

Shela nodded slowly. “Yes, I have heard of the hidden valley, and the wise lord of that place. It is a good idea Irelen.”

She nodded. “I know, and it is probably the only solution too. But he cannot travel yet, he will need to recuperate and regain his strength and that knee has to get back to normal too. It will take weeks, even for an elf.”

Shela tilted her head. “I wonder who he is? Too bad he is a mute.”

Irelen made a grimace. “Yes, but he has something almost regal about him, he isn’t just anybody, I can bet on that. He is someone of importance.”

Shela shrugged. “Then why on earth did he end up in these woods buck naked, and chased by a boar?”

Irelen sighed. “I wish I knew but I sense the hands of the gods here, and there is nothing we can do about that, nor should we question their decisions.”

Shela just sighed. “Of course not, I am just very curious.”

Irelen smiled, the smile was a bit stiff. “You can make yourself useful? You can tell the others to leave him be until he has regained his strength, he needs to rest and I bet there will be a steady stream of people coming to my cabin now, just to see him.”

Shela almost beamed with pride, she had the greatest respect for the healer and she grinned and got up. “Of course Irelen, I will do my best.”

Irelen let the other woman out of the door and sat down, stared at the unconscious elf. “I wonder who you really are pretty one, oh how I wonder!”

 

It was dark when he woke up, the fire in the hearth had gone out and only a few embers threw a sort of shimmering light onto the surroundings. He saw that the woman slept on some rugs on the floor, it made him ashamed of himself. He was using the only bed there and it really was he who should be sleeping on the floor. He heard nothing from outside of the house, just the normal night sounds and he sighed and relaxed again. Why was he here? Why wasn’t he dead? Perhaps this was his punishment? It would not surprise him at all, he did really deserve to suffer for all the wrong choices he had made. 

He wondered if his brother had survived for long, or if someone had sought to avenge dead kin or friends and killed him, or if Maglor had done what he had. He saw their faces, all of them. And he missed them too, it was a burning hole in his soul where his family should have been and he wished that he could curse Morgoth again and again, scream out his hatred and anger. The woman moved in her sleep, restlessly and nervously and he forced himself to lay still so he wouldn’t disturb her rest. 

He felt the pain in his legs again, the medicine had stopped working and he grinded his teeth together and closed his eyes. He had survived worse, far worse. He still remembered the horrible time he had spent as a prisoner in Morgoth’s own fortress, what the orc’s had done to him. He also remembered hanging there on that mountain, barely alive and in constant fear and regret. He was not going to complain this time, no, absolutely not. The woman was taking care of him and he would get well again, and he had gotten his right hand back too. He should be able to cope with some pain. 

After a while he did fall asleep again and he had a strange dream about mirrors, he was wandering through a veritable maze of them and he saw his own reflection everywhere and yet he knew he was seeking someone else, someone he didn’t even know. It was a strange dream indeed and he woke up feeling exhausted and confused. The woman sat by the hearth, she had relighted it and she was stirring a pot, he felt a smell that made his stomach growl and he licked his lips and tried to sit up. She heard him move and turned her head, sent him a warm smile. “I am glad you are awake my lord, I will soon have some food ready for you, I bet you are hungry?”

He nodded and groaned, he managed to sit but it hurt and he also noticed something else, his bladder was full. He blushed and knew that he couldn’t walk yet, his legs could not support his weight at all. 

She got up and poured water into a cup, came over with it and he did drink it with gratitude but he made a grimace and felt terribly uncertain, how did he tell her of his predicament? She saw that something was wrong, he was blushing and his eyes were flickering around and his posture a bit stiff. “Is anything wrong?”

He blushed again, more or less like a beet. Then he pointed down at his groin, feeling like a darn idiot. She was a healer, he was sure she wasn’t bothered by such natural things at all but he felt like a kid having been caught doing something very naughty. He made a sound that could be interpreted as running water and she grinned and tilted her head. “You have full bladder right? I guessed so, wait a second.”

She turned around and went towards a simple closet made from roughly made wooden planks, she found something within it and returned with it. It was some sort of flask made from ceramics with a very wide neck and he felt his cheeks burn when she just handed it over to him. “Here, use this.”

He whimpered and she sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine, I will turn around, worry not.”

She did in fact turn around and he removed the blanket and did what he had to do, it felt so awkward it made him shiver but he didn’t spill anything and she carried the flask outside afterwards and emptied it there. He felt the scent of the village through the door, humans, sheep, cattle, horses. A dog was barking and a long haired cat took a curious peak in through the door while she was outside. There were children playing and he felt that this was a peaceful place, with few dangers if any. Could it be that the world was at peace now? Was the darkness conquered? He hoped so, with all of his heart. 

She then brought him a huge bowl of the soup and he ate carefully, afraid to upset his stomach with too much food. But it tasted wonderfully and he did finish the bowl completely, he just used a long time on it. The woman sat there watching him and her eyes were very gentle. She was a soul of light, he could just feel it and he felt a deep gratitude towards her. Would she have acted with such kindness if she had known who or what he was? He felt as though he owed her the truth but how was he to tell? She couldn’t read tengwar and he didn’t know their alphabet either. She removed the bowl and smiled. “Later today I will let you have something solid to eat. Your fever is almost completely gone, I think it will do you good to eat something proper, not just soup.”

He smiled and bowed his head, felt some of his strength return to him. Having a full stomach was wonderful and he felt a bit drowsy. His body needed the rest to heal properly and he laid down again, with his arms behind his neck. She pulled the blanket aside again and checked the wound, it was stitched up together again with a technique that told him she had done such things before, she was indeed very skilled and it was weird to find someone of such knowledge in a desolate little village like this. 

Irelen saw the questions in his eyes and grinned. “I am the mayor’s sister and I was once betrothed to a man of some wealth and influence, from a city out west from here. He wanted me to be able to rule his household and taught me how to read and write and I tried to learn as much as I could. Alas, he did die from the plague and I had to return to this place, and I became the village healer. It is not such a bad fate, just a little lonely at times.”

He nodded to let her see that he did understand and she patted his hand and got back up. “The wound is almost closed up now, you heal very fast, I am amazed by it. And your knee isn’t that swollen any more either, it is a good thing. I am glad.”

He rubbed his hip, it hurt like hell and she smiled and tilted her head. “Yes, it was dislocated too but me and the boys managed to pull it back in place, you were really a bad mess for a while.”

He winced, imagined being used as a rope in a tug of war and she sighed and touched his cheek gently. “Rest now, allow your body to heal itself. I know you elves can sleep yourselves well. When you are healed we will try to send you somewhere where there are other elves.”

He nodded but somehow that idea didn’t tempt him that much, other elves. They would for certain understand who he was and then they would turn their back to him or worse. He hid his sensation of fear from the woman and tried to drift off into sleep again, there wasn’t really that much else to do. 

After a while he did dozed off and he started dreaming right away. He was standing in the garden outside of his parent’s house in Eldamar and he saw from the silvery light that it was nighttime and Telperion was glowing. He remembered this, this moment. It wasn’t as much a dream as a memory. He walked through the garden, sat down onto a bench and stared at the stars, his heart filled with doubt and fear and also a strange confusion. His own father had threatened his own brother, well, half-brother if you insisted on being precise about it, and he wondered what this would do to their family. He of course knew his father’s flaring temper and he had feared that something like this would happen, having sensed the feelings that were boiling just underneath his father’s controlled expression. But what would happen? He feared that the Valar would punish them somehow, and not just his father but the whole bunch of them. Perhaps there was some truth in the words Melkor had spoken, that the Valar didn’t want the elves to become too strong, too independent. 

He almost jumped when he heard a sound from the bushes, he tensed up but relaxed when he saw that it was his cousin, Fingon. He jumped out of the bushes and sat down next to him, his eyes wide with disbelief. His cousin did take quite a chance showing up like that, after all, Fëanor wouldn’t take it well if he saw his half-brother’s son there in their garden. Maedhros sighed and didn’t know what to say, Fingon had always been his best friend and he trusted him like none other and he feared losing this precious friendship. His cousin sighed too, leaned over and placed his head on Maedhros shoulder. “I think the world must be coming to an end, what a mess hu?”

He could only nod, yes, a mess indeed. “I guess so.”

Fingon bit his lower lip, his eyes were a bit distant. “I have never heard so much shouting and yelling in my life and those words? It is a wonder none of the Valar dropped by and ordered them to wash their mouth’s with soap, well, your father at least.”

Maedhros closed his eyes in sorrow. “I am not surprised, I have heard him working in the forge and when something goes wrong he can be a bit….raw”

Fingon just whistled. “That was an understatement, but nevertheless, I am worried.”

Maedhros turned his head, it felt good sitting there with his best friend like that, safe almost. He hoped that nothing would change this good relationship between them. Fingon shifted his weight and sighed again, Maedhros turned his head and saw that his cousin was staring down at the grass with a peculiar expression on his face. “What?”

Fingon turned his face towards him, his eyes were shiny and suddenly he lifted a hand and caressed Maedhros face gently. “I shouldn’t be doing this, but I will not let anyone or anything separate us, if you ever got lost I would come searching for you, this I swear.”

Maedhros was a bit shocked by his cousins words, he was very fond of Fingon and they were as close as they could be but what Fingon said spoke of far stronger feelings that just friendship. And it scared him, because he did to some extent recognize those feelings within himself too. And it was not allowed, they were cousins damn it, and both males. “Fingon?!”

Then his cousin leaned forth and kissed him and Maedhros just sat there and let it happen and there was a strange jolt flying through him, and he suddenly realized that everything had changed in that moment, that the whole world had somehow been remade, reorganized from this truth he now knew. 

He had been kissed before, by both ellith and other ellyn but none had made him feel thus and he didn’t know why but he answered the kiss, participated eagerly and threw his arms around his cousin, allowing the feelings to steal away all common sense, all hesitation or doubt. It was wonderful and forbidden and nothing had ever been like that moment, was it the situation with their parents that had pushed them into this? Was it fear? Desperation? He didn’t know and he didn’t care. 

The dream ended there and he woke up slowly, staring at the ceiling with tears in his eyes, a terrible feeling of guilt washed through him and he ignored the agony and pulled his knees up, curled up like a child and let the tears run free, sobbed silently while his body shivered and shook in an onslaught of feelings too strong for him to fight. He had caused so much death, so much grief. He still remembered the burning ships, the terrible feeling of loss, the fear of never seeing Fingon again. Gods, it was more than he could bare there and then, memories drifted through his mind like a swarm of deadly arrows and he was helpless to fight them. The guilt and fear just had to run its course, until the bitter chalice was empty, if it ever would be. 

He fell asleep once more, completely worn out by his emotional break down and he didn’t know if it was day or night when he woke up again. The woman was sitting by the hearth with two other women and they turned their heads and stared at him and he felt himself blush and he pulled the blanket up underneath his chin and tried to look calm and friendly. The two women giggled and got up, they left the cabin after having thrown some very strange glances at him and he felt a bit better when he was left alone with the healer. She sat down on the bed and placed her hand on his forehead, “No fever, good. I will give you some food and then there is time for a bath, I think that will be a relief or what?”

He nodded eagerly but he didn’t quite understand how he could get a bath there, there was no tub to be seen anywhere. The healer nodded her head. “We have a bath house here, the two you saw are going to start warming water and preparing the place. The boy who found you is coming too, to help you get over there. You must try to use your legs now but you cannot overexert yourself.”

He stared at the healer and sighed deeply, bathing with more people present? Wonderful, just wonderful! Exactly what he needed now, swell! He covered his face with his hand and shook his head. Yes, he was being punished, beyond any doubt. He was gonna pay for all of his sins.


	4. Hidden within

Chapter four: Hidden within

They had been riding for a week when things started to change. The elleth was still as cuddly as a kitten and Glorfindel had a hard time keeping her at bay at times, she obviously had no sense of shame or privacy and he was starting to dread the reactions she would receive when they reached Imladris. It wasn’t that elves were prudish but nobody would just tug their clothes off right in front of others, elflings could do that unpunished, not adults. 

Glorfindel was sometimes close to exploding, it was like herding a flock of rabbits, she never paid attention to what they said and he wondered if she did understand anything at all. Was she damaged in the head? They rode through a rather narrow valley when she suddenly went stiff in front of him in the saddle and stared out into the forest surrounding them with wide eyes. Elrohir and Elladan frowned and didn’t understand anything, she acted as though she was frightened and she tried to say anything, it was obvious. She pointed towards the forest and whimpered and Glorfindel felt the need to shake her violently. “ Danger?” 

She stared at him, nodding eagerly and he swore, she had been living alone for so long she was attuned to the woods in a way ordinary normal elves only could dream of. She was writhing in the saddle but suddenly she got very quiet, almost eerily so and her eyes were staring out into the semi darkness with a strange expression. Glorfindel was about to shake her when they heard the trees whisper, something was coming. The twins reined in their horses and prepared for a fight and suddenly they saw light, moving fast. A whole troop of orcs were heading towards them and Glorfindel took a deep breath, this didn’t promise anything good. They were three and among the best warriors ever but the orcs were many and they were heavily armed. The three prepared to fight but something extremely odd happened. The orcs didn’t seem to see them at all, they ran past them as if the three riders and horses were some sort of obstacle in the path, a huge rock or something. Glorfindel just stared, his sword in his hand and the twins were wide eyed. 

The elleth gasped and seemed to almost swoon and Glorfindel realized how she had been able to live undetected for so long. She had some sort of protective magic and it had to be darn strong too. Elladan was staring still, the orcs had just run past them and they hadn’t even bothered to look behind themselves. “What in the name of Sauron just happened?” 

Glorfindel sighed and shook his head. “ If you ask me I have no answer to give, whatsoever. She did it, that is the only thing I am sure of.” 

Elrohir was a bit pale. “ Valar, how is that even possible?” 

Glorfindel bit his teeth together and sighed. “ I have no idea, but it has become even more important than before that we get back to Imladris fast.” 

Elladan petted his horse on the neck. “ Right, if we ride hard we can make it in two weeks unless something unexpected happens.” 

Elrohir sent him a wry grin. “Well, at least we know that orcs won’t be a problem.” 

Glorfindel almost growled. “ Be not so sure of that. It could be that she just was in luck.” 

The peredhel just shrugged. “ Then we’d better ride now, if there is orcs in this area I want to find a safe place to rest before the night.” 

After an hour the elleth awakened and she looked a bit confused and acted as though she was in pain. She touched her head and made miserable sounds and Glorfindel sighed. “ Headache ha? No wonder, you have got me really wondering young lady.” 

She just pouted and he smiled and petted her head. “ I wish I knew your story, it has become rather important.” 

She just pressed her face towards his chest and sighed and he felt a sort of pity flowing through him. She was so alone in this world, how long had she lived alone in that valley? He was starting to understand that she perhaps wasn’t just an elleth gone feral, she could be important. He had to find out what she was, and what she could do.

They set up camp within a holt of twisted and contorted trees, some huge boulders provided shelter and they didn’t light any fire. They had ridden long and were tired and the horses in special needed the rest badly. The twins had agreed to switch keeping watch and Glorfindel settled down with his bed roll and she had sat down next to him. Her head obviously still hurt and she looked a bit like some sulking child. He gestured for her to come closer and she did, eagerly. She was still very eager towards him and wanted to be touched, he could perhaps use that fact to their advantage. It was a risk to take but he could try to bind with her mind, it required a great deal of trust but she was like a child towards him, she was very obviously unable to suspect anything bad from him. Not that he in any way would hurt her, but searching someone’s mind could have unforeseen consequences. 

He started massaging her neck and shoulders and she yawned and stretched and made a strange but very sensual little sound that really did turn him on quite a bit but he held himself in check for now. He had to make her relax, and he had to get her thoughts away from the discomfort she was feeling. She had closed her eyes and he continued massaging her, she surrendered to his touch without any doubts and he found a slow hypnotic rhythm. After a short time she was in a sort of trance and he took a deep breath and started to let his mind mingle with hers. It was a most peculiar experience, like nothing he had ever done. He had not done such a thing for a very long time but her mind was unique. It was like trying to bond with an animal, she was all senses and she had very little thoughts. It was just what she was perceiving at the moment and he felt confused and shocked. 

There had to be more to it, she had to have some sort of memories? He delved deeper into her mind, this was getting dangerous but he had to try. Now there was resistance, conscious or subconscious he didn’t know but it was very firm and he felt his own heart battering in his chest. This was taking much of his strength, he was no healer damn it but he had to know, the gift she had revealed could possibly be a threat as much as a helpful thing. He tried to find a weak spot, a place or memory which would grant him access to her memories and he thought he caught a glimpse of something, something which probably could be link to her past. 

It was the sight of a doe and her calf, peacefully grazing on a meadow. The doe was licking the calf’s coat while it was suckling at her udder and he felt how the sight had softened her heart, brought forth a sensation of longing. The vision changed, it was a small hut of the kind the avari elves would erect. Twigs and branches covered with moss and grass and the girl was obviously just a child. A woman with dark red hair was brushing her hair using a simple brush made from bone and porcupine spikes, she was humming a sweet tune and Glorfindel saw that the woman was very pretty and there was great love in her eyes. She was obviously the girl’s mother and she finished the job by braiding the girls hair. “ Now Halariel, go and play. I have nuts to roast and some yarn to dye.” 

Glorfindel took a deep breath, what a name! Daughter of shadows, it had to have been a burden. The image changed, the girl was fighting some young ellon, screaming insults and being peppered with mud. Then he saw her confronting her mother and heard the words she spoke, of how the girl had come to be. He was horrified, in deep shock. So the kinslayers had been capable of not only murder but also rape? Not that it was that shocking, the things he had heard about the younger brothers had told him they were more than a little insane but he had always believed that the two elder one’s had been more normal. So that wasn’t so after all. 

He saw her leaving the tribe and he noticed how her memories became more and more blurred and incoherent. She was becoming an animal and her consciousness had chosen that solution to guard itself from the truth. The knowledge she carried with her was too much, too hard a burden. It shouldn’t matter anymore, after all ages had passed by since those terrible days but to her it still did. The shame had burned a hole in her soul and nothing would be able to fill it again. He felt sorry for her, so very so. She had forfeited everything to hide her secret from the world, she hadn’t really lived. Being alive isn’t synonymous with living and she as the prime example of just that. 

But what he saw told him naught about her gift, he could sense it somehow, within her thoughts, a fleeting memory of times when she had been able to hide when she should have been discovered but it wasn’t anything she controlled. It just happened and she didn’t think about it at all, it wasn’t anything she even questioned, it just was. He had to search deeper, see if there was anything in her past capable of explaining this. He was sweating and breathing hard, her mind was resisting his intrusion and it felt like walking through mud that was more than knee deep with lead boots. She didn’t want anyone to know, she would be furious when she discovered what he had done. He dove deeper, sought backwards in time, saw happy childhood memories from before she came to know what or who she was.

He saw a memory which seemed promising, the girl lay in a simple bedroll made from furs and blankets, half asleep. Her mother sat by a hearth of some kind and an ellon sat next to her. He was obviously a bit shocked by what the elleth was telling him, Glorfindel realized that the mother was sharing something rather painful with this other elf for she was crying and he appeared to be deeply moved by her words. He looked as if he wanted to embrace her, comfort her, but he didn’t quite dare to. The elleth sobbed. “His brother gave me a gift when I left, a piece of the leftover from when their father forged those accursed jewels, but it just disappeared. I have no idea of where it went. It wasn’t many days later that I discovered that I was with child.” 

Glorfindel gasped, his mind stunned by the sudden realization, he quickly left the girls mind and she was still in a trance, staring into nothing. That could be the explanation, yes, it had to be it. He knew that the Silmarilli had been alive in some ways, that they had owned a consciousness. Perhaps the leftover from their creation had been similar to the finished results? If Halariel’s mother had been given a piece of unfinished jewel it could have seen a chance to become more than it was, through her womb. No wonder the girl had such powers, she carried the spirit of the stones of treelight. He felt a strong sense of awe but also fear, it was so very important that they got back to Imladris fast. Elrond had to know about this, Glorfindel had no idea of what this meant for her or for them all but it was significant, he just knew it. 

He sighed and caressed her head, tried to justify his action. At least he knew what she was now, there was no doubt. She was the daughter of Maedhros and the light of the jewels were still alive within her. Valar, she was probably extremely strong but also so very fragile. They had to move slowly ahead now, she was volatile and dangerous and he just hoped that Elrond could help her overcome her shame and fear. There had to be a way to return her to normal, he just knew that he wasn’t strong enough nor wise enough to find it. 

He covered her with a blanket and got up, he was cold and his skin clammy from the sweating he had experienced while scanning her mind. He felt dirty and walked over to the small stream, he wanted to clean himself and then he needed some sleep, sorely. He gasped, the water was freezing cold but he was quick and after a very fast dip he wrung the water out of his long hair and he was about to return when he felt eyes watching him. He turned around, she was standing by the stream and he hadn’t heard her at all. She stared at him, there was something sad in her eyes and a silent accusation too. He hawked, felt embarrassed and guilty. “ I…I am sorry, I had to find out who you are.” 

She whimpered, her eyes on the grass and there were tears in them, he got out of the water, hesitated but then he embraced her. She shuddered and sobbed, there was confusion and fear in her eyes. She was starting to remember, the thought hit him like the strike from a Warhammer. “Sshhh, it is alright, it is okay.” 

He stroked her arms, felt the heat from her body as something almost substantial, gods, she was so freaking perfect and at the same time so utterly broken. She groaned, shook her head, tears running from her eyes and the expression of shame was too much. “ No, don’t think like that, nothing is wrong with you. Listen to me.” 

He had no idea of whether or not she understood him at all but she looked as though she was starting to realize that he tried to calm her down. He held her close, it was causing certain reactions on his behalf but he didn’t let it affect him. “ I know your name now, you are Halariel. I saw that in your mind.” 

She gasped, let out a wailing sound and now she tried to wriggle herself free from his grasp, there was panic in her eyes, oh if she only had known how to speak! Glorfindel caught her in a firm grasp, held her close and she sobbed and fought him, her eyes flaming. He felt a chill run through him, she could be dangerous, if she used that gift of hers he could be in serious trouble. She gasped and kicked and squirmed and he just got an idea straight out of the blue. He remembered the tune her mother had been humming and he started repeating it, with a low voice. She suddenly felt like a ton of lead in his arms. She was trembling, making mewling sounds and he felt his heart swelling with pity and compassion. She had given up the struggle, just hang there and he lifted her and carried her back to the camp. Her eyes were dark and distant and he feared that she was suddenly able to remember more than she ought to. 

Elrohir was sitting up, he was awake and his eyes did shine in the darkness. “ Is everything alright?” 

His voice was low and Glorfindel wrapped her up in the blankets again, she was trembling again and he sighed deeply. He had caused her grief and torment and felt guilty. “ No, I tried to spy on her memories and got more than I bargained for.” 

The peredhel stared at him, frowning. “ That was not a very wise move mellon, you are not trained for something like that.” 

Glorfindel nodded slowly. “ I know, oh by the Valar do I know. But I managed to get her name, Halariel, and the truth about her existence.” 

Elrohir moved closer. “ And?” 

Glorfindel made a grimace, stared down at her. She had closed her eyes but looked like some child that has been abused. “ I was right, she is the daughter of Maedhros, and some silvan elleth.” 

Elrohir raised an eyebrow. “ Why would a noldo lord take a silvan mistress?” 

Glorfindel let his fingers run through his long golden locks. “ She wasn’t his mistress, he raped her.” 

Elrohis suddenly looked very shocked, and disgusted. “ Then how could she have conceived? She didn’t fade from shock and grief?” 

Glorfindel shook his head. “ I think her mother must have been one tough elleth, tougher than granite I suspect. And I think there is yet another reason. Maglor gave her a piece of silmarilli leftovers when she left, I think it sought an opportunity to live for real and grasped it, made her conceive and gave the child its powers.” 

The peredhel stared at the girl, his eyes wide. “ Then by the Valar do father need to know about this. She could be terribly powerful.” 

Glorfindel sighed and felt sad, and weary. “ Yes, but right now she is more terribly ashamed and confused than anything else. Do not tell her of this conversation saes? She is sleeping now and I fear that she will need all of her strength in the days to come. I am horrified by the thought of introducing her to the others, she is so nervous and if she has started remembering why she sought solitude in the first place seeing so many assembled could cause her a mental breakdown.” 

Elrohid smiled, a sad grin. “ Of course, I will not hold the truth against her in any way, it isn’t her fault she is what she is.” 

Glorfindel smiled and lay down next to her. The heat from her body was comfortable but he couldn’t help but wonder how she would be the next day, if things were as before or not. He fell asleep with his arm around her and the rest of the night was uneventful and peaceful. 

Glorfindel woke up to the sound of weeping, he was confused at first, having wrapped himself up in his blankets so hard he had to wriggle around a little to get out of them and then he saw her, she was sitting on a log bent forward with her head in her hands and Elrohir and Elladan stood by trying to comfort her but they didn’t seem to reach her at all. Glorfindel felt how his heart dropped within his chest as though it had been transformed into a lump of rock. He had caused this, he had ripped that sense of innocence and ignorance from her and showed her the truth and she hadn’t wanted it. He could tell that now. He got up and walked forth, uncertain of what to do. He crouched down in front of her and hawked. “Halariel?”

She lifted her head, saw him and her eyes went wide, he didn’t know if the feeling he saw in her eyes were rage, shame, hatred or confusion, she just stared at him blankly with an empty expression on her face. Then she suddenly threw herself forth and he found her clinging to him as though he was her last hope. She was strong, in spite of her weakened body she had some serious strength to her and he had to wrestle a little with her to stop her from choking him. She was crying like a baby but he saw the confusion in her gaze and knew that she didn’t really knew why. Her conscious and subconscious mind didn’t cooperate at all. 

She just knew that she felt terrible about something and sought comfort from the only one she trusted and he felt like such a dung of orcshit for having caused this, she shouldn’t trust him at all. He had caused this torment and he whispered to her. “ Please forgive me, I don’t know if you understand at all, but I do need your forgiveness, I cannot live with what I did to you.” 

She just stared and her grasp was just as firm. He sighed and buried his face against her neck. “Sweet one, the gods alone knows that I regret what I did, but we had to know. I hope you’ll understand one day.” 

She just made some whimpering sound and continued clinging to him and Elrohir nodded. “ We will prepare the horses, the terrain ahead is easy, I hope we will make some real progress today.” 

Glorfindel nodded and got her clothes, started getting them onto her. “ Good, and may the Valar make sure we don’t run into any trouble.” 

Before long they had broken camp and were heading westward again, riding rather hard and Glorfindel didn’t like the apathy he saw in her eyes or the silence. Usually she was much more lively but now it was as though he was riding with an unconscious person in the saddle in front of him. It was very unpleasant to say the least and he could just hope and pray that Elrond would be able to unravel the mystery that was her mind and undo the damage he could have done by forcing his entry into her mind. It had been a sort of rape, not physically but mentally and he still felt as though he deserved the worse possible punishment for it, but they had to know what her mysterious gifts was. 

 

Irelen hadn’t been lying, there was a bathhouse in the small village and it was rather apparent that they used it for more than just washing themselves. The small room stank of sheep wool, fat that had gone bad and lye. They had to make soap in there and he saw some baskets with ash used to make the lye. Some buckets contained some terrible looking oozing liquids that had to be dye used to put color into yarn and the big wooden tub was probably used for almost every task done in the house. The thought made him cringe but he had to admit that it did look clean and the hot water was such a temptation. The boy had helped him walk across the small square outside of the healers house and he had stared at the gathering of small buildings with narrow eyes. This was a poor settlement but it wasn’t the worst he had seen. The buildings were whole and well maintained and the few people who stood there staring at him were healthy and well-dressed although the cloth he saw worn was rather simple and un-expensive. 

The two women who had prepared the bathhouse had left and just Irelen was left there with him, he felt very self-conscious and nervous and she just smiled and helped him. She smeared some thick greasy ointment onto his wound to protect it from the water and he felt his skin twitch with anticipation of getting rid of all the grime and sweat. He saw that there was a sort of bench placed within the tub so it was possible to sit down and he pulled himself over the edge and into the tub. 

The water was very hot and he cringed but forced himself into it, it didn’t feel that bad after a short while and he relaxed and sat down for real. Irelen poured some water over his head and started massaging his scalp and it felt so wonderful. She got the dirt out of his hair and combed through it and she even added some sort of oil to it. It smelled very good and he closed his eyes in bliss and let his mind drift. He remembered his childhood, his mother bathing him and laughing when he tried to splash water at her. He remembered his father’s proud gaze when watching how his son slowly learned to write. He remembered the birth of his brothers, each and every one of them. He remembered how tired his mother had been when the Ambarussa twins were born, he remembered her low voice, repeating a sentence over and over again. “ Never again, never again” 

He remembered their house filled with light and joy and mischief and he had to smile. He could almost hear Maglor trying to tame the lyre and the miserable sounds he managed to produce at first, it sounded as if someone was torturing a cat. And later, oh later, how wonderful his voice had become and how talented he had been. He remembered the twins running around playing hide and seek, Caranthir’s temperamental fits when something didn’t go quite the way he wanted it to. He remembered how Celegorm would dress to go hunting and call his mighty hound to his side, he remembered Curufin flirting with the maidens and how the twins always interfered and played some rather vicious and yet innocent prank of their older brother. He remembered his father emerging from the forge, sweaty and covered with sooth and grime and the content expression on his face. 

He was smiling but tears were running down his cheeks and it felt as though it had been yesterday but it was ages ago. Was anyone alive at all who remembered them? Irelen sighed and touched his cheek lovingly. “ Memories my lord?” 

He nodded, tried to smile but it became a grimace. He remembered things he would have preferred to forget. He remembered standing at the dais on the square, in the middle of the crowd, his father’s eyes blazing in the darkness, a fire born of grief and rage and hatred and he heard those words again, those cursed words. He remembered his own feelings at that moment, his own terrible fear and doubt. You have cursed us all father, that was what he wanted to say, but he had repeated the oath instead, done his duty as a son should. They all had. That was the great tragedy of it. 

He remembered burning ships, screams and blood, rivers of blood. The metallic stench still lingered on his tongue and he whimpered, what had they become? Naught but monsters, just as vile as anything the enemy had created and perhaps that had been his goal the whole time, to corrupt them, create something he could control. Hatred is as easy to lead as a horse wearing a bit and Morgoth had been sly, so very very sly. He was using the technique of divide and conquer and it had almost become their undoing. 

Irelen was humming as she braided his hair, she was such a pure spirit, he could sense it. There was no darkness in this adeneth and he feared that he would stain her just by being there. He was an abomination, so terrible. He remembered their faces, every one of them. He remembered their deaths, their dead bodies laid on display. He remembered seeing his youngest brother dying, his body pierced by several blades, blood running from his mouth and his eyes wide open in agony and fear. He remembered a trembling hand, covered with blood, both his own and that of others, clawing at his own. “ Make it stop…make it…stop. It …hurts… Ammê” 

He had called out for his mother, that had been the last words he had heard from his brother and he remembered how his heart had become so hard and calloused he wondered if it was beating at all. He felt as though he had become a wraith, a walking undead. Only Maglor had managed to save him from going utterly insane and the oath had been a terrible burden, dragging them along, forcing them to do things they otherwise would have thought unimaginable. 

Irelen handed him some soap, it was rough and grey and didn’t smell very good but it did remove the dirt from his body and he started scrubbing himself. The water was rather dark now and he made a grimace and felt a bit guilty. They would have to clean the tub afterwards, he was filthier than he had imagined. He felt his own hands glide across his skin and wondered again, he was in his full strength, as he had been when they left Aman. There were no scars on him, his hand was still there and he felt as though he had lots of energy. His hair was as long as it ever had been, he had been rather proud of it back then, many a maiden had been jealous of it. He had to smile, remembered hands toying with it, fingers sliding through it. 

He remembered one pair of hands in special, and a bang of sorrow hit him again. He had never recovered from the loss of his cousin, it had been love for sure, maybe not accepted by everyone, maybe it had been a sin but he hadn’t cared and it had been pure in his mind. There had been no such thing as shame when they had been together, only peace and contentment. He would never know that feeling again. 

He remembered the feeling when he was found, when his torment finally came to an end. Only the help of the great eagle had enabled Fingon to get up there, physically help him down. He had been ready to die, he would have welcomed his cousin’s arrow in his heart as a redeemer, as salvation. He had no hope left, no strength. He thought that this one last glimpse of a familiar and beloved face would be the final thing he saw but destiny had wanted it otherwise. He was rescued but maybe not entirely. He never managed to recover completely, he never spoke to anyone of what he had been through, what he had seen. And it was eating at his mind the whole time, hollowing it out like a worm digging through an apple. Maybe it was because of all those memories he had chosen death, it had been one last desperate attempt at escaping the truth. 

He sat in the tub until the water started to cool down and Irelen helped him getting out of it again, she dried him with a rather roughly woven towel and it made his skin itch but he was clean and it was wonderful. His hip and knee felt a lot better now and he could almost walk normally, it had to be the heat and Irelen finished by rubbing his skin with some sort of oil that smelled of summer blossoms. He felt drowsy and when he got back to her hut and the bed he lay down and drifted off into sleep immediately. 

He didn’t wake up again until the next morning, Irelen had prepared some breakfast and he was hungry. He tried to show some restraint though, ate slowly and tried to make her understand that he appreciated the food.   
Irelen massaged his thigh and it hurt but he knew it was needed, the scar would become stiff and make it hard to move otherwise. He let her do her job without complaining and she touched his cheek and grinned. “ You are truly very tough my lord, others would have been squealing like a stuck pig. “ 

He blushed and grinned and accepted the praise gratefully. Irelen left the hut and was gone for a while and when she returned she carried a pair of breeches and a tunic. “ I got these from the blacksmiths wife, I guess they could be wide enough across the shoulders and thighs but I fear that the tunic is a bit too short and the breeches too.” 

He nodded and felt humble, they gave him clothes even though he wasn’t one of them? He felt a lump in his throat and placed his hand above his heart to express his gratitude. Irelen just giggled and helped him putting the garments on. She wasn’t shy at all and didn’t react at all to the sight of him being naked but he felt a little awkward and knew that his cheeks were red. The healer was right, the tunic was wide enough but nowhere near long enough and neither were the breeches. The tunic barely reached below his waist and the breeches ended just a few inches beneath his knees and she giggled and shook her head. “ You look like some boy wearing shorts, but it is okay for now I guess.” 

He stared at himself, the cloth was dark brown and probably made from wool and some sort of herbal fibers and the breeches were reinforced with patches of leather in the groin, but it was all well worn garments and nothing fancy at all. He remembered having worn silk and velvet and expensive jewelry and he wondered where all the colors had gone. He seemed to remember his youth as a kaleidoscope of wonderful colors, here on the other hand everything seemed dull in comparison. He sat on the bed and felt as though he was a burden, Irelen grinned and pulled a small basket out from underneath the bed. It contained some sort of nuts and he frowned and stared at her incredulously. “ If you want to be useful sort these out. The ones that are very light are empty, put them in the hearth. The ones that are heavy must be cracked.” 

She found a flat rock and a small hammer and he sighed and took the items. The basket was filled with nuts and it would take quite some time to crack them all. He started and soon he found a rhythm, lift, shake and either throw away or crack. Irelen was knitting and her hands were moving like lightning, he was amazed at the speed with which the cloth formed between her hands. She was obviously a very skilled person and he remembered his mother, emerging from her workshop covered in dust, grinning and lifting him up. She had been completely white a few times and she had chased him around the house, pretending to be a ghost and he had laughed so hard he thought he would lose his breath. 

It was all gone now, and he had no idea of why he had been brought back. He had to have spent many millennia in the halls, but he had no memory of it. The valar didn’t send a feä back unless it was something rather important that person had to do, so what was his task? He had no idea. He finished the basket after some hours, his fingers were sore because of the lack of callouses and his hands felt stiff. He was unused to using his body and he wished that he could heal faster, so he could begin to retrain himself. If he was to meet other elves again he feared that he would need it, if he was meant to defend himself that was. 

Perhaps he was being punished? Maybe he was to let others take out their anger or sorrow on him? He doubted that anything they ever did could be as bad as what he had been through though, they were not orcs. Irelen found a basket with wool and now he had to hold it while she was spinning it into yarn, at least the activities made it easier to deal with his thoughts. He had to concentrate on what he did and Irelen was pleasant company. He hadn’t spent much time with humans after all, he had looked down at them, both literally and metaphorically. To him they had been insignificant, short lived and naught more than animals with no real culture or history. He had been unjust and he knew it. Irelen was above her youth and her age was visible, an elf at her age would be barely more than a child but there she was, on her way towards the grave. It felt strange thinking about that fact, the secondborn were like shooting stars compared with an elf. They sparkled for a few short seconds and were gone but they could leave such an impression, one that would last through centuries. 

Irelen made them some dinner, she had soaked some dried fish in water and boiled it with herbs and roots and the result didn’t look very tempting at all but it tasted rather good. She then opened a jug of something that had to be some sort of mead. He had tasted dwarfish mead once, while visiting Finrod in Nargothrond and it had been interesting but nothing he wanted to get too used to. This on the other hand was good, sweet and with a very pungent aftertaste of honey. He had emptied his cup before he knew it and it left a warmth in his belly that was very pleasant. They just rested for a while and he sat there with his eyes closed and felt at peace. 

Irelen had gotten a bit tipsy and she grinned and sat down by the hearth with her knitting. “ I bet someone as pretty as you have got maidens lining up outside of your home or what? I do envy you firstborn your eternal youth, ours last for so few years and it fades fast.” 

He tilted his head and she saw the expression on his face and her grin got wider. “ Oh I was sought after in my youth, believe it or not. I wasn’t this worn out old hag I am now, far from it. I had quite a fine body back then, busty and firm and my hair was shiny and long and the envy of the other maidens. “ 

She giggled. “ I hated the fact that my father married me off but I had had my taste of the joys of life before I was thrown into the marital bed. I knew what I was heading for, I was no blushing maiden although my husband believed so.” 

He had to grin, he knew that humans often sought only the untouched females for marriage, why he had no idea of. After all, an experienced partner would know what to do and how to please the other one. 

Irelen burped and tilted her head. “ Pardon me, but keeping it down can make one ill, I know dwarves always burp after a meal, to show that the food was good.” 

He nodded, remembered the dwarfish table manners or rather the lack thereof. He had been shocked by it when he visited Finrod and he found the dwarves to be rather detestable but also entertaining in some ways. They were always so brutally honest and he did appreciate that, at least to some extent. He wished he could tell her about all the hilarious situations he had witnessed but he could not make a single word that was understandable. Irelen sniggered. “ I served this mead at a wedding once, the groom got so drunk they had to carry him to the bed and lift him onto his blushing bride, she confessed to me later that he was as limp as a dried out carrot. She had to wait for two more days before he managed to make a woman out of her.” 

He had to blush and remembered some experiences he had had, some good and some not so much so and he did remember his first very well. He guessed that it was normal never to forget the first one shares one’s body with. It had been an elleth working for his mother as a model and it had been rather desperate and not that much to brag about but he had done it and he was beaming with pride afterwards and she had of course been bragging about having taken his virginity to all her friends and his mother had learned about the incident and grounded him for a whole year. She didn’t like the idea of him screwing someone employed by the family, it didn’t look good and it could damage their reputation. He hadn’t protested but he had been proud of himself for having had the courage to do it. And it had felt good, it had been wonderful but later he of course learned that it had been rather pathetic and not at all such a wondrous experience as he at first thought it was. 

He was sitting there daydreaming when there was a knock at the door. Irelen got to it and opened it and he saw a man standing outside of the door in the rain, he was wearing a leather hat and a woolen coat and it was soaking through and through. Irelen looked puzzled. “ Airan, what are you doing here? Are any of the shepherds injured perhaps?” 

The man shook his head, he refused to go inside and just stood there, dripping water. “ No, nobody is injured but I am going from house to house tonight. I met Farell earlier tonight, he had come across Timar and his entourage on the ettenmoors, they were heading this way and you know, that man is never anything but trouble.” 

Irelen looked nervous all of a sudden. “Thank you for the warning Airan, make sure that everybody knows about this. “ 

Airan made a grimace, he stared at the ground. “ Farell told me Ghunlar had spoken with Timar, just so you know it.”

Irelen sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. “ Oh gods, that too. Well, it could be that he will head in another direction.” 

The shepherd shook his head, a drop of water fell from his nose. “ Don’t count on it, be ready for trouble.” 

He left and Irelen sighed and closed the door. The elf stared at her with questions in his gaze and she sat down and sighed. “ Timar is the scourge of this area, nothing but a bandit but he tries to pretend as though he is nobility of some kind. He thinks he can rule the farmers here but he has no right at all to any land or property. He liked to intimidate others and he has this group of loyal ass kissers following him everywhere.” 

He wished he could ask more questions, his brow furrowed and his eyes worried. Irelen bit her teeth together. “ Ghunlar is the village drunk, he knows about you, I fear what he have told that scumbag.” 

Maedhros felt a chill running down his spine, this didn’t sound good at all and she saw the fear in his eyes and petted him on his shoulder. “ Do not worry my friend, we won’t let him hurt you, he has no real power here and there are plenty of strong men here, ready to defend the village. He knows this, he may speak bold words and try to act like some goddamn king but his words are as hollow as his power” 

He could only hope that Irelen was right, but his heart told him otherwise.


	5. Of wrath unbound

Chapter five: Of wrath unbound

 

Irelen had tried to calm him down, to ease his mind regarding this Timar character but it hadn’t worked. He had an uneasy feeling in the very bones of his body and he couldn’t fall to sleep that evening. The soft light of the hearth danced around and created shadows and figures upon the rough walls of the hut and he couldn’t stop looking at them. They frightened him, he thought he saw things in those shadows, things he would have preferred he could forget. He knew that not all humans were as friendly towards the firstborn as Irelen and the rest of her village, this man who brought them so much torment and pain could very well be one of those who hated and feared his race and he knew that such feelings never should be underestimated. He had seen the ravages brought by hatred and fear before and he wished that he knew more of this human. 

He didn’t fall asleep until the first fragile light started to appear in the east and Irelen probably understood because she let him sleep until he woke up by himself. He didn’t feel well rested at all, his head hurt and he had a terrible taste in his mouth. Irelen gave him a cup of tea and he sat down to eat and drink, he had no appetite and felt slightly nauseous, He had a sense of foreboding, this Timar would bring naught but death, he sensed that. 

He helped Irelen prepare some herbs that day, it was hard work because they had to be crushed so that all the juice was gone from them, and that juice had to be boiled down into a sort of syrup that was mixed with other types of herbs to make different ointments and medicines. It was interesting but it made his arms ache and he had this weird feeling the whole time, as if someone was calling his name, and he couldn’t quite figure out from where that voice came. The whole village was nervous, he sensed it. There were few voices coming from the outside, he didn’t hear anyone walking by, the children were kept indoors. In the evening they both took a small break to rest and he fell asleep, leaned up against the wall of the hut. 

He was immediately dreaming, it was a memory. He had followed his brothers and cousins out of Tirion, they had been hunting and they had such a good time. He remembered the friendship, the camaraderie and the jokes and jests. It had been a happy time, a time he could look back upon with joy. There had been no dark shadows back then, no fear, no oaths to drive people insane. 

The dream changed, he was in the woods again and it was just him and Fingon, and it was among his most private and treasured memories. He remembered it so well, the moment when they finally had accepted what they felt, what they wanted. The timid touches that so fast turned into something more, something hungry and demanding. How lust and need and longing had overwhelmed them and become all they were. He hadn’t had male lovers before, Fingon had and he had taken control, been the one in charge. It had been painful but he had welcomed that pain, he had wanted it. He had wanted to be possessed, to be claimed, held so hard by someone not seemingly fragile like an elleth, someone who could match his fire. 

They had laid there for a long time afterwards, not saying anything. Words had been useless, too primitive, almost an insult. Their connection was on a different level, so much deeper. The dream changed again, the wars, the battles, Fingon’s face, the faces of his brothers. It made him moan and squirm and he didn’t want the dream to continue but it did. He saw the funeral, his lover’s body being burned and it had broken his heart. Only shards had been left of it, broken and sharp and deadly. From there on it had all been a downward pointing spiral, towards his end. He struggled to break free from the dream, suddenly he saw Fingon standing in front of him, clad in white wearing a circlet of white metal upon his brow, his face serene and yet worried. “Wake up melethron, do not share my fate”

Maedhros woke with a start, he gasped for air and felt that the temperature of the hut had dropped a lot. Irelen sat by the hearth, throwing wood into it. “It has gotten chilly!”

He got up, shook himself. He knew what to do, what he needed. He gestured towards Irelen and she got up. “Yes, what is it?” 

He grasped the small knife she wore and made a gesture as if to make it bigger. Then he pretended as if he was hammering at something. She frowned, then she smiled. “ A sword my lord? We do not have many swords, and they are old and not much to brag about. “ 

He sighed, repeated the hammering movement and she nodded. “The forge? You want to see our smithy?” 

He nodded eagerly, remembered how disappointed his father had been when it became clear that he really didn’t have much talent for making such amazing things as their father. But that didn’t mean that he was completely without skills, he knew how to make a decent blade and Irelen tilted her head and shrugged. “Alright then, I guess that can be arranged.” 

She threw a shawl around her shoulders and they left the hut. He was still limping but he clenched his teeth together and forced himself to walk. The smithy was an ordinary village smithy, simple and without much tools, the blacksmith was putting shoes on a horse and he looked surprised. He did smile though and bowed his head. Irelen petted Maedhros on his arm, she didn’t reach up to his shoulder. “He wants to either make a sword or fix a sword?” 

The blacksmith made a grimace. “Well, we do have some weapons here but they are terrible to be honest. The steel is bad and the method with which they were made is dubious to say the least. “ 

He turned around and went into a small cabin behind the smithy, it was the village armory, if such a nice word could be used. It was more of a storage for whatever metal objects they had and had to store when they were out of use. “The things we have here have a past as everything from plowshares to horseshoes, Metal is precious, it is reused until nothing remains of it.” 

He reached out and he had some scabbards in his hands, Maedhros cringed when he saw them. Rust and grease and sooth had discolored the cloth and leather covering them, and he dreaded what he would see when the blades were pulled free. 

He was not disappointed, they were worse than he had feared. One blade couldn’t be removed from the scabbard at all due to rust and he groaned and shook his head. The blacksmith looked apologetic but it wasn’t his fault. These people were not warriors, they had no way of knowing how to take care of a good blade and these swords had never been good. The metal was terrible, soft and brittle and filled with slag and the very shape of the blades told him some village smith had forged them and he hadn’t done it well. 

Maedhros knew what his father would have said if he had seen these blades, he would have thrown them onto the garbage heap claiming that not even a senile orc would touch them. The very idea made him grin for a moment. He chose two of the blades, one was made from steel that was way too brittle and the other one from a metal mixture that was rather soft. He had an idea of how he could use that and he removed the pommel and the paring bars from the blades and made the blacksmith light the forge. Maedhros felt eager, almost frantic. He could do this, and he wanted to teach this blacksmith how it ought to be done. The man was obviously convinced that the huge elf knew what he was doing for he was paying attention to whatever the redhead was doing. 

Maedhros found that he liked it, he let the blades melt down until they were mere lumps of glowing metal, then he hammered the impurities out of them and started reshaping them, he placed the two types of metal next to each other and hammered them together, creating a long blade with two layers, then he folded it back several times and hammered it out again, repeated the process over and over again. He had a crowd by then, many of the menfolk had come and were watching with obvious fascination and he was enjoying this. He showed the blacksmith the color the metal should be when it was ready to be shaped, he showed him the amount of coal he should use, the temperature of the forge. Even though he couldn’t speak he managed to make the man understand. He spent most of the afternoon by the forge, he didn’t rest, he just continued working. 

He shaped the blade, found a hilt and a pommel he could use, he just had to reshape them a bit. It was a good feeling, being able to do something and do it well. It was getting dark but he continued working. Irelen brought him some food and he ate while he shaped the edge of the blade. He then put the sword together and used the rest of the evening placing new leather onto the hilt and sharpening the steel. It was a very elven sword now, rather long and very dangerously looking but well balanced and in a way beautiful. But the steel was bad, it was nowhere near the quality he was used to of old and his father would have cried if he had been presented with something like that. 

To the men of the village on the other hand it was a wondrous thing and he let them hold it and swing it. It was way too long for them, he had created it to fit his own considerably taller frame and long arms and they almost stumbled or lost their balance while trying to swing it. He had to show them and it felt like reawakening, it felt right and yet frightening. He knew how to use it, knew how to kill. He just wished that he never would have to do that again. When he went to bed that night he was terribly tired, his arms were aching and he smelled of hot metal and sooth but he slept well. He had a weapon, he could defend himself if he had to. And the blacksmith knew how to make more weapons now, better ones. 

He woke up to the sound of Irelen singing, she had a soft and gentle voice and although it couldn’t be compared with the voice of one of the firstborn it had a quality to it Maedhros couldn’t remember having heard ever before. It was haunting, melancholic and sad and yet beautiful in a weird way. He closed his eyes again, he didn’t understand the words but he let the feelings in that simple song embrace him. Irelen smiled, there was something dreamy in her eyes. “My mother taught me that one, it is in her native tongue, she came from the south. It is about a maiden who loses her heart to a knight but he leaves her to marry some noble woman and the maiden dies of a broken heart.” 

He nodded, he could sort of guess it was that sort of a song. Irelen prepared some breakfast and she hummed while doing it. Maedhros stretched his legs, he didn’t feel the injuries that much now, he was a little stiff and a little sore but it would go away. He could walk and perhaps even run and it was good. He continued to polish the sword afterwards, completed the job. The blade had become very sharp when he was finished, he could split a falling hair on it but it was too brittle to be very good. It could snap in half and he wished he had some of the steel his father had made. Fëanorian steel was the best there ever had been and he was a bit proud of it. It was strange really, he had gathered armies, lead them to war, fought an almost invincible enemy and yet here he was, in a poor humans hut with a sword that the smiths back in his father’s days would have died of shame of if it had carried their insignia. 

He then helped Irelen again and afterwards he just sat outside of the hut, enjoying the warmth of the sun. He was older than it, it was a strange thought, and a bizarre one too but it was true, Was there anybody left from that age? Did anyone remember? The day went by, he was followed by a couple of village lads who wanted to show him their ponies when he wanted to go for a short walk and the boys were in awe of the sword. They all wanted to touch it and he had decided to name it Reaver, it was a rather violent name but it suited the blade. It did look a bit menacing. One of the village hunters had brought home a deer and there was meat being distributed among the inhabitants. Irelen got a rather huge piece since she was the healer and she instantly gave much of it to a young pregnant woman who needed the extra food. But she kept enough to make herself and the elf a very tasty dinner and he really enjoyed the food and the sensation of being a bit spoiled. 

The day came to an end and the darkness fell and he was contemplating going to sleep when they heard shouts and he got out of bed immediately. He heard the sound of hooves, of horses at a gallop and something that only could the clattering made from light armor and weapons. He felt cold, terrified. Irelen stared at him with confusion in her eyes, then she realized what it was he heard and she went pale. Maedhros grasped the blade he had forged, he didn’t have a scabbard for it but he wrapped a blanket around it, tightly. He grasped Irelen’s hand and made her hold it, if she held it closely it could perhaps resemble a cane, it was sleek enough and it was dark outside. 

There was whinnying and shouts and he peered out of the door, ten riders on small stubby horses. One man wore a light armor and he had a rather nice sword by his side. The rest carried crude spears or war hammers and they looked very confident, almost arrogant. They rode into the central square as if they owned the place, Timar stared at the villagers with something that reminded Maedhros of disgust. He felt his nerves tingle, this was a bad person, a man who back in the days would have served Morgoth for sure. Maedhros felt his throat go tight, his heart was beating faster, he was ready to fight if he had to. 

Timar remained seated on his horse, he almost sneered. The village blacksmith was the spokesperson there, he was someone everybody respected for without a proper blacksmith few could survive for long. Even Timar wouldn’t dare harming him, the smiths were almost seen as holy men by some for their ability to shape glowing metal into useable objects. Maedhros stared through the crack in the door, the man was trying to look more regal than he was. He wore a nice wolfskin coat and his clothes were rather expensive but the elf’s keen eyes did see that they were dirty and in disrepair and the man had a face that told Maedhros he was too fond of drinking and food. The features had perhaps been handsome once but they weren’t even attractive any more, he reminded the elf of a toad for some reason. The eyes were bulging and bloodshot and Maedhros saw that the man was rather short too. He tried to hide the fact that he was fat by wearing that huge coat but it only accentuated the problem. 

He had seen such men before, men small in spirit and even smaller in terms of morality and wisdom, small men who threw long shadows. The riders sat there looking extremely smug, the villagers stood there looking nervous and frightened and he could see how this pleased these men. To them fear was exhilarating, as intoxicating as a fine wine. It made them drunk on power, well, maybe he could sober them up. He had a feeling of knowing what this moron of a human wanted, why he was there. Timar stared at the blacksmith, he was the only person in this village to whom he bothered speaking, the others were below him and he considered them as little more than cattle. “Where is the elf? Ghunlar told me you keep an elf here”

The blacksmith frowned. “ And if we do? That is no business of yours, the elf is a guest here and you know the rules of hospitality.” 

Timar almost snarled, he didn’t like being questioned. “The elf could be an enemy, a spy even. I demand to speak with him.” 

The blacksmith just grinned, a narrow smile. “He is a mute, that will be a one way conversation I fear.” 

Timar laughed, a very sarcastic laughter. “ Oh a mute now, how convenient. I want to meet the elf or I will make sure that you all regret housing such creatures.” 

Maedhros didn’t doubt for a second that Timar would hurt people, he nodded to Irelen and she opened the door, walked straight behind him and she did notice that he exaggerated his limp. He was clever, made himself seem more fragile that he was. Still he was a very impressive sight and Timar’s eyes got wide when he saw the figure that emerged out of the darkness. Maedhros knew how he had to look for this human, like a giant. He had noticed that these humans were smaller than the ones he had encountered in his previous life and perhaps his race too had shrunk over the ages. 

Timar stared, he didn’t even blink. He had hardly ever met an elf in his life, and those he had seen had been tall yes, but nowhere near as tall as this creature. He just stared at the elf with a feeling of being stunned, the creature was overwhelming. He saw the broad well muscled shoulders, the long arms and strong and yet elegant torso and felt something akin to lust, a need to own, to possess. The face was strong too, with elegant and very masculine features and yet so beautiful it put most women to shame, the waist long red hair looked like a river of fire in the torchlight and the badly fitting clothes didn’t in any way mar the perfection that was this creature.   
The eyes stared straight at him, they were piercing and cold and reminded the man of flint, he suddenly felt nervous and the majestic aura of the elf made him feel insecure and insignificant. It wasn’t a feeling he could tolerate, he couldn’t accept such feelings. 

He tried to sit straighter on the horse, even on horseback he was just a little taller than the elf and that feeling of being belittled made him angry. “So this is the pointy eared freak you have been sheltering? A snake in our midst maybe?” 

He pushed his horse closer to the elf, tried to dominate him but the elf didn’t move, not an inch. Those cold eyes did frighten Timar, he suddenly realized that this was a dangerous creature, nothing like the peaceful tradesmen he had met before. This was a warrior, and a very experienced one too and he felt something snap within him. He almost shrieked to his men. “Seize him, I will make him speak!”

Maedhros hissed, he had preferred that violence was avoided but the idiot didn’t give him an opportunity for that. He grasped the sword from Irelen as the first riders came towards him and he pushed her back towards the others and then he moved. The first rider came towards him with a spear and he simply cut the shaft in half before he spun around and hit the man in the head with the pommel of the sword. The human fell to the ground without a sound. The second rider hesitated when he saw that the huge elf was armed and that became his undoing. Maedhros had fought trolls and orcs and the most foul of Morgoth’s many creatures, he simply used his fist and hit the man square in the chest so hard he fell of the horse and landed on his ass in the grass with a gasp and a startled cry. 

Maedhros knew that Timar was the dangerous one, the others just followed him and they had no loyalty to speak of, he was the most ruthless of them and so he had become the leader of the pack simply because the others preferred to follow orders and let the leader take the full responsibility if anything went wrong. The short fat guy was sitting there gawking in shock and then he spurred his horse towards Maedhros, drawing his sword. He screamed something nobody there really understood for the words were more shrieks than anything else and Maedhros knew that he had to make the men respect and fear him, deter them from attacking again. He moved so fast his motions became a blur, just a fleeting glimpse of fire and steel. 

Reaver wasn’t an excellent blade but it served its purpose, he moved it in a very powerful arch and to the horror of Timar’s men he simply cut straight through the neck of Timar’s horse and decapitated the animal completely before the blade sliced across Timar’s broad chest as the horse fell like a sack of potatoes. The cut wasn’t deep, he didn’t want to kill the man but it drew blood and Timar was thrown forwards and landed awkwardly in the grass, rolling with a terrified scream. He sat up, stared at the bleeding gash that crossed his chest and the body of his horse, still shivering in death spasms, he looked as if he had fallen down from the moon or something, eyes wide and mouth open in a soundless cry of disbelief. 

Maedhros wished that he could speak, that he could have told this idiot where to go, that he should be ashamed of himself. Instead he just growled, keeping an eye on the remaining riders. They sat on their horses and all were pale and they looked as if they were about to bolt and make a run for it. Timar got up, he just stared at the elf, to shocked to be able to speak. He hadn’t believed those who told him what amazing fighters elves are, now he was a believer and he knew that they didn’t stand a chance. He managed to make a squealing request for a new horse, one of the men gave him his own and shared saddle with one of the others instead. Timar got in the saddle clumsily, the pain was finally kicking in and he was seething with anger and fear. He roared and pulled the new horse around, almost too enraged to think. “This isn’t the last of this, mark my words. You will regret this!”

He rode out of the village and the men followed him, they didn’t even look behind them. Maedhros didn’t let go of the sword until the sound of the hoof beats had been gone for several minutes, he stared into the darkness and felt both enraged and a bit scared. Timar was probably able to seek revenge. Irelen went over, put a hand on his arm. “That was impressive my friend, you have made them fear you, I hope that is enough.” 

Maedhros just shrugged, he stared at the dead horse. Gestured for the villagers to deal with the carcass. The meat was edible and they shouldn’t let it go to waste, he didn’t like killing an innocent animal but the alternative had been killing Timar and he would prefer not to do that. He shook the blood of the blade and the blacksmith came over, he spat in the grass and shook his head. “ Timar got frightened now, and he was made to look like a fool, weak. He will not forget and he will absolutely not forgive. He will be back.” 

Irelen sighed, she closed her eyes. “ I know, do you think you can ride?” 

Maedhros just nodded, his eyes were sad. He had put these people in danger with his actions but there had been no choice. He would not let that man capture him, he would never again be in chains. He wished that he could explain everything to Irelen and the others but he couldn’t. The blacksmith laid a gentle calloused hand on his shoulder, pressed it lightly. “ I have a horse you can borrow, it is a draft horse and he is big enough even for you.” 

Irelen smiled and her eyes were sad. “I will ask if the boy who found you will accompany you, it will be good for him seeing some more of the world. “ 

Maedhros smiled, he liked Lannam and he would very much prefer to travel with someone. He didn’t know the landscape nor where he was supposed to go. The blacksmith nodded. “ I will have the horse ready by the morrow, rest and gather your strength.” 

The elf just sighed, he didn’t really want to leave this place but there was no way around it. He was endangering these peaceful people by staying and he knew he could defend himself so much better on his own. Irelen took his hand, pulled him with her back to the hut. She sat down by the hearth and started preparing food. She didn’t look up. “Men like Timar are the most dangerous kind you know.” 

He swallowed, put the sword next to the bed. She stared at him through the corner of her eye, “He is unable to see his own errors, and every obstacle he may encounter is somebody else’s fault. His grudges grow until they are a fully developed hatred, he will hate you my friend, and he will stop at nothing to get back at you.” 

Maedhros nodded slowly, he already knew that. He wished that he could have done something for them, something that could show his appreciation of what Irelen and the village had done for him. He felt like a scoundrel for having used their hospitality the way he had and that without being able to repay them in any way. He sighed and Irelen put a bowl of stew in front of him. “Do not worry my friend, we will be alright. And I know you elves are masters at travelling without leaving any traces of your whereabouts. “ 

He smiled and petted her hand, sat down to eat. She grinned. “ I will see if I can get you a cloak or something.” 

He felt so embarrassed, such kindness and he didn’t feel as though he deserved it at all. He finished the meal and laid down, he needed to sleep but the adrenaline was still causing him to shiver and he had problems relaxing. When he finally did fall asleep he dreamed again, flames and blood and blades. Screams, roars, horrible contorted faces, a dark presence unlike any other, evil incarnate and he writhed in his sleep, unable to escape the memories he hadn’t shared with anyone. 

He had been unconscious when they tossed him into a sort of cell, he had woken up in shackles, helpless. He had been so afraid, so terribly so and the fear only mounted as he just hang there and nothing happened. The servants of Morgoth were clever, they knew that the fear of torture was even worse than the torture itself. He heard screams, heard others dying, heard flesh being ripped apart, heard the gleeful chuckling from orcs, delighting in the agony of their victims. He heard orcs roaring in pleasure, heard pitiful screams and prayers for salvation, for death, for a way out. 

When they finally came for him he was so weak he couldn’t stand and what they did was so deliberately cruel, so devilishly cunning. Words were their tools at first, cruel words who spoke just lies, just empty filthy lies about his father, about them all. But there was a grain of truth in those lies, even he could see it and as the days and weeks went he knew that that grain was far greater than anyone could have guessed. When the pride of who he had been was smashed into the mud, soiled and defiled they started breaking who he was. He had been a prince, had been a king, now they used him for their own perverted pleasure and he thought that nothing could be worse than that. He was begging, screaming, they never quit. They allowed him to heal between the rapes and beatings and it made it so much worse. 

And the voice, that terrible voice, slick with self content, with wickedness and malice, telling him he was nothing, worthless, a worm. He just wished for death to find him, for an end to this torment. He was probably going to be condemned by Mandos forever but everything was better than this. And then he was hauled from the cell, hauled from the bowels of that terrible fortress and he was certain that this was it. They were going to kill him, he was of no further value to the dark lord. He didn’t mind, death would be salvation. But it wasn’t to be so, he was chained to the mountain, hanging there alone and abandoned and no torture could ever be more cruel, that loneliness and loss of hope almost crushed his soul. The body grew senseless, his soul didn’t although he wished that it had. 

When Fingon found him and got him down minus his right hand he spent a long time trying to recover, but he never fully healed. There was a dark abyss within him, a void where he had stored it all, all the hatred and the fear and the darkness he now carried with him. There was no way to escape it, it was forever a part of his soul and he had to admit that it still was, Mandos had obviously not been able to remove it from him. He just had to accept that he was forever stained, tainted. He was almost certain that the dark lord sooner or later would have been able to make an orc out of him, luckily that fiery spirit of his ancestry had protected him. 

He woke up rather early, feeling rested but also in doubt. He didn’t look forward to travelling but he knew he had to. Irelen had been busy while he slept. By the bed he saw a set of boots, a huge warm cloak and a shirt and a belt with a rather good knife and some blankets too. He felt his heart swelling with gratitude and Irelen came in and she grinned. “ It isn’t much but it will make a world of difference for you.” 

He got up, got dressed and Irelen had packed some food and a few kettles and other equipment needed for camping. She sent him a sweet smile. “Lannam and one of the other boys will escort you, they have been given a map. You should be able to find the hidden valley thus, but it will be a long journey.” 

He felt something swelling in his chest, if he only had been able to speak. He bent down and hugged her, hard. Irelen giggled and she hugged him back. Kissed his cheek and it made him blush. “There there you big oaf, you don’t owe me anything, Caring for you have been a pleasure.” 

He felt tears in his eyes and wasn’t ashamed to let her see that. She touched his cheek gently. “The boys are waiting already, they are well prepared. “ 

He got the cloak on, with the clothes and the equipment he had been given he felt more like himself again, ready to take on the world. He got out of the hut and saw that many had gathered to bid him farewell. Lannam and a boy who presented himself as Olof stood there holding a mule each, the type bred from draft horses and the animals were large and very calm. The blacksmith stood there with a very large black horse by his side. He petted the animal gently and Maedhros liked the horse immediately. It was sturdy and friendly but had plenty of strength and endurance. It wasn’t a racehorse but he hoped that he wouldn’t need that sort of speed. The blacksmith handed him the reins. “His name is Hammer, he is above his best years but he is still a very good  
horse.” 

Maedhros smiled and pressed the man’s hand. He wished he could express his gratitude and the blacksmith sniggered. “You taught me some tricks with that sword, that is very valuable. Consider that payment.” 

He nodded and Irelen hugged him again. “Have a safe journey my friend, and remember us.” 

He felt almost dizzy, he didn’t want to go. Lannam and Olof were already in the saddle so he took a deep breath and got up onto Hammer, the horse was very tall but very fitting for him and he found that he could ride without too much discomfort. He saw many who smiled at him, waved their hands and he smiled back, almost shy all of a sudden. Irelen even blew him a kiss and he blushed and swore to himself that he would carry them with him in his memories forever. He made Hammer trot after the two mules and knew that he was about to enter a new chapter of his life, the future lay in front of him like an unused canvas and he wondered what destiny had in store for him now. 

 

Glorfindel and the three others had been travelling for more than a week now, they were back in familiar terrain and could ride fast and Glorfindel had gotten more and more impatient. He needed to get Halariel to Elrond, and he was greatly worried for her She had grown so silent, so lethargic and that playful energy that had mesmerized him when he first met her seemed to be gone. It was as if the very light within her was extinguished and he was so sorry, he was so terribly sorry if his attempt at seeing her true self was the cause of this. He shouldn’t have done it and he was well aware of that fact. 

They hadn’t encountered any problems so far, no orcs, no danger at all and he hoped that they would reach Imladris in a couple of days. He was watching over her like a hawk, he never let her out of his sight and the twins did the hunting and gathering that was needed. They rode down along a narrow valley when they saw a wagon that was pulled by two grey horses. A couple of riders followed it and Elrohir recognized the wagon. It was a travelling merchant who went from town to town, selling cloth, ribbons, jewelry, pots and pans and almost everything they could imagine. The old man was very friendly and the two had often encountered the human who always had a funny story to tell or some candy to give to eager children or elflings alike. 

Glorfindel felt a bit uncertain but if the merchant had something a bit better than what Halariel was currently wearing then it would be nice. They had money and so they rode down towards the wagon. The merchant recognized them from afar and called out, he waved his hands in joy and his guards stopped their horses. It was two young men, probably his grandsons. Old Albeth got down from the drivers seat and bowed, the elves stopped their horses and dismounted. “My lords Elladan, Elrohir, lord Glorfindel, what a delight to meet you again.” 

Albeth was grinning from ear to ear and he was a truly nice person, one the elves knew they could trust. “ Albeth, we are glad to see you are well.” 

The old man nodded. “ Oh, you know, these old bones are aching but I cannot complain, my own father was laying in bed shitting himself not knowing who, where or what he was at my age so I guess I can say I am blessed.” 

He noticed Halariel and his eyes got wide. “ And who may this flower be? That is a fair face which I never have had the pleasure of resting my eyes upon.” 

Glorfindel tried to smile. “This is Halariel, she is ill and we are heading back to Imladris, Lord Elrond must have a look at her.” 

Albeth cocked his head, “Ill? Oh what misery, such a fair thing and to suffer, the world is not a place where justice rules, be sure of that.”

Elladan hawked. “ Ah, as I am sure you see our friend here is wearing some less than…decent…garments. We wondered if you have a dress?” 

Albeth grinned. “ A dress? But of course my young lords, of course” 

He snapped his fingers. “ Gier, the black chest please.” 

The young boy went into the wagon and came back pulling a very huge heavy chest after him, he opened it and Albeth grinned. He pulled some clothes out of it and at the bottom he found some dresses. Glorfindel had lowered Halariel down from Asfaloth and she just stood there, looking utterly lost. Albeth threw some glances at her. “Hmm, tall, very tall indeed. And such nice…ahm, attributes. Curvy I would say, yes, let us see here.” 

He pulled forth a dress that made the elves stare, it was made from velvet so dark green it almost looked black and there were gold and silver lace stitched onto the linings and the end of the sleeves. It was a dress which probably was rather expensive but they could very well imagine that it would look amazing on her. “This should fit her, I believe. “ 

Halariel blinked and stared at the dress, she looked confused but then there was a small light of understanding growing in her eyes and she giggled and grasped it, ran behind the wagon to try it on. Glorfindel was just staring, he suddenly felt hope renewed, she hadn’t reacted to anything at all lately. 

Before long she returned and they were right, the dress looked amazing on her and the sight made the two young men just stare with their eyes and mouths wide open. Albeth slapped his grandsons across the back of their heads. “ Boys, mind your manners, you are drooling are you” 

They pulled their eyes to themselves, with some difficulties. Halariel was grinning and her eyes were shining as she took some dance steps over the grass. Albeth leaned closer to Glorfindel. “What is wrong with her?” 

Glorfindel tried to smile, he was really having problems watching her like this, gods, she was beyond beautiful, she was stunning. “It was a shock, she has forgotten her past, and how to speak.” 

Albeth shook his head. “Poor poor dear, now, I am sure Elrond will be able to fix that in a flash, he did fix my wife when she had that nasty lump in her breast.” 

Glorfindel nodded. “ Yes, I remember. I do have faith yes.” 

Elrohir handed the old man a rather generous amount of money and Albeth bowed and accepted with a grin. “ You could buy four dresses for that lad.” 

Elrohir just shrugged. “You need the money.” 

Elladan got back onto his horse. “ So, have you seen anything out of the ordinary of late?” 

Albeth shook his head. “ Not much, orcs, some not so trustworthy people, the usual stuff you know.” 

Glorfindel helped Halariel back onto the horse, now it was getting rather hard imagining riding with her in front of him in the saddle. “You are brave to travel thus, with just two guards.” 

Albeth nodded. “So say they all, but we stick to the main roads and travel only by day and the gods have looked upon me with kind eyes until now so I just hope they continue to do so.” 

The elves were back on their horses and Albeth grasped a small box and tossed it to Glorfindel. “Here, I didn’t pay him for healing my wife, he said he didn’t want anything, but I came across that thing in a small village to the north and it isn’t much but a token of my gratitude, Please give it to him.” 

Glorfindel smiled gently and stuffed the box into the saddlebag. “ I most certainly will my friend.” 

Albeth crawled back up onto the wagon and the horses started moving again, Glorfindel stared after it. Elladan smiled and Halariel was fidgeting with her dress the whole time. She seemed to be completely transfixed with it. The lace and the fabric and everything, it had obviously touched her more vain side and every woman wants to look good. The problem was, she did look too darn good now, and Glorfindel had to admit to himself that these last days before they reached the hidden valley would be tough on him. Sitting there in front of him in the saddle he saw most of her chest and since she wasn’t that lethargic anymore she started to affect his libido in a very invigorating way. He groaned inwardly and spurred the horse, yes, the days would be long indeed and the nights even longer.


	6. Of vengeance and fountains

Chapter six: Of vengeance and fountains

They had gotten into a nice routine after a couple of days, Maedhros was getting used to riding again and he enjoyed watching the landscape and the freedom of the open roads but he still felt a bit nervous. It was something that was bothering him but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, he just felt tense and skittish and he didn’t manage to rest really well at all. They had made camp in some holts of dense forest where they couldn’t be seen and he was impressed by Lannam and Olof and the way the boys made camp. They were used to it and even though the huge elf couldn’t speak they liked his company. 

He tried to be helpful and they entertained him with stories from their short lives. He really enjoyed hearing about the things they had experienced, he laughed when Lannam told him of how the village drunk had ended up in the pig sty with a very angry pig and gotten bitten badly and Olof told him of a farmer who tried to tame a moose and use it as a horse. These boys were so young, so inexperienced and to them life was full of joy and excitement. There were no dark clouds throwing shadows upon their eager young minds and he did envy them. They were innocent, in a way he probably never had been. 

He did miss the village in some ways but he knew that he ought to be with other elves, the humans were obviously not very used to his race and he guessed that the time of elves were coming to an end. The boys didn’t know very much of the things that were going on in the world but they spoke of old battles and of orcs and other foul creatures and he felt that nervous sensation again. He had a sword, and that was it. No bow or arrows, no really good weapons. If they encountered orcs they would be in serious trouble very fast, and he wished that he could have told the boys what to do in case of an emergency. 

He thought of Timar too, would the man try to seek his vengeance by attacking the village? He feared that alternative but he hoped that the human would have enough common sense to know that he had left. But what if Timar was to follow them? What if he wanted to get even by attacking Maedhros here out in the wilds? That was a very real possibility and the tall elf was watching their surroundings with keep eyes the whole time, he never rested and he was always ready to fight. 

They had made camp by a small lake a few days into the journey, they had found a nice campsite and the boys had caught some large birds and they had cooked them and turned them into a very nice meal. Maedhros was relaxed, he felt rather at ease in this place and it was so secluded he didn’t think anyone could find them there. He allowed himself to sleep and he woke up feeling well rested and a bit hungry. He had been in the bushes to relieve himself when he noticed that Olof’s blankets were empty, the boy was nowhere to be seen and he thought that the lad maybe had gone to the lake to bathe. Lannam was asleep and woke up and he looked a bit worried, he called for Olof and there was no answer. 

Maedhros felt scared, the feeling was very sudden and very strong and he started to walk around the camp site, checking for tracks. He found something not far from the camp, the footprints of at least two men, both wearing good boots and moving with the stealth of someone well used to sneaking around. And they had been dragging something after them when they left. 

Lannam went quiet when he showed the young human the footprints, he sort of understood what had happened and he was fearing for his friends life. He and Olof had grown up together, they shared everything usually and this was terrible. Maedhros felt a heavy lump in his gut, this was his fault, he knew what Timar was thinking. He was trying to get to the elf through the people surrounding him, the worm was using innocent bystanders as tools, as a way to torment the elf. There was just one thing to do and that was to confront the brute but how? 

He had only his sword and Timar probably had many men, he would have to analyze the situation carefully. He had to find the place where the human had made camp and see if he could spot any weaknesses and he tried to make sure that Lannam stayed put where he was. He could not both spy on the enemy and look after the young human and Lannam seemed to understand what Maedhros was trying to explain. He stayed with the mules and the elf’s horse and Maedhros left their camp with a feeling of combined dread and determination. What did this Timar really believe that he was? Some ancient warlord? Eru himself? 

Timar was probably unaccustomed to the way elves fight and Maedhros felt how old instincts and skills returned to him as he made his way through the terrain. It was partly open but not very flat and he knew how to use the landscape to his advantage. Before long he could see a faint light in the distance and he could smell smoke. It was a camp and it was rather large, he saw a small herd of horses and there were men scurrying around. If they tried to stay hidden they did a remarkably lousy job. There was a holt of huge trees surrounding the campsite and he saw that they had lit several fires. Maedhros was a noldo, his people didn’t have such a close connection with the forest as the Avari elves had but he was able to communicate with the trees nonetheless. 

He felt their sense of anger and resentment, these humans had chopped of living branches to use as firewood and they had trampled around, hurting young saplings. He felt them welcome him and he quickly got up into the canopy and started running along the branches without making even the smallest sound. It was rather dark since the trees had dense foliage and he soon found a spot where he could stay hidden. It was a sort of bowl shaped hollow between two branches high in an ancient elm and when he curled up in there he was invisible to anyone down on the ground. He caressed the hilt of Reaver and started to pay attention to the camp underneath him.  
He quickly saw Olof, the boy lay on his belly bent over the stem of a fallen tree and he was tied down, the back was covered with angry welts and the elf realized that they had whipped him. It made him feel sick, angry, terrified. Why? The boy had never hurt them, he hadn’t done anything wrong, he was a child by Eru. He couldn’t see if the boy moved at all and hoped that he just was unconscious. 

He didn’t see Timar until the sun reached zenith and then he got another shock, the man was obviously preparing for battle for he wore armor. It was ill fitted and it was old and worn but made by an expert without doubt. Maedhros had to grin, wearing armor made for someone else is never a really good idea and he remembered his own suit of armor from the battles of old. Nobody else could have worn that. He wished that he had it now, but then again, he was much more silent without it. Timar did strut quite a bit, held his head high, grinned viciously and swung a sword. Maedhros wondered where he had gotten hold of it, it was a very good blade, also rather old but it had been taken good care of and it was shiny and made from good steel. It was a better blade than Reaver and he clenched his jaws together, How was he to deal with this?   
He was by far a better fighter than Timar, everybody could see that and the armor wouldn’t protect the man at all even though he obviously believed that it would. 

But Timar wasn’t alone, the elf saw several bowmen and a couple of rather vicious looking crossbows and there had to be at least thirty men in all there. He could not attack without risking his own life and he had no intention of dying yet again. He sat there trying to come up with some plan and he saw that Olof still hadn’t moved. Did Timar perhaps think that Maedhros would come to save the boy, just walk straight into the camp like some dumbass orc? 

Maedhros was waiting for the darkness to fall and he sat rather comfortably where he was. He didn’t need to eat or drink as often as a human and he could stay in the tree for days if he needed to. He was relaxed and yet worried for the boy and he wondered why the idiots had taken the lad and not attacked him, where they too scared of him? Did they want to face him somewhere where they felt safe and in control? He had no idea, he just hoped that they would make a mistake that could reveal some weak spot in their defenses.

Suddenly there were laughter, and shouts and he froze, stared down from the tree with huge eyes. Two men came walking and they were dragging Lannam behind them. The boy was hogtied and they had tied a piece of cloth around his mouth to silence him. Maedhros moaned, had Lannam disobeyed him or had the sons of bitches actually gone to their camp yet again to catch also this lad? Why?

The men spoke to Timar and Maedhros managed to catch a few words of the conversation even though they spoke with low voices. Lannam had tried to sneak into the camp on his own, probably to save his friend and Maedhros moaned inwardly. Now he suddenly had two to worry about and he didn’t like this at all. Timar gestured for the men and they dragged Lannam away and some men did also untie Olof and removed him from the log to which he had been tied. He could only hope that they just wished to place the two boys in a more secure place. 

The day crept by, slowly. He felt a sort of rage within which he hadn’t felt for ages, it was almost painful and he started to work on a plan. He could probably manage to snatch one of the bows and some arrows, he was an excellent archer after all and it would give him an advantage. He could not challenge Timar to single handed combat, if he won Timar’s men were probably ordered to shot him.

It got dark, the humans had lit several bonfires and they threw quite a lot of light around, made everything very visible. Maedhros was getting ready to leave the tree when he heard something, something that made his skin crawl. It was screams, muffled screams. He felt how a chill ran down his spine, slowly he left the hollow and crept through the trees, not making even a leaf move. What he saw almost stopped his heart, he could not believe what he was seeing and had to blink a few times just to get his mind straight. They had hung Olof by his feet from a branch and they had slit his throat, as if he was some sheep they were to slaughter. He had probably been unconscious and that was a blessing, he didn’t see his end coming. The humans had killed him swiftly just because he couldn’t offer them any sort of entertainment. Maedhros was aghast, were these humans? They behaved like orcs, worse than orcs. 

He gasped when he saw Lannam, the boy was still alive but what they were doing was so awful he realized that these men were mad, high on power and able to do horrendous crimes. They had placed the lad on a small and very wobbly chair and tied a noose around his neck, the rope was rather tight and if the boy lost his balance he would suffocate. The really bad thing was that they had built a fire around the chair and Lannam had the choice between being burned slowly or getting hanged. The boy was trying to scream, his pants were on fire already and he tried to keep his balance in spite of the terrible pain. The men were laughing, grinning like crazy and Timar was laughing the hardest of all. 

Maedhros felt tears running down his cheeks, tears of disbelief and sorrow and pain, there was nothing he could do to save the lad. He had no bow, if he had he would have ended the suffering with a well aimed arrow but he just had to watch the torture. He could not attack without risking his own life and he could do nothing, nothing at all. It was the worse feeling he had ever had, these boys had been innocent, their only crime was to accompany him. He remembered his two foster sons and slowly the feeling of shock and disbelief was being replaced by something Maedhros had always feared. Hatred, it was such a consuming and negative feeling but he didn’t care, not anymore. He had seen how hatred had consumed and destroyed his brothers and his father, had seen it drive good men insane but he welcomed it now, embraced it. 

The chair crumbled and he didn’t watch, he turned his gaze away from the now burning writhing body, closed his heart and his mind, let only ice cold determination remain. He stared at Timar, his eyes blazing and his teeth bared in a sneer. In this moment he was as insane as his younger brothers had been, as hungry for death and vengeance as any of them ever had been. He growled, clenched his hands into fists, so hard his fingernails cut his palms but he didn’t feel the pain, all he felt was the anger, the need to avenge these two young lives with blood and death. He looked at Timar and made a promise. “ You will be the last one I kill, mark my words, you will be left alone and when you think you are safe I will come for you!”

Maedhros fled through the trees, got away from the camp and he started making a plan as he went. He wanted them dead, all of them. They were to face something they never had faced before and he wasn’t going to quit until he had felled each and every one of these beasts. He would be just as bad as they were but he didn’t care. He was already a monster, the gods probably understood this situation, at least he hoped that they would. 

He got to the small glen where their horses grazed and saw that they were unguarded. He smiled, a rather grim smile and got down from the trees slowly so he wouldn’t startle the beasts. The horses were small ragged animals and they all were skinny with sores from spurs and cruel beatings. They looked at him with nervous eyes and he mumbled softly to them, calmed them down. He could not speak but they sensed his good intentions and the leader of the flock approached him, it was an old mare wearing a rather silly looking head gear which was made to make the horse look intimidating but all it did was to cause her discomfort and pain. He removed it swiftly, got all the tack of the animals and tossed it down into a deep ravine. Then he told the horses to flee, to run as far away as they could and they didn’t hesitate. The flock ran off towards the east and the elf smiled. The men were on foot now and he quickly ran to the small camp and saw that the mules and Hammer still were there. The animals hadn’t let anyone catch them and he petted Hammer on the shiny black coat, spoke to the horse with his thoughts “Now old boy, how would you like to become a destrier?”   
The huge horse just rubbed its soft nose against the elf’s chest and Maedhros went to prepare his future actions, his fair face grim and his mind darker than it had ever been before. 

Glorfindel had come to regret the purchase, Halariel was obviously able to understand that she looked good in the dress and she appreciated the feminine quality it gave her but she still acted like a child in many ways and she had no sense of dignity nor decency. She would pull the skirts up around her waist just to look at the dress and the twins would turn around with burning cheeks and ears, she was wriggling around in the saddle to get comfortable and the dress did something the tunic and the blanket skirt hadn’t. It really made him realize that he had a grown female in the saddle in front of him. And her behavior was both scandalous and very arousing at the same time, he didn’t know what was worse. 

She didn’t understand when he tried to explain to her that she shouldn’t do these things, she just stared at him with huge eyes and she did look rather confused and even hurt when he raised his voice. They rode rather hard now since they knew the terrain and Glorfindel couldn’t get back home fast enough, he was so longing for someone else to be in charge of this…thing. And at the same time the idea of someone else being with her made him feel a sort of anger he hadn’t experienced before, he couldn’t quite recognize the feeling. She wasn’t lethargic anymore, that was for darn sure. Instead she seemed to be filled with reckless energy and she was climbing all over the horse, squealing and grinning and humming. Asfaloth was getting rather annoyed and Glorfindel promised the stallion a very nice meal when they got back home, just to compensate for all the mane pulling and neck hanging. 

They made camp one last time, they had crossed the borders to Imladris now and were safe and so they could start a fire and cook some decent food. The twins had caught some conies and transformed them into stew and Glorfindel got yet another worry. She had no manners, whatsoever. They had of course noticed that before but now it became even more apparent, she ate with her fingers and it seemed as though half of the stew ended up on the outside of her face. If she had remembered who she had been it was forgotten now, she acted like a four year old elfling and Glorfindel decided that they would have to treat her like some overgrown toddler. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to meeting Lord Elrond carrying this elleth over his shoulder like a slaughtered animal but it was probably the only way he could keep her under control. 

As usual when they settled down for the night she became extremely clingy and he sighed and did as he usually had, satisfied her with his hands and stayed by her side until she had fallen asleep. Then he took a short walk into the bushes to satisfy himself before he returned to sleep. She was making him crazy, he couldn’t help it. Her lack of anything even remotely resembling shyness and proper behavior would have that effect on any healthy male who wasn’t completely gay and he feared that someone would take advantage of her. 

He would have to make it clear to everyone that she was under his protection, that she was off limits for everybody else. But he wasn’t going to go all the way with her, it wouldn’t be right. He still felt as though she needed to know what she was doing if she really wanted to lay with him, it wouldn’t be fair otherwise. He wanted her, he had to be honest with himself but just desire wasn’t enough. He had never been the type to bed others just for the sheer heck of it, he always wanted there to be at least some deeper feelings involved. Love wasn’t needed but he wanted respect and understanding, that was the least he would require from a partner. She was making it hard though, it was charming that she trusted him and cuddled up against him like a kitten but it did wreak havoc on his self-control. She was so darn well made, so gorgeous and if a normal sane elleth had approached him like that he would have been helpless to resist. As it was now he suffered and longed for his own room where the door could be locked. 

They were met by some guards and Glorfindel had managed to hold her in front of him in such a manner that the dress at least covered her legs, she was squirming and acted as though she was greatly insulted by this but he didn’t care. The guards greeted them with joy and relief and he felt happy to be back but he had a strange sensation of foreboding. The real trouble would start now, he just knew it! The guards stared at the strange elleth with wide eyes, they had never seen anyone who looked thus before and Glorfindel sent them a rather stiff grin. “Don’t ask mellyn nin, you are bound to hear everything soon enough”

Elladan had to stifle a rather vicious chuckle, oh how they were looking forward to this. “ Is our father at home?” 

The leader of the guards nodded, he still couldn’t quite get over the strange elleth, was she a lunatic or something? He had never heard of any elf being mad? “ Ah yes my lord, Lord Elrond is at home, he is waiting for you, we have sent words of your arrival.” 

Elladan smiled, he was tired and looking forward to a hot bath, a good decent meal, some miruvor and then his own soft bed. And he wasn’t going to leave it again anytime soon.  
Elrohir stared at Halariel, she was getting a bit tense now, they could see the last homely house now and she was obviously nervous but fascinated too. Glorfindel held her very tightly now and he feared that she would go into a fit of panic when she encountered more elves. The guards hadn’t spooked her though so maybe it would be alright? 

They rode across the bridge and onto the small courtyard, some stable workers where there to take care of the horses and Glorfindel was glad to see Elrond there, he stood next to his counsellor Erestor and both turned their heads and stared. Glorfindel suddenly wished that they could have covered Halariels shaved head with something. She did look more than odd and the sores were still visible. Elrond just blinked and Elladan and Elrohir got off their horses and gave him a swift hug before they left. This they would prefer to let Glorfindel deal with. 

Elrond walked towards them, he stared up at his captain and the elleth he was holding in front of him, she was very beautiful but at the same time a mess, thin, pale, scars and sores that were in the process of healing everywhere. What in the name of Eru was this? He swallowed, stared at the face and a weird sensation rose within him, he had seen that face before, in a masculine form. The eyes, the shape of it, she was a redhead beyond doubt and the height? Morgoths balls?!  
Glorfindel sighed. “Elrond, meet Halariel, she is…Maedhros daughter!” 

Just for once the peredhel was unable to find any words to say.

Erestor stared too and Halariel became uncomfortable, there were several males there, they were dark haired and tall and she didn’t feel safe, she grasped onto Glorfindel and whimpered and hid her face towards his chest, blinked and wanted to be gone from this strange place. He held her gently and saw how Elrond just had gotten pale and the confusion he felt was obvious. “ My lord, I suggest we go indoors, there are things we need to discuss. “ 

Elrond nodded, he still couldn’t believe what Glorfindel said but he was going into healer mode, she wasn’t healthy by far and she looked as though she didn’t understand the situation at all. He swallowed. “Fin, is she?” 

Glorfindel made a grimace. “Yes, quite insane, not at all normal. Believe me, you have never encountered something like her, ever!” 

Elrond stared as Glorfindel lowered the elleth to the ground and dismounted. “ Well, I have experienced a lot during the ages and” 

Glorfindel interrupted him. “ Ever! I mean it, believe me my lord. You will not doubt my words whence I have explained this.” 

Halariel stared around her, she was nervous but the strange males didn’t seem hostile and she saw so many weird and amazing things. She was thirsty and it was a rather hot day so she giggled and ran over to some water she saw by the nearest building, threw herself down onto her knees and started drinking eagerly. Elrond gasped and turned to Glorfindel, his eyes wide with disbelief. “She is drinking from the horse’s water trough?” 

Glorfindel nodded with an embarrassed expression. “ My lord, forget that she is a grown elleth, think four year old elfling instead, with the physical needs of an adult but no knowledge about speech, proper behavior or decency.” 

Erestor groaned and did a facepalm, turned around. She had pulled her skirts up underneath her armpits and showed them everything as she jumped into the water trough to cool down. Elrond stared at Glorfindel. “ Eru have mercy upon us all!”

Maedhros was prepared, he had no idea of what Timar had anticipated and he didn’t care. He would do this his own way, and it would not be pretty. He had let the two mules lose, they would return home soon enough and he had placed the things the boys had brought with them on the animals. He had no use for it and it belonged to their families. He had braided his hair and tied it up in warrior braids, then he had covered his skin with mud and juice from berries and he had put on just a pair of breeches and a west. He felt ready, eager even. Adrenaline was flowing through him and he didn’t feel any doubt now. He was ready to kill, and he would never hesitate again. 

He rode a part of the way, then he left his horse and approached the camp from the north. The men were angry, their horses had run off and they had to move forth on foot and to them that was almost the end of the world. Being Timar’s brave troops meant that they were looked upon with fear and respect and being on foot meant losing much of the intimidating effect. They felt safe, didn’t bother to stay alert, after all they were many and who would dare to attack them? It was a mistake no elven leader would allow anyone to make and he grinned as he silently slid through the back of the camp and snatched two bows and some quivers filled with arrows. 

The weapons were not very good, they were too small and the arrows were not very sharp nor were they perfectly fletched but they would do the job. He disappeared into the shadows again and placed some arrows in specific locations around the campsite. He had it all planned. Timar sat on his own and he looked triumphant somehow, maybe he thought that he had managed to scare the elf or chased him off. It would take more than a lousy human to make Maedhros shake in his boots and the elf had mapped the entire camp area in his mind. The men had put up some tents and kept their things there so the first thing he did was setting fire to one of the rather rackety tents. 

The inhabitants came running, screaming curses and trying to rescue their belongings and Maedhros knew that this little incident would keep the humans occupied for a while. He ran through the woods until he reached the other side of the camp, there he did sneak through the bushes and he stole the crossbows and more bows. He did drop the weapons into a hollow tree, it wasn’t likely that the men would find them again. Now he had the only bows available and before long the humans discovered that someone had stolen their weapons. 

He waited in a tree, patiently like a predator. He wanted to let these humans simmer in their own fear for a while, wanted to let them experience real terror. He would play them like a talented musician plays an instrument and his plan started to work right away. The humans were accusing each other of having stolen the bows, or having misplaced them and the men were scurrying around, searching for the bows. Maedhros slipped through the shadows like a huge cat, grasped a few men and killed them without a sound, hid the bodies in the bushes before moving on. He kept moving, kept himself hidden. 

Before long the missing men were noticed and now the atmosphere changed, from angry to nervous. The men gathered in groups, nervously watching their surroundings and Timar was suddenly losing his confidence. He had thought that the elf would fight like Timar would, go for the leader, show himself and then Timar would let the men do the dirty job but no. He had miscalculated the enemy and he realized that he was in trouble. The night would soon be over though and he was rather certain that they would be safe when daylight returned. 

He was wrong. Very wrong, just as the first light started to pour through the trees arrows started flying and they seemed to come from everywhere, the sharp morning light did blind the men and they didn’t see the tall figure that ran through the forest like some ghost, firing as he went.   
Maedhros didn’t kill them all, just a third of them. He didn’t want this to end too soon, no, he wanted Timar to suffer as the boys had suffered. When he had finished shooting he returned to the woods, sought shelter in a tall tree and stayed there for the remainder of the day. He listened though, heard their voices, frightened and confused and Timar was the worst of them all in spite of his attempts at sounding calm. There was a shrill tone to his voice, as if it was about to crack and reveal the coward within and the elf grinned and ate some dried meat, just to keep up his strength.   
The men wanted to leave, wanted to seek shelter somewhere where they were surrounded by others. They wanted to be surrounded by thick stone walls, by light and guards. But their horses were gone and they didn’t want to walk, walking meant being vulnerable. Timar refused to walk like some commoner and he sent two men out to look for the horses. They didn’t return, both were found in a nearby river, drowned and weighed down by rocks no man could manage to move. Timar was starting to feel really nervous now, he was starting to see the tactics this elf was using and he didn’t understand. Elves didn’t fight like that? It was tactics he would have used or even orcs. So this elf wasn’t like the others and he didn’t like the feeling of insecurity. He had always been able to judge his opponent and failed to see that this was because his opponent always had been someone way weaker than himself. If he had come face to face with a real warrior he would have failed miserably. 

The day came to an end, the men had been arguing and they were getting more and more fearful. The night was returning and with it the darkness. They built fires and gathered around them, watching the forest with fear. Maedhros couldn’t believe how idiotic these humans were, the fires did ruin that precious little they had resembling night vision and they were obvious targets too. He would never have made such a blunder but they would soon enough pay for the mistake. He shot a couple of men and watched them fall and the others did panic. 

Timar was shouting orders, they put out the fires and gathered in small groups in the darkness, it was perhaps a wise move if their opponent had been human too. Maedhros wasn’t surprised, Timar did have some common sense after all but it wouldn’t save them. He was perfectly capable of moving through the dark forest and he found that he enjoyed toying with these brutes.   
He would sneak up on them, injure one of two with some swift stabs with a blade and then be gone before the victim even had time to realize what had happened and the men were getting more and more afraid. He was pushing them to their breaking point, they had no strong leader to calm them down and give them confidence. They had become like a pack of animals, it was each man for himself now and soon one of the small groups left.   
They just ran for it and he did let them run for a while, he even let them believe that they had made it. The end was quick but brutal, he just went into a full frontal attack and the four men didn’t stand a chance even though they tried to fight him. He took the heads off two of them and stabbed one through the chest, the last one he caught by his braid and snapped the man’s neck as if it had been a rotten twig. 

The remainder of the small army were scared shitless by now, they were gathered around Timar and Maedhros grinned to himself. They wouldn’t stay there for long, he just knew it. They would leave by the first break of day and he would be ready for them. He didn’t attack again that night, he just left them to shiver and cower in fear and some of them were wounded and their moans and pleas for help didn’t exactly help create a cheerful atmosphere. 

They had often done that, he remembered the tricks now. They had wounded orcs to create fear and slow the enemy down, he had no more compassion for these humans than he had for the orcs he had slain back ages ago. They were filth, vermin, tainted by the shadows and he could see their hearts and knew that they were as dark and wicked as any orcs. He hoped that this wasn’t the norm, that most humans were like the friendly people of the village. He rested for a while, ate and drank and kept an eye on the humans. They left the forest rather early, fleeing the scene like a pack of lemmings and the tall elf grinned. He wanted to let them think they were safe. 

The humans were crossing a rather open area when evening fell, it was a moor covered with bracken and tall dry grass and they were almost running in spite of their fatigue. Timar wasn’t used to such speed, he had shed most of his armor and he was sweating and panting. The men were seriously contemplating leaving him behind, after all, he was the one who had gotten them into this mess. If he hadn’t insisted on killing the two boys they would have had hostages, something they could use for bargaining. Now they were defenseless and the monster that was chasing them was way superior to any of them, he had the advantage now. 

When the darkness started to fall again the men caught the scent of smoke and saw fires on the horizon, the moor was on fire and they had to run to escape the flames. The dry grass burned fast and panic caught them. They didn’t really see where they were going and the smoke was blinding them, some ran straight over a cliff to their death while others were pierced by arrows.   
Maedhros had mounted Hammer again, he was riding and the huge horse was so calm he was able to ride through the burning landscape without the horse getting too spooked by the flames. He used the smoke as a cover and before long he knew that only Timar was left alive. The leader was shivering like a child, moaning and screaming whenever he thought he saw movements and the elf followed the man from a distance. 

If anyone had seen him now they would have recognized him from the battles of old, it was the same cold glance, the same darkened expression as so many had seen and feared. He was returning to the person he had been so long ago and it wasn’t what the Valar had intended at all, but destiny can sometimes play its own game and it doesn’t really care that much about the plans of others. 

Timar ran for his life, he could hear hooves against the ground, heard a horse snorting, heard a strange hollow sounding laughter. He was desperate, why had his gods abandoned him? Didn’t they see his grand future, his natural right to leadership, his right to rule? Truly these lands had never produced anyone as worthy of ruling as him?

He was after all such a marvelous person and a born leader, so why in the name of heck did his men disobey him, just look what had happened to them, they had gotten themselves killed, that was the truth. If they just had stayed and listened to him he was sure they would have been able to win even against this enemy. Timar had ran for hours when he spotted a small barn ahead, it was made from stone and wood and was rather old, but it was a place to hide and he was drawn towards it as if pulled by a magnet. He would rest and regain his strength there and then he would gather some more men and hunt down that goddamn elf. He wouldn’t be satisfied before he had that goddamn creatures head on a spike and he imagined having that long red hair turned into a belt or something, yes, that would be very fitting indeed. 

 

Glorfindel managed to get Halariel into Elronds office and he caught her attention with a small crystal ball used as a decoration, she was mesmerized by the pretty thing and he quickly told Elrond of everything that had happened. He was still afraid he had injured her by probing her mind without her consent and Elrond was a bit angry at him but he did understand too. He wished that he could examine her powers closely but it wouldn’t be possible before she was able to understand what it was that was happening. Interfering was too dangerous and Elrond was both shocked and intrigued by her.   
He had truly mourned his foster father’s death and knew that he had seen a side of the two oldest feanorian brothers few others had witnessed. Yes, they had been rather firm and very strict but loving, very loving. And now this, Maedhros own daughter, conceived in a very disturbing manner yes but there was no doubt about the elleth’s origin. 

Elrond did pity the girl, she was so innocent and yet so troubled, it was no wonder her mind had shut itself down. There had to be something they could do to help her but what? She couldn’t speak, the only words she managed to say were Glorfindel’s name and s few cusswords he suspected she had learned from his sons. He ordered some servants to prepare a room next to Glorfindel’s and get some clothes. She was very tall and thin and he suspected that they didn’t have any dresses that really fit her. She was a peculiar sight with the shaved head but he did understand why Glorfindel had removed her hair. It was just such a bizarre sight, he had never encountered a bald elf before. 

Glorfindel was suffering, he had to make sure that Halariel was being fed and she did follow him to the dining hall but she managed to create an utter mess since she started throwing cutlery and plates everywhere and she put her hands into the pots and pans and tried to get a taste of everything there. It felt like babysitting a toddler. The other elves there were staring with wide eyes and some looked rather worried, Glorfindel sent them a sneer and growled, he didn’t like this at all but he had to do what Elrond wanted of him. She trusted him and he had to make sure that she was comfortable. He got her back to the room and there he managed to get her into a thin chemise and put her to bed. She was tired but she had eaten half a carrot cake and it was so sweet she had gotten the sugar high of all times and he swore to himself that she would have crawled all over the ceiling if the laws of physics had allowed it.   
She was tossing and turning and squealing when he tried to make her lay still. He had to use a sleeping spell, he didn’t like it at all since it was a dirty trick but it worked and he got back to his own room and took a long warm bath before he went to bed. He hoped that she would sleep for a few days, he needed the rest. Unfortunately he was in no such luck, he was shaken out of his slumber by a very wide eyed Lindir, the minstrel looked as if he had seen an army of orcs and Glorfindel groaned and stared at the normally so serene young ellon. “ What?!”

Lindir stepped back and swallowed, his adams apple was bobbing up and down. “ Ah, the elleth you brought with you yesterday?!” 

Glorfindel moaned. “ Yes?” 

Lindir made an apologetic grimace. “ Not to disturb you my lord but she is bathing in the fountain….wearing only a nightgown.” 

Glorfindel cussed so bad Lindir went paper white, then he threw a dressing robe around himself and ran. Lindir was right, Halariel was in the huge fountain which was placed in the main square of Imladris, just in front of the hall of fire. She was splashing around like a kid, squealing and enjoying herself but the chemise she wore was white and now it was wet and acted more like a second layer of skin, a very translucent one. The fountain was surrounded by elves, mostly very cheerful males and a few very angry females, there was a lot of leering going on and Glorfindel just snapped. He had been ripped out of pleasant dreams and she was to blame for it. He jumped into the fountain and grasped her rather violently. She squealed and started resisting, she didn’t know why he was so angry and she got a bit scared and confused. It didn’t bother her that there were others there and she liked that the other males were looking at her. She had found that she liked the males she saw there, they were all good looking but none was as good looking as the golden haired one she had been fortunate enough to find.   
She didn’t want to leave the fountain, she was fighting him and during the struggle she managed to loosen the belt of his robe and it fell off. Now he was only in his by now wet loincloth and she was wearing a chemise that showed everything, the elves of Imladris had never had entertainment like that before and the crowd was growing by the minute. Some were shouting encouraging advice while some were betting on who would win the wrestling match. Halariel was rather strong in spite of it all and she was giving Glorfindel a real challenge, he tried to grasp and lift her and she was slippery and agile and managed to twist herself free from his grip every time and the chemise was soon ripped to shreds.   
Glorfindel was glaring, his eyes shooting daggers and he was trying to manhandle this fury who was completely unable to see that she was very indecent and should have been covering herself. Lindir threw a cloak to Glorfindel who managed to wrap it around her somehow, she looked like some badly wrapped present and he lifted her across his shoulders and managed to look almost dignified when he waded out of the fountain and carried her back to her room. There was loud applause following them and Glorfindel rolled his eyes and swore that Elrond never again would be able to persuade him into doing anything like this.


	7. A lesson in obscenities

Warning, this chapter do contain some extremely nasty words, be aware! Silly humor also, plus battle violence. 

Chapter 7: A lesson in obscenities

Glorfindel had gotten Halariel back to her rooms, but not without a fight. She wasn’t ready to back down just yet, it had been so fun bathing in that sparkly water thing and she wanted to go back. She didn’t understand why she wasn’t allowed to stay in there? Glorfindel dragged her along and cursed that fact that she was almost as long as he was, a smaller elleth would have been easy to subdue, not this thrashing squealing wriggling creature. 

The worst part of it was that he was starting to react to the physical contact, after all, her chemise was torn to shreds and he had to manhandle her rather roughly, to be honest he had his hands all over her in the desperate attempts to keep her under control. The thin wet loincloth had become uncomfortable to say the least and suddenly she became aware of his predicament. She stared with wide eyes and then she reached down and touched him. Glorfindel cursed so bad it would have made Sauron himself blush rather violently, he ran the last stretch back to the rooms, hoping that nobody saw them. He had heaved her across his shoulder like a sack of flour and she was still giggling and trying to stroke him through the thin wet cloth, he could as might as well have been buck naked. The sight had to be rather obscene and he rushed through the door to her room and slammed it shut so hard the frame almost splintered. He was growling and tossed her down onto the bed and she just bounced back right off it as if she had been covered in springs, eagerly leaping towards the door. 

Glorfindel rolled his eyes and grasped her, this time he threw himself down next to her, pinning her beneath his body and hoping that his weight would be enough to subdue her. He was wrong, she was as slick as an eel and jostling around like that didn’t put a dampener to his arousal, quite contrary. He got an idea, she was obviously quite awake but if he could get her tired she would hopefully relax and perhaps even fall asleep? It was worth trying and she had after all tried to grope him. He bent over and kissed her neck and she squealed and wriggled but this time with delight. She went from fight modus to playful within the blink of an eye, and he removed the sorry remains of the flimsy chemise before he started caressing and teasing her all over.

Halariel was giggling and squirming and surrendering completely to his touches and he was amazed by this change in her. It was in a way endearing, she was so innocent, so completely free in a way others weren’t. She didn’t try to hide her feelings but allowed herself to go with their flow and right now she was as wanton as ever before. She tried rubbing herself against him and he moaned and had to gather all of his self-control to prevent himself from just taking her. She was more than willing, there was no doubt about it and he quickly went down on her and used his tongue to bring her to a rather sudden release. She howled and shuddered and he continued, she was so unrestrained, so gloriously free from shame or doubt and he had realized that he liked it and liked it a lot. He had been with several other ellith, he was no monk and living in celibacy was something he never could have endured and many of those he had bedded had been too worried about how they looked or if he liked them or if their hair got messed up and so on and so forth to really allow themselves to enjoy what he was doing. And he had felt a bit disappointed every time. They hadn’t put their full attention on him nor themselves and so the whole experience became less than it ought to be.   
He was rather sure that such a problem never would appear with Halariel, she just lived in the moment and didn’t give a damn about her appearance. He made sure that she came two more times, by then she was sweaty and getting drowsy and he finished himself off quickly, just by rubbing himself against her. She gasped when she felt the warm drops of liquid on her skin, he hadn’t done that before so she stared with huge eyes. “ I am sorry Halariel, I know I shouldn’t lay here dry humping you like some dog but right now, that is all I can do with a clean conscience.” 

He got up and found a washcloth, his legs felt wobbly and he was tired too, he hadn’t gotten a   
full night’s sleep and he had in fact used a lot of strength fighting her. He cleaned them both and Halariel was already drifting off into sleep, a content grin around her mouth and she looked like some huge sleeping cat. He swallowed and lay down next to her, he was still in doubt of what to do next, where to go with this peculiar relationship but he didn’t want to see her with someone else. It was weird but true. Before long he too slept like a log and in their sleep they cuddled up together like puppies in a basket. 

Timar had finally relaxed, he had found a nice soft spot in a huge pile of hay and was sitting there contemplating his further actions, he was going to seek a vengeance that nobody ever would be able to forget. Maybe he should have that darn elf flogged and dragged by horses through that accursed village, so that everybody could see the fate which awaited everybody who dared to question his might? Or perhaps he ought to let his men have some fun with the creature, after all, the elf was prettier than most women, yes, that would be a perfect way of making an example. Timar was so convinced of his own superiority and righteousness he failed to hear anything from outside of the barn, he didn’t see the shadow that moved around and he didn’t hear the soft creaking sounds of wood that was being moved. He thought he had escaped and was rather angry at himself for having fled the way he had. The elf couldn’t be that dangerous after all, he was just flesh and blood, surely his men had brought this onto themselves by running away. If they had stood their ground they would have been safe. 

Maedhros had dismounted when he saw the barn and left Hammer standing underneath a huge tree, he was sneaking closer and saw that there was only two doors on the old building. One narrow one for people and a wide one at the end of the barn used for carriages and such. With nimble hands he tied the doors shut with fresh young vines he had picked in the woods, then he gathered a lot of dead branches and piled them up along the walls. He wanted this scum to suffer as the boys had and he had no sensation of doing anything wrong at all. This was justice and he knew by sheer instinct that this man would become a menace to the people of the area if he was allowed to live. The seeds of a real tyrant were already growing sprouts within his soul and Maedhros had seen that too often. 

He had gotten flint and steel from one of the men he had killed and some tinder too, he made sure the doors were blocked before he lit some tinder and then let it ignite a branch. He stood there with it lifted as a torch, it was flaming rather vividly for it was dry wood and he wanted Timar to see the end that awaited him. He stood there, waiting patiently and the walls of the barn were so full of cracks it didn’t take long before Timar saw the fire. 

At first he tried to hide, thinking that the elf was looking for him, then he realized that the elf wasn’t moving and to his horror he understood that he had been found already. The elf was an excellent tracker and Timar had never really learned how to move through a forest undetected. The tall redhead just stood there, staring, and Timar started to panic, he ran to the door and tried to open it but it was impossible to move it even an inch. Then he tried the other door and that too was blocked, he was trapped inside of the barn. He stared through the cracks, the tall elf stood there in the flickering light of the torch and he was more beautiful and terrible than anything the human had ever seen. The eyes were like deep wells, fountains filled with eons of time and they were so hard and cold it made Timar shiver to the bone. He tried to push down the door one more time but he only hurt his shoulder and he lost it, he screamed at the elf. “ What is it you want? Damn you, why are you here?!”

Maedhros didn’t make a single sound, he just put the torch in between the dry branches and the wood caught fire immediately. He stood back and listened to the desperate howls of the human, listened to pleas and curses and shrill screams. The barn was made from dry timbers and it was stacked with hay. It couldn’t have burned any better, Timar did at least get quite a spectacular funeral pyre, too bad for him he was still alive when he burned. Maedhros didn’t make a single grimace, his face was without any expressions as he listened to the last dying keens of the man who had murdered the two lads. He stood there until the barn had burned down and only ashes remained, then he returned to his horse. He had gathered equipment from the dead men and now he had weapons and whatever else he needed. He knew the direction towards this hidden valley and he knew he had to go there but it would take him quite some time to get there and while he was travelling he was not going to let anything stop him nor slow him down. He was going to protect himself and he started to feel like a soldier once more.   
His confidence was rising and he got the stuff onto a horse he came across on the outskirts of the moorland. It was one of those he had let loose and it was limping but it was strong enough to carry some things if not a rider. 

He felt a strange excitement surge through him, he was his own man now, free to do whatever he wished or was he? He felt that he had been brought back for some reason but he had no idea of what that reason may be. He wouldn’t let the Valar toy with him, his father had been right in many ways when he claimed that the Valar in some ways tried to belittle the Noldor. In Valinor they had been safe but it had been a life of stagnation, of endless boredom. Yes, they achieved many great things and created things of great beauty or usefulness but there was no challenge, no real thrill about it. Who cared if you spent two weeks or two millennia creating something when you could survive without it? He had heard scholars arguing for hours over some petty thing like how to pronounce the name of certain Valar or whether or not women should be allowed to inherit their parents the same way their brothers did. Fëanor had claimed that a society where nothing ever changes and no real threats sharpens the mind becomes a society where the spirits and opinions start to fester, like an untreated wound. People had become petty and narrow minded, being too pious and too afraid to do anything different than the others to evolve and grow and become more than before. In Ennor they could do that, they had faced terrible misery and awful situations but they had been free. Free to reclaim their lives and grow stronger and learn things the hard way, the real way. 

He rode south and knew that the world had changed a lot since he last was alive, he had little knowledge of just how much but he was rather sure that he would find out in time. Now he just had to keep going and hope that the elves of this valley weren’t too hostile. He was after all someone they probably still remembered, and he knew of the hatred many had felt towards his kin. It would be a miracle if that was completely gone and he had never been much of a believer in such things. He rode until the break of day, then he made a stop by a narrow river and caught a fish and ate it raw, he was used to surviving on very little and as he sat there resting he remembered those days after his rescue. 

He had not quite been able to believe it, that he was alive, that he wasn’t dead, that he was saved. He had given up hope and deep within he was proud of his brothers for not having foolishly tried to save him. It would have been in vain for they would never have been able to find him, and their own lives would have been lost in the process. He had accepted his fate and he decisions he had made after his rescue had perhaps not been popular but they had been needed. He had seen things from a new angle when he got back, had seen that the title of king would tear them apart just as the oath inevitably would and it was just idiotic to add more to their burden. 

He had been so weak when Fingon brought him to the camp, barely alive. His body had shut itself down, he was barely able to eat, could not move and the pathetic remains of his right arm had been infected badly. Some claimed that Fingon had struggled to cut away his hand and free him from that magically wrought shackle that held him to the mountainside but it was a lie. He had hung there for years, the hand had been dead and more or less rotten. If it hadn’t been for the magic in the shackle he would have slipped out of it and fallen. Fingon could have cut him loose with a butter knife, there had been little resistance. 

He remembered the sight of his own body, he had been completely emaciated and a terrifying sight. The healers had been lost for words when they saw him, they had no idea of what to do and Fingon had stayed, nurtured him back to life. Maedhros remembered that he had looked more or less like a skeleton, his skin almost as grey as the rock he had been chained to and although the orcs had cut his hair of it had grown back and become a tangled mess. Fingon had shaved him, it had been the only option and then he had scrubbed the entire body and the water had to be changed several times before all the filth was gone. He remembered the sensation of being dirty, of being stained and tainted. He had been so afraid of touch for years, been afraid of what would follow. It had been imprinted deeply within his soul and sometimes he would wake up and believe that he still was caught there in the darkness.  
It had taken a lot of his strength to recover, and when he finally had returned to health and full sanity he still had some problems adjusting to a normal life. Fingon had been very understanding and Maglor too, their younger brothers on the other hand had been less compassionate, their hearts had hardened to a degree where they no longer owned any sense of doubt. To them the goal justified the means no matter what and he hadn’t liked it at all. He had tried to rein them in, to control them but in the end it had been to no avail and the oath had reawakened. He had often cursed his father’s ingenuity, if those darn silmarilli hadn’t been made naught of it would have happened. His brothers would have been alive, they would have been safe. 

He rode on and old instincts reawakened, he felt how the vigorous life of the nature surrounding him make his skin tingle and he felt that he was at home there. He remembered the many times he had joined his brothers hunting in the forests of Eldamar, remembered how the light of the two trees had caressed a land that was in a way almost artificial. It was just too perfect, too…much. Everything was so brand new and would be forever, there was nothing there which was just left to chance, no such thing as something that just happened for no reason at all. He could sometimes have sworn that every branch or twig on the trees had been carefully designed to look just the way it did and he had come to loathe those memories. The forest they had encountered when returning to Ennor had been so different, so much more vibrant. Filled with life yes, but also with death and yet they were so much more interesting. Yes, they had made the right decision to return to the lands of the awakening, but maybe not for the right reasons. 

He spent the night in a tree with the horses resting underneath it and when the sun rose he rode on, the landscape was ragged, it looked rather flat from a distance but it wasn’t. There were many small hills or narrow little valleys and in between there were plains covered with tall yellow grasses and small holts of pine or spruce. It was beautiful and he wished he could have explored this land but by now he felt some sort of pull, some sort of desperation. It was rather subtle but insisting and he knew that he would have to get to this Imladris place, it was his target and he was getting a bit worried that this strange pull could mean trouble. 

He crossed a few rivers and in the evening he shot a small deer and made camp in a dense holt of some sort of trees he hadn’t seen before. He did start a fire and enjoyed some roasted meat, he felt hungry and knew he needed to eat to uphold his strength. His knee and thigh was alright again, he didn’t feel anything even resembling pain and he was deeply grateful for the help he had received in the village. He just hoped that he could repay them for the kindness he had received some day, and perhaps somehow tell them of the fate the two boys had suffered. It still pained him, he couldn’t help it. The kind of evil that had claimed their lives had been way too common back then and he had seen it too often. Maybe he was just as bad as Timar had been, maybe he was even worse but those had been times of war. Those had been the days of the desperate fight against Morgoth and everything had been different. 

He allowed himself some sleep and awakened feeling well rested, he made sure that the horses were okay and then he rode on. It was well beyond midday when he saw something in the horizon that made him stop Hammer and stare. It was a huge flock of crows and ravens and they were circling. He had learned that this usually did mean that something was dead and he got a strange feeling in his guts. He urged Hammer on and after about an hour he came across a place of slaughter. He just sat on his horse, staring. It had been a small group of humans, perhaps five in all, probably a family and he felt like retching. The bodies looked as if they had been more or less hacked to pieces, there wasn’t much remaining of them and he recognized the method and technique too darn well. This had been the doing of orcs and he felt how he snarled and his hands started shaking. So the orcs were still around, what else remained of those dark days? More foul beasts perhaps? He suddenly felt an urge to watch the sky for dragons or balrogs and he shook his head to get rid of the sinking fear. 

But if there were orcs around then the land was far from safe and he knew he should take great care when moving on. He decided to let the pack horse go, he rearranged his things and left a few items he didn’t really need and he did ride towards the river he saw up ahead. Orcs are not that overly fond of water and they are horrible swimmers, with the river at his back he felt a bit more safe and it appeared to be leading in the right direction too. He tried to stay low, to hide himself within the terrain and Hammer seemed to understand for the horse stayed in the shadows and he didn’t have to lead it at all. He had ridden for some hours and it was getting dark when he noticed a change in the atmosphere around him, the trees had fallen silent and he felt the hairs stand up at the back of his neck. They were warning him, he just knew it. He rode into a thicket of trees, there he grasped his bow and a quiver and his sword and jumped up into the trees. He told Hammer to stay hidden through thought speech and the horse nodded and disappeared into a very dark little canyon. He ran along the branches and before long he felt the familiar stench of orcs, he felt how a chill run along his spine, these creatures were just vile and horrible, abominations and insults to everything that was natural and pure. 

The pack wasn’t very large, perhaps a dozen and he watched them with keep eyes. They were different from the orcs he had seen back in the first age, they were smaller and looked more deformed in some ways, more wicked but less strong. They had adorned themselves with everything from scars to paint and wore rather primitive looking armor and weapons. But they were no laughing matter, he knew that. They were probably a lot stronger than one could expect and they were following his tracks. He saw it, he couldn’t just let them pass him by, they knew somebody was out there. He listened, they were speaking but the language had changed over time, he didn’t understand much. It had become more elaborate and the sound of it much more guttural and nasty. He shivered and wondered what he was to do. He had to act fast, that was for sure. He saw that several of them had bows and they looked powerful. He didn’t want to risk getting shot. He kept studying them, he did identify two as leaders, the others appeared to follow their lead and he somehow suspected that these orcs were lacking when it came to brains. They didn’t appear to be very smart. 

Right, if he got rid of the officers the others would probably start arguing about leadership and he took a deep breath and got his bow ready. It was getting dark and orcs could see very well in the darkness but so could he. He had one great advantage, his weapons were man made, the arrows were a bit different from the ones elves would use and if they believed that they fought a human being they would underestimate him greatly. 

He aimed for the one on the right, a rather large orc with grey skin and nasty red eyes and hair braided and adorned with small skulls and bones. The arrow hit the orc straight in the heart but Maedhros had moved the moment the arrow left the bow and was already somewhere else, he shot again and the other leader got the arrow through his temple, he too dropped like a rock and the other orcs just stood there for a few seconds, rather shocked. Then they started shouting and yelling and fired arrows in almost every direction. One pulled the arrow out of the fallen leader and stared at it, yelled something that only could mean human and the orcs grunted and growled, having two of them killed by a mere man was an insult. They were a bit insecure though, they hadn’t seen the shooter yet and gathered together in a rather tight group. 

Maedhros grinned, the grin was nasty and he had moved around the group by now. He fired again, rapidly and brought down yet four orcs. Half of the group was dead and the remaining creatures were getting nervous. They didn’t like not having a strong leader, most orc are like dogs, they prefer to be a part of a pack lead by someone with strength and now there were no such alpha individuals back. 

They fired at the trees but Maedhros had sought shelter behind the trunk of a huge beech. Some arrows did hit the trees and he sent an apology to them through his mind. He moved again, swiftly and stealthy like a ghost and fired again, one more orc fell and the five that remained decided that they had had it with this and tried to flee. Maedhros knew that orcs are cowards at heart, there is strength in numbers and even though a trapped orc will fight furiously they try to avoid getting into that type of a situation. They would never try to help a wounded comrade, it was more likely that they would eat him and the loyalty was based upon fear and strength more than real respect. He whistled and Hammer came trotting to him, he mounted swiftly and petted the horse on the neck. 

The battle rage had started to simmer within his veins, now it burst forth and he replaced the bow with Reaver, the blade was not very long but he knew how to use it and he kicked the horse into a gallop. The orcs heard the sound of hooves and turned around, surprised and not really able to see anything in the darkness underneath the trees. The horse was black and the ground soft so it was hard to determine where the sound came from. Hammer hit the group just like the tool which name he carried, the huge horse snorted in disgust and he did actually run two orcs down and stepped upon them. Maedhros did only hear some sickening crunching sounds and knew that those two were done for. The horse swirled around by just a slight pressure from his heels and he swung Reaver in elegant and yet deadly curves, took the heads of two in just seconds and then he went for the last one. It was a rather scrawny looking orc, pale and thin and rather grotesque looking with a lot of bizarre patterns carved into its skin. 

The orc screamed when it saw what it was that was chasing it, it had thought it was a human but this was an overly large elf and the orc tried to run. It was a very bad idea, Maedhros had gotten some throwing knives from the humans he had killed earlier and now one of them found its way into the orcs back with a thud. The orc fell and Maedhros dismounted and retrieved the weapon and his arrows. He grimaced, the stench of orc was vile and he just hoped that he wouldn’t encounter any more of these beasts. 

He spent the night in a tree again, he had found a holt and in the distance he could see a forested area, it was the Trollshaws but he didn’t know that. The map told him that his goal lay somewhere in that region towards the mountains. He could see the huge mountain range to the east, it looked very intimidating and he hoped that he didn’t have to get anywhere near them. He estimated a couple of days of travel before he could reach the forest and then it was anybody’s guess how long it would take him to find that valley. 

 

Elrond had been lost for words when he learned who the strange elleth was, he had had no knowledge of this females existence at all and the fact that she was conceived as the result of rape did concern him a great deal. He could remember his step father well and although Maedhros had been the least compassionate and gentle of the two feanorians who raised him and Elros Elrond had never doubted that the tall redhead had owned a good heart at the bottom. To hear that he had committed such a crime was in a way very disappointing, of course he knew of the things the sons of Fëanor had done but they had been driven to it by the oath, they had sought to retrieve the Silmarilli and he could to a certain degree at least understand the way they had been thinking and the circumstances that had lead them to do what they had. This on the other hand? Nothing could justify something like that, the first elves didn’t even have a word for such deeds, to them it was inconceivable that someone could force anyone to join like that. 

But she was Maedhro’s daughter, beyond any doubt. She looked so much like him it was frightening, the only difference was that her hair seemed to have a deeper red color than his, it looked almost burgundy in color. Elrond just knew that the silmarilli leftover her mother had received had something to do with her existence and it had to have shaped her and given her powers which she was unable to really understand. What Glorfindel had told him spoke volumes, she had managed to remain undetected for ages and that ought to have been impossible but she wasn’t consciously aware of what she had done, or of the fact that she had done anything at all. She had to be taught how to control this, he had to get to the bottom of this mystery. The power she possessed was something he never had encountered before and it irked him to a considerable degree that it was possessed by someone who seemed to be unable to act like a normal person. Her appearance was one thing, her behavior something altogether different. 

He knew that someone like that was bound to get into trouble sooner or later, she was probably unaware of the danger of really insulting someone with her completely outrageous behavior. She didn’t need any enemies, she had to learn how to behave and that had to happen soon or else she would be the laughing stock of the entire settlement. Nobody would be able to take her seriously at all and that would be very sad indeed. Elrond had been informed of the fountain incident, he had just sighed and rested his head in his hands, feeling rather tired. He had a strange feeling that having her there would be more stressful than dealing with the pranks his sons created ever had been. Luckily Glorfindel ought to be capable of handling her, or was he? He was a warrior after all, used to fighting and strategies and so on. Baby-sitting a mad elleth was hardly normal work for him but she had obviously gotten interested in him and when he had asked Glorfindel how he knew this the warrior had just blushed and refused to give a straight answer. 

Elrond thought he knew already, he had seen it in the females eyes and he also saw the protective and yet very confused glimpse in the eyes of the golden warrior and Elrond would have smirked if it hadn’t been a bit tragic. Glorfindel was in every way a gentleman and very well raised, he would never take advantage of an elleth and if Elrond didn’t misinterpret her body language when Glorfindel was near she acted a bit like a bitch in heat when around him. Resisting that had to be darn hard, Glorfindel deserved a great deal of respect. But how were they to proceed? They had to tame her somehow, make her normal. She had to be taught how to speak first of all, the few words Glorfindel and the twins had been able to teach her were not enough to even start a conversation. And she had to learn what modesty was, and proper table manners not the least. He knew that dwarves showed their appreciation of a good meal by tossing leftovers everywhere but it wasn’t considered polite among elves. He thought for a second about sending her to the dwarves of Erebor, her table manners would fit right in there but he pushed the idea out of his head right away. 

No, this was serious, if she did contain the power of the silmarilli, if it was even just a tiny bit of it, she could become very dangerous. They had to cure her and make her become a normal person so that they could start to unravel this phenomenon. Elrond left his study and went to the library. Erestor was there as usual and he smiled but looked a bit worried. Elrond frowned, Erestor did usually look very happy when he was around his books, but not today. “What is the matter?” 

Erestor bit his lower lip, his eyes were wide. “ My lord, do you believe in ghosts?” 

Elrond frowned. “ Ghosts? Like the houseless? Or are you referring to what the mortal think of as ghosts?” 

Erestor leaned towards the master of Imladris and he was a bit pale. “ I don’t know, but I locked the door when I left for dinner, when I returned the door was still locked but several books were tossed all over the place, it looked as if a hurricane had gone through the shelf.” 

Elrond was stunned. “ What? What shelf was that?” 

Erestor grasped Elrond by his sleeve and tugged the reluctant lord after him, Elrond had to follow or risk that his expensive robe got torn. They rounded a corner and Elrond gasped. In front of them were an absolute mayhem and a librarians worst nightmare. There were books laying everywhere, and they were just thrown about as if a child had been throwing a tantrum or something. “See?!”

Elrond walked over, very silently and picked up one of the books, it was only one shelf that had been affected by the phenomenon and judging from the book he was holding in his hand it was a shelf of dictionaries of almost every language they knew of in Arda. Elrond was puzzled, “Dictionaries? Who would try to ruin a bunch of dictionaries?”

Erestor looked as if he was in despair, seeing this almost put him into shock, he hated seeing his library reduced to such a state and Elrond patted him on the back. “Worry not mellon, I will send someone to help you tidy this up.” 

Erestor just rolled his eyes and sighed, the elf could sometimes be more than a little melodramatic but he was a very skilled person and Elrond was very fond of him. But who could have done this? Erestor was very careful with the library, he would never let the doors remain unlocked if he wasn’t there and anyone who wanted to enter the place had to have his permission. Erestor still broke into heavy sweating and got pale as moonlight whenever someone mentioned that particular night when the twins had gotten into the library and had managed to cover all of his papers with inkstains and left several very valuable and also very erotic illustrated ancient books with fingermarks, food and wine stains and even a few torn pages. It had taken Elrond a week to get Erestor out of the catatonic shock into which the poor ellon had fallen. It was just pure luck that the twins hadn’t been physically mature yet, or else the nature of those stains could have been even more unappealing. 

Elrond walked back to his study, he saw that the lights were out in Glorfindel’s apartment and he sighed and hoped that the warrior got some rest. He felt that the days to come could prove to be very exhausting for them all. 

Glorfindel woke up rather late, the sunlight had already turned the room rather hot since it faced the sunrise and he yawned and stretched and started when he realized that he lay next to someone. He turned his head and saw that Halariel was sleeping next to him, she looked as innocent as a child and he couldn’t help but smile, a rather warm and gentle smile. Halariel mumbled something in her sleep and Glorfindel frowned, what had that been? It had sounded like khuzdul? Had she perhaps learned some of the dwarfish language when she was younger? She mumbled again and he shook her gently. Yes, it was most definitely khuzdul and it was just the names of several types of granite. 

Halariel opened her eyes and grinned, she stretched and he had to admire the shape of her. She was thin but by the gods, she would become irresistible as soon as she got some weight onto her. He got dressed, combed his hair and brushed his teeth and got ready for the day, Halariel had found the green dress they had bought for her and managed to put it on, he had to help her with the laces though. She giggled and he couldn’t help it, she was so darn cute like that but he didn’t really know how to deal with her. He offered her arm. “ I bet you are hungry? Let us go to the hall and get some food. “ 

She cocked her head and grinned, followed him eagerly and without questioning him. Outside it was very sunny and he felt tense, she could suddenly do something rather outrageous and he didn’t want to cause another scene like yesterday. She did behave though, followed him to the hall and the staff already knew of her habits so she wasn’t given any cutlery and the plate and cup were made from heavy ceramics and naught but unbreakable. She just giggled and stared at the hard boiled eggs she had gotten and the bread and cheese. Glorfindel started removing the eggshells from his eggs but she obviously didn’t understand that they were boiled for she tried to bite them in half. It looked weird and many elves threw swift and shocked glances at them.   
Glorfindel was about to show her that the egg was boiled, she acted before he had time to react. She just tossed the egg away with an impressive technique and it hit Lindir in the back of his head so egg yolk and pieces of eggshell flew around him. 

He almost lost his balance but did regain it by putting his hand down rather fast, straight into a bowl of breakfast cereal someone was eating. The minstrel was apologizing with such fervor one would expect he was guilty of something far worse than just ruining someone’s breakfast, Lindir had always been a bit shy!

Glorfindel turned to Halariel, she was studying another egg and was about to toss that too when Glorfindel gently and yet with determination caught her wrist and stopped her. “ No!” 

She frowned, then she looked down, sulking like a kid someone has scolded. “No?” 

He nodded sternly. “ No Halariel, no tossing of eggs, or any other things for that matter.”

She sighed, then she grabbed the cup of milk and without hesitating she lifted it and poured it over Glorfindel’s head. He let go of her wrist, coughing and trying to wipe the milk out of his eyes, she looked at him with very innocent eyes, in fact she was fluttering her eyelashes at him in a most peculiar way. Did she at all know what she was doing?   
Glorfindel was soaking wet, the other elves present were staring as if there was a balrog in their midst and some elflings at a nearby table was giggling and laughing so hard they almost fell off the bench. 

Glorfindel tried to remain calm but he felt that anger was starting to simmer within him and he took several deep breaths to calm himself down. “ Halariel..do…not…repeat…that!! Milk is not for wasting!”

She cocked her head, looked as if she was thinking about something very hard. Then she opened her mouth. “ Milk, letter M. Milk, muck, mucus molds, more, meleth, man, mandible, marriage, menace, monsoon malady moron matrimony moonlight moose malleable mob mop monster mope” 

Glorfindel stared at her with his mouth open, she grinned like crazy. “ Eggs, letter E, Eggs, eager, estragon, elleth enemy elsewhere elfling estuary endings ent elvenkind.” 

Glorfindel was a bit shocked, had she somehow been triggered to recite all the words she had ever learned or something, what was this? 

She stood in the middle of the hall and she was actually shouting the words rather loud so everybody could hear them, she went by the alphabet and suddenly she obviously remembered something new. “ Letter O,. obscenities, cum, cum-sucker whore bitch oral-sex ass ass-fucker, cock-sucker, fisting, fist-fucking asshole, horses ass, hard on, wood, stiffy orc-cock, tits, boobs, breast, clitoris ass-licker motherfucker cock gweth, dick, cunt cunt-licker…” 

Glorfindel had rather fast reflexes but before he managed to get to her from across the table and press a hand over her mouth a very impressive list of very obscene words had managed to be heard all through the hall and the silence was so absolute you could have heard a pin drop. More than a hundred pair of extremely shocked elven eyes was staring at them and Glorfindel felt his ears burning like never before. Some ellith by the next table stared so hard Glorfindel feared that they were close to passing out and one of the elflings asked in a sweet voice. “ Naneth, what is a cock-sucker?”

Glorfindel once again had to struggle against a very willful elleth and he had never been that embarrassed in his entire life. He grasped her and tossed her across his back, running from the hall as if his pants were on fire. Halariel wasn’t done yet, she shouted. “ Letter B, boot, better, back, bother, brother, bones boner bridge banner banned burn buck bigger born busy business been barracks.” 

Glorfindel ran to Elronds study and kicked the door open, he found the lord of Imladris standing by a table next to his sons, they were studying some maps and Glorfindel saw that the two twins threw a rather confused glance at the captain, it wasn’t that often that you saw the captain of the guard of Imladris rushing into a room with a trashing elleth tossed over his shoulder, dripping wet with…milk?

Elrond just stared and Halariel was kicking and struggling to get free from Glorfindel’s rock hard grip. She wasn’t going to quit though. “ Letter F; Fuck, fuck-off, fiend, fierce, finances fiancée, former, formal, foremost, future, fucked, forward, futile, fuming, fumes, fantasy, fire, fore, fandango, fabulous, fantastic, falling fallout fancy fare forever fond, fondue.” 

Elrond went pale and Glorfindel panted. “Elrond, make her stop, she just taught a group of elflings every obscenity I have ever heard of plus quite a few of which I have been oblivious up to now. The mothers looked as if they were ready to have our heads.” 

Elrond sat down, he just stared at Halariel and it didn’t appear that she really knew what it was that she was saying, she just went through a list and she didn’t understand the words at all. “The dictionaries, she or rather her power is behind it.”

Glorfindel struggled to keep her under control. “ What freaking dictionaries?!”

Elrond let a hand run through his long ebony hair. “Something had torn through Erestor’s dictionaries yester eve, it had to be her, well, the powers she has got. “ 

Glorfindel stared at the healer. “What in Eru’s name are you talking about?!” 

Elrond was pale. “ It is awakening Glorfindel, it is trying to learn? Can’t you see? You went into her mind, you showed her the past she had forgotten and it reduced her to a childlike state again, she doesn’t want to remember so the thing inside of her is taking control over her, I can feel it. It is trying to become her, to live through her.” 

Glorfindel swallowed hard, he felt his knees go weak. “ No, you cannot mean that?” 

Elrond was trembling a bit, the twins stared at Halariel with narrow eyes, both had their hands on their swords. “ I am, I am sorry but I am. She is shielding herself from her memories by withdrawing from conscious thought, by remaining like an animal. The thing she harbors is creating a personality for itself and when it gets strong enough it may be that we will have to deal with a living piece of silmarilli and not an elleth at all. And only the Valar knows how to deal with something like that” 

Glorfindel turned his head, stared at her. It couldn’t be true, he didn’t want it to happen, he was getting fond of her god damn it. How were they to cope with a creature with such powers? She turned her eyes towards him and for a moment they were shining, in a completely unnatural and otherworldly manner. He swallowed hard, felt his blood run cold. Elrond looked very nervous, almost as if he had shrunk somehow. “We have to keep her in charge of herself, to bring her back, no matter how it is done. Her true self is in jeopardy, her soul is going to fade if her power manage to overcome her body. “ 

Glorfindel grasped her hand, it was warm and real and he remembered the sorry state she had been in when they found her. She wouldn’t have survived for long but perhaps that would have been more kind than this. He felt scared but determined still. “ So, how do we do that?” 

Elrond shrugged, his face had an expression of utter helplessness. “ I have no idea Fin, honestly.” 

Glorfindel felt a cold chill run down his spine, he stared at her. “ I won’t let anything happen to you Halariel, this I swear. “


	8. A captive soul

Chapter 8 : A captive soul 

 

Elrond was extremely confused and equally worried, if his suspicions were true and Halariel was in fact being controlled by the Silmarilli powers she owned then she was very dangerous. Yes, she had done nothing harmful as of yet, well, at least nothing so harmful it could be regarded as dangerous but did she have the capability of causing real damage? Could it be that the power in fact had tried to help her? After all, she knew no words and it could be that the force within had just tried to help her learn some more, fast. 

He sighed and sat down behind his desk, they had to help her but how? If the force was indeed trying to be helpful then it could perhaps try to protect her if it thought she was in danger and that could be really dangerous. The power had showed great potential but just like her it had obviously no real understanding of life and the rules of a society. It made him think that she could be in control of it after all, that it did spring from her mind and not from some hidden source within her very being. How where they to know, could they dare to explore her mindset further? She had to be controlled somehow, could he perhaps drug her? It was a possibility but he believed that he had another choice. Glorfindel had tried to create a mind link with her, but he was inexperienced and it was done in desperation. Elrond had done that many times, often with elves who were severely traumatized by different experiences and needed to be healed in a way they themselves could not control. 

He could try to make it easier by using herbs and by taking the process very slowly and in tiny steps. But still it could be dangerous and he wasn’t so sure if he was ready for it. He had sent Glorfindel and Halariel back to their rooms and he had ordered the warrior to make sure that she drank a lot of a herbal tea he had one of his apprentices make. It made you relaxed and sleepy and should enable Glorfindel to keep her under control. He got up again, feeling restless. Not knowing what actions he was to take always made him stressed out and he felt the onset of a headache. He tried to push it away by his will alone but it didn’t budge, it stayed. He shook his head in annoyance and remembered the one time a mind link hadn’t helped, when he had tried to heal his beloved Celebrian. Her mind had been so torn up by the terrors she had experienced that she was unable to cope with life, she had to sail or perish. He had felt that he had betrayed her, that he should have been able to erase it all and bring her back to who she had been but it had been impossible. Some things just cannot be changed and one shouldn’t try to change them neither, they just were and that was that. 

He was considering leaving to go to the infirmary to pick up some painkillers when there was a loud banging on the door, he didn’t have time to answer to it before it flew open and a very red faced elleth stormed in, carrying a four year old elfling on her arm. The elfling stared around her with wide eyes and looked a bit confused. Elrond did at first believe that the child was injured somehow but then the mother opened her mouth and she did have the most amazing set of lungs he had ever encountered for he was sure everybody could have heard her as far as Lothlorien. “I want that ….wench…removed from this place…you cannot allow such a foul creature to reside here, she has corrupted our children!”

Elrond needed air, he needed to get away from it all and now this, a very pissed off elleth. He knew better than to further agitate a pissed off mother, they were the worse patients he had and he still remembered the one elleth who had almost torn down the entire infirmary believing that her precious little one had contracted the plague. She had refused to believe him when he told her that the child had eaten molded and fermented berries and he had for a moment feared for his own safety. He didn’t want that kind of situation again, ever! “My lady, the wench you refer to is a patient of mine, I can assure you, she didn’t mean what she said, she didn’t even understand it.”

He kept his voice calm and collected and tried to exude as much confidence as he could but the elleth was still fuming. Now, what was her name again? Ni…? Nu? Nolariel? Yes, Nolariel it was, he remembered her as a very feisty young thing very fond of partying. Seeing her transformed into a very protective mother was a bit unsettling. She growled, her expression more akin to that of an orc than an elf. “Oh really? Well keep that thing on a leash for I will not allow her anywhere near my daughter again.! She just asked her brother if he was ….oh Eru, I cannot even say it, a cock-s….”

Elrond had to stop a smirk from emerging, look who’s talking. He remembered that Nolariel had had a reputation for being very good at that specific act. “My lady, children do forget easily, don’t worry about it. Just teach her some other funny words and she will use them instead.”

Nolariel pressed her lips together so hard they became white. “Oh, like what? I am warning you, if that darn elleth does something like that again we will demand that she is being removed from this valley.”

Elrond tried to look stern. “Like I said earlier, she is a patient, I will not make her leave her until I have helped her. And swearwords and cussing isn’t that bad, the kids pick that up sooner or later anyhow”

Nolariel just scoffed, threw him a glance filled with daggers and poison and ran out of the door, slamming it shut behind her. Elrond groaned, a headache had now started to become a migraine and he rolled his eyes and got out. The healing ward was quiet this afternoon, it was unoccupied save for a warrior who had injured his knee while on duty and the ellon was fast asleep. Elrond mixed some herbs with miruvor and tossed it back as if it was water. It tasted like rotten old socks but the pain started to subside right away. He sighed with relief. Yes, he had to do something, before Halariel caused even more trouble. 

Glorfindel had a strange sensation inside, Halariel had been a good girl and drunk the tea but now she was acting more and more strange by the minute. She seemed confused and her head was lolling from one side to the other while her eyes rolled in her head. She had to react to the medicine in a most unusual way and he was getting worried. She made some strange sounds and then she appeared to fall asleep, her eyes fixed and distant and her breathing slow and steady. He hoped that she indeed was asleep and not suffering from some severe reaction to the herbs.   
He sat down in an armchair, never letting his eyes drift from her, it was like guarding a sleeping dragon, the Valar only knew what kind of tricks she would be up to. He heard her moan a little, her legs kicked, her head moved, she reminded him of a dog he had owned while living in Gondolin, it had moved like that when it was dreaming. He frowned, the room had become rather cold and he got a bit confused. It was rather warm outside and hadn’t the hearth been lit earlier that day? It could of course be cold wind so he got up and closed the chimney, that ought to do it. He gasped when he realized that the temperature was continuing to drop, it was actually getting so cold he could see his own breath. 

Glorfindel realized that she was causing this, she had to remember some winter situation and he felt the cold permeating everything there. The outside? He rushed towards the window, peered out and was shocked to see that it was in fact snowing outside. He couldn’t believe his own eyes. And it was just in a small tiny area around the building she was in, other where the sun was shining and it was a normal pleasant day. Some elflings were running around trying to catch snowflakes with their tongue while the adults just stood there, staring. 

Glorfindel growled, sweet Eru what a mess. He rushed over to the bed and shook her, rather violently. She yawned and opened her eyes, looking like a very pleased and relaxed cat. He petted her cheek. “Halariel, you were dreaming.”

The temperature was returning to normal very rapidly and he was thankful for that, a midwinter blizzard just out of nowhere was not normal even in this place of magic. Halariel sighed and curled up in bed, she had started to regain some hair, it was still very short, just a few millimeters long but it did cover the scars and it gave her a sort of elegance he hadn’t seen in others before. He sat down next to her. “I guess you aren’t hungry again just yet, how do you feel?”

Her eyes were still a bit distant, and she looked as if she was drunk, very drunk in fact. She pulled her blankets off and smiled at him, a very dreamy smile, before she spread her legs and pulled her skirts up. He moaned, not again! But she was obviously insatiable and he had to just try to keep her mind occupied. Before long he was rather busy and she was panting and moving her hips, eagerly urging him on. This was getting rather awkward, he was having a very hard time not going too far and the idea of seeking some other elleth just to release some of the desire was tempting but he felt as though that would be a betrayal. He did care about Halariel, he had to be honest with himself. He wanted to see her happy and safe and he didn’t want to see her with anybody else than himself. Elves are not supposed to grow jealous but he was pretty sure that he would become very jealous indeed if she started showing interest for someone else. Finally she was sated and he was aching and feeling very restless indeed. Halariel curled up next to him on the bed and he tried to smile at her but failed, he wanted to leave the room to take care of himself but he didn’t dare to. She saw the expression upon his face and suddenly he had nimble fingers unlacing his pants with a skill that was surprising considering how long it had to have been since she had done something like that. 

He was trying to back away from her, not really sure if he could trust her completely. She had him out of his pants by now and then she touched him, very gently but it was enough to make him gasp. Halariel giggled and looked at him with some sort of determination within her gaze, then she bent over and what she did next almost made him come on the spot. He hadn’t thought that she knew that could be done at all, but perhaps she had understood some of the obscenities after all. She had no experience, that much he could clearly understand but by the Valar did she have zeal, she was a bit rough but he quickly managed to show her that teeth was a no-no. It wasn’t long before he reached the end of his endurance and he didn’t even have time to warn her before he spilled. She coughed a few times but didn’t seem too disgusted and he felt like passing out, she giggled and wiped off her mouth with her forearm and laid down next to him, cuddling against his shoulder. He managed to catch his breath and let his hand slide across her head. “Halariel, you are amazing. I cannot believe that you just did that.”

She smiled sweetly and her eyes became distant again. He felt like getting up and cleaning himself but he didn’t want to wake her up. He just got himself back into his pants and laced them back up, just in case someone entered the room. He had been given head quite a few times but never with such an eager curiosity as she had showed. No, he did most definitely not want her with someone else, he had to win her affection on a deeper level than just the carnal one. He felt a bit tired too and slowly he fell asleep. 

Elrond had been mixing herbs when a very startled guard came crashing through the door squealing about snow and freezing temperatures. The healer did for a second believe that perhaps his sons once again were up to some sort of mischief but he followed the ellon outside and he did see that it indeed was snowing, in a circle around the house in which Halariel was kept. Elrond gasped and could barely believe his own eyes, not even the isthari could do that. The snow suddenly disappeared again but he just felt it, her powers were growing stronger here. Why? Then it struck him like a thunderclap, Vilya! His ring, it probably sensed the power of his ring and responded to it. Was this something he ought to be nervous about? He didn’t feel his ring respond to her in any specific way, it would have if her powers somehow had been a threat to Vilya. Right then, it didn’t see her as a threat but what would be next? 

Glorfindel knew he hadn’t slept for very long, in fact he woke up feeling rather dizzy and his throat was dry as if he had slept with his mouth open and he was still sleepy. He mumbled and tried to turn around in the bed, wanting to get closer to Halariel. The bed was soft, it was in fact so soft it was unpleasant. It hadn’t felt that way when he fell asleep? He opened his eyes and turned his head and then he let out a loud yelp, he wasn’t on the bed, he was above it. He was hovering about three feet of the bed and so was she, she was asleep and mumbling something to herself as she moved rather sluggishly and squirmed in thin air. Glorfindel found that he could move, but there was nothing he could use to move himself against, to gain momentum.

He reached out and managed to get a hold of her shoulder, shook it rather violently and she squeaked and awakened and immediately they both fell onto the bed like they were made from lead. Glorfindel let out a loud “Oooouuuffff” and Halariel screamed, the bedframe could not take such punishment, it creaked and groaned like some dying animal and broke in half, the bed politely bending itself neatly so that they suddenly lay there with their legs in the air and their bodies trapped inside of the matrass. Glorfindel gasped, he know knew what it felt like to be squashed, the bedframe was a heavy one and for some reason it had followed the matrass and the weight rested upon them, they had to get out of this predicament and that soon. 

Halariel was screaming, it got a bit muffled by the matrass and the blankets and everything that now covered them but she was terrified beyond any doubt. Glorfindel swore and tried to work his way out of the darn matrass that now had the shape of an U. The door opened and he grumbled and then he heard someone laugh but the laughter was mixed with disbelief. Somebody started to pull the bedframe away from them. Then finally the matrass was being turned flat again and they were free. Glorfindel quickly covered Halariel with a blanket, she was wide eyed and still scared and shivering and he stared at their rescuers. It was Elladan and Elrond and one of the other healers, they stared at the mess and it was rather obvious that none of them understood a single thing. “What happened here? What have you been doing? A split bedframe?!”

Elrond looked a bit suspicious but Glorfindel shook his head vigorously. “Oh no, nothing like that, know what you are thinking. We just…ah...slept.”

Elrond frowned. “Slept? So hard the bed buckled?”

Glorfindel squirmed, he saw the smirk on the face of the eldest twin and the other healer was also trying to hide his mirth, to no prevail. “Listen, we slept, she somehow lifted us up in the air and when she woke up she dropped us right down, our weight falling was too much for the bed, alright?! We were not, and I repeat, we were not fucking!!”

He was a bit hoarse and Elrond nodded, his eyes even more narrow now. “You were lifted up into the air?!”

Glorfindel nodded his head vigorously. “Aye, we both hung there, three feet above the bed, like we were pulled up by ropes, only that there weren’t any”

Elrond swallowed and Glorfindel knew his friend very well, he was way more affected by that piece of information than he dared to express. He saw it in the eyes, a glimpse of awe and also fear.   
“She just lifted both of you into the air?” Elrond’s voice was a bit hoarse now and he stared at Halariel who looked a bit pale. 

Glorfindel nodded, rolling his eyes. “Indeed!”

Elrond swallowed hard, he nodded to Elladan. “Keep her busy for a while will you? I need to speak to Glorfindel, in private!”

Elladan made a snorting sound. “Why me?!”

Elrond just glared at him. “Because!”

Elladan sighed and tried to catch Halariel’s attention by showing her a trick he used to entertain children, he pressed his hands together and made his fingers go back and forth and she giggled and was instantly mesmerized. Elrond grasped Glorfindel by his collar and pulled him with him out of the door. Glorfindel felt a bit nervous all of a sudden, what was this?   
The healer took a deep breath. “Fin, I think she is reacting to my ring!”

The balrog slayer took a deep breath. “Are you sure?!”

Elrond nodded solemnly. “I am, it has escalated hasn’t it? I doubt that she has had episodes like this before she came here. It is the power of Vilya, I am sure that the power inside of her is responding to it, but I have no idea of whether or not it poses a threat.”

Glorfindel brazed himself. “I don’t think she will hurt anyone on purpose, she is innocent Elrond, so very so. There is no evil in her.”

Elrond nodded. “I agree on that statement, she is indeed innocent but she is like a child too, and children can do a lot of damage, without knowing that they are doing anything wrong. Innocence is like a double edged blade, it can be harmful.”

Glorfindel shrugged. “I am not entirely sure that I agree?”

Elrond sighed. “Okay, remember that time when Erestor’s apprentice had his nephew visiting from Lindon?”

Glorfindel squinted, thinking hard. “Oh, yes, I remember, cute little thing, eight years old right?”

Elrond nodded.. “Indeed, the sweetest child I have seen in an age, and do you remember what he did?”

Glorfindel shook his head. “No?”

Elrond sighed. “He opened the gate to the horse’s pen and let them into the fruit garden, thinking that they wanted some apples.”

Glorfindel frowned. “Ah, yes, colic right?”

Elrond nodded slowly. “You remember a little of it, ten horses with colic, two had to be put down, one with a twisted gut that died and three more got injured due to fighting, falling into a ditch and so on. It was a disaster, I think you were out on patrol back then. “

Glorfindel nodded. “I must have been, I would have remembered otherwise.”

Elrond sent him a faint smile. “Possibly, the point is Fin, the boy didn’t mean to do anything wrong, he wanted to be kind, but he didn’t know the consequences of what he did. “

Glorfindel looked down. “You are right, she may act out of ignorance and cause a disaster, what can we do?”

Elrond shrugged. “Good question, what can we do indeed. If we try to sedate her we will just keep shoving the problems ahead of us. We have to do something about it, something real.”

Glorfindel leaned against the wall, he looked a bit nervous. He didn’t want to see Halariel getting hurt in any way. “What are you suggesting?”

Elrond bit his lower lip. “Another mind link, remember, I can do that, I know how to deal with such matters. But it may be risky, dangerous even. “

Glorfindel peeked in through the door, Elladan was showing Halariel how to make rope from bedspreads. “For her or for you?”

Elrond looked out across the valley, his eyes distant. “First and foremost for her, but I have a feeling that I too may be in danger, if that power represents a separate entity, something not really a part of her soul, it may choose to defend itself somehow. “

Glorfindel hissed. “Fighting against the power of a Silmaril? I do not think so!”

Elrond smiled, the smile was a bit fake. “Oh, don’t worry. What her mother received from Maglor was just a tiny fragment right? It cannot be that powerful, and I will not act in a way that is threatening. Being attacked is the worst case scenario anyhow.”

Glorfindel had a feeling that Elrond said that just to ease his mind. “Well, I guess that is the best option we have, to unravel the mystery and get her under control. When will you do this?”

Elrond took a deep breath. “Tonight, I will prepare herbs and equipment and start after sunset.”

Glorfindel felt an urge to protest, to say that it was too soon, that he didn’t want to risk her sanity yet again but he knew that Elrond was right. They had to bring her inn under some sort of control, it had to be done. 

Glorfindel returned to Halariel who was watching Elladan making shadow animals against the wall, she was staring with huge eyes and grinning widely and Glorfindel had to agree with Elrond, she was a child in some ways, a child with powers they couldn’t even begin to understand. It was frightening. Elrond smiled. “Get her some food and relax, show her the garden or something. Try to keep her mind occupied with something until I am ready. “

Glorfindel nodded but internally he was yelling with frustration. Halariel looked a bit annoyed over the fact that Elladan had left, she pouted and sighed and Glorfindel shook his head. She really was cute that way but he felt as though he was walking on thin ice. He had no idea of what his actions could cause. She was utterly unpredictable. 

He did take her to the dining hall again where she promptly threw a whole bowl of salad at the waitress and then she poured a tankard of ale onto the floor, just to look at the pretty patterns in the wooden floor. Glorfindel rolled his eyes, apologized and tried to divert her attention as much as he could. It was like herding a bunch of rabbits, the second he let go she was scooting off again, eager to investigate something else. She was tugging at the hair of one ellon who had a particularly unusual hairstyle, then she went crawling beneath the benches looking at shoes and the children there were grasped by nervous mothers who didn’t want a repetition of the swearing incident. 

Afterwards she was covered in dirt and grime and still she was grinning like mad. Glorfindel thought that yes, she was cute in her own way but damn how tiresome. They went to the garden and she went ballistic. She ran around sniffing every flower she saw, even a couple that smelled like a rotten carcass and she was jumping up and down like mad trying to reach the branches of trees that had been painstakingly shaped into weave like patters or even animals. Glorfindel was afraid she’d might harm something but she didn’t, she was very gentle with the plants and he tried to teach her the names. 

They spent quite some time in the garden and she relaxed after a while, became more normal. Her energy level had to have dropped considerably and she sat on the bench next to him and just listened to him telling old stories from his previous life. He wasn’t sure she understood but she leaned her chin onto his shoulder and just sat there. He kept talking while she was fidgeting with his sleeve, and she kept her eyes on him the whole time. Glorfindel wasn’t so sure of what he thought of that, she was a bit starry eyed and her smile was dreamy. She liked his voice, that was rather apparent. 

They sat underneath a tree, a huge one with neatly trimmed branches and Glorfindel suddenly realized that it was blooming, odd, he hadn’t even realized that this tree would bloom at this time of the year. The branches were full of flowers, beautiful light pink ones and suddenly petals started raining down over them in a veritable blizzard. Glorfindel coughed and tried to wipe flower petals away from his face, Halariel grinned and sneezed and she giggled. It was the only tree in the garden that bloomed and they were underneath it. That was no coincidence, her powers were at work again, without her knowing it. She wiped petals away from her head, her dress and lap and soon they felt as though they would drown underneath a blanket of petals, Glorfindel groaned and grasped her hand. “Come, let’s find another bench.”

She got up and he took her by her hand, moved over to another bench. They sat down and she immediately kissed him, a very wet and very direct kiss and he pulled back and tried to hold her back a little. “Whoa, easy there. We’re in public Halariel, it isn’t decent.”

She frowned and went for it again and before he knew it he was on his back on the bench with her sitting on his belly leaning forth and kissing him as if she had been thirsty and he was water. It was a bit exhilarating, he had to admit that. No elleth had ever kissed him thus before but he felt like the target for an invasion, a very quick and violent one. He was pinned down and she was grinding herself against his body and he squeaked and just prayed the Valar that nobody would show up right there and then. 

Thankfully she didn’t do anything except kissing and he started to enjoy it at least a little, he tried to teach her how to do it right and she was eagerly doing as he instructed. It wasn’t so bad, she was really trying and he didn’t try to get back up again. It felt good laying there with that warm body on top of him and her enthusiastic caresses were having a rather profound effect on him. Luckily he wore a very loose long tunic and loose pants that didn’t reveal his predicament at all.   
He looked out of the corner of his eye just to make sure that nobody was walking down the path when he noticed something that made him blink and just stare. The flowers were moving, in a very not botanical way. They were swaying from side to side in a very peculiar motion and rhythm that seemed almost familiar to him, what the… He lifted his head, the vines growing around the trees were sliding against each other, it looked rather sensual, so were the herbs and taller flowers too. 

 

He felt his throat go dry, oh Valar, oh no! Then he heard a strange thumping sound and turned his head the other way, one bench was desperately trying to mount another one, a pair of chairs were both trying to mate with a tree and longer down the path two statues had come to life and were doing what had to be a perfect imitation of an intercourse done doggy style, facial expressions included. Too bad the statues were made to resemble Manwë and Elrond’s mother. 

Glorfindel shot up, staring at the calamity, it looked as if every object that wasn’t nailed down tried to have sex with other objects, living or dead. He heard shouts and screaming and he saw one ellon come running down one of the other paths being chased by a galloping long legged table, he ran like he had all the minions of Morgoth at his heels. Halariel giggled, she held her stomach and shook with mirth and Glorfindel didn’t see the fun in it. It was terrifying, in fact it made him a bit nauseous. He grasped her by her hand, pulled her with him and they both ran towards the central square. 

There were screams and terrified elves ran everywhere while furniture and tools obviously had gotten a life of their own and its own will. A huge tree was moving in obvious spasms as a garden hose was slithering around through its cracks and crevices and he saw that even the tiles on the paths tried to rip free from the ground. He moaned, this was indeed dangerous, it was awful and even Halariel seemed to understand that something was wrong. 

Elrond came running, his robes were torn and his eyes huge and black with terror. “There you are, it is Halariel isn’t it? My own desk just tried to hump me, I barely escaped with my dignity and my life.”

Glorfindel was blushing. “Yes, it is her. She…she got a bit eager and started kissing me and then this calamity started.”

Elrond grasped Halariel by her shoulder, then he pressed his hand against her forehead and Glorfindel had time to see a bright flash of light before she went limp and he had to catch her before she hit the ground. The noises and madness immediately stopped, the plants became plants again and the other objects were just things once more, as they ought to be. 

Elrond let out a huge sigh of relief and rolled his eyes and Glorfindel swallowed and stared at Halariel’s face, she was beyond dangerous, she was… He had no words for it. Elrond stared at Glorfindel and there was something very dark in his eyes. “Fin, promise me this, If there ever is an orc attack on this place, or any other place where she is, don’t let the orcs catch her alive. If the enemy gets his hands on someone like her, we are all screwed and I seriously mean it. “

Glorfindel went pale, he hadn’t even thought about that scenario, and he knew that Elrond was right. She could become a most awful weapon. There were whispers of the shadow having returned and although Sauron had been beaten soundly at the Dagorlad they couldn’t be too sure that he wouldn’t return, he wasn’t completely annihilated. “I know, I promise.”

Elrond sent him a stern glance. “Good, now, help me carry her to the healing ward, we have to keep her there until tonight, by the Valar, I bet the place will be crowded until then. There are just too many with injuries.”

Glorfindel lifted Halariel up and carried her gently as Elrond walked with fast steps towards the hospital like buildings. It was already a long line of elves there waiting for help but luckily nobody was seriously hurt. Elrond gave Halariel a separate room and Glorfindel had yet again the boring job of watching over her. But it wasn’t so boring now actually, it was getting on his nerves. He found a book and sat down to read but he constantly had to send her a swift glance, just to make sure that nothing odd was happening. 

It was rather late before Elrond and the other healers were finished, they had treated everything from scratches and bruises to a few fractures and a concussion. Most of the injuries were just superficial, after all, elves are very agile and fast and they had been able to avoid the suddenly very amorous objects. Elrond felt tired when they closed the doors after the last patient, he went to his own rooms and ate a little, drank some refreshing tea and took a quick and rather cold bath, it sort of reenergized him and he knew he was ready for quite a struggle. It was a strange idea, he was about to face the power of the silmarilli, or at least small shard of it. He knew so little of those jewels, even though he had been alive when the oath of the feanorian’s had been active. He had seen the devastation those jewels had created, had seen the bloodshed and hatred and doom they had brought. It was hard to tell if the jewels themselves had been accountable for at least a little of the problems. They had been blessed by the Valar, that ought to ensure that no evil could taint them but Halariel’s mother had gotten a shard left by their creation, not from the finished product. 

Elrond knew as well as everybody else that Fëanor had left something of himself within those jewels, that they contained a part of the essence of who he was, and he had been…not quite sane. Elrond had seen it, had heard the tales, had watched up close what his sons had done. It had been inheritable, that violent burning flame that could result in both grandness and complete destruction. He had been fostered by Maglor and Maedhros, perhaps the most normal of the seven ellyn and even they had harbored a darkness of the soul that had frightened him at times. Some said it was because of their father having sired too many children, that the two firstborn were normal because the energy of the parents joined faer had been strong and pure, and that as the number of sons increased the quality of that energy fell. The twins hadn’t really been that bad, but they had been young, perhaps they would have grown to become the worst of them all if they had lived any longer. 

Elrond put on some simple and comfortable clothes, made sure that his ring was hidden, then he went to the healing ward, knowing that this was it. If this didn’t work Halariel would have to leave, but they couldn’t let the orcs get her, or leave her among the humans. Tney would certainly see her as a witch or worse and kill her. This had to work. There had to be something he could do, everything could not be lost. 

He knew that Glorfindel cared a lot about Halariel, he wasn’t sure if the balrogslayer had fallen in love, it was a bit too early to say that for sure but he knew that they had been intimate, although they hadn’t gone all the way yet. He didn’t want to risk Glorfindel’s sanity either, when he cared about someone he really cared, he never did anything half-heartedly and everybody knew that he treated those he loved with the outmost respect and gentleness. If anything happened to Halariel, Glorfindel would feel guilty and Elrond didn’t want that at all. A sulking grieving Glorfindel would be unbearable to live with. 

He entered the healing ward and found that two of the other healers still stayed there, they were busy cleaning up the instruments and he sent them a friendly nod before he went to where Glorfindel was waiting. Halariel lay on the bed like before, motionless and pale and Glorfindel sprang to his feet when Elrond entered the room, he looked very nervous. Elrond smiled and started to prepare the needed equipment, he lit a candle underneath a bowl of scented oils that would make it easier to relax and let the mind just flow. He closed the shutters so that the room became dark and he drank some herbal potions that would increase his ability to enter the mind of others. It didn’t feel right doing this but he had to. It was the only way. Making a mind bond was usually something he hardly ever did and when he did it he always had the patients full trust and they agreed whole heartedly. It felt a bit like a crime doing it without her consent but if they were to ensure the safety of her and the entire valley he had to do it. At least he knew how to, without messing her up further. 

Glorfindel was pale and his eyes a bit wide. “Can I stay?”

Elrond nodded. “Of course you can stay, but do not disturb me and do not touch me whatever you do.”

Glorfindel made a grimace. “And what if something goes wrong? What am I to do then?”

Elrond shrugged. “Then there is very little anybody can do I am afraid, I am the only one here capable of doing this.”

Glorfindel’s blue eyes got narrow. “How will I know if anything is wrong by the way?”

Elrond sent him a very pale smile and sat down next to Halariel, grasped her hand. “Oh, don’t worry about that, you will know I ensure you.”

Glorfindel sighed. “That didn’t exactly make me feel any better thank you, care to elaborate?”

Elrond just sighed. “If I do not wake up we have a problem, alright?”

Glorfindel nodded. “Got it.”

Elrond smiled. “Great, and now, be quiet.”

Elrond closed his eyes and leaned back into the chair, he had managed to find a very comfortable one and Glorfindel sat down into another chair that wasn’t quite that nice. Elrond let his thoughts drift along, he just hummed softly and felt how the vapor of the oil slowly helped him seek Halariel’s fëa. He let go of his own body and allowed himself to drift into the mind of the strange elleth. What he instantly saw was not what he had expected. It really shocked him and for a moment he wasn’t really sure of what he ought to do further. 

He found himself standing in a valley, it was rather nice looking but uninhabited and he felt a surge of terrible hunger and pain rush through him. He felt what she had felt, these were memories that weren’t really that old. He carefully sought her mind and found a mind that was more or less empty, she had emotions but no thoughts, no plans or words. It was the mind of an animal and he started to realize how much she had changed after Glorfindel and the twins found her. He dug deeper, wandered in a confusing irregular maze of memories until he finally found something he could work with. She had left her mother behind and were traveling and he knew that she was sane at this moment of time. He dove into her mind once more and then he felt it, a barely noticeable touch of something very alien, very powerful. He moved towards it, nervous and yet very curious. This was weird and also wonderful, a shard of light so powerful it was blinding him. 

He came to an abrupt holt, in front of his souls eyes he saw a strange figure, it was as if two souls had merged, one normal one and one made entirely of light but they hadn’t become one, not really. They were like two trees that had grown up entwined around each-other’s trunk, inseparable and yet still two separate beings. One was Halariel’s own soul, the other the power that had been locked inside of the small piece of silmaril. Both were watching him, one with a childlike almost indifferent stare and the other with a keen wisdom that made him feel nervous.   
The soul of light could not be evil, but it couldn’t be entirely good neither, because it was above such terms. It had no understanding of those concepts at all, it had no idea of the frailty of the hroa or the damage it had caused on Halariel. It had protected her like a parent protects a child but to a degree where it had become obsession, where it had held her back, prevented her from growing and evolving, it had kept her as its pet. 

Elrond was absolutely not sure if this was a good idea, this soul had to be removed from her or it had to be merged with her own properly, but how? It did have its own consciousness, a very smart one too. It stared at him, regarded him with cold eyes and it felt as though he was being seen through. The creature was beautiful, an exact copy of Halariel’s own soul except from the colors. It cocked its head. “She is mine”

Elrond knew he had to be very careful now, he could easily mess this up. “What makes you say that?”

The silmarilli soul hissed. “I have kept her safe, I have provided for her.”

Elrond smiled, he tried to be as non-threatening as possible. “Not well enough, she was dying when my people found her. You cannot take care of just the soul, but also the hroa.”

The shining being looked confused. “The hroa is but flesh, worthless, a container of less beauty.”

Elrond nodded. “Perhaps, but without it she would have died, she would have gone to the halls of Mandos and you would have been houseless.”

The creature looked confused. “No, I am strong, I would have kept her here.”

Elrond shook his head. “You couldn’t have done that, the call of Mandos would have been too strong, and even if you managed to keep her with you it would have been as a houseless soul, a ghost, Her body would have been beyond rescue.”

The creature seemed to be unable to untangle itself from Halariel who just grinned, that empty indifferent smile. “Bodies are just a nuisance, bothersome.”

Elrond cocked his head, he brought forth some of Halariel’s recent memories, of her more intimate encounters with Glorfindel. “Bodies can give much joy, just watch”

The creature was staring with keen interest, its head tilted. “I do not see the point in this activity. Why are you here?!”

The question came abruptly, almost as an accusation. Elrond tried to smile and remain calm. “I have come because you have caused her problems, you have created very difficult situations for her.”

The thing hissed. “I have only tried to help, I can feel her needs, and I have tried to fulfil them.”

Elrond nodded. “And I am sure she is very grateful for that. But you sort of…exaggerated a bit. There are rules to a society and by helping her you inadvertently broke them, it can become dangerous to her.”

The thing seemed to pull back, it looked shocked. “Dangerous? Explain!”

Elrond felt that this was taking way too much time. “When things happen the way they have some people find that unpleasant, and they might think she is an enemy, they might hurt her.”

The creature growled and seemed to grow. “I will never let them do that. I will protect her.”

Elrond felt very nervous, the thing was powerful, but with no real experience of life. “Yes, and I am sure you are great at that too, but hurting people isn’t right you know. It is wrong. You ought to merge with her, give her your powers fully. Then she can protect herself and become a normal person, not a child with no memories and no chance of living a normal life.”

The thing did shine more brightly. “I will do no such thing, I am strong, I am born of fire. She is mine, forever.”

Elrond discretely called upon the power of his ring, it could be that he needed it now. “You cannot own another soul, that is wrong. Not even the Valar will accept that.”

The thing grew, towered above him with Halariel like some appendix hanging from its side. “Speak not to me of the Valar, I know them well, treacherous and dark and they will seek to enslave us all.”

Elrond then knew one thing for sure. Its creator had become paranoid even before the Silmarilli were finished, that was Fëanor speaking beyond any doubt. A bolt of lightning shoot towards Elrond and he raised his ring and pushed its powers forth, formed a dome around himself. The thing chuckled. “Oh, you think that may protect you, but your strength is fading. I will keep you too, you amuse me. I will learn and then I will grow and prosper and rule, yes, you will both be mine. I am growing stronger by the hour, this place has so much magic, it feeds me well”

Elrond groaned, this was just what he had feared. 

Glorfindel sat there half asleep when he suddenly started and stared at Elrond. The Peredhel had gone deathly pale and his eyes had opened but they were strangely empty and there was a strange ominous glow around him for a few seconds. Then it disappeared but the ring glowed intensely for a few seconds before it too became invisible. Glorfindel shot out of the chair and shook Elrond violently, called out his name but got no response. He groaned, then he ran out and called for the other healers. They rushed in but there wasn’t long before they all realized that Elrond couldn’t be called back. He was trapped inside of Halariel’s mind and nobody knew how to release him before his body gave out. 

Glorfindel sat down, shaking with emotions, he shouldn’t have let Elrond risk this, no way. It was his fault, he leaned forward and hid his head in his hands, letting the golden locks cover his despair. “There has to be someone able to help him?”

The healers looked at him with pity and worry, they were terribly worried too, Elrond was the best of them, they needed his experience and skills. “The lady of light may be able to help but getting a messenger to Lothlorien and then bring her back here will take at least three weeks. He is gonna be terribly weak by then.”

Glorfindel swallowed hard. “Can we transport him to her?”

The healer shook his head. “No, the bond between him and Halariel cannot be broken, that will kill him. His body is dead the moment that connection is broken, it will be a soulless shell, nothing more.”

The healers laid Elrond onto the bed next to Halariel, and they made sure that their hands were still connected. Glorfindel fell to his knees, feeling as though his heart was surrounded by flames. He wanted to scream. “Valar, please, there has to be someone able to save them, have mercy, I beg you”

He collapsed and the healers put him too into a bed. None of them knew of the lone rider who was slowly making his way towards the hidden valley. It was time for a showdown, one that would change everything, forever.


	9. All that i was..

Chapter Nine: All that I was…

 

He was shifting his weight in the saddle, a bit restless. Hammer was moving through the forest with ease and followed an almost invisible track, he didn’t have to steer the horse at all and could allow his mind to drift. He felt very uncertain, as he got closer to his destination his fears and doubts seemed to quadruple with every step the horse took. All he knew was that it was a valley inhabited by other elves, that it had a good reputation and that it was some sort of sanctuary? What if the inhabitants were Avari or Silvan, or even Sindar of origin? Then he feared that he would be less than welcome. 

He had to grin, a rather sarcastic and wry smile that his brothers would have recognized, these valley dwellers wouldn’t kill him, he was rather sure of that. But what if things had changed? What if the world had become even more violent than it had been? Could he be met with violence? After all, he was a stranger, and he wasn’t even able to speak and explain himself. Would he be recognized? That idea sent shivers down his spine, enormous amounts of time had passed since his death, even he realized this but what if the deeds he and his family had done still were remembered? He didn’t really know how to deal with that thought. He watched the trees that surrounded the path, they were healthy and the forest felt as if it was somehow protected. It was a good feeling and he felt almost welcome but then again, he was an elf. Of course the forest would greet him thus. 

Well, maybe he wouldn’t be very welcome but he hoped that he at least could be brought up to date on the history of this place and his people. He would be ready to bow and crawl if that was what was needed for him to get accepted. The loneliness was eating away at him, he didn’t like being alone anymore. Before it had been no problem, before he had enjoyed those few rare moments of peace when he was all alone in their home, when his brothers and father were busy somewhere else and he could just relax and be himself. He had always been the one onto whom most expectations had been thrown, he was the firstborn and so everybody had followed him with eager eyes, curious about every darn thing he ever did. Was he dressing the right way? Was he mingling with the right kind of people? Was he as brilliant as his father? 

He sighed and squatted a mosquito which had gotten a bit too eager to taste his blood, oh they had been just like that insect. Blood suckers! There was no escape from the gossip and the unspoken expectations of the court. He had often wished that his father hadn’t been the son of Finwë, that they all had been commoners. It was as if the title and the elevated position it brought had somehow chained them, stolen their lives. 

He had hated it, but he had played the game, danced like the other goddamn puppets and smiled and bowed and been the perfect son. The thing he had hated the most was of course the constant sensation of being prey, he felt like a deer in front of the hunters and the hunters were females. Mothers trying to push their daughters at him, others trying to flirt on their own behalf. He didn’t know which category was the worst one but he did think it could be the mothers. He couldn’t count all the times some noble lady had run into him “by coincidence ” and presented a daughter or more as if they were broodmares for sale. He had been polite but he didn’t encourage them, it wasn’t that he was blind to female beauty but he refused to be used as a pawn in some sick game of power and influence. 

They had started even before he came of age, before he was old enough to really have developed any urges of that kind, they had frightened him and his father had taught him many a lesson on how to avoid breaking hearts without inadvertently making any promises that could be used against him later. Every word he said would be scrutinized and over analyzed, he had to weigh each and every one carefully and never let his mind run amok. So he kept those lessons in his mind and used them, he never got drunk while in public, didn’t flirt with anyone and it of course only made him even more alluring to those on the hunt for a husband or son in law. 

The sun was warm and he felt almost drowsy, he could sleep in the saddle but preferred not to, he didn’t know the terrain and the dangers it could be hiding, better to stay alert. He grinned to himself, remembered the first time he had been with an elleth. It had been awkward and more than a little embarrassing but it had been nice too, sort of. He had somehow felt that something had been lacking, he first believed that it simply was due to the fact that he didn’t love the otherwise very pretty and experienced elleth. If he fell in love with her then it would feel different. It wasn’t that it didn’t satisfy him, it just…didn’t feel right. Later he came to realize what it had been, he had already started to feel that strange attraction towards his cousin. 

He had to think about him now, tried to remember everything about him. The smile, his eyes, his touch. Fingon had saved him, in more ways than many would think and he was still grateful for that, few times in his life had he been more devastated than when he realized that Fingon was no more. It had been worse than his captivity, worse than the death of his grandfather and father. Fingon wasn’t supposed to die, wasn’t supposed to be gone! It wasn’t fair! He remembered the soul crushing grief and how his brother had tried to calm him down, give him some new purpose with life, save him from fading. Oh his brother, he wondered what had happened to him? Had he too ended his own life? Succumbed to grief and regret? Maybe he would find out now. It was a faint hope but one he would carry within nonetheless. 

Hammer was a good horse with good movements and he was easy to ride, the animal was valuable and he felt very grateful for this gift. He ought to repay those people in some way, at least let them know what fate those two lads had met. He owed them that, and he wished that he could express his grief and tell the families how they had died and that he had made sure that they were avenged. He started to feel hungry but the day was still young, he wouldn’t stop now. The last few days had been uneventful and he had covered a lot of ground. If the maps were right he should be rather close to his destination but he had seen no signs of any valley so far. It was apparently hidden somehow, well, that was no surprise, his people had a sad habit of trying to hide and it usually didn’t end well. 

He let Hammer walk down a rather steep little hill and started to plan for a short break to let the horse rest and drink a little. Then Hammer suddenly stopped and neighed and he almost started and straightened himself up, ready for danger or anything really. He was surrounded, he hadn’t even noticed that there were others present but there were elves clad in a sort of uniform all around him and they all carried bows and had arrows knocked and aimed at him. 

He felt his heart shudder in his chest, held his hands up in the air, tried to look non-threatening, many of them were dark of hair and eyes and he suspected that they were Noldor, like himself. The uniforms and armor were elegant and yet very sophisticated and he could see at least twelve there. One stepped forth, he had to be an officer and he looked rather surprised, stared at the rider and the horse with a frown. “Who are you? What are you doing here?”

Telagon of Imladris was Glorfindel’s second in command and very proud of his position, he had worked very hard to gain this sort of status and he was good at his job too. Now Glorfindel was indisposed for some reason and so were Elrond and there was a distinct nervous feeling surrounding the entire valley. Telagon wasn’t stupid, he knew something was terribly wrong and he knew it had something to do with that strange elleth Glorfindel had brought with him. Now he stared at an ellon that appeared to be extremely tall and well built, with waist long red hair and grey eyes and he wore clothes made by humans and rode a draft horse of human breeding?   
He was suspicious and he had every right to be too, the stranger was armed but the weapons were far from as good as theirs and he saw that the tall stranger was a bit nervous, almost afraid. His gaze was flickering but he sat still on the tall horse and held his hands up. Telagon walked closer, slowly, the ellon was among the most beautiful males he had ever seen and he had no idea of where this elf came from. He had never heard of anyone that tall before. “Would you please answer my question?!”

The last words were a command, not a polite question and the stranger made a strange grimace and opened his mouth, only some hoarse distorted sounds could be heard and he pointed at his throat and shook his head with an apologetic and pale smile. The stranger was a mute? Telagon had to blink, elves usually never had that kind of problem. He had to think fast. “So you are unable to speak? You will have to follow us, nobody enters the valley without being questioned.”

The stranger nodded and two of the warriors took his weapons, Telagon stared at the sword the tall stranger carried. The design was elvish beyond doubt but the metal awful, the quality just shite. It looked new though and he tilted his head and stared at the red head. The features told him this ellon had to be of noldorin blood and he looked strong, skilled even. “You made this?”

The stranger nodded, again a shrug and an almost apologetic expression, as if he was trying to say that he was ashamed of the result. Telagon knew then that the stranger had to have been trained as a black smith, the forging wasn’t that bad and if the metal had been good the sword would have been excellent. A blacksmith was a valuable member of any society so why hadn’t Telagon heard of this one before? He studied the blade closer, then he looked at the clothes and the horse and found it weird that an elf was wearing human garments and riding a horse that beyond doubt normally would pull a plough. Perhaps this elf had lived among humans? An orphan perhaps? It was impossible to guess the age of the ellon and he had heard of elflings being raised by humans before. But he did understand what Telagon was saying and the captain found this mystery a bit intriguing. 

“Dismount, we go on foot from here, follow me.”Telagon ordered some of the warriors to continue the patrol and he and three others were to escort the stranger, the ellon dismounted and the warriors stared a bit, they had never met an elf that tall! Telagon was a tall warrior and he had to lay his head back to stare the red head straight in the eye. He saw that the stranger was nervous still, but also in a way relieved. He looked as if he had travelled for many days and the horse neighed and rubbed its nose against his back, eager to go. Telagon saw the affectionate little pet on the neck the stranger gave the animal and knew that this ellon probably was well raised and a good person. 

They started walking, one of the warriors took the reins and the tall elf followed straight behind Telagon who was getting more and more curious, who the hell was this stranger? One of the warriors whispered to him. “I bet he is here to get some help with his voice”

Telagon nodded, that was possible. Elrond was a skilled healer and able to fix a lot of ailments. If the ellon was a blacksmith then he could have inhaled something that had scorched his vocal cords, but he didn’t have the burn marks that were commonly seen on a black smith’s skin. Usually even elven black smiths would have scars from embers and contact with hot metal, they would fade of course but they constantly got new ones. This one’s skin was so smooth, so silky as that of a new born and Telagon suddenly felt a chill go down his spine. Tall, redhead? He instinctively looked at the strangers right hand, it was there. Right, so it couldn’t be….or could it? Glorfindel had been sent back hadn’t he? But why would the Valar send that creature back? This ellon didn’t seem like one described by some as a monster. Not at all. Telagon knew that history always is written down by the winners, things could have been much less black and white than he had been brought up to believe. Well, Elrond would know for certain. 

They walked down the paths and the hidden valley came into view, the stranger stopped for a second and just stared, his mouth ajar and his eyes wide with disbelief. Telagon felt a bit proud and grinned. “Yes, it is quite a sight to behold.”

The path was winding and steep and he saw how the red heads eyes were moving around, taking in everything. The stranger seemed to relax, to ease down and Telagon made a grimace. Too bad that Elrond was occupied with something, the red head would have to wait. Elrond’s sons were at home though, perhaps they could help this ellon? They too were skilled and at least they could figure out his story and who he was. Maedhros was staring at a settlement that in many ways reminded him of the smaller cities closer to the Pelori mountains, and the buildings were distinctly Noldorin in design and yet they had something to them that he only could identify as slightly Silvan or perhaps Sindar. It was something about the almost organic design of the lovely houses that resembled a forest. Telagon went over the bridge and stopped in front of the staircase leading up into the city. “There will be someone here to take care of your horse in a few minutes, and I will get someone to come and greet you. You do know how to read and write?”

The stranger nodded and he was still staring, looking a bit dumbstruck. Wasn’t he used to such splendor? Perhaps he had been raised by humans? One of the servants came scurrying down the stairs and stared with huge eyes at the tall ellon, Telagon hawked and the servant let out a small squeak before he bowed his head. “Yes?”

Telagon sighed and rolled his eyes, you could easily believe that this servant never had seen anyone other than the inhabitants of the valley before. “See if you can find Erestor, this ellon is mute and I have no idea who he is or what he is doing here, but I guess he is here for healing or something. And get a stable worker to take care of his horse.”

The servant nodded and ran off like his robes were on fire, Telagon turned around and smiled at the stranger again. “Worry not, everything will be taken care off”

The tall ellon smiled back but it was a very nervous grin indeed and his eyes were still filled with disbelief. 

 

Glorfindel hadn’t left the room, he just sat there, watching his best friend and the elleth he had tried to rescue. His mind was racing and yet it was at a standstill, there was nothing he could do, nothing at all. The healers had no idea either and as far as they knew the only option was to get lady Galadriel to come to Imladris, That could take two weeks, even more if something unexpected happened. Glorfindel was shivering slightly, he didn’t want to face anyone now, didn’t want to see the twins, nor their sister. It was his fault, somehow this was all his fault. Erestor had visited rather frequently and he was pale and unable to really say anything, he was running the entire valley now and the responsibility was a heavy burden on him.   
The two just lay there, motionless and strange, as if they were sleeping and yet not. It didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel as though this was sleep, it felt as if they were dead. Glorfindel fought his own fears now, tried to remain calm, to analyze the situation and find a way out but this was not his field of expertize at all. Elrond was stuck inside of Halariel’s mind, and couldn’t return. Glorfindel refused to give up, refused to let anything defeat him but this time he just had to, he was as helpless as a newborn. 

A door opened and he saw that one of the workers stuck his head in through the door. “Have you seen Erestor? There is a stranger here, some mute ellon from Eru knows where”

Glorfindel shrugged. “He was here five minutes ago, I think he went to the herbal garden with the twins though.”

The other ellon disappeared and Glorfindel made a grimace. A mute elf? That was a first. He had never met anyone unable to speak before and a swift feeling of compassion rushed through him before he once again just sat there, staring at Elrond’s unmoving body.   
Erestor was indeed in the herbal garden, searching for something to soothe his nerves, the twins were with him, both were distraught by these events and terribly worried and he both tried to comfort them and he was being comforted in return. Something like this had never happened before, they had already sent a messenger to Lothlorien and the ellon had been ordered to ride as fast as he could. Erestor just hoped that he didn’t run into orcs or something like that. He stood there with a pair of scissors and tried to cut off some leaves of a tea bush when a servant came running. “My lord, some strange ellon has arrived just now, he is a mute. “

Erestor frowned. “I am kind of busy?”

Elladan frowned too. “Mute? Perhaps he is here looking for help?”

Elrohir nodded. “I bet he is, too bad ada is…incapacitated.”

The servant looked nervous. “Please, someone should welcome him at least, and explain the situation. “

Erestor sighed and felt how his head had become rather heavy. “Alright, I’ll meet this ellon then, just to show him courtesy.”

The twins followed right behind him and Erestor shook his head and mumbled an oath just to himself, what a moment to arrive. The lord of Imladris lay trapped within the mind of a patient and they had no way to free him. He rushed down the stairs and then he slowed down. He saw some warriors and among them with his back turned towards the stairs stood an exceedingly tall ellon with long red hair. Erestor felt how the world for a second stood completely still, how was this possible. I know him! His own mind was screaming at him but it was impossible, it couldn’t be, it just couldn’t… The twins stared at the tall red head with narrow eyes, then they saw how pale Erestor had become and they tensed up, they sensed that something was off, that the counsellor was distressed. Erestor felt his heart pounding in his chest, felt nauseous. The stranger turned around and now there was no doubt, no doubt at all. He had seen that face, many times. He had never forgotten and if Elladan hadn’t grasped him by his arm he would have turned around and run for this was impossible, he was seeing a ghost. Erestor blinked twice, his voice a hoarse croaking sound. “Maedhros Feanorion?!!”

The twins saw the stranger twitch, as if he had been struck somehow, and the pale skin turned even paler, he looked as if he was ready to run for his life. Erestor just stared and Elladan turned to the counsellor. “You have got to be friggin kidding me?!”

Elrohir stared at Maedhros too, his eyes wide with disbelief and he saw that the redhead looked scared. Who would have believed that? But Elrohir remembered what their father had told them of the time he and his brother had been raised by the two oldest of Fëanor’s sons. They had been like fathers to him and he had loved them dearly. Elrohir felt a sort of compassion grasp a hold of his fëa, he sensed that the handsome ellon was greatly distressed, and confused too. And the fear was also apparent even for one less sensitive than themselves. He patted Erestor on his back, hard. “Get a grip Erestor, if this really is who you claim it to be then he shouldn’t be stared at as if he was some abnormal animal in a cage. “

Erestor yelped and straightened his back, tried to look normal, the warriors had sort of moved away from the tall ellon, they stared with disbelief and not a small amount of apprehension. He was unarmed and yet they stared at him as if he was a fire breathing dragon or something like that. Erestor felt himself shiver slightly, a reborn, it was most absolutely not a normal happening. He walked down the stairs and the polite smile on his face felt stiff like a board, his fingers twitched as if he longed to feel them grasp the hilt of a blade. He felt tiny compared with this giant of an ellon and he felt extremely intimidated, until he met the red heads gaze. 

His eyes were not at all as they had been, the cold haughty expression of superiority bordering on madness was gone. All that he saw was confusion and longing and sorrow and Erestor suddenly knew that yes, this was Maedhros and yet it wasn’t. He remembered that Glorfindel too had been extremely confused when he was returned to life, it had almost been too much to bear and Elrond had worked hard to help the reborn balrog slayer find his place in this world that no longer was the one he had left. Erestor felt the stiff grin being replaced by a sincere one and the tall elf looked at him with a slight shudder, as if he sensed the change in them all. 

“Welcome, fear not, you are most welcome, we are just not that used to handling reborn elves.”

Maedhros stared at the tall darkhaired ellon, he looked somewhat familiar and the two younger ones behind him puzzled him greatly, they had to be identical twins and he wasn’t that used to such. Twins among the eldar was very rare and identical ones even more so. One fëa separated into two bodies. He remembered a pair of twins like them, and a strange and hollow feeling filled his heart. These two looked so much like them, like his foster sons. He bowed deeply, tried to suppress his need to hide. The ellon who greeted him looked very well groomed and his robes spoke of an administrative job but there was something about him that told Maedhros that he wasn’t all that soft. This had once been a hardened warrior and the core of him still was far from soft. The ellon bowed his head slightly and the warriors left, although a bit reluctantly. “Allow myself to introduce myself, I am Erestor of Imladris, this is Elladan and Elrohir Elrondion.”

Maedhros gasped, his eyes went wide and he felt how the strength of his legs seemed to have gone completely, he swallowed and how he wished that he could have spoken. The sons of Elrond? He remembered Elrond as a young elf, barely more than a child, filled with mischief and life and yet with a streak of seriousness that spoke of a great personality and an unusual destiny. He couldn’t hold back a whimper and he felt something sting his eyes, by Eru, was he crying? He had anticipated everything except this, the family of his foster son.   
Erestor went over and grasped Maedhros arms, in a warriors greeting and he saw how the silvery grey eyes were shiny and saw how the tall ellon was constantly swallowing, trying to contain his emotions. “Come with me, you look as if you need a hot bath, a hot meal and some explanations.”

Maedhros stared at the two very handsome young ellyn and he saw that these were warriors, they had an air of fierceness around them and he didn’t doubt that they were skilled. Both wore very nice blades and moved like predators and he suddenly yearned to learn more of their history, he needed to know everything! He followed Erestor and the two twins towards a huge beautiful building and Erestor barked some orders. They entered a sort of study or office and Erestor smiled. “I have asked the staff to bring some food and some clean clothes and prepare a room for you.”

Maedhros was hungry, he hadn’t realized that until Erestor mentioned food and he felt his stomach growl in anticipation. The twins stared at him still, there was both awe and confusion in their eyes and he felt a strange urge to hug them, to ensure them of his good intentions. Elrond’s sons, it was like a dream. But what about Elrond? Was he dead? Was he just not there at the moment? The twins were rather young, he could sense it and he hoped by Eru that they hadn’t suffered the trauma of losing their father at such a tender age. And their mother? There had to be a mother as well, perhaps they had siblings too? 

He sat down in a deep chair that was very comfortable and he felt tired, so very tired. Now that he knew he was safe he sort of ran out of adrenaline and all his stress came rushing back to reclaim him. Erestor smiled, but there was something odd in his eyes. “I see that you have a lot of questions, but so do we, you cannot speak but I guess you still know how to read and write?”  
Maedhros nodded and Erestor handed him a flat piece of wood and some sheets of parchment and a quill and some ink. “Please, tell us how it is possible that you are here, you…you did kill yourself didn’t you?”

The last words came very nervously and Maedhros nodded slowly, tears stinging his eyes once more. He started writing and Erestor grasped the parchment and read it out loud. “Yes, but I was awakened in a forest north of here some weeks ago, I got wounded by a boar and some humans took care of me. Then I travelled towards this place, they told me it was a sort of sanctuary.”  
Erestor nodded. “It is mellon, a noldorin settlement. There are few elven cities left these days, we have Lothlorien which is ruled by the lady Galadriel and her husband Celeborn of Doriath and then we have Lindon and the grey havens and Eryn Galen or Mirkwood which is ruled by Thranduil son of Oropher of Doriath.”

Maedhros had gasped when he heard Galadriels name, another survivor of the house of Finwë, and he also recognized Oropher’s name. There were elves who would remember him, who knew him. Tears were flowing down his cheeks now, he felt so terribly alone and yet so strangely relieved. He grasped the quill, wrote a question, felt his heart thundering in his chest, dreading the answer and yet hungering for it. Erestor read the few words and swallowed hard. “Nobody knows what happened to Maglor Maedhros, some say he drowned when Beleriand fell and some say that he is still out there somewhere, walking the beaches and singing laments, it could be just rumors and it could of course also be true but nobody knows for sure.”

Maedhros gasped, closed his eyes in agony, his brother, how he missed him, how he missed them all. He then blinked and wrote yet another question. Erestor made a grimace. “Yes, Beleriand is no more, it has fallen beneath the waves, this world is very changed from the one you knew, just islands remain of what was mountains, the realms of your brothers are now at the bottom of the sundering sea.. I am sorry.”

Maedhros had to fight hard to prevent himself from collapsing, gods, so much had happened, so much. And he knew naught of it, he was as a child again and ashamed of his lack of knowledge. His handwriting had become rather messy now but it was still understandable. Erestor stared at the elegant tengwar and smiled but the smile was a sad one. “Elros is no more, he chose the fate of man and died ages ago, his descendants still live though, as a scattered and travelling tribe. It is a long story.”

The red head bit his lower lip, he had feared something like that. The next question was not an easy one. “Elrond?”

Erestor smiled. “Alive yes, but…incapacitated for the moment. I will explain later.”

Maedhros felt relief, a strong surge of it. He wrote more. “His family?”

Erestor nodded and his smile was warm but marred by sadness. “Well, you see his sons here, he has got a daughter too, Arwen. She is visiting her mother’s family right now. Elrond married the daughter of Galadriel and Celeborn, Celebrian but she has sailed to the west, she was attacked and abused by orcs some years ago and Elrond couldn’t help her, she had to sail or fade.”

Maedhros gasped, and felt a surge of horror rush through him, he couldn’t imagine what terrors that poor elleth had to have endured, his own torment was still something he loathed to even think about. Erestor continued. “Elrond is a healer, the best there is in all of Arda, he is occupied with a patient right now.”

The tall ellon cocked his head, so Elrond had become a healer? That was amazing, but very fitting, Elrond had always cared a lot about others and he had a sort of kindness Maedhros had admired. He wasn’t really that surprised. Elladan stared at the red head with narrow eyes, he took a deep breath. “Do you know why you have been brought back?”

Maedhros shook his head, wrote quickly. “No idea!”

The twins exchanged a swift glance, they didn’t believe in coincidences, there was something underneath all of this. The Valar had something to do with this, or they would eat their saddles!   
A servant entered the study carrying a heavy tray with food and beverages and Erestor took it and placed it in front of Maedhros. “Please eat, you look as if you need it.”

Maedhros stared at the bowls of food, it was salad and fried chicken and some stuff he didn’t even recognize but it all smelled wonderfully and he felt his stomach growl. There was a chalice with wine and one with water and some tea too and he tried to control himself and not devour it all like some hungry wolf. He ought to remember his manners, he didn’t want to put shame to his name right away. The food he had gotten from the humans had been good but nowhere near this good and he felt his hands shiver, he hadn’t realized that it all affected him to such a degree. The twins stared at him still. Erestor sent them some stern glances but they were unable to look away. To them he was like a creature out of legend and Erestor sighed and prepared himself to deliver the greatest shock yet to the reborn elf. 

He probably had no idea of Halariel’s existence and why should he? Elrond had explained what they had seen in the elleth’s mind and Halariel’s mother had probably left immediately after the incident. Erestor wondered why Maedhros had done what he had, hadn’t he been in a rather passionate relationship with another male? Well, most elves did feel attracted to the fëa more than the hroa and gender didn’t really matter that much, perhaps he had been drunk or just terribly disturbed emotionally? The elf who now sat there and tried desperately to eat like a well-mannered person couldn’t be the same who had raped a defenseless servant girl? Or could it?   
But Maedhros had to know, and Erestor was sharing the same thoughts as the twins, it was no coincidence that the elf showed up now. The Valar were involved and Erestor didn’t like it even a bit. He didn’t trust them, not at all. They didn’t care about the fate of individuals and he was not going to let anyone harm Halariel. Elrond was protecting her and then he was too, he was loyal to his master and didn’t question Elrond’s wisdom at all. Erestor decided that the red head should be allowed to bathe and rest before the whole truth was revealed to him. It would be cruel to drop the big secret right there and then, the elf needed some rest.   
Erestor put up a docile smile and tilted his head. “So you stayed with humans, I hope they treated you with respect?”

Maedhros made a grimace, his mouth was still full and he just nodded. He wanted to tell them everything but having to write everything down sort of slowed things down. It was irritating but there was nothing he could do about it. The twins were talking to each other through their bond, they discussed the possible reasons why Maedhros had been reborn and they also felt a bit excited about having someone there who had known their father as a child. And this ellon had seen it all, the great battles, the ancient enemy. He had suffered at the hands of Morgoth just as their mother had at the hands of Sauron’s orcs and they felt sympathy for him, even though they had heard a lot about the atrocities his family had been guilty of. But everybody, even their grandmother had always claimed that Maedhros was the most reasonable of the feanorians, the one most inclined to think before he acted and they had long known that he had sworn the oath and followed his father out of love, not because he believed in the things his father did.   
Maedhros finished the food, he felt completely stuffed and a bit dizzy, Erestor grinned and got up. “Follow me, the servants have prepared your room and hopefully found some clothes fitting for someone your size. And there is a hot bath prepared for you.”

He sighed and got up again, it felt like a real challenge just getting out of the chair and the idea of a bath was like a vision of heaven. Erestor left the study and he walked closely behind the counsellor, he felt that he would get lost easily if he did fall behind, his head was buzzing and he was so tired. They stopped by a building that was divided into rather nice apartments and Erestor entered, the rooms were rather huge and filled with light and looked comfortable and cozy. A huge tub had been prepared and clothes and soap and towels were ready. Erestor smiled. “Now, take a bath, sleep and get rested, I will send for you later. “

Maedhros just nodded, staring at the tub, he felt his skin crawl as if he had ants everywhere, getting rid of the dust would be marvelous. Erestor left and Maedhros sat down in a chair and pulled his boots and socks off slowly, staring at his surroundings. The noldorin influence was very obvious here, wonderful craftsmanship was to be seen everywhere, even the sheets were nicely embroidered and the bed carved from wood and both elegant and hopefully not too short. He was used to sleeping with his lower legs sticking out in the air. He had to smile as a very dear memory returned to him, he had stood in his father’s forge, red faced and embarrassed, he had broken his own bed in his sleep, had grown too long for it and kicked it apart dreaming something. His father had just laughed and shaken his head, claiming that he was growing like a bean stalk. Being this tall wasn’t always such a good thing, some found him intimidating and he had used that to his advantage later. 

He got the rest of his clothes off, undid his braid and got into the tub, the water was hot but not too hot and he sat down slowly, sighing with pleasure. It felt so good he almost was brought to tears once more. He remembered another bath though, one less pleasurable. After Fingon cut him down from the cliff face and brought him back to their camp he had to be washed but it had been awful. He remembered it too well, the strange feeling of disconnection, of just dreaming it all. He had fought back, the feeling of hands touching him had been terrible and just Fingon had endured his madness and terrified screams. When it finally sank inn that he was indeed rescued he had tried to push them all away, had tried to shut them out, convinced that he was too stained to be allowed near others again. Fingon had refused to listen to nonsense as he called it and treated him with the same love as before. How he wished that he had a heart as good and caring as that of his cousin. 

Getting clean took a while but it was something he enjoyed, he got some oil into his hair and dried and braided it again and then he went to bed. He felt as though his bones had been turned to mush and he more fell into the bed than sat down. He had barely time to pull the covers up before he was asleep like a log.   
He walked the dream path again but this time it was good dreams, good memories. He remembered seeing his parents together, smiling, kissing and caressing. He remembered the light in his father’s eyes and the proud expression upon his face as he told Maedhros that he would get a baby brother. He remembered his own excitement and the wonder with which he stared at his mother’s growing belly. He had a hard time believing that there was a tiny elfling growing inside of her but it was true. He was old enough to know how babies were made and it made him blush vigorously and his parents laughed. Later he got used to it, when Curufin was born he was already a grown ellon and busy in Tirion but he still felt that excitement, the eager optimism. Who would this brother turn out to be? Someone like their mother? More like their father? An artisan or a hunter? He knew that their parents were getting colder towards each other by then, there was something that was pulling them apart and he couldn’t really understand what it was. When the twins were born things looked good again, for a while, and then the shouting and screaming and accusations returned with a vengeance. 

He knew it was a weakness within their family, a sort of possessiveness that few could endure. Love could so easily be turned into something ugly if given the opportunity and he knew that jealousy and downright paranoia lurked within the minds of them all. It did make them yearn to become the best of whatever occupations they chose but it did also turn them into rather terrible persons if they somehow felt that they had been tricked or had lost to an in their eyes less than worthy opponent. He remembered that Curufin had gotten married and he remembered that he returned to their family home years later with his son, the wife had left him. It was no wonder really and Maedhros wondered if the camaraderie and tight relationship that existed between the brothers had been too tight, that it had somehow choked them and prevented them all from developing as persons. 

He remembered learning to ride, to wield a bow. He remembered the sweet scent of the meadows outside of Tirion and the smell of the sea when they visited the coast. He remembered bathing in the sea with his brothers, a happy squealing playful bunch and he had to admit that yes, their childhood had been good. There had been some sort of darkness lurking over them already then but they hadn’t noticed it, they hadn’t known. They were still like children back then, still innocent, the kin slayings and the terrors were yet to come, were yet hidden by the veil of time. 

 

Erestor had walked up to the healing ward, he stopped by the door and hesitated before he entered the room. Glorfindel sat in the chair as usual, his head slumped to the side and his eyes glazed with sleep. He jerked and stared at Erestor for a few seconds, a bit confused and Erestor sat down in another chair. He looked at Elrond and Halariel, bit his lower lip. “No change?”

Glorfindel yawned and he looked very tired and very scared. “No change, whatever it is that is in there, it has captured them both. Why are you here now? I thought you had work to do?”

Erestor nodded and made a grimace. “Oh I do, I certainly do but something has happened Glorfindel, something rather…well, shall I say unexpected?”

Glorfindel frowned, he stretched his long legs and tossed a lock of golden hair back, he looked curious. “What?”

Erestor took a deep breath. “Do you remember when the Valar decided to send you back? Did you remember anything at all at first?”

Glorfindel cocked his head, stared at the counsellor. “Well, I remembered my previous life, I felt like I had just fallen of that cliff with the darn balrog but no, I didn’t remember why I was sent back until later. Why?”

Erestor sighed. “A stranger just entered the valley, a reborn like you.”

Glorfindel almost catapulted out of the chair. “What?! Who? Why? “

 

Erestor raised his arms. “Whoa Fin, calm down. I don’t believe in coincidences, you know that. The Valar are playing their own little game with us all and we are their chess pieces. A major piece just dropped into our laps, Maedhros Fëanorion!”

Glorfindel just stared, mouth open, eyes wide, he stood frozen. “M…Maedhros?!”

Erestor nodded. “The one and only unless you know of another seven and a half feet tall red head with grey eyes and a rather flaming temper?”

Glorfindel fell back into the chair. “Eru’s breath! No coincidence indeed. Has he said anything about why he is here?”

Erestor made a grimace. “Well, there is a problem, you see, he awakened in the forests north of here, probably somewhere near the Ettenmoors, and he is incapable of speaking. He has gotten his right hand back so they have healed him but his voice is gone.”

Glorfindel tensed up. “On purpose, believe me. They never do anything like that just for the heck of it, there is a reason why he is a mute then. He do write?”

Erestor nodded. “Yes, he has explained some of the things that has happened to him, and he was both afraid and confused when he arrived. He probably feared to be killed or driven away once his name got known.”

Glorfindel let out a deep sigh. “No wonder, there was something wrong with that family, I don’t know what exactly but I think they were just a little too passionate about everything. Their flame was burning too bright, it was uncontrollable. Where is he now?”

Erestor smiled. “In one of the guestrooms, resting I hope. He looked rather awful and need some rest before we try to gather more information. “

Glorfindel tensed up. “You haven’t told him about….?”

Erestor shook his head. “No, all I have said is that Elrond is busy with a patient.”

Glorfindel sighed again, his face a bit sad. “Elrond would have been so excited, his foster father here alive.”

Erestor smiled and leaned back into his chair, straightened his robes. “I know, he would have prepared a rather grand celebration I think. “

Glorfindel grimaced and crossed his arms. “Would that have been a good idea? You know, remembering who he is? There are still those who remember and bear grudges against that family.”

Erestor nodded. “I know, but I can tell you one thing for sure Glorfindel, Maedhros is very changed, the arrogance is gone. I do not know what the Valar did to him but he is a very different person now.”

Glorfindel tilted his head. “I believe you, but why do you think they sent him back now? Weeks ago? Then I was travelling with Halariel and the twins?”

Erestor nodded. “I think the Valar must have known the moment you encountered her, and then they re-awakened Maedhros. She is important to them for some reason, I wish I knew what?”

Glorfindel bared his teeth, suddenly he reminded the counsellor of a lion, snarling in defense of a prey. “Oh but we can both guess it can we not? She harbors the power of the silmarilli!”

Erestor paled. “Eru no! Do you think they will harm her?”

Glorfindel hissed. “I cannot see why not! They will do anything to harness that force, it cannot be remade you know. They will drag it from her and use it to their own advantage.”

Erestor swallowed hard and his eyes got narrow. “Maedhros is carrying a tiny piece of the same force, remember that Fëanor poured a tiny bit of his own essence into the Silmarilli? It is of course also in his offspring, a bit of who he was. I think they want to use Maedhros to reclaim that power.”

Glorfindel was tense, sat on the edge of his seat. “Will he do it? Will he obey them?”

Erestor scoffed. “Maedhros Fëanorion obeying the Valar like some dog cowering before its master? That will be the day the sundering sea runs dry! I don’t think they have managed to change him that much. I bet they just chose him because he was the most reasonable of them all, and the one most like their mother too. She was kind and wise and able to submit to the will of others if need be. “

Glorfindel nodded. “Halariel has been hiding, without being aware of it herself. Had she gone out openly and claimed to be the daughter of Maedhros the Valar would have claimed her already. Her power has shielded her.”

Erestor sighed. “No doubt about the fact that she is a Feanorian, they always go to extremes don’t they. She couldn’t just claim that she was someone else’s offspring, no, she had to go and hide from the world completely and even erase her own personality, become an animal. “  
Glorfindel nodded. “Aye, but that leaves us with yet another question. What can he possibly do?”

Erestor shrugged. “I haven’t got the slightest clue to be honest, he was no magician and his strength was being a leader, and a warrior.”

Glorfindel sat back, his face a mask of amazement and also worries. “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, let him sleep Erestor. I bet he is going to need his strength.”

Erestor stared down and nodded, he wondered if this ellon really could do anything at all, he was Halariel’s father after all. Perhaps they had been viewing this from the wrong angle, perhaps the Valar just wanted Halariel to have some family, to find a place in the world? Well, that was less than likely but still, a possibility.   
Glorfindel sighed and stared up at the roof, his gaze distant. “I do not think that even Galadriel would be able to do anything. If Elrond isn’t able to help himself with the power of Vilya then there is little anyone can do from the outside.”

Erestor closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose. “If we only knew what the problem is, has he gotten lost in her memories or is that power within her holding him there on purpose?”

Glorfindel shuddered. “That would be terrible, then it is too strong for anyone to control.”

Erestor nodded slowly, fear visible on his face. “We must hope, we must keep the hope alive, We cannot loose Elrond, then we might lose the twins too, it would be a tragedy.”

Glorfindel swallowed and felt his heart beat hard within his chest. “I swore to protect the line of Eärendil, and I will, with my life!”

Erestor stared at him, his soft brown eyes filled with a strange fear. “Let us pray it won’t come to that!”

 

Maedhros woke up slowly, he felt confused at first, he didn’t know where he was and his body felt heavy and strangely alien to him. He groaned and blinked, it came back to him now and he felt both joy and confusion. He sat up and stretched, yawned and shook his head. He was well rested and there was no reason why he should linger in bed any longer. He found a comb and braided his hair, got his new clothes on. They were a little bit too short and he grinned and remembered all the times his height had caused problems.   
He got his boots on and took a quick peek at himself in a mirror, he did look good now, rested and healthy and he was looking forward to learn more of this place, and to learn what had happened on Arda since he died. There was a knock on the door and a servant entered, bringing a tray of food. Maedhros was hungry again and he thanked the servant and sat down to eat, the ellon was staring at him as if he was some exotic animal, he guessed that he would have to get used to that sort of reaction. He ate rather fast and then the servant took him to the study again. Maedhros was marveled by the beauty of the valley and didn’t really notice anything else but he did sense the strange atmosphere of sadness and fear that lay like a blanket over the place. He started to realize that he hadn’t been told the entire truth the previous day. Something was very wrong there. 

He entered the study and saw that Erestor sat in a chair with some papers stacked up in a huge pile in front of him. He looked as if he hadn’t slept for days and he stared at the pile with an expression on his face that suggested that he’d rather fight orcs than do this much paperwork. He smiled at Maedhros and made a gesture towards the papers. “Sit down mellon, as you see, there is much to do here and unfortunately, I am the one who has to do all the dirty work when Elrond isn’t capable to.”

Maedhros cocked his head, an unspoken question in his eyes and Erestor sighed and leaned back into his chair, it creaked in protest. “I am sure you have understood that something is very wrong here, I didn’t lie Maedhros, Elrond is occupied with a patient but the situation is somewhat…unusual. “

Maedhros shrugged and Erestor took a deep breath. “So, here is the whole story, and I am glad you are sitting down. This is both strange and frightening. “

Maedhros tensed up, his eyes were anxious and Erestor sent him a quick glance that was supposed to look comforting. “Some days ago the leader of our military forces, Glorfindel, returned from a long journey with a very strange elleth he and the twins had encountered in a hidden valley to the east. She had no memory of who she was and her mind was that of an animal or a child. Glorfindel had tried to link with her mind to find out who she was and he had by doing that unleashed something rather unexpected and violent inside of her. “

Maedhros was confused and Erestor could clearly see it. “Well, the truth be told, Elrond has tried to explore this force and has gotten trapped within her mind. We are unable to free him and we fear for his life as well as for hers.”

Maedhros gasped and blinked, someone trapped within the mind of someone else, what in Eru’s name was these elves doing really? Nobody would have tried something like that back in the old days. 

Erestor took another deep breath, he stared at Maedhros. “That you were awakened now was no coincidence, there is a connection mellon. Glorfindel told us of the things he saw in her mind and so we know who she is, who her parents were. “

Maedhros frowned, sent the counsellor a glance which could only be interpreted as so what? He did feel a bit confused though, Glorfindel? That name did ring a bell and he grasped a piece of parchment and a pen and wrote the name. Erestor nodded. “Yes, the one and same Maedhros, a reborn like you.”

Maedhros gasped and blinked, the balrogslayer was alive? He remembered hearing of the fall of Gondolin and the bravery of those trying to defend the city against the hordes of Morgoth. Erestor continued, his voice very very low and filled with a sort of uneasy shiver. “Maedhros, do you remember a silvan or Avari elleth by the name of Aira?”

Maedhros stared blankly at the ellon for a few seconds, Aira? Where had he heard that name? Then it dawned on him, he remembered, the red haired young elleth who had been their servant for some months during the siege of Angband. He had…. He went pale and a whimper escaped him, he remembered now, he remembered it all. He had done a most despicable crime against that poor elleth and he had no idea why the Valar hadn’t thrown him into the void for it. Erestor bit his lower lip, carefully monitoring Maedhros reactions. “The elleth in the healing ward is named Halariel, Aira is her mother…and you are her father.”

Maedhros just stared at Erestor, then he shook his head, no, it could not be, it was impossible. Such things didn’t happen among the first born, a raped elleth wouldn’t conceive, never. Erestor saw the expression within his eyes and smiled, a sad smile. “It is true Maedhros. Your brother had some pieces of left over material from when you father forged the Silmarilli, he gave her one of those pieces and it somehow forced a conception. It wanted to live Maedhros, to have a body. Halariel harbors the power of the Silmarilli and it is holding Elrond captive somehow.”

Maedhros shook his head, the shock had left him stunned, unable to think a single thought. He had a daughter? Aira had given birth to his child and he had never known? The shock was replaced by a sort of hurt rage, he ought to have known, he would have made it right by her, raised the child as a scion of the house of Fëanor. He had a child and he had never known!! It was the most cruel truth he had ever been exposed to and he gasped and felt how his eyes were filling with tears. Erestor didn’t lie, he could sense it. It was the truth, this Halariel was his daughter, blood of his blood, flesh of his flesh. He felt a violent surge of mixed emotions, his hands were trembling and Erestor got up from the chair. “She looks like you Maedhros, Glorfindel recognized you in her immediately. She is very beautiful but marred by a tough life, she was naught more than a wild thing when they found her.”

Maedhros sobbed and Erestor placed a hand on the shivering broad shoulders. “I will take you to her mellon.”

Maedhros got up too, his legs were shivering as he followed the counsellor to the room where Elrond and Halariel lay. They entered and Maedhros immediately recognized Glorfindel, he stared with huge eyes at the golden haired ellon who stared back. Erestor had to grin to himself, Maedhros was probably the only ellon who could make Glorfindel look small. Maedhros turned his gaze away from the reborn balrog slayer, he stared at the two laying on the bed. He instantly recognized Elrond, he looked like someone who has suffered a lot, the human blood in him made him look older than most elves and there were lines on his face that couldn’t be seen on the faces of other of the first born. But it was Elrond and Maedhros sobbed again, caught in a maelstrom of feelings he didn’t know how to contain. 

Halariel lay next to the healer and Maedhros instantly knew it was true, she was his daughter. He saw her mother in her but also his own features and he fell to his knees, a wailing keening sound escaped him and Glorfindel and Erestor exchanged a very worried glance. Was this becoming too much for him? Maedhros grasped the piece of parchment he carried and the pen, wrote some words down. “Please, what must I do? I must save them!”

Glorfindel and Erestor stared at each other, indeed, what was he to do? Was there anything anyone could do?


	10. A bond unbreakable

Chapter 10: A bond unbreakable

Glorfindel sighed and stared at Erestor who was a bit pale and looked almost beaten. His usually almost regal posture reduced to a sorry state with his shoulders slumped forward and his back bent. “Can we hope that Galadriel will get here in time?”

Erestor just shook his head. “I do not think so, even if they ride hard it will take three weeks or more. We cannot rely on her help alone.”

Glorfindel stared at Maedhros, he still sat on the floor, looking a bit like some frightened child. “I am sorry, we have no idea of what we can do, if anybody can do anything actually”

Maedhros closed his eyes, his head moving from one side to the other as if in agony or denial. Glorfindel reached out, touched his shoulder and the red head winced and his eyes got wider for a second. “Don’t worry, we will do whatever we can, we just need to find a method, that is all”  
Maedhros got up, stiffly and with his head held low, he looked a bit like a mess. The emotional shock of it all was getting too much for him, he sat down in a chair and hid his face behind his hands, shaking all over. 

The door opened and the twins entered, they too looked very worried and they threw a few glances as Maedhros, their faces still revealing a great deal of disbelief. It was so hard for them to fathom the fact that he was real and there, he had been like something out of a fairytale for so long. “Is there any change?”

Elladan’s voice was shivering a bit and Erestor shook his head. “No, but I am sure that your father is trying to return to his own body, very hard. He is resourceful and skilled, he will make it”

Elladan just let out a whimper and Elrohir swallowed.”But we do not really know what he is fighting now do we?”

Erestor just sent them a somewhat sheepish grin and Glorfindel stared at the two motionless elves with sad eyes. Indeed, they had no idea of what they were up against. He turned to Maedhros, took a deep breath. “Maedhros, tell me, how much do you really know of the material your father used to create those gems? Is it true that they were sentient?”

Maedhros lifted his head, his eyes glazed over and distant and the expression on his face likewise. He appeared to be in deep thought for a few minutes, then he grasped the pen and started writing. “He never told any of us the details, but we all saw that the process drained him somehow, it took a great deal of his strength. The sillima material did have some sort of soul I guess.”

Erestor’s eyes got narrow. “Was that something that was inherent for the material or the finished jewels?”

Maedhros wrote swiftly. “Both, but more so for the finished jewels.”

Erestor sat down, he looked like he was trying to make sense of something. “Now, this is hypothetical, let’s say that the material itself contains a sort of consciousness, not really formed but in hibernation sort of. It is fully developed within the finished jewels, but every piece of the Sillima does contain a small piece of a possible consciousness, a possible soul.”

Maedhros nodded slowly. “Yes, that is possible?”

His handwriting was a bit shaky but they did understand. ”Then please follow my thoughts here, Fëanor did add some of his own spirit to the material right? A piece of his soul, of who he was. What if that piece is still in there somewhere?”

Glorfindel frowned. “I am not so sure that I understand where you are heading with this?”

Erestor waved his hands impatiently and almost hit Elrohir across his face, the warrior stared at the counsellor with a rather stern gaze. “I’ll explain, the piece that Halariel’s mother received disappeared, it must have somehow merged with the elfling it made her conceive. That means that the power within Halariel contains some piece of Fëanor’s soul or personality or whatever. It could be that that piece could recognize Maedhros, he is also a creation of Fëanor.”

Glorfindel raised an elegant eyebrow in a rather peculiar grimace. It expressed equal amounts of disbelief and budging hope. “That is a bit far-fetched I must say?”

Erestor nodded his head eagerly, almost jumping up and down. “I know, I know but listen. If Halariel and Elrond are indeed the prisoners of that power then it could be at least a theoretical possibility that Maedhros could get in contact with it, even persuade it to let them go.”

Glorfindel sighed. “Erestor? We have no clue about what’s going on, all we do know is that Elrond hasn’t returned to his own body, and that Halariel too is unconscious. This is like diving into a lake without checking how deep it is first.”

Erestor sighed and his eyes were distant. “Oh, I guess you are right mellon, we know too little. Way too little, it is bothering me.”

Maedhros had covered his face again, he was remembering those days way too well. Fëanor had been almost obsessed in a way, not that this was in any way unusual but he had been so intense, so almost desperate in a way the rest of the family couldn’t quite understand. He had spent all his time in the forge, he hadn’t even come out to eat and their mother had brought him food and almost forced him to eat. And Maedhros had heard their voices, heard how their father had become more and more grumpy and paranoid even as he was forging those stones. He had always somehow suspected that the very best part of his father had somehow gone into those jewels, that this was the reason why Morgoth had managed to poison his mind to such a degree that he actually attacked his half brother and accused him of trying to replace him as their father’s heir. He had felt that Fëanor had become less than the ellon he had been, that something had gone missing within him. Now he had that suspicion somehow confirmed, but did that mean that the silmarilli power within Halariel could be reasoned with?   
If it held both Halariel and Elrond captive it could mean that it was hostile, or perhaps it was confused? He knew so little and that was almost painful. And he was no healer, no wise man. He had been a warrior, and for a brief time a king. He was a leader, and a strategist but this was no ordinary battlefield and the enemy none he could confront. 

He had to think back, to his captivity. He had learned one horrible truth and that was that sometimes your own mind can become the source of the worst torment possible. And the enemy had known this. They had left him alone in the darkness, only accompanied by his own doubts and fear, they had poisoned his mind with words he never knew if he could believe or not. Was his brothers really all dead? Was it all lost already? He had no idea and the mental torture was worse than the physical one, way worse. They could whip burn and cut him, watch him squirm in agony and listen to his cries but the doubt and guilt was what broke him in the end. He felt a chill run down his spine, if Elrond’s soul was a captive then he would do whatever he could to free him. 

He remembered the twins, Elrond and Elros, as they had been. Two terrified little elflings abandoned by those who should have cared for them, who should have protected them. Maedhros hadn’t really agreed with Maglor’s decision but he knew his brother well. Maglor would never let harm come to those two, and so they had raised the two elflings together and they had never regretted it. Maedhros remembered those last moments of his life, taking care of Elrond and Elros was that one thing of which he wasn’t sorry, the thing he didn’t regret. If there ever were mercy to be found it would be because of that. 

And he had a daughter? A child of his own blood? Then he would do anything, everything for her, he had to. He could never forgive himself if he failed her, if he abandoned her as the two boys had been abandoned. He wanted to get to know her, to help her, support her, give her a good life. She had suffered a lot, and it was beyond terrible thinking of it. He felt a hunger, a yearning unlike any he had ever felt, he had family! He had someone who already was becoming so terribly important to him. There was no sacrifice too great if it meant that she would be safe. 

Erestor had a faraway look in his dark eyes and Glorfindel looked like a statue, both were caught in their own thoughts and the twins stared at their father’s body with desperation. Elrohir let a hand slide through his father’s long hair. “Please ada, return to us.”

 

Elrond had created a cocoon for himself, a place where the strange power couldn’t reach him but he couldn’t leave and it was draining his strength in spite of the ring he wore. He felt the strange power pulsing against his protective shield, trying to find a way in. Halariel was unresponsive, as if she was some dead limb, an attachment without a power of its own. The silmarilli power had perhaps tried to protect her to begin with but it had started feeding upon her instead like a leech. Elrond feared for her and he feared for himself but he was left with a strange sensation of having overseen something. There was something there which he had forgotten or failed to see before. He stared at the shimmering figure ahead of him, tried to gather his wits and come up with an answer. What was it? What?! He had to know. His very life depended upon it, and that of Halariel. They couldn’t stay like this forever, their bodies would eventually fade from lack of sustenance and use and he wondered if the creature knew this? 

 

The twins had retired for the evening, they had eaten and returned to their room and both sat there staring at the fireplace with distant eyes. It had always been they who had been in danger, never their father. They had returned wounded and by deaths door more times than it was pleasant thinking about and always Elrond had managed to pull them back. They had to try to save their father, they owed him that but how? 

Elrohir sat with his legs stretched out, his eyes very distant. He had pulled his boots and socks off and put his feet up on a small bench, he looked like a great cat at rest. Elladan swallowed hard, bit his lower lip. “Ro, do you remember that time you brought me home and I was poisoned and almost dead from blood loss?”

Elrohir just made a grimace. “Yes, I remember. It was a very close call”

Elladan took a deep breath. “I had already heard the call of Namo but father pulled me back, I think we may be able to do the same.”

Elrohir frowned. “What? But we are not healers?”

Elladan nodded. “I know, but we are his sons right? We are able to reach him through our bond, just as he is able to reach us, to feel our emotions.”

Elrohir turned around, put his legs down. “Do you even think that is possible? It could be the most insane thing we have ever done, we do not know anything about the situation? It could be that we get trapped as well and then what?”

Elladan swallowed. “If ada dies I don’t think I will be able to go on Ro, the grief would kill me.”

Elrohir smiled, a very faint smile ”Me too Dan, I feel the same way. But we cannot just rush into this, we have to plan, to prepare. There has to be something we can do to protect ourselves?”

Elladan bit his teeth together, for a moment the fair face looked almost sinister. “Well, I have an idea, but it is probably just silly.”

Elrohir shrugged. “Spit it out, let me hear.”

Elladan leaned forward, his face showed some hesitant eagerness. “Remember that time Legolas visited us for the midsummer festival?”

Elrohir looked confused. “Yes? That was one hundred years ago I think?”

Elladan nodded. “Yes, and remember we got so drunk we almost thought we were going to drop dead the next morning, the hangovers were unbelievable”

Elrohir looked at his brother incredulously. “Where are you heading with this?”

Elladan made a grimace. “Legolas gave us some herbal mix remember? It tasted so vile I thought the taste would last for eternity but it did fix the hangovers right away. “

Elrohir nodded slowly. “Yes?”

Elladan gestured eagerly. “I asked Legolas for the recipe for that concoction, for future situations like that. He didn’t give it to me, it was as secret but he did tell me of some other herbs with rather interesting qualities.”

Elrohir squinted, he didn’t quite like this, sometimes his brother’s ideas were brilliant and sometimes they were down right dangerous. He awaited the answer with a bit of dread. “He told me of one herb in special, the shamans of the Avari use it to heal others with mental problems.”

Elrohir scoffed. “None here are in sane if that is what you are thinking”

Elladan rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t the patient that ingested the herb, it is the shaman! It enabled them to sort of leave their bodies behind and enter someone else’s mind but not through contact and it is not really the soul that leaves, just the consciousness. Thus you cannot get caught within someone else’s mind for it isn’t really you that goes in there.”

Elrohir frowned, stared at his brother. “I don’t understand that?”

Elladan nodded. “Well, neither do I to be honest but they use it and it works.”

Elrohir sighed deeply. “You are suggesting that we use that method to see if we can reach ada?”

Elladan nodded. “Yes, imagine this, we may contact him through our normal soul bond but that could enable us to become trapped as well. With this method the likelihood of that is very small and we could probably manage to access the situation and find out what the problem really is.”

Elrohir leaned back, he stared at Elladan with narrow eyes. “And you know what this herb looks like and how to use it?”

Elladan had a bit of a nervous look upon his face. “Ah, well, I remember…a lot.”

Elrohir scoffed. “That means you don’t remember it all right?”

Elladan nodded and his eyes were apologetic. “Uh, no. I do remember the name of the herb and how to use it, but well, I don’t remember the dosage or if there are any side effects.”

Elrohir shook his head. “No, no way. We are not doing this, absolutely not and I am dead sure it would end with disaster if we try. You don’t just medicate yourself like that without knowing what you are doing. Father would never allow it”

Elladan squirmed. “But what if it works? Please, it could be the only chance we have. Grand-mother will never get here in time!”

Elrohir rolled his eyes. “Elladan, no! It could be very dangerous and it isn’t even sure it works, a shaman has years upon years of training behind him, it could be that it is needed if there is to be any effect of it at all.”

Elladan leaned forth, grasped Elrohirs hand. “Please listen to me Ro, it is like dreaming he said, just that you enter someone else’s dreampath. It will work, I know it will.”

Elrohir sighed so deep his belt creaked. “Very well then, what herb is it and how is it ingested?”

Elladan grinned. “It is called Red dragontail and it is a vine of some sort. And you have to dry the leaves and well, ah, smoke them”

Elrohir almost bolted out of his chair. “Smoke them?! That is vile! No, we are not doing it!”

Elladan sighed. “I am not talking about us this time Ro, I am talking about me. If there is any risk involved I should be the one to take it, since I made the suggestion”

Elrohir grasped his brother’s shoulders. “No, you are not doing this Dan, I forbid you. We do not even know for sure if we have that herb in the collections and what if there is something important you have forgotten? I cannot lose you as well, that will be the end of me”

Elladan squirmed. “But please, just listen? It is the only way Ro”

Elrohir threw an angry glance at Elladan, his eyes were shooting lightning. “Oh, are you sure about that? I am not you see, I will not let you risk your life or health in a wild goose chase.”

Elladan looked down. “I know, but I need to do something, anything! Don’t you feel the same way?”

Elrohir sighed and nodded, his eyes a bit more soft. ”Yes, but the risk is too great, it isn’t worth it Dan. What if the plant is poisonous?”

Elladan stared at his brother. “Then I will probably die and if father fades I will die, anyway there will be only one outcome if nothing is done.”

Elrohir was pale. “Don’t say that, there has to be some other way, Erestor is going through the library looking for anything that can be helpful.”

Elladan shook his head. “It won’t work, there is nothing in the library telling of such a situation for there has never been a situation like this one before. Damn it Ro, can’t you see the truth? We have to act and we have to act now!”

Elrohir stared at his brother again, there was deep love within his gaze but also doubt. “It cannot be that simple Dan, just smoke that plant and go visit someone else’s mind?”

Elladan shrugged. “Uh, well, there is a ceremony of sorts, you need a lot of incense and a very hot room and the shaman is to be completely naked and there are some things he need to do before he does start the procedure.”

Elrohir cocked his head. “And why do I have a sense of this being something less than pleasant?”

Elladan blushed a bit. “The Avari are a bit primitive yes, uh, he has to do three things, kill something, do something he otherwise would fear and uh…come”

Elrohir nodded. “Things that all alter your state of mind yes, face death, fear and life. I understand that, more?”

Elladan shook his head. “Nothing that I can remember no.”

Elrohir sighed and stared at his hands for a while, thinking. “Dan, if we do this and I mean if, you must swear to me that you won’t take any chances”

Elladan nodded solemnly. “Of course”

Elrohir closed his eyes. “First things first, you have to kill something, any idea of what?”

Elladan nodded. “From what I understood it could be anything so a rat? There are plenty of foul rats in the stable.”

Elrohir cringed. “Right, the fear thing?”

Elladan bit his lower lip. “You know how I am with spiders, find a few nasty ones and I will be afraid alright.”

Elrohir grinned swiftly. “The last part I suggest is best left to your own imagination, and good hand”

Elladan went beet red. “Right, so… do we?”

Elrohir took a deep breath, he was terrified to tell the truth, trying some ancient Avari ritual didn’t exactly seem like a very good idea but what other options were there? They had no idea of what their father was up against, what the problem really was. If this was safe then… He made a decision and felt his stomach drop right away, this could be one incredibly stupid idea. “We try, we try tonight. No point in delaying this now is there? Go get a rat, I find a room where we can be undisturbed, and some spiders too.”

Elladan swallowed hard. “Ah Ro, not the big hairy ones”

Elrohir smiled sweetly. “Of course not”

 

Glorfindel had returned to his own rooms, he was tired and his head felt like a block of lead. He slumped into a chair and a sense of deep loneliness started to creep into him. He missed Halariel, it was insane but he did. He missed that unpredictability and freshness of spirit that was her, the strange behavior and her curiosity. He had become stuck on his own ways but she had sort of reawakened him and he felt new with her near him. He felt as though there was hope yet again, and life and light. He groaned and feared that he had lost her, that she would fade. He had fallen for her, he had to admit that to himself, and he feared that losing her would be like losing the very spark of life itself. 

There had to be something he could do, he felt so useless, so terribly so. So what if he had once killed a balrog if he couldn’t save the one his soul reached out to? He was so completely out of his field of experience he couldn’t even begin to fathom it. He sighed and got up, pulled his clothes off and took a swift bath, it didn’t make him feel any better at all. He needed to keep his mind occupied with something, anything. He growled and found a pair of pants and a tunic, left the room and went to the room Maedhros had gotten, knocked on the door. There was some noises coming from the inside and the door opened. The tall redhead looked a bit as if he had been asleep and Glorfindel felt as though he was an intruder. He swallowed swiftly and nodded his head. “Ah, I am sorry but… I cannot find any rest and…uh, I guess there are a lot of things you would want to know? I can tell you”

Maedhros gestured for him to follow him into the room and Glorfindel shut the door. He couldn’t help but staring at Maedhros, he was only wearing a pair of loose sleeping pants and his hair was unbraided. He did look disheveled and yet he was breathtakingly beautiful. Glorfindel remembered the ones who claimed that even near the end the oldest son of Fëanor had been able to outshine anyone, that he had been even more handsome than his father, at least in the eyes of some. It was no lie, Glorfindel was used to being admired but he felt like an anonymous little grey mouse in a corner compared with the splendor that was this Feanorion.   
Maedhros gestured for him to sit and grasped a pen and paper. “Why is it that you are reborn?”

Glorfindel sighed and started to tell his tale over again, for the valar alone knew what time. But at least his mind was being kept occupied. 

 

Elladan had visited the apothecary and lo and behold, there were some of that specific plant there and although it was just a little and the leaves rather old too he hoped it would be enough. He had found a pipe one of the rangers had left behind and brought it with him to the room Elrohir had found. It was a backroom in the building where they used to take care of the laundry during the spring cleaning. It was not in use right now and Elrohir had lit the hearth and the room was very hot now. And he had really outdone himself with the incense, the place was filled with smoke and Elladan coughed and felt a bit nauseous. He put the box with the rat down and Elrohir looked nervous. “Are you really sure you want to do this?”

Elladan nodded. “Yes, I do. “

Elrohir hugged him swiftly, he could feel that his brother in fact trembled ever so slightly. “Okay then, but remember, be careful. “

Elladan smiled. “As always”

Elrohir rolled his eyes. “Yeah right, you are never careful Dan.”

Elladan started stripping off his clothes and placed them in a neat pile while Elrohir stuffed the pipe with a grimace. He hesitated and Elrohir grasped his arm. “You don’t have to do this Dan, it is not too late to turn back.”

Elladan took a deep breath. “But it is Ro, I have to do it. “

He grasped a dagger and opened the box with the rat in it. It had been extremely nasty when he caught it, he hated rats but now trapped in the box it looked almost cute! He swallowed again and again and Elrohir cocked an eyebrow. “Now?”

Elladan whispered a swift. “I am sorry!”

Then he thrust the dagger through the rodent and the animal squealed and jerked and kicked until it finally just lay there, dead. Elladan felt the taste of bile in his mouth, it was one thing to kill an orc, this was just an innocent animal, a pest yes but a living sentient being and he regretted it already. 

Elrohir grinned viciously. “Ready to be scared?”

Elladan nodded. “I guess!”

His voice was thin and Elrohir gestured for him to lay down, he did, shaking.  
Elrohir removed a blanket from a jar and lifted it, pulled the lid off and just tipped it over Elladan who squealed as at least twenty of the huge hairy spiders that lived in the thick forests along the river fell onto him and started running around. He was terrified of them and had been ever since one of the beasts managed to get into his shirt when he was bathing with the other elflings when he was just fourteen. Elladan squirmed in absolute panic and his breath came in rasping gasps as the arachnids scurried over him, he started to sweat and panted. “Get them off of me, now!”  
Elrohir just grinned and used a broom to swipe the spiders away from his brother, they ran to the corners and disappeared into cracks in the floorboards. Elrohir smiled with a bit of a blush. “And then the last part?”

Elladan felt his cheeks burning and his ears had turned pink too, this was going to be difficult for he wasn’t at all thinking about that kind of activities now. “Ah, Ro, could you?”

He gestured for his brother to turn around and Elrohir nodded and obeyed. He sat down with his back against his brother and Elladan bit his lip and tried to think of something that would arouse him but it was not easy at all after the other things he had done. He touched himself hesitantly, nope, no reaction. Elrohir hawked. “You know, I can’t forget the time I caught you and that serving wench at that inn, damn you were really fucking like rabbits. I have never seen tits like that on a female before, Valar how I envied you!”

Elladan blushed like crazy but Elrohir had understood the problem and as usual he did come up with a solution to it. Elladan remembered, oh how he remembered. Her name had been Sabine or something like that and she had had such a good mouth and an even better… He looked down at himself, he was ready for anything all of a sudden and started stroking himself with determination. It didn’t take him long to reach the point of no return, it had to be his current state of mind that caused it and he moaned and gasped for air as he got closer to completion. Elrohir was blushing where he sat, he had heard his brother quite often, they had shared one room for many years even after they came of age and later they had rooms that were adjacent to each other so he often heard it when his brother weren’t alone in bed. And he was dead sure that Elladan had heard him too, but it didn’t make it a bit less awkward. Elladan tensed up, then Elrohir heard him make some weird guttural sound and he also heard the sound of liquid spattering over the floorboards. Elladan gasped for air a few times before he managed to get a hold of himself and Elrohir turned around slowly. “You alright?”

Elladan nodded, eyes closed and body still trembling with the after-shocks. “Yes, give me a minute”  
Elrohir made a grimace and got the pipe, he lit it and Elladan sat up cross legged and swallowed, staring at the smoke coming from the pipe. He had tried smoking once, and he had sworn to himself to never do it again. One of the rangers that often visited the valley had left his pipe in the infirmary and Elladan and Elrohir had been two very curious elflings of just ten. They had managed to find an ember and lit the pipe and they had been trying to do exactly the same as the ranger had done. Needless to say it ended with two very sick elflings who were puking and half delirious and a very angry and worried father and a mother who was close to being hysterical.   
He grasped the pipe and nodded firmly. “Alright, here goes”

He took a deep breath and inhaled and immediately he was caught by a coughing fit so bad he thought he would cough his lungs out. Tears were running down his face, he felt nauseous again and he had a peculiar light headed feeling. He took one more careful breath, the need to cough wasn’t so violent this time and the next was almost bearable. Elrohir looked very nervous and Elladan managed to give him a smile, by now the world was spinning in front of his eyes and he felt so strange, as if his body wasn’t really there anymore. He groaned and suddenly there was light flashing everywhere and he was so dizzy, so terribly dizzy. “Ah, it is…kicking in…I think I am…”

Everything became a blur, he blinked and looked down and there he saw himself laying on the floor, Elrohir held the pipe and looked so scared. It was so peculiar and he felt afraid, what if he couldn’t return to himself? He turned around, floating through the air like just a cloud of energy. He went straight through the wall and then he headed towards the healing ward. He was able to see through walls, to see everything. He felt as though he was dreaming and perhaps that was right, he fell through the roof and was within the room where Elrond and Halariel lay. Erestor was sitting by them and he was asleep and Elladan could almost see what the counsellor was dreaming. He had to shake his head, Erestor wasn’t really as bone dry and boring as some claimed that he was. He would have been blushing intensely if he had been there in the flesh. He turned towards the two, staring at them and then he touched Halariel’s forehead and was immediately sucked in. He was seeing her mind like a weave, strands going in every direction and he followed it to wherever her soul was at the moment. He saw glimpses of memories, of dreams and thoughts and he smiled, she did really have the hot’s for Glorfindel. 

Then he reached his destination, and he saw through her mind’s eye. If he had been there as a soul the creature holding her captive would have noticed his presence but he was able to hide within her now and he saw a sphere of light and within it a crouching figure he realized was his father. He heard a voice, it was soft and alluring and mumbling something incoherent, he sensed power, and hunger, a fierce will. Halariel was passive, as if her soul was subdued somehow. But the thing responsible for that was so powerful, so strong. No wonder why she hadn’t been able to wake up and Elrond was indeed being held captive. The creature had somehow created a sort of pocket within Halariel’s soul where they now all resided and he realized what the thing was trying to do. He also saw it all as if from the outside, saw how the silmarilli power had become an entity of its own, saw its attempts at stealing his father’s powers. 

He pulled back, hid and then he let himself slide through the insubstantial fabric of this place until he reached the sphere in which Elrond sought refuge. He felt how his soul did reach that of his father and got a response. Elrond’s soul did for a swift second glow brighter, stronger. (Ada, I am here, what can I do?)

Elrond didn’t reveal anything, he kept staring, kept fighting. ( Dan? I have figured out one thing now, I wondered what it was but I think I have got it. It could have overtaken Halariel’s body and kept her and me imprisoned within her but it hasn’t done that and I think it is unable to do that.)

Elladan didn’t reveal himself, he was invisible, just a consciousness and not even a soul. (Yes, explain)

Elrond pretended to be tired, let his head hang down.( Listen carefully, Halariel is connected to the real world somehow and the connection cannot be broken, it is a bond of love Dan. She is probably Glorfindel’s soulmate. The bond between them must be completed, tell him that. It will make it impossible for the entity to overtake her completely. It is seeking to break free, to become her, but it is way too powerful to be allowed to run free. It must be restrained somehow)

Elladan felt that he was being pulled away, the drug was losing its effect. (I will tell Ada, how about you) 

Elrond groaned. (Weakening, so tired. Its hold of her must be broken, it must be distracted if I am to escape, and the power contained)

Elladan managed to transfer one last thought( We’ll find a way)

 

He gasped for air and shook violently and opened his eyes, staring straight up at his brothers very worried face. “Dan, are you alright?”

Elladan coughed, he felt awful but he had to tell them, he just had to. He grasped a bottle of wine that Elrohir had brought along, always the practical one, and took an eager sip of it. “I am fine, just…just… I feel like shit. But it isn’t dangerous.”

Elrohir stared at him. “Did you see anything?”

Elladan nodded. “Yes, the power within her is indeed trying to possess her completely, it wants to live through her. But it hasn’t been able to because she is so connected to Glorfindel. He is anchoring her to the real world but the bond has to be completed. And father is trapped in her mind by that thing, it is trying to drain him of power I think.”

Elrohir gasped. “Are you sure?”

He nodded and coughed, took another sip. “Yes, absolutely. The thing inside of her needs to be distracted for ada to be able to escape. “

Elrohir nodded slowly and helped Elladan get to his feet. “Then by the valar will we find a distraction, we will ruin its day like it’s never been ruined before!”

Elladan threw his clothes on, still feeling dizzy and sore headed and more than anything else, nauseous. His stomach felt as if it was doing somersaults and his mouth felt as if it was filled with some extremely disgusting substance. “We need to find Erestor and Glorfindel, now!”

Elrohir grasped his hand and then they both ran. Elladan quickly developed a throbbing headache unlike any he had ever had before but he still ran and they burst into Erestor’s study like an avalanche. Erestor was half asleep over some books and jerked violently, lost his balance and fell hard onto his ass. He had just returned from the infirmary to read some more and he was dead sure that his heart didn’t appreciate the shock at all. 

“Erestor, we must find Glorfindel, and Maedhros too, we have discovered the truth.”

Erestor stared at the twins, his butt hurt and he gritted his teeth. “What truth damn you, you almost scared me to death!”

Elladan gasped. “Elves cannot be frightened to death, you are safe. The power within her, it is really holding her and ada captive.”

Erestor sighed. “Okay, well then so. Let’s find the others.”

It took them some time to find Glorfindel but he was still in Maedhros room, explaining about the forming of Imladris and the history of the second age. Both stared at the twins and Erestor who looked as if he had been running, but that was impossible. Erestor never ran, ever. He glided with the effortless elegance of a cat. “The twins have been able to see what the problem is and we have come up with a plan, but I am afraid it is a rather risky one.”

Glorfindel leaned forward, there was an eager glimpse in his eyes. “Tell us, tell us right now!”


	11. Break in break out break free

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Chapter 11: Break in, break out, break free

Elladan and Elrohir sat down, they stared at Glorfindel and Maedhros and they both looked very determined. They looked at each other and Elrohir started talking. “ We tried something Dan thought of, an Avari ritual. And Dan managed to get a peek into Halariel’s mind, he did see what the problem was.” 

Glorfindel held his breath. “ And it was?” 

Elladan took a deep breath. “ It is as we thought, the power she has carried within has somehow managed to overtake her, and our father too. It has gained its own personality and a will of its own. It wants to live as her.” 

Maedhros was writing like a mad. “I do not understand much of this?” 

Elrohir sighed. “ It has tried to keep her safe until now, it has protected her but it has grown stronger as she has grown weaker and it isn’t able to understand that it is killing her.” 

Glorfindel scoffed. “ So what can be done?” 

Elladan turned towards the balrog slayer, his eyes were distant. “ The only thing that has kept it from overtaking her completely is you Fin, the bond between the two of you prevents it from absorbing her soul and becoming her.” 

Erestor sighed. “ It sounds as if this thing is very arrogant somehow, power mad even.” 

Elladan nodded eagerly. “ Father has been able to prevent it from stealing his powers too, but he won’t be able to cope for all that long.” 

Maedhros was looking pale. “ How is she?” 

His handwriting was rather shaky and Elladan made a grimace. “ She looked as though she was very weak, not aware of anything if you catch my drift? She is fading fast.” 

The tall red head made a weird sound and wrote again. “ Please, I have to save her!” 

Elladan nodded. “ Father said that we need to distract it somehow in order to save her. But how do we do that? He also said that Fin had to complete the bond with her, to prevent that thing from feeding off her soul anymore.” 

Maedhros suddenly remembered something, he closed his eyes and allowed the memory to fill his mind for a few seconds. It had been when the problems started, when his father’s paranoia was at its very infancy. He hadn’t forged the Silmarilli yet but he was angry at his half brothers and father, felt that his father had somehow betrayed Miriel by getting married again. Maedhros remembered the way he could keep talking about that part of the family with nothing but resentment but usually Nerdanel managed to get his mind set onto other subjects before it got stuck. She had indeed been the calm and wise one, the one who could put a dampener on Fëanor’s temper and make him focus on more peaceful things than his anger towards his father. He looked up, stared at the twins and Erestor. He wrote swiftly. “ It is like my father I think, it has a part of who he was. It is filled with belief in itself, convinced of its own right to do whatever it pleases to do?” 

Elladan read the words and nodded. “ Yes, that sounds pretty accurate. Do you have any suggestions?” 

Maedhros swallowed hard, wrote swiftly. “ Yes, it needs to be challenged, it has to be separated from Halariel somehow, only then can it be defeated.” 

Erestor bit his lower lip and tilted his head. “ How do we do that?” 

The twins stared at each other and Glorfindel just sighed. “ We cannot all do what Elladan did now can we?” 

Erestor shook his head and Maedhros was obviously thinking very hard. He felt trapped, in despair and terribly nervous. He had to save her, she was his daughter damn it, he owed her to be safe and loved. “There is one thing…” 

They read the words and frowned, stared at him. He looked down, cursed the fact that he couldn’t speak for the umpteenth time. “ Yes?” 

Erestor looked at him with trust in his eyes and Maedhros wrote slowly, chose his words carefully. “ This is something I have only heard about, and I don’t know if it is at all possible or just a fancy tale.” 

They looked at him and he hurried as much as he could. “ Some claimed that it is possible for a soul to be pulled away from its body by the soul of its bonded mate, and kept safe within the body of that mate.” 

They all frowned, Erestor cocked an eyebrow. “ Why would anyone do that?” 

Maedhros shrugged and wrote. “ I heard about it when we fought Morgoth, during the siege of Angband. They told me a warrior once shared his body with his mate until her body healed from a poison that otherwise would have corrupted her completely.” 

Glorfindel scoffed. “ I don’t understand how that could be possible, and what does that have to do with this situation? Her body isn’t the problem.” 

Elladan looked a bit eager. “ I think I do understand, yes, yes I do. You think of pulling her soul out of her body and into Glorfindel’s body while the entity is being fought right? So that it cannot harm her in any way? It could work, it would at least rock its confidence and perhaps make it do some mistake?” 

Glorfindel groaned. “ I get it, thank you but how are we to do that? And who is to fight the thing?” 

Maedhros took a deep breath, his hands shaking “ I am, it is my duty, I am her father after all.” 

Erestor rolled his eyes. “ It will be dangerous, very dangerous in fact!”

Maedhros nodded slowly, he wrote the words slowly. “ I know, but I think I have an advantage being my father’s son. It will recognize me.” 

Glorfindel looked a bit stern. “ Elrond thought that the Valar has something to do with this, that they let you be reborn to gain something. Perhaps they want that power for themselves?” 

For a second Maedhros face was contorted by a sudden burst of rage and everybody realized that he indeed was very dangerous. “ If they want it they will have to fight me for it, I will not let them harm her in any way, nor will I be their pawn. I refuse to bow before them, I didn’t cower before them before I died and I will still defy them, to my very last breath”

Erestor had something akin to reluctant admiration in his eyes. “ Very well, but how do you plan to defeat that thing? I don’t think it will just let go of her and give up everything?” 

Maedhros sighed and wrote with hands that were more steady now. “ I know, I will force it to join with me instead. “ 

All stared at him incredulously, Glorfindel hawked. “ Then it will overtake you instead?”

Maedhros shook his head, his teeth bared and eyes blazing. His hands shook again. “ No, she is weak, not used to fighting anything. Unaware of her potential, untrained. I on the other hand can fight, and endure. Whatever it throws at me, it cannot be as bad as Angband” 

Erestor shuddered, just seeing that name written sent shivers down his spine, it was like a vicious ghost from the past. Glorfindel cocked an eyebrow. “ Right, let us say that it is possible for you to absorb it but how are we to make it happen? How can I pull her soul into my own body and how are you to enter her mind? Elrond is also caught in there, he cannot be harmed.” 

Maedhros shrugged. “ I don’t know really?” 

Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other. “ Distraction, that is what’s needed. Fin, you have to complete the bond between the two of you.” 

Glorfindel went beet red. “ I cannot…take her?! That would be just…sick!”

Elladan rolled his eyes. “ You don’t have to sleep with her to complete a bond, if the two of you are meant to be then it is enough for you to pledge yourself to her, to say your vows and swear upon Eru. It ought to do it, then you can be as one with her and give her strength to break free from that thing.” 

Glorfindel took a deep breath. “That is a huge step to take, I hope you understand that? I…I don’t really know how I feel about it, yet!”

Elladan rolled his eyes and Elrohir patted him on his back. “ But we have seen the truth Fin, we saw it when you first met. Heck, you are a fool if you cannot see that she is your one.” 

Glorfindel sighed and hid his face behind his hands, he looked very distraught.   
Maedhros was writing something and they turned towards him. “ I will do this alone if I have to, I have to repay her for what I did to her mother. I should have been there, watched over her and kept her safe, I have to save her” 

Erestor nodded and looked down. “ We know you know, how she came to being. Elrond had a hard time believing it, that you had…well, done that.” 

Maedhros swallowed, closed his eyes. He sighed and wrote some more, remembered that terrible day all too well. He hadn’t been himself at all, no, it was as if it was despair itself that had possessed him and turned him into something he wasn’t. He hadn’t even been that fond of females, after all he had still been grieving for his true love Fingon. “I was drunk, and in despair, everything was just darkness, I saw no light, no hope. I cannot explain it really, it wasn’t me.” 

Erestor nodded slowly, his eyes narrow. “ I remember them telling me of you and Fingon, were you?” 

Maedhros felt his cheeks and ears burn, he just nodded. Erestor made a grimace. “Then it makes very little sense, but then again, anyone can do stupid things with a belly filled with wine.” 

Maedhros felt his throat clench, he bit his teeth together and choked a groan. He had always thought that that one day was the beginning of the end, that the deed he found himself committing was what had truly condemned him. The silmaril had burned his hand, it had found him unworthy, unclean, tainted by evil. He had done terrible things yes, even slain his own kin but it had been done to please his father, to follow the oath they had sworn. When he raped Halariel’s mother it hadn’t been anything else than his own will and mind behind it, or was he wrong? He felt tears sting his eyes and then he felt a comforting hand upon his shoulder. “Sometimes destiny treads an intricate dance indeed, we can never be sure of what it has in store for us.” 

Erestor was sending him a somewhat sad smile and he tried to smile back. He found it weird that they accepted him the way they did, knowing what he had been, what he had done. But he was grateful, so very much so. Elladan and Elrohir were fidgeting with their sleeves. “ Uhm, not to be impolite but we have to act, soon. Before it is too late.” 

Glorfindel took a deep breath. “ I understand, and I think I am able to do whatever it is that I need to do, but what about him?” 

He pointed at Maedhros. “ How is he to get inside of her mind?” 

Erestor shrugged and the twins looked a bit unsure of what to say. “ We don’t have anything left of the herb we used? “

Maedhros frowned, he was thinking very hard. He remembered something and he tried to make sense of it. “ Your father carries one of the rings Celebrimbor forged right?”

The twins read the words and nodded eagerly. “ I remember him telling us of his plans, of the magic he was going to put into the things he made. I think I may be able to command it, even for just a short moment. There was something he once told us, I just need to get the details straight, the memory is a bit blurred” 

Erestor looked eager. “ Do tell, please. There is so little we know of him, and what he did when he forged those rings.” 

Maedhros dipped the quill in the ink again, wrote fast. “ Yes, he kept most of his skills as a secret.” 

Erestor swallowed hard. “ You do know that he was killed right? By Sauron? In the second age?” 

Maedhros nodded slowly. “ Yes, somehow I do know, now! At least I know he did forge those rings, and if he used the same methods as he started using when he was young and the rest of us were around then there could be a trick to use its power in a different way.” 

Erestor read his words eagerly. “There is so much we don’t know really. Sauron fooled him, betrayed him and brought doom upon him, but he never managed to corrupt the rings. Did he really talk of ring making back in the first age? We thought that the idea was brought to him by Sauron.” 

Maedhros shook his head. “No, it was something he had been thinking about for a long time, since he was very young in fact. He would visit atars forge and test different methods of forging things and I remember atar being so very proud of him. After all, Celebrimbor was his only grandchild.” 

The words were a bit hard to read, Maedhros hadn’t realized that his hands were shaking this bad again. Glorfindel sighed and shrugged.” Elrond is in fact a relative of yours, and so are the twins and their sister. It is ironic.” 

Maedhros wrote very fast. “ Yes, atar would never have accepted it though, he saw every descendant of his half siblings as usurpers and bastards.” 

Elladan cringed. “That is a very harsh attitude.” 

Maedhros nodded slowly. “ If you want to summon up everything my father was harsh comes pretty close to the top of the list. He never forgot and he never forgave those he thought had wronged him.” 

The twins leaned forth and read his words. “ Your father must have been…well, not to be offensive but the word that drops into my mind is twisted” 

Elrohir’s voice was a bit nervous and Maedhros sighed and nodded, his eyes sad. “ They said that his very birth was marred, that he was tainted by darkness, that it was his fault that his mother died and refused to leave the halls. Perhaps they were speaking the truth, he was a genius and I do know too well that the line between that and madness can be very thin indeed.” 

Erestor was reading as he wrote and he bit his lower lip, a faraway look within his eyes. “ I remember some saying that it was unnatural to have as many children as he did, that seven sons meant that the last ones were created from less pure energy, born with a weaker fëa, easier to corrupt.”

Maedhros shuddered, his eyes closed. He had heard that too, even before they left Aman. And he had started to believe that it was true, he remembered too well the strange madness within his younger brothers, their lack of remorse and the cruelty they seemed to enjoy. Had they been mad? Perhaps, he didn’t know. He only knew that they sure as hell hadn’t been normal, that was undeniable. He remembered the peculiar way Celegorm had acted, the almost feral look within his eyes when he fought and the joy he took in killing other creatures. 

He remembered Curufin and his hostility even towards their own followers, his moody grumpy ways and the way he treated his son, as if he was a piece of property or a slave, something that ought to obey all the time. And Caranthir, by the valar, it wasn’t without a reason that he had been referred to as dark Caranthir, in him all the negative aspects of Fëanor had been distilled and perfected and Maedhros remembered the rumors he had heard. His brother had apparently been a rather perverted person in some ways, fond of inflicting pain upon others and unable to feel any sort of remorse. 

But the twins? Had they been mad as well? He didn’t know, no, he hoped that they had been normal, had been innocent but he also knew that they had died so very young, before their true character had evolved. If they had been allowed to live longer they could perhaps have turned out to become the worst monsters of all, but he still hoped that they had been spared of that faith, that their souls had been complete. It was bitter thinking of what had happened and what had been, the memories of their childhood were tainted by the bloodshed that followed.   
He wrote slowly. “ You are probably right, something was lacking in the youngest of us, or perhaps it was something of which they had too much” 

Erestor looked confused. “ What do you mean?” 

Maedhros wrote again. “ They had too much love for our father, it was so complete, so all consuming. He taught me and Maglor to be independent, to think on our own but by the time when naneth got pregnant again he was beginning to change and I think he brought them up to be so obedient it made them snap completely when he died. He was everything they had, they worshiped him. I loved my father and I admired him but I didn’t regard him as a deity, I saw his flaws and the mistakes he did and I didn’t allow his words to rule my own decisions and my mind. They did, and it was their undoing I fear.” 

Glorfindel stared at the floor. “ I understand, that makes sense. He was the one constant in their lives, the one thing which they trusted completely. When such a person disappears from your life you are left so very vulnerable.”

Maedhros nodded and grinned but it was a sad grin. One filled with regret. “I think there was some sort of darkness brewing within our family even before Melkor started spreading his lies, perhaps atar really was tainted, I don’t know, but there are memories which makes me think that he had a side to him we never saw, a very unpleasant one.” 

The twins looked curious and Maedhros looked down at the floor, he didn’t want to write about it, didn’t want to tell them of the way Fëanor had favored Caranthir and the sounds Maedhros had heard from his brothers room on some occasions, before hearing his father leaving it late at night. And he had seen the glimpse within Caranthir’s eyes, the pride of being the favorite son and also a weird sort of confusion and fear, and when considering what the ellon had turned out to be later on it wasn’t such a difficult thing to put the pieces together and see the whole picture. Caranthir had been the one most alike Fëanor in every way, or at least when it came to appearance and it wasn’t really so hard to imagine that Fëanor in some way had enjoyed spending time with this near copy of himself a little bit too much, and in a not so innocent way. If anyone had been in love with themselves it had to have been him.

Maedhros shook himself, tried to smile and Glorfindel leaned forth once more. “ So, what did you mean by the things you wrote about the ring?” 

Maedhros took a deep breath, allowed himself to be immersed in memories once again. He remembered Celebrimbor standing by the forge, completely concentrated and almost oblivious to the outside world. The young ellon had really been very talented, and that talent had been different than that of his grandfather. It was hard to point a finger at the difference but Maedhros thought that Celebrimbor perhaps had preferred making things that were useful and in more ways than just one. Of course the things he made were beautiful but they were so much more and Maedhros also remembered the discussions between his brother’s son and Fëanor, they had been two of a kind in some ways and in others opposites. 

He allowed himself to drift further into the past, it had been during the siege of Angband and Celebrimbor had visited him and Maglor, he had beamed with pride and showed them his last work. A very beautiful and yet simple circlet that seemed normal enough until someone put it on in a dark room. Then it provided the one wearing it with night vision. Maedhros had had a very hard time understanding Celebrimbor’s explanation, he had never been one of those geniuses who immediately understood such things but he did realize that the ellon indeed knew a lot of which others were oblivious. It hurt knowing that Celebrimbor had died and that he had made the rings which could destroy everything if the dark lord got them in his possession. He had been so eager to learn, so terribly curious about everything. Of course he had been easy to seduce by someone who offered knowledge he up to then had lacked. 

Maedhros sent the others a rather pale smile and started writing again. “He often claimed that he had discovered something not even atar had known, about the very nature of the elements. It was something about the way everything vibrates in a very individual rhythm, and how that may be manipulated. “ 

Erestor read the words and he looked very dubious. “ That is rather far-fetched, and even if it is true, how can we use it?” 

Maedhros bent forward, ink was splashing all over. “ Celebrimbor showed us how things could gain different properties and that sound was the way to manipulate everything. If we manage to discover the frequency with which Elrond’s ring can be manipulated I may be able to awaken its hidden powers and use them even with Elrond wearing it.” 

Elladan scoffed. “ Do you have any idea of how mad that sounds? Using sound as a tool?” 

Glorfindel was sitting there and he looked a bit gloomy, or rather somber. There was something in his eyes that told them he was thinking, and thinking very hard about something. Erestor looked at him. “ You look as if you are about to fight a balrog once more?”   
The golden haired warrior pressed his lips together and he had a very dark expression within his eyes. " I remember something from Gondolin, it backs up Maedhros claims.” 

Elrohir looked curious. “ What?” 

Glorfindel crossed his arms across his chest, stared at the floor. “ Maeglin was a smith too, and a very good one. But not as skilled as his father Eöl, he made both blades and an armor of the strange metal known as Galvorn. And Maeglin told us that his father had used sound to form the substance among other things. Fire in itself was not enough to make it malleable.”

They all stared at him, they all knew the tale of the fall of Gondolin and Maeglin’s role in that terrible event. Glorfindel probably hated Maeglin rather intensely even now. “ So it is true then that sound can affect objects, but how do we manipulate Elrond’s ring with it?”

Maedhros was thinking hard, there was something within his mind that suddenly clicked. He remembered that Celebrimbor had carried a flute with him at all times but not one of those you use to make music. It had been one of those flutes one use to control dogs, it couldn’t be heard by any other than animals. He wrote so fast he almost broke the quill. “ A dog flute!”

They stared at him as if he had suddenly grown a green beard or something. “ A what?!”

Erestor blinked and Maedhros nodded vigorously. “ A dog flute, it makes sounds too high pitched for anyone to hear except dogs. He always brought one with him and we all thought it was weird since he never kept dogs. It was a bit unusual though, it didn’t look normal, as if he had done something to it.” 

Erestor leaned forward, there was a hint of eagerness in his eyes. “ I hope you do remember what he had done to it?” 

Maedhros nodded and wrote slowly. “ He had squeezed the end of it, so it was almost completely flat.” 

Elladan was thinking hard. “ So he probably used sound as a tool when he made things, and also used it to manipulate things later on. Makes sense, we have all heard of the songs of power.” 

Elrohir nodded. “ So, what do we do?” 

Glorfindel made a strange grin. “ We find a dog flute, flatten it and see for ourselves if he did indeed add something to his work of which we have been oblivious until now.” 

Erestor shrugged. “ It could be that just one frequency will work, and finding that may be tricky to say the least”

Glorfindel got up. “ Yes, but we have to try. Maedhros, you do really believe that this could enable you to use the ring?”

The red head nodded, his eyes a bit nervous and yet determined. Erestor sighed. “ There are dog flutes by the kennels. “ 

Glorfindel was out of the door already and the four that remained there just looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Glorfindel wasn’t one to hesitate when there was something at stake. They waited for perhaps five minutes and then he returned with no less than ten dog flutes. They were tiny and made from silver and rather pretty too. He made a wry grin. “ The kennel master got a bit upset, he didn’t like that I took all he had.” 

Maedhros grasped one and studied it, Erestor leaned towards him. “ Are they similar to the one Celebrimbor used?”

Maedhros nodded, he remembered all the ancient tales of mages using flutes to manipulate objects, it had to be a piece of truth in those stories after all. He felt that the metal was rather soft and malleable and he had no problems squeezing the end of it until it looked like the one he had seen Celebrimbor carrying around. He lifted it to his mouth and tried it and all cringed as a most horrible sound could be heard, it cut their ears and Elladan almost shrieked and collapsed. “ Stop, stop, that cannot be right!”

Maedhros sighed and squeezed the flute again, made the hole in the end a little bigger again. This time there was a tone, a normal one although very faint and hollow sounding. This wasn’t right at all, there had to be something else he hadn’t managed to pick up. Elrohir studied the flutes with narrow eyes, he was trying to remember everything their father had taught them over the years, he suddenly jumped and his eyes were shining. “ I think I got it!” 

They stared at him and Elrohir took two flutes and removed the top of them which could be unscrewed. He bolted out of the door and were gone for a couple of minutes and when he returned he carried with him a small fistful of dried peas. The others just stared, too confused to be able to say anything at all. He dropped a pea into each flute and put the top back onto it and Maedhros was gaping, he remembered having heard a strange sound from the flute Celebrimbor carried, as if it contained something. Elrohir was indeed very smart. 

Elrohir tried the flute and it did vibrate, he grinned. “ I remember one time when ada showed us how rings spread in water, did Celebrimbor work with anyone or did he always work alone?” 

Maedhros was thinking hard, and fast. “ He did have an apprentice for a while, a rather quiet and anonymous ellon, I cannot remember his name.”

Elrohir just shook his head. “ That doesn’t matter, now, watch what I am doing.”

He squeezed the ends and then he handed one of them over to Elladan who took it looking very reluctant and in doubt, as if his brother was in fact handing over a very poisonous and dangerous snake or something like that. 

He nodded at Elladan. “ Now, blow, and just keep it steady.”

Elladan cringed but obeyed, there was no sound to be heard but the glasses on the table near by started to vibrate and there was a strange noise coming from the walls. Elrohir had an insane grin upon his face as he too started to blow air into his flute. The sounds disappeared, everything went silent and the room was filled with a weird sort of heavy atmosphere that made the hairs stand up on the neck of everybody. Elrohir gestured for his brother to increase the strength of the airflow and it happened, there was a peculiar glow from every object in the room and they felt cold and at the same time refreshed but it wasn’t very pleasant at all. Elrohir let go of the flute, his eyes were shining. “ Got it, I think Celebrimbor had to use a helper when he manipulated those objects he made, or some sort of mechanical devise able to create an airflow through a flute of something like that. The two frequencies adds to each other and creates a new one, the right one I am sure, it is stronger and more pure and the peas in the flutes creates a vibrato we cannot make with just the flute and air.” 

Erestor nodded slowly. “ I just hope that Sauron never managed to get that secret out of him” 

Glorfindel shook his head. “ If he had we would have lost a long time ago I am sure.”

Elladan swallowed and looked eager. “ So, what do we do now?” 

Elrohir almost caressed the flute in his hands. “ We rest a little and have something to eat, then we go to the infirmary and free Halariel and ada. That thing that has imprisoned them is in for the surprise of its lifetime!”

Maedhros nodded and his eyes were narrow. Had Fëanor also used a trick like that when he forged the Silmarilli? He didn’t know, but he didn’t think that Celebrimbor had shared his ideas regarding sound with his grandfather at all.   
Erestor nodded, and he got up. “ Right, lets go. I am starving and I do need some rest too. My mind is spinning, this is way too special for me but I guess we have to try.” 

They all left the room and went to the hall of fire where some cooks were on duty at all times of the day and so they managed to get a hot meal and some wine. Elladan and Elrohir felt strangely elated, and also impatient. They wanted to start right away but they both knew that they couldn’t do that just yet. They both needed some sleep and to calm down even though it was hard. They finished a huge bowl of stew each and then they went to their rooms and agreed to meet at dawn. 

Maedhros felt tired but he couldn’t find any sleep, he was so fearful and also in a way angry. He wanted to stop this power that was hurting his daughter and he just feared that he wasn’t strong enough, or smart enough. And what if he did save her and she did return to her normal self and then turned out to hate his very guts? Well, he couldn’t claim that he would blame her in that case, if she turned her back on him it was understandable. He couldn’t hope for a nice relationship with her, or could he? His thoughts were driving him mad and when he finally managed to fall asleep he was dreaming of his final moments once more, embraced by fire and despair. 

They did meet at dawn, most were looking far from well rested but there was strict determination to be seen in their eyes and also hope. Erestor hawked and he looked a bit nervous. “ This has to be done right the first time, we cannot afford any mistakes, got it?” 

The twins and the other two nodded and Erestor nodded, he had as usual taken the role as administrator. “ Glorfindel, you bond with Halariel, you must keep her soul out of reach from that thing. The moment you get in contact with her you give us a signal and the twins start using the flutes. Then anything may happen, be prepared!” 

Maedhros was shaking all over but he was determined as never before. His life had no value if he couldn’t save his own daughter, he had to try even though his throat felt dry like a desert and his heart was beating wildly in his chest. Glorfindel went over to the bed were Halariel and Elrond lay side by side, he laid down next to Halariel and took her other hand. He swallowed and closed his eyes, allowed himself to just drift into the realm of pure emotion. He sought the bond between them and after a while he felt her, a vague flickering speck of light and he slowly whispered the words which sealed their bond and made them a couple in the eyes of the one. There was a sort of jolt, and he felt a strange sensation of being dragged in several directions at once, then he felt her soul reaching out for him, scared and confused and so very weak. He let his own soul merge with it, pulled her to him and used all of his willpower to drag her along him until her very self was resting safely within his very being. She didn’t understand, her thoughts blank and only her feelings being unrestrained and he managed to lift an arm just to signal that he had her, that she no longer could be harmed by the entity. 

Erestor nodded and the twins lifted the flutes and repeated what they had done the day before and Elrond’s ring started to glow in a peculiar purple color it never had had before. Then Maedhros stepped forth, he took a deep breath, then he let his inner voice speak and the others there could have sworn that they heard him. “ Listen to me, obey me. We are of fire, we are one, bring your master safely back into his own body, do it now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter is on its way, i am just very busy these days With work and my "real" writing and everything, i will update as soon as i can, promise :)


	12. A battle of wills

Chapter twelve : A battle of wills…

 

Elrond had felt very tired, he had been fighting that strange force with all that he had, it had been a rather terrifying experience for the thing didn’t have what others explain as moral. It didn’t know good or bad, evil or benevolent. All it knew was what it wanted and what it wanted was to know everything about everyone, to live and explore and experience what all living beings feel and do. 

It wanted to pull all that he was into itself, suck up all his knowledge, all of his experiences, all of his memories. It was strong, terribly strong and yet it had the maturity of a disobedient toddler. But it wasn’t unintelligent and that was the most terrifying thing about it, there was a keen intelligence in it and it was learning so very fast. It had probably been dormant most of the time, only being activated whenever Halariel had been in jeopardy, but when Glorfindel tried to search through her mind he did inadvertently unleash it. 

Elrond just hoped that the twins understood what he had said, and he was eagerly waiting for anything to happen. He couldn’t protect himself that much longer. He was starting to lose hope when he noticed that the part of the thing that was Halariel’s soul suddenly burst into a bright light, then it sort of tore itself free from the entity and disappeared and the thing shrieked and squirmed as if in pain. Elrond gasped, he blinked and then he felt something pulling at him, almost violently. His ring felt like it was made from burning lava and he yelped as everything suddenly went black. 

The twins stared as their father suddenly jerked, he let out a loud gasp and the ring glowed so brightly it hurt looking at it. Glorfindel couldn’t move yet but the twins grasped their father and shook him gently. “ Ada?” 

Elrond took a deep breath, his eyes were blurred and he looked like he had fought a hard battle but he was alive and back in his own body. “ Oh Gods, Halariel?” 

Elrohir tried to smile.” Glorfindel has gotten her fëa, now it’s just a matter of getting that thing out of her.” 

Elrond was staring in disbelief at Maedhros, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing but his eyes were not lying. The tall red head was shivering, he stared at the light from the ring and Elrond felt that the fëa of his foster father was commanding it still. “ Bring it forth, flush it out, show it to me!” 

His inner voice was determined, it held a great deal of authority and Elrond remembered hos Maedhros had commanded others, he had such a presence and it wasn’t just because of his enormous height. It was just who he was, he could have been a midget and still have dominated every room he entered. 

Maedhros felt the power from that entity, felt it searching for him, trying to determine who or what he was. He gritted his teeth together, then he brazed himself for he sensed that the entity was making an appearance in the physical world. He just hoped that the ring would obey him still. Elrond was panting, he pulled the ring off and tossed it to Maedhros. “ Here, use it, It obeys you, you’ll need it” 

Maedhros put it on and not a moment too soon for suddenly a very strange orb could be seen appearing in the middle of the room. Elrond shouted to the others. “ Get out of here, now!”

Elrohir grasped onto his father and lifted him away and Glorfindel did the same with Halariel, now that the entity had left her it would be safe for her to return to her own body and as he ran out of the room he did release his hold of her fëa and allowed it to return home. She jerked and moaned but didn’t wake up yet. Erestor helped Elrohir and Elladan get Elrond out of the room and they shut the door behind them. The entity was beyond all of them, now anything could happen. 

Maedhros stared at the glowing figure that stood in front of him, it was very strange and it had the shape of an elf but there were no facial features to be seen, as if it wore a mask. That was slightly more frightening than any face, no matter how hideous it was. The thing stood there, hissing slightly. “ You took them away from me” 

Maedhros nodded. “ Indeed I did, they were not yours to keep” 

The entity tilted its head, it changed, now he was looking at a very glowing version of Halariel, she had to be very beautiful indeed if this was how the entity pictured her. “I was protecting her” 

Maedhros forced himself to remain calm, he somehow felt that this thing had used that argument before. “ You tried to protect her yes, but by doing that you endangered her. You have no business taking over her life thus.” 

The thing stared at him, the eyes were deep and frightening, held a light that was otherworldly. He had seen it before. “ I am superior to her, to you all.” 

He had to hide a smirk. “ I hear you saying that, but what are you really? Nothing but light and energy.” 

The thing leaned forth, bared its teeth. “ That is all that is needed, flesh is not necessary” 

Maedhros tried to confuse the thing. “ It can come in handy.” 

The entity cocked its head. “ There is something familiar about you, who are you? Tell me, I demand it!” 

Maedhros smiled, a grin that wasn’t pretty at all. “ I am surprised that you don’t know me, we are kin.” 

The thing backed off a little. “ Kin?”

Maedhros nodded slowly, he felt the ring burn his finger, its powers were working like never before. “ Yes, as she is too. She is of my blood you know” 

The thing looked shocked. “ You are her creator? She let me rule her because of you, of your name and who you are. She wanted to forget, why?” 

Maedhros had a plan now, he had to contain this thing somehow and he just hoped that he had the strength to do it. “ Yes well, I am not shocked, after all I have quite a reputation.” 

The thing got closer. “ Tell me, tell me who we are, why are we special?” 

Maedhros felt how it was trying to enter his mind, force the information out of him. “ Because of our father, we both have something of him.” 

The thing was confused, he could see it. “ I am made, and yet not whole, why am I not whole, where is the rest of me?” 

Maedhros realized that this shard of the Silmarilli wanted to feel as one with the finished results. It wanted to take part of their powers, it was greedy and jealous.“ Some in the earth, some in the water and a piece way up high” 

The entity that was the soul of a silmaril growled. “ Bring them back, bring them here to me, I wish to join with them, to be one.” 

Maedhros shrugged. “ Sorry, no can do. I bet the Valar would be rather pissed off if I tried to do that.” 

The entity backed off a few step. “ I have heard your name, I remember it now. So long ago, kin slayer, warrior, king.” 

Maedhros tensed up, it tried to throw him out of balance. “ Why didn’t father make me complete? I want to embrace the whole power, I want to live!”

He heard the longing in that otherworldly voice. “ You are just a shard, a left over, nothing”

The thing almost roared and bright light shone from it again, sharp enough to hurt his eyes. “ I am not nothing, I am power, I am light, I am…forever!” 

Maedhros had to agree that the thing had some things right, it was eternal. “ Oh but that won’t do you any good, you are basically not even a fëa. You are a ghost of times long passed, and it is about time that you let go and return to nothing.” 

The entity glowed slightly red. “ What?! Never! I am stronger than anyone else, I will have a body, I will live!” 

Maedhros snickered. “ Oh? Halariel didn’t want you, she didn’t ask to contain you, not your self-developed personality nor your powers, and I don’t know of anyone who would volunteer to carry you within their flesh. You are lost, just admit it.”

The thing got closer. “ I can possess you, you are strong, I can do much with a body like yours.” 

Maedhros just grinned. “ No shit, but here is the problem. You could possess Halariel for she wasn’t even aware of herself, she was reduced to an animal stage. No sane person would let you inn. No, you are a mistake, an abomination. Your powers could perhaps be welcome but not that cocky personality you have developed. You remind me too much of certain people in the family.”

The thing grew, it was taller than him now, and a frightening sight. “ I do not care, I will not be beaten, I will live and rule and all shall bow to me” 

Maedhros managed to laugh, he wanted to tick the thing off. Make it do mistakes, ruin its focus. “Oh I do remember that tone, you do have some pieces of father still inside of you but do you know what he didn’t give you?” 

The thing tried to claw at him but the ring had formed sort of a protective shield around him, it couldn’t get through. “ It is a lie, I am strong, I am perfect! I have it all!!” 

Maedhros snickered. “ Oh but didn’t you complain about being incomplete? It was just moments ago? You see, father was rather paranoid, and hungry for power yes, but he wasn’t stupid. No, he was far from stupid, but I would dare to say that you are, or rather, uneducated!” 

The thing lost all shape, it became light, burning pulsing light that made him shield his eyes, he held the ring up high. “ We were all given gifts you see, special abilities, some for good and some for worse but we failed to see that, to value it all. My brother Maglor was a master musician, Celegorm could talk to beasts, the list is long. And it all came from him, but our mother gave us something too.”

The entity hesitated, it didn’t follow his train of thoughts and Maedhros gathered all of his courage. This would be hard. “ She gave us patience, wisdom and love. And love you see, that is incredibly powerful, even more so than you are”

The entity sputtered, light that felt like fire filled the room and he knew that it had managed to snatch some of his memories, of his final moments. More than one can play the game of distraction but he didn’t let it affect him. He forced the fear and the memory of the agony he had experienced away. “ I will own you and then I will find the rest of me and I will become one and whole and alive” 

It attacked the sphere of protective energy violently, clawing at it from every direction, the ground shook underneath them and the house was rattling as if a violent storm was attacking it. Maedhros knew that without the ring he would have been in great trouble already. 

He groaned and stared at the shining light. “ Arrogant aren’t you? And sure of yourself too, but know what? If you are alive then you have a soul and souls can be collected by the doomsman.” 

The entity was darker now, like a mist of blood and light and darkness, swirling and hissing and terrifying. “ The Valar hold no power over me, for I am stronger than they are.” 

Maedhros shook his head, he felt scared but he knew now why the Valar had sent him back, after all, he had been a very strong soul, he had endured Angband and come out of it without having been transformed to an orc. His spirit was wilder and more fierce than any other, stronger too. And he was unafraid, they had seen how far he was willing to go for his family, of all the brothers he and Maglor had done what they had out of love more than just duty, and as he had said, there is nothing stronger than love. 

“Sorry, now this is where I think you may be wrong, the valar created the trees from which you have gotten your light and so in essence one may say that they created the main ingredients of you” 

The entity took a shape again, elf like but so huge, so terrifying. Yet another image from his mind, Morgoth! Maedhros swallowed, cold sweat ran down his back as he heard that voice once more, laced with evil and so seductive, so smooth like poison masked with the sweetness of good wine. “ You will be mine beautiful one, you will beg me for it in the end, they all break down finally” 

Maedhros wasn’t strong enough to shield his mind completely against the entity, but he knew a trick or two. He had feared that he would go insane as he hang there on the mountainside and so he had managed to create a sort of sanctuary within his own mind, a place where he created his own memories, fake ones that were comforting and sweet. He still had that gift, he quickly conjured up some rather insane images that didn’t make sense at all and the entity took the bait. It transformed itself into a strange fluffy creature that looked a lot like a mixture of a dragon and a sheep that hasn’t been sheared in a long time. 

Maedhros tilted his head. “ Oh my, that was…you look smashing, now get out of my thoughts before I send you some truly disturbing images.”

The thing roared with rage, Maedhros was silently whispering to himself, feeling how the power of the ring prepared for what he wanted it to do. He wanted to help Halariel, and he didn’t want to bow before the Valar like some lap dog. He was going to fight for what was his and he had a plan ready. He just hoped that he was strong enough to endure this for it would be absolutely terrible and he knew it. 

The thing attacked again and this time he pretended to be weakened, the thing found a weak spot in the protective energy and rushed forth.   
He felt a jolt of energy from the ring, this was it. “ You know what I said about love? The strongest one there is is the love between parent and child and there isn’t anything that I won’t do for my daughter even though I don’t know her.”

The entity forced its way into him, tried to merge with his soul and that was what he had waited for. He gasped the last command to the ring and the light surrounding him became so intense those standing on the outside could see through the walls. The ring did what he wanted of it, it separated the power of the silmarilli from the entity and what was left was the personality it had created for itself, its soul.

Maedhros was fighting, the power from the stones was trapped in the ring and he used all of his strength to let some of it merge with the power of the ring to strengthen it, some of it he sent off using the bond he felt he had with Halariel and let it return to her, she deserved it. He did also absorb some of it and the entity was suddenly without powers, it was just a houseless soul and very weak. And yet it fought him, it tried to possess him with a ferocity that was terrifying, he let the ring form a shield once more, now trapping the entity within a cocoon together with himself. He screamed in agony as the thing tried to access his every memory, to devour the very self of him. It tried to become him, to erase his soul and take its place.

Memories raced through his mind, he could not stop this onslaught of energy but he hadn’t planned to. If need be he would willingly sacrifice this new life of his for her, and he had a feeling that this had been the plan all the time. But he had a trick up his sleeve and he grinned as he collapsed onto the floor. The battle of wills strong enough to stop his heart, to ruin the fragile shell of flesh housing both him and the absolutely furious entity.

The others wouldn’t enter, he just knew it. They were aware of the danger and would stay away, they wouldn’t see what he was about to do. He grinned, the audacity of what he was about to do was something not even his father would have dared thinking about. He could just endure and wait and he didn’t have to wait for long. 

Suddenly a tall figure appeared in the room and got closer and he was once more staring down at his own body on the floor, not quite dead yet but close. The doomsman tilted his head. “Maedhros son of Fëanor. I am here to collect.”

Maedhros stared at Namo with narrow eyes. “ I see, but there is a catch this time.”

The tall vala looked confused. “ I don’t understand? You have done what we sent you back to do, the entity is contained within you, I will bring you both back.”

Maedhros crossed his arms over his chest. “ Oh I don’t think so, I am no spit licking thrall, I do not bow to anyone, not even you and you know it.”

Namo bowed his head. “ You are as bold as ever, they told me you would be defiant” 

Maedhros growled. “They don’t know even half of it. They did this just because of the power within Halariel didn’t they? That was what they were after all the time, a shard of the silmarilli.”

Namo nodded, he never lied and there was something that perhaps could be a glimpse of sympathy in his eyes. “ Yes, I was ordered to bring you back because of it, so that you could contain it. You are the only one strong enough, the only one with enough of your father’s fire to dare to attempt that.” 

Maedhros nodded, a strange light flickering within his gaze. “ You are right about that, I am the only one. But Halariel is my daughter, my own child and I do not leave her freely, I will not go. I deserve this second chance.”

Namo was frowning. “ Do you? How can you be so sure?” 

The tall redhead leaned forth. “ Oh but I am, I served you well didn’t I, like an obedient little errand boy. I will not go!”

Namo crossed his arms. “ I do not think you have much of a choice.” 

Maedhros snickered. “ That is where you are wrong, I am not my father Lord Namo, but I am not stupid. I knew there was something you wanted. “ 

Namo stared at him, eyes narrow and face very stern, “ Go on?” 

Maedhros pulled the soul of the entity out of his own, like a glowing replica of himself. “ See, here it is, the thing you were after, but as you also see it is only a soul now. It has no powers, it is a houseless fëa, no less no more.”

Namo gasped. “ What have you done?” 

Maedhros smiled, a slow devilish grin. “ Put the power to good use I must say, you will find that you are unable to leave this room again, without my consent that is.” 

Namo faded a bit and then he returned, obviously distraught and also impressed although angry. “That is unwise, it is never a good thing to play with such powers!” 

The red head nodded. “ I have never claimed to be wise, just to be bold, and reckless. So here’s the deal, you take that soul and whatever is left of the silmarilli powers and let me stay here with my daughter.”

Namo sighed. “ Or else?”

Maedhros lifted an eyebrow. “ Or else I will force you to stay within this room forever, nobody will die anymore, I bet people will be very grateful for that.” 

Namo sighed and rolled his eyes. “ Alright, fine, I believe you. You are mad enough to do that, I never wanted this to happen in the first place, you were already repentant and doing well so I guess we deserve this, for interfering.”

Maedhros nodded. “Damn right you do. You can tell them that it wasn’t all that powerful after all, Halariel will keep the powers she now has, and so will Elrond’s ring. I give up the powers I claimed willingly.” 

Namo pressed his lips together. “ At least you are fair, I respect that. And yes, you do deserve to live with your daughter, to get to know her. But I am warning you, she may not want that at all. “ 

Maedhros just shrugged. “ Then I will accept that and stay away from her, but I need to try.” 

Namo took a deep breath. “ Of course you do. I understand that believe it or not. But life will not be easy for you.”

He stared at the doomsman with a fierce gaze. “ I can handle it, whatever fate throws at me.” 

Namo stared at the glowing figure, it looked as if it was in shock. “ So, here we have a piece of the spirit of the silmarilli, a shard of their splendor. I bet this one is haughty yes.”

The entity growled and tried to smack the doomsman and he evaded the strike and touched the fëa that immediately shrunk to a small tiny spark. “ You will spend some time with me I think, learning about things like humility and compassion. Yes, there are many lessons to learn.” 

Namo stared at Maedhros while tucking the fëa of the silmarilli shard away. “ You did serve us after all Maedhros. This thing would have overpowered Elrond, have consumed your daughter’s soul and ruined everything in the end. The dark lord would have become aware of it, tried to control and claim it. It could have been the undoing of all we have fought to achieve over the centuries.”

Maedhros hissed. “ I did it for Halariel and Elrond, not for you”

Namo nodded. “ I know, but I have a gift for you Maedhros. The answer is yes. And there is yet something more but that you will find out about later.” 

Maedhros gasped for air, he felt how his soul almost soared hearing the answer to his question. Namo smiled. “Now, release me so I may return with the fëa and tell the others of this mission” 

Maedhros grinned and whispered a command to the ring and the doomsman reached out and touched him, it was a very gentle touch but it made his very self shiver. He remembered having been touched thus before, and only his sheer stubbornness prevented him from calling out in a mixture of awe and fear. “ Be whole son of Fëanor, I never wanted this for you remember, I will give you this extra gift.” 

Namo pulled the remaining silmarilli light out of his soul and faded away and Maedhros found himself laying on the floor, gasping and shivering and feeling as though he had been run over by a herd of mad balrogs. He wheezed and coughed and the room stank of smoke and something undefinable. It reminded him of crushed rocks and he struggled to get up onto his knees. His head was spinning, he was nauseous and every limb felt weak. 

The door opened slowly, almost hesitantly. Glorfindel peeked in and then he ran forth and knelt down, supported the tall ellon and helped him get up. “ Oh Valar, the sounds, and the light?! We thought it was the end of the world!”

Maedhros slipped the ring off, put it in Glorfindel’s hand. The balrog slayer stared at it. “ Elrond will be glad to have it back yes, how do you feel? Is it gone?”

Maedhros stroked his own throat, it felt sore, he made a croaking sound. “ Gone!” 

He almost jerked, and stared at the golden haired ellon with shock. “ I…I can speak?!”

Glorfindel grinned from one ear to the other. “ Indeed you can, how wonderful” 

Maedhros hawked and sat down, the room soon became filled with the rest of the group and Elrond approached him slowly, wide eyed and still in disbelief. “ I can’t believe that it is you, are you for real?”

Maedhros nodded. “ Most certainly, I feel very alive at least” 

Elladan coughed and opened a window, the room stank. “ What happened?”

The red head leaned back, closed his eyes. “ The entity is gone. Namo brought it back to Aman, to be examined I am sure. But they didn’t get all they wanted.” 

Elrond frowned. “ What do you mean?”

Maedhros laughed, his deep soft voice was one you could listen to forever. “ They wanted the powers it held, but they are no longer in the entity. They are in your ring Elrond, and in Halariel too. And I refused to leave so I am still here, alive.”

 

Glorfindel whistled. “ How did you convince the doomsman that it was a wise move to let you stay alive?”

He cocked his head. “ Easy, I used the ring to trap him here, he had to let me go or remain imprisoned here forever.” 

Elrond gasped. “ Oh Eru, I have never…But it doesn’t surprise me, you would have spat in the face of Morgoth himself I am sure. “ 

Maedhros sent his foster son a rather dark glance. “ Oh I did, many times over.” 

Glorfindel looked nervous. “ Halariel has the powers still?” 

Maedhros sighed “ Yes, some of it, not much but I bet she will find a good use for it one day. It is the smallest thing I can do for her, after all, I am her father, I owe her that.” 

Elrond looked at the red head with narrow eyes. “ Yes, I remember that about you, you were willing to go far for your kin, to do whatever it took to keep them safe, even protect them against themselves, too bad you failed.”

Maedhros sighed. “ Yes, Doriath, I remember. I couldn’t stop my brothers, they didn’t have patience and they didn’t think, the oath had consumed them. They were weak, twisted, and yet I miss them.”

Elrond smiled, a sad smile. “ I missed you too you know, both you and Maglor. I wonder what fate he faced.”

Maedhros stared at Elrond and his gaze was distant. “ He is alive you know, Maglor. Namo confirmed it. When I have done what I can here I will go searching for him.”

Elrond took a deep breath, there was a weird light in his eyes. “ Oh Eru’s mercy, then I will do whatever I can to help you, anything you want, just ask for it”

Maedhros just lowered his head in a gesture of gratitude. “ I will.” 

He turned towards Glorfindel. “ Halariel, how is she?”

Glorfindel smiled, but he was a bit pale still. “ She is sleeping, I guess she is exhausted. After all, she was a captive within her own mind for quite a while, I do not know how she will react when she wakes up. If she will be normal or still…weird”

Maedhros leaned back, he looked at Glorfindel with trust in his eyes. “ She will be alright, if it takes an age, she will become normal I am sure. I will help you and her in whatever way I can.” 

Glorfindel felt a bit embarrassed. Here he sat with her father, her freaking father and it was a person he had thought to be dead ages ago, a person both hated and revered. He had to forget about who Maedhros had been and remember that he too was re-embodied, that it was a new fresh start for him too. “ I am most grateful, I am sure it will be needed.”

Elrond was still a bit weak but he felt how he got new energy from the ring and he soon felt well enough to get up on his own feet. Erestor supported him and the counsellor had never looked that relieved before. He was almost crying. Elladan and Elrohir hesitated for a few seconds, then they both ran forth and hugged Maedhros who looked stunned and then he smiled and hugged them back. Elrohir had a very cheeky glimpse in his eyes. “ So, you were ada’s foster ada, is it alright then if we call you daeradar? “

Maedhros coughed and rolled his eyes. “ Eru no, that makes me feel as though I am ancient!”

Glorfindel snickered. “ Oh but you are!” 

Elladan slapped Elrohir across his back, rather playfully. “ We cannot call him that, it will feel just weird. “

Maedhros turned to Elladan. “Thank you Dan, that was thoughtful of you”

Elladan had a vicious grin upon his handsome face. “ So we will have to come up with another name we may use, oh the ideas, the ideas!”

Elrond rolled his eyes. “ Sons, you are to call Lord Maedhros just that! No funny nick names thank you very much and now I am famished and want some food and I bet you should have something to eat too.” 

There was a sudden sound of a rumbling stomach and Elrohir blushed and made a mumbling apology. Erestor supported Maedhros as they left the room, he was still slightly dizzy and he had a hard time believing that he had done what he had. He had outsmarted the vala of death, and he had saved Halariel and Elrond. That was cause for some celebration.

The dinner hall was almost empty but the cooks went into overdrive when they saw that their lord had returned to them and they quickly served the best meat and vegetables they had available. The head of the kitchens were so grateful that Elrond was back and hale that she brought up some of the best wine they had and soon the atmosphere was jolly to say the least. Elrond had only one cup and that was enough to make him rather drunk since he hadn’t eaten for days and Maedhros had three cups and felt nothing until he had to get up to get outside and take a piss, then he suddenly felt as though something had hit him in the head.

Glorfindel had to help him back to his rooms and they could be heard singing the same naughty song which had originated in Gondolin and been banned by Turgon the moment he first heard it. Maedhros managed to get into bed before he collapsed and Glorfindel had a sense of both gratitude and awe when thinking about the tall ellon. After all, he was the stuff of legends but Glorfindel just knew that they would become good friends, the Maedhros of old had been gloomy and rather somber, not very pleasant to be around. This new version of him seemed to be returned to the innocence of youth, at least in some ways and Glorfindel just knew that Halariel would discover that she had an ada that never would let her down ever. 

The next morning it was raining like the skies had opened and Elrond was hung over and stayed in bed and so did most of the others too. There had been a lot of celebrating going on the night before and not all had managed to get through that unscathed. Maedhros got up at noon, he liked the fresh clean air after a rainstorm and it smelled so lovely of trees and plants. He went to the stables to visit Hammer and then he went to the rooms where Halariel was being watched over by Glorfindel. He had slept at her side and sat reading when Maedhros entered.

She hadn’t woken up yet but she was just sleeping, a deep healing sleep and she was looking better by the hour. In fact she was healing so fast it was a cause for concern, her hair had started growing back out, she was getting muscle and fat on her body again, her skin was returning to normal. Glorfindel was nervous but Maedhros was not, he was sure that the power she now held was of the healing kind, that she was fixing herself. 

Maedhros sat there with Glorfindel for the rest of the day, they were exchanging tales and memories of old and to Glorfindel it was wonderful to once again speak with someone who actually remembered those days so long ago. He felt more at home right away, less disconnected and strange. When the night fell Maedhros returned to his own rooms while Glorfindel stayed and he felt that his fëa was complete when she was near him. They were bonded now, there was no going back, they were a couple even if they hadn’t done the deed yet. But they would eventually, when everything was alright.

Glorfindel had always wanted a family of his own and perhaps he now had a chance of seeing that wish come true. It would be wonderful if it did, then he truly would have a purpose with this life of his. Halariel slept for yet another day and then she suddenly stirred and woke up with a strange cry. She stared at the room and the furniture with huge eyes and Glorfindel didn’t know what to do, he was afraid he would frighten her. She blinked, pulled the blankets up closer around herself and bit her lower lip. Her eyes were distant and then they got focused and she looked at her own arms and hands. They were normal now, no longer skin and bones and her hair had to reach her knees by now. It was so thick and silky and beautiful he didn’t have words worthy of describing it.

He leaned forth. “ Halariel? Do you remember me? Do you know where you are?” 

She stared at him, blinked, then she let her hand slide over his face gently, she smiled. “ Friend!”

He let out a huge sigh of relief. “ Yes friend! I am your friend, and there are many others here who are your friends too” 

She giggled, the weird inhuman expression in her gaze was gone. “ Good, hungry?” 

He squeezed her hand, sought her fëa gently and realized that she was like a child once more, she could speak yes but she was completely innocent and unaware of her past. It was a new start also for her, she had to start at scratch with everything. But he would be there for her, forever.   
“Yes, let’s go have something to eat, I am starving too my dear. And then there is someone I would like you to meet, he is your father Halariel, and he is very much looking forward to see you” 

She tilted her head and just smiled and Glorfindel sent a silent thanks to the valar, She didn’t remember, then she would learn to know her father before someone told her the truth. It was good that way and he helped her get into a dress before they went to the hall to eat. The days to come would be interesting, yes, very much so.


	13. Truth and doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this Chapter to be the last one, no such chance, someone wanted to be a part of this tale too and i just had to ad him in, so there will be an epilogue. And this Chapter has a bit of slash at the end.... 
> 
> I was in the middle of writing this chapter when my partner walked by, he bent over and stared at the screen and then he said “ And now you just write- and then they all died, the end- and see what sort of comments that will give you…”   
> I didn’t follow his advice though, he has a weird sense of humor and it bet some would have blown a fuse or two if I did finish this tale thus…

Chapter 13: Truth and doubt. 

Things had changed, a lot. Everybody could sense it, it was as apparent as the sun in the sky. Glorfindel suddenly had a new light in his eyes and a new purpose too. He was caring for Halariel and it did make him complete in a whole new way. He had always been regarded as a warrior but now he got a chance to show everybody that he could be so much more. Halariel was slowly waking up, other words could not describe it. She was starting to remember her life before she sought refuge in the valley and it made Glorfindel a bit nervous. He was afraid that her shame would return, and her fear. 

Halariel had discovered one thing about herself during the last weeks, she apparently had a gift for healing and Elrond was more than happy to let her work in the infirmary. She was learning so fast and had such an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, her eyes would shine when she got the chance to explore something new. She became a rather eager admirer of Erestor and the library and she spent a lot of time there. Naturally the rest of the elves of Imladris were a bit nervous around her at first, they feared her powers but slowly they realized that she no longer was a threat in any way and her naïve and sweet ways was rather endearing. Before long she had made a lot of friends and was blossoming like a rose. 

The only problem was Maedhros, he yearned to get to know her and yet he didn’t dare to approach her all that often. He sort of shied away from her and Glorfindel was worried. He had to face the facts and accept things the way they were. She was starting to remember and he had to show her who he now was. He had greeted her, and it had been rather awkward but she hadn’t really been able to understand that he was her father, not yet. Now she was getting more normal and mature by the day and he had to make a final and positive impression upon her before she fell back into old habits and ways of thinking. 

But he was so afraid to, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her, and yet he couldn’t get himself to sit down with her and just talk with her. He was so afraid of seeing hatred in her eyes, to see her turn her back to him. Halariel and Glorfindel were getting so close by now, nobody could ever doubt that they were a bonded couple and Maedhros was feeling as though he wasn’t really needed. She had a mate, she didn’t need a father, or did she? He hungered to show her the love he felt for her, the instinctive sensation of protectiveness that had awakened within him the moment he knew she was his offspring. His only child. He had lived for years not knowing about her, he had lost so very much and he should be brave enough to face his fears and just sit down with her and get to know her. 

He was eager to hear of everything she did, he would discuss her development with Elrond and Erestor and there was no doubt that he was very proud of her, and he would sort of hover in the background all the time. He didn’t want to miss anything about her and yet he sort of felt that he didn’t deserve to be a part of her life, that he somehow would ruin everything, the way the knowledge of who she really was had ruined her life before. Elrond tried to make him see that he was acting in a very silly way but it was as if Maedhros didn’t listen to him. He was obviously too afraid of rejection to dare to do anything to bring them together as family members. 

She was developing a rather cheerful personality and she had on some occasions joined the twins in making some rather nasty pranks. Elrond was delighted, she was no longer ruled by the shadows of the past and she was finding her place in the world. But he was a bit worried about Maedhros, the tall ellon didn’t feel at home at all, he felt nervous and unwell among the others and feared that they all saw just a kinslayer, a monster. Most there did accept him knowing the valar had returned him but he still had some problems believing that he really was alive. He was reading a lot, trying to learn of the things that had happened since his death and he was a bit shocked by many of the things he learned. He was sad to hear of Elros and his fate and the fate of the nation he had founded. He was also in shock when he heard of the power Sauron had managed to get after the fall of his master. 

Glorfindel and Halariel had moved in together and they got married too, it was a very beautiful ceremony but a rather private one. Just the two of them, Elrond and the twins, Erestor and Maedhros. Her father stayed in the background and felt out of place, he felt like an intruder in some ways. He was watching her every day and she did in some ways remind him of his mother, Halariel had some of her silent strength within and he admired that. She was a grown elleth, not a child and he had such problems imagining her as an elfling. He would so much love to hear of her childhood but he didn’t dare to ask her. When they spoke they were very polite but not very personal, like they were just distant relatives, not father and daughter. 

Glorfindel and Halariel soon got a rather juicy reputation, many moved out of the building they lived in complaining about a lot of noise at night, and at other times of the day too. That they finally had gotten married had obviously taken Glorfindel’s appetite for certain activities to new levels, and Halariel was just as insatiable. Erestor was the only one who really did complain though, he did feel glad on their behalf but he had caught them at it in his library one time too many. 

Elrond had managed to get Maedhros into a job at the forge, it wasn’t a large one but it needed a few new ideas and someone with real skill. The smith they now had was good but nowhere near as good as a son of Fëanor. Maedhros had been reluctant at first, then he got eager and started to work with zeal, maybe even a bit too much. He forgot to eat and sleep and would stay in the forge almost every waking hour. He was given free hands by Elrond and before long he was producing new designs of armor and weapons and the warriors had suddenly turned from being a bit suspicious of him to downright worship. He got a couple of apprentices and was thriving and yet he didn’t dare to approach Halariel the way he really wanted to. He felt incomplete knowing that she was there, and yet he didn’t dare to really approach her. 

He didn’t know why, he felt like a darn coward. He tried to analyze the feelings he had and he failed miserably. She was family damn it, the only family he had. He knew his brother was alive somewhere but she was there, so close. Why did he try to avoid her? He had to be the most cowardly ellon ever! He was hard at work in the forge, he had thought of making something for the families of the two boys who had died because of him. He felt as though he owed them something and he was planning on returning to the village, to show his gratitude. He had told Elrond and Glorfindel of how he had gotten hurt and how the villagers had welcomed him and Elrond had agreed with him that it would be the right thing to do if he gave the families some token of his gratitude. 

 

Maedhros knew just what they needed and he had worked for days to finish it all. He was proud of what he had done and knew that everything would be more than useful to the poor villagers. He had forgotten to eat again and stood by the forge with a piece of red hot metal and was ready to start shaping it. He heard a knock on the door and a voice that asked if he wanted some food. Elrond often sent some servant to him with a meal when he had failed to show up in the hall and he didn’t even turn around. “ Just put it on that table over there.” 

He heard the sound of a bowl being placed on the table and concentrated on his work. “ Are you always this dedicated to your work?” 

He started, turned around. It was Halariel and she stood there and stared at him with a somewhat blank expression on her face. “ Uh, I…I guess I am”

She sat down on a small bench and tilted her head to the side. “ Why do you avoid me? I don’t bite”

There was a hint of mirth within her voice and he felt trapped, didn’t know what to say, or how to react. “I…don’t know. I guess I am afraid that you might hate me.”

Halariel swallowed and patted the bench beside her. “Come here, sit. I guess it is time that we do talk to each other, for real. “

He hesitated but sat down, felt like some dirty troll next to her, she was clean and well dressed and smelled of flowers while he was covered in sweat and dirt. He managed to gather his courage.” You are right.”

Halariel nodded. “ Damn right I am, I know what you did, Glorfindel told me. You stood up against the doomsman himself to be able to stay here and get to know me but you haven’t even tried to speak to me. I find that peculiar.”

Maedhros felt his throat go dry, he just croaked, “ I am a coward Halariel”

She sighed, “ I know more than you think about the world now, I remember all that I have learned and I have read a lot since I got here and you saved me. No ada, you are no coward. I don’t think there is anyone out there who is less of a coward than you.”

He let out a gasp, that word, ada. He had never thought that he ever would hear himself being called that again. It brought tears to his eyes. She looked at him with gentle eyes. “Why are you so afraid?”

He swallowed hard, tried to keep calm. “ I am afraid of losing you Halariel, you are everything I have. If you decide that you…that you cannot accept me as your father then I have done it all in vain. I cannot stand that thought.”

She looked down at the floor, her face told of a mixture of emotions that were rather volatile. “ I did hate you, back when I was young. You were a monster, everybody told me that you were a kinslayer, a murderer. They told me that your blood tainted me, made me impure. They looked down upon me because of you and I wished that I was someone else’s child.”

Maedhros sighed, he felt like weeping. “ I understand that Halariel, and…I wish by Eru I could have changed that.”

She took a deep breath. “ I think I even hated mother for a while, for having given birth to me. She told me the truth, and I couldn’t help but blaming her, of thinking that …that she was to blame somehow.”

He gasped, his eyes wide open. “ No Halariel, your mother…she didn’t want me, she was without blame, I did force her. Believe me, she was innocent, the blame is mine and mine alone.”

She looked him straight in the eye. “ She told me you were drunk, not yourself, That is really no excuse is it?”

The blame in her voice was almost too much for him, he felt like breaking down, sobbing like some kid. “ It is no excuse no, I…I cannot explain it Halariel. I had never in my life imagined that I could do something that terrible to anyone. I didn’t even favor females”

She had a small hint of a grin on her face. “ I know, you loved your cousin didn’t you?” 

He nodded slowly. “ Yes, he was…my true love in life, I died inside when he was killed. I guess…I guess I wanted to….hide! It was so much death, so much hatred and despair and it just got too much. I had to forget, to feel again. All I do remember of what I did is a sensation of despair, of fleeing.”

She looked at him with calm eyes. “ I can forgive you know, and I have forgiven you ada, if you hadn’t done what you did then I wouldn’t have been here. And I wouldn’t have met Glorfindel. So in a way I am grateful, but I cannot ever understand, don’t even ask me to.”

He shivered. “ I know, I don’t understand it myself, it…it is still haunting me”

She reached out and touched his cheek, it was a very comforting and gentle touch and he let out a whimper and felt tears flowing down his cheeks. “ Oh Eru Halariel, when I heard that I had a child I thought they were lying, and I couldn’t believe it but the moment I saw you I knew it was true. You are so beautiful Halariel, so strong. My parents would have been so proud of you.”

She giggled. “ Oh yes? Of having a grand daughter who were naught but a wild thing for ages?”

He nodded. “You survived didn’t you? You do have the fire of my father, and the strength of my own daeradar too. And you are as wise as my mother. If you ever meet my family they will welcome you with open arms.”

She grinned and he thought he saw a glimpse of also the twins in her mischievous expression. He reached out, let his finger run through her silky hair, a sensation unlike anyone else in his life rose within his chest. It was so strong, so extreme. It was a feeling of relief and love and everything good in this world and he didn’t know what sort of power it was that possessed him but he embraced her, hugged her hard and she giggled and hugged him back. “Easy there ada, you are strong you know! “

He didn’t know if he was laughing or crying or both. “ Sorry my light, I…I just feel so very…”

She grasped his hands. “ I know, I feel the same way. I thought I hated you for so long, but I know you are not the same person you were. And these are not those dark days so long ago, there is hope in the world, and light.”

He nodded and held her close, breathed in her scent, felt her fëa touching his own and it felt so right, it felt …It was as it ought to be. He felt at home there now, it was really truly a home. Yes, some may yet regard him with a sense of repulsion but it would change. He blew his nose in a piece of cloth and she had to laugh. “ That had grease in it, you look awful!”

He smiled, his chin was still trembling but he managed to give her a real smile. “ Believe me, I have looked worse, way worse.”

She leaned her head onto his shoulder, she was the only elleth he had ever met tall enough to do that. “ One day I would like you to tell me of your previous life, I bet the things I have read are rather one-sided. But that can wait.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Yes, that has to wait.”

For the next days she visited him when he was working and so did Glorfindel, Maedhros tried to teach the golden haired warrior some basic techniques of forge work and Glorfindel found it fascinating but he lacked even the slightest hint of talent. Halariel forbid him from even trying, he was most likely to get seriously burned. She on the other hand was rather exceptional, she had a strange ability to shape metal and see what a piece of metal or a gemstone or any other pretty object could be turned into. She soon made some jewelry that made the other women of Imladris almost fight to be the next to buy something she had made.

Halariel and Glorfindel were happy together and he was happy to see that she was becoming a part of the society there and a part which everybody loved too. Maedhros was slowly getting more accepted too, he was far from the haughty person he once had been and after a few months everybody had thawed. The only problem were elves from other realms, Elrond had sent letters to Thranduil and Lothlorien telling of the things that had happened. Maedhros would never be welcome in Mirkwood, his brothers had slain kin of the king when they sacked Doriath and Elrond knew that Thranduil was way too stubborn to forget old grudges. His son on the other hand would probably see beyond those deeds of old and at least try to talk to the tall redhead. He was a way more open person than his father.

Then one day Maedhros, Glorfindel and Halariel and some warriors rode out from Imladris and set a course towards the village where Maedhros had been and they brought a lot of gifts. Maedhros knew that the parents of those two boys probably already knew they were dead, but he would make sure that they were told the truth. He owed that to them and he was deeply worried too. He feared that they would blame him for their deaths.

Glorfindel tried to cheer him up and Maedhros tried to listen but the doubt had sunk its teeth deep into his very being. And yet he couldn’t hesitate, he had to do this. They rode for days and he had brought the horse he was given. Hammer was a good horse and he had made sure that the animal had been given the best care possible. Now the black horse was a stunning sight and he didn’t realize how majestic looking he was riding the powerful animal. Travelling like this was so much safer than the journey he had made and they didn’t encounter any problems

They rode into the village early in the day and many stopped and stared, looking a little apprehensive. They were worried that these were enemies but as soon as they saw Maedhros they knew that they were safe. Irelen came running and stared wide eyed at the elf she had helped months ago, he looked so much more powerful now and the other elves also made the people stare in awe. There was a very beautiful elleth there and she had to be a close relative for Irelen saw the similarities between the tall redhead and her. Maedhros dismounted and hugged Irelen who giggled and blushed like mad and the villagers gathered in curiosity. Maedhros felt his heart beating like a drum in his chest. “ I was a mute when I was found by you, I have gotten my voice back and thus I can explain how grateful I am. You saved my life, and you took me in as if I was one of your own. Not all of my own race would have done that.”

There was a deep silence, Maedhros had a very beautiful voice, not as lovely as his brother but it was worth listening to. He told them of his journey to Imladris, he almost wept as he told of the boys and the destiny they met and he saw that the people had realized that the boys were gone. But now he did ensure them that they were remembered, and that he had made the guilty one pay with his life. There was cheering when he told of the death of that piece of shit and he almost broke into tears when the parents of the two boys did thank him for having avenged their sons. It was more than he could bare and he felt as though he wanted to just sit down and cry like a child but he kept his balance. Glorfindel spoke a little too, he was no less impressive than Maedhros and the villagers looked as if they were visited by the valar themselves.

Maedhros had to present Halariel to Irelen who immediately liked the elleth and the two of them really matched, Halariel had brought a lot of valuable herbs and books about healing and Irelen was jumping with joy. Maedhros started to present the gifts he had made for the villagers, it was axes and hammers, plow shares and knives, even combs and jewelry and many came up to him and kissed his hand or even knelt down before him. He felt embarrassed, his cheeks were burning and Halariel was teasing him mercilessly. Once upon a time such attention would have felt natural to him, it would have been a part of everyday life and nothing he would have reacted to. Now it made him feel like some exotic animal on display and he wanted to be gone, to hide.

The things would be treasured and well used and he felt good about himself. He had done a good thing and the villagers threw them a party that night. The smith got a taste of elvish wine for the first time in his life and got drunk as a skunk. Halariel and Irelen sat next to each other and were whispering secrets and giggling and had a really good time and Glorfindel was a bit nervous about the things Halariel told her new friend. Irelen was unaware of who Maedhros had been, Halariel told her but Irelen said it didn’t matter who he had been, all that mattered was who he was now and Irelen was proud to have been able to help him. Halariel hugged her and the two women got drunk together and Irelen taught Halariel some songs which made Glorfindel blush so hard his ears burned red. 

Maedhros had a great time too, the people soon forgot about their reverence and awe and treated him as a long lost friend and he managed to convince the parents of the boys that accepting two pouches of gold was a good idea. The next day they all suffered from a hangover and the smith was laughing rather hard when he discovered that elves can get hung over too. They stayed for two days before they had to return back home and Maedhros felt good, he had made good friends there and promised to return soon. But he had realized something during that journey, they had all been so close for the whole time and he couldn’t help but feel a bit envious of Halariel and Glorfindel. They were so happy together and he realized that he missed those feelings and missed them a lot.

He would lay awake at night and listen to those sounds in the night and he knew that his one was gone. It was so very bitter, so very sad. He was sure that they could have been so very happy together, now in this world and age. Surely there were a lot of elves who would more than gladly bed him, both ellyn and ellith but none tempted him in that way. He remembered a pair of soft blue eyes, the love and the trust in them, the strength and dedication. He remembered how dark they had been whilst in the grasp of passion, he remembered the agony in those eyes as he was being cut loose from the rock onto which he had been chained.

When they returned home he tried to drown his sorrow with work, he had always been that way. He worked to forget about his own feelings and poured every emotion into the things he made instead. Life had gotten into a sort of routine and he was happy in some ways and in others not so much. Then one day the entire valley was awakened by a roar from the house where Glorfindel and Halariel lived, a very joyful roar. Before twenty minutes had gone they all knew that the miracle had happened, the balrog slayer was a father to be and Halariel was grinning from one ear to the other and Glorfindel was weeping, laughing like a maniac and then weeping some more. Maedhros was a bit shocked and confused, he hadn’t been able to call himself a father for more than a few months and now he was a granddad?! It was a bit too much to digest there and then, he had to sit down for a while. Then he too went almost ballistic with joy.

Halariel was having a rather easy pregnancy and Elrond was watching over her all the time, he was as fond of her as of his own flesh and blood and Elladan and Elrohir told her that they would do their best to spoil the elfling. She immediately told them that they were forbidden to teach her child any of their methods of pranking others and they both just sniggered and left with a peculiar expression upon their fair faces. Halariel did a facepalm when she saw it, she just knew it, they would probably turn her unborn son into a master at pranking before he was twenty! Glorfindel was treating her as if she was made from the finest crystal and she felt embarrassed and often a bit angry at him too. 

Glorfindel didn’t ride out with the patrols now that Halariel was expecting and so Maedhros took his place and he soon realized that he hadn’t lost his touch at killing orcs at all. He was soon feared and loved the thrill of the chase. Elladan and Elrohir often followed him and they were quite a sight when they attacked and slaughtered orcs with no fear whatsoever. Maedhros had forged swords that were way better than those they had owned before and soon the orcs started to stay away from the area. Elrond was grateful but he was always very nervous, the boys were too reckless the way he saw it but Maedhros was always watching their backs and Elrond knew that the tall ellon never would let anything happen to them. 

Halariel had a son early one morning and it went relatively easy, she was exhausted afterwards and had to rest for days but she was almost aglow with joy and the babe was healthy and strong with dark golden hair and grey eyes. Maedhros was in awe of the little one and proved to be a very good daeradar, he loved his grandson dearly and spent as much time with him as he could. Halariel saw a new side to him now, a tender and soft part of his personality he rarely showed anyone.

Glorfindel caught him sitting in the sunlight one evening, he was watching Halariel nursing the little one who they had named Findion. There was a sort of melancholy in Maedhros eyes that Glorfindel hadn’t seen there before, he looked at the red head with unspoken questions. Maedhros sent his friend and son in law a rather faint smile. “ I was thinking of my brother, I… I think I will go looking for him. I don’t know where I should be looking though, and I shouldn’t go alone but…I have to go, maybe not right away but soon. I can feel it.”

Glorfindel felt a strange sensation surge through him, a sort of certainty and he petted Maedhros upon his muscular shoulder. “ I somehow feel that you won’t be alone, someone will go with you”

Maedhros just frowned, a bit confused. “ Do you share the lady Galadriel’s gift of foresight?”

Glorfindel shook his head. “ No, just call it a hunch.” 

Maedhros shrugged and didn’t think more about it. He was busy in the forge with a new set of knives for Elladan when he heard some commotion from the bridge leading into Imladris. He had a peculiar sensation within, a sort of déjà vu. He dropped his hammer and went outside, there were riders and he remembered that a huge group had ridden out that day to help some humans get rid of a very nasty pack of wargs that had killed off some of their livestock. He walked closer, very slowly, almost reluctantly. He feared that someone he knew had been wounded or killed but the sensation he had within was of anticipation, why he didn’t know.

There was one rider still on his horse, he held someone in front of him in the saddle, a seemingly unconscious person wrapped in a cloak. Elrond was already there and he heard the warrior speak, his voice a bit nervous. “ We found him by the river, there were no track, nothing. It looked as if he had been dropped from the skies.” 

Maedhros felt his mouth go dry, he felt faint. Elrond and one of the healers grasped onto the person and his head turned and Maedhros felt as if the world stopped turning completely. He was so deep in shock he just shuddered. He knew that face, oh by Eru how he knew it. He fell to his knees, weeping. He didn’t deserve this, he could only whisper his name as if it was a prayer. “Fingon”

Elrond and the other healers were carrying the unconscious ellon to the healing ward and Maedhros followed them, as if in a trance. He couldn’t believe it, but there was no doubt about the identity of the ellon and Maedhros had a really hard time believing that it was true. Were the valar playing with him? He had threatened the doomsman, by Eru himself, this could be some sick joke or rather a form of punishment. He felt a hard knot in his stomach, didn’t know what to do. He just remained standing outside of the healing ward and he was breathing as if he had been running hard.   
Elrond emerged after a short while, he stared at Maedhros, his eyes were filled with both wonder and doubt. “ You don’t know the reason behind this now do you?” 

Maedhros shook his head. “ No. You do know who he is?”

Elrond smiled, a somewhat sad smile. “One only has to take a look at your face to know who he is.”

Maedhros was biting his lower lip. “ Is he ok?” 

Elrond nodded, he smiled a very comforting smile. “ Yes, he is okay, he is just sleeping. I bet he will wake up soon.”

Maedhros felt like he was torn in half, between hope and fear. “Eru, what if he doesn’t know me anymore?”

Elrond put a hand upon his shoulder, gave it a gentle squeeze. “ Do not fear that mellon, I don’t think the valar are cruel, not in the way you fear. He will remember. Maybe this is something he has chosen? “

Maedhros nodded slowly. “ Perhaps? I hope so.” 

Glorfindel and Halariel had heard of the incident and came running, Halariel held Findion on her arm and Maedhros managed to hide his emotions. He didn’t want to startle his grandson. Glorfindel looked a bit excited. “Another re-embodied? That is amazing”

Maedhros managed to smile and he felt himself shivering a bit. What would happen now? Elrond went inside again and Maedhros sat down, he was so nervous, so terribly afraid that his long lost love would have forgotten him. He got a hug from Halariel and it felt wonderful, she was there for him and he really truly felt the bond of kinship between them. It felt safe.

The room was kept rather dark and Elrond sat by the bed in which they had placed the unconscious ellon. He stared at him, it was rather weird seeing this elf, knowing he was the one who had rescued Maedhros from that mountain side and that he had fought valiantly against the enemy before Elrond was even born. And now he was here. It had to mean something, the valar never did anything just on a whim and he suspected that returning Fingon was done less as a favor to Maedhros and more because of some task ahead. So this was the one Maedhros had secretly loved, it wasn’t hard to understand why. Fingon was extremely handsome and Elrond could imagine that they were such a very lovely pair.

He knew that the kind of relationship they had would have had to have been hidden while they lived in Valinor, and they had probably tried to keep it a secret when they met again too. Elrond had pitied Maedhros, he had understood the sorrow and longing his foster dad had felt. Perhaps this was a second chance for them both? He could only hope that it was, Maedhros deserved some happiness again.

Fingon woke up suddenly, it was in the afternoon and they had lit some lamps so the room didn’t get too dark. It wasn’t such a good idea to scare the poor ellon, if he woke up in darkness he could perhaps believe that he was somewhere far from nice. Fingon just sat up in the bed with a hoarse cry, his eyes wide open and staring and he looked absolutely shocked. Elrond was there right away, trying to look as non-threatening and friendly as he possibly could. Fingon did see him, he relaxed visibly and Elrond picked up a cup with spiced wine and held it in front of the still pale ellon. “ Here, it is wine. You look as though you need it.” 

Fingon took the cup carefully, he looked as if he was a bit confused, not quite sure of what to think. He took a small sip of the cup, when he felt the taste he suddenly tossed the rest of the content back as if it was water. He coughed and Elrond put the cup back onto a table. “ How do you feel?”

Fingon pulled the blankets a little tighter around himself, he was obviously very nervous. “Ah…I…feel fine. Where….where am I?” 

The voice was a bit thin and pitiful and Elrond realized that Fingon probably remembered naught of whatever had happened to his soul after he was brutally slain. He was shivering and Elrond felt how a sense of tremendous pity filled him, this had to be a shock of epic proportions. “You are in the valley of Imladris, this is the third age of the sun and I am Elrond Eärendilion. I am a healer, we are relatives.”

Fingon stared at the dark haired ellon, he swallowed hard. “ Relatives?”

Elrond nodded. “ My father was the grandson of your brother Turgon”

Fingon let out a gasp, he stared at Elrond with huge eyes and then he reached out, touched Elrond’s face with a sort of disbelief. “My brother…Eru, why…I cannot understand…the balrog?”

Elrond had to smile. “No such thing here, you are safe. This is a protected place, relax.”

Fingon shook his head, he was still trembling. “ I cannot remember, I…I fought Gothmog and…”

Elrond sighed.” Yes you did, and you died. You have been re-embodied. “

Fingon hid his face in his hands, he looked rather shaken. “ Eru, why can’t I remember? The third age? “

He took a deep breath, then he made a keening sound and shook his head violently. “ They are dead are they not? They are all dead, I can feel it. There are none left!”

Elrond made a grimace, he tried not to look too excited. “ Well, most of those you knew from that age are dead yes, but there are some who still remain here in Middle earth. Galadriel, who by the way is my mother in law.” 

Fingon looked terribly young and vulnerable there and then. “ I remember her, Finarfin’s daughter. She was named Artanis but Celeborn renamed her Galadriel. “

Elrond smiled. “ Yes, that is right. She and Celeborn rules the realm of Lothlorien.”

Fingon smiled, a smile filled with wonder. “ She always wanted to rule her own realm, that is…great”

Elrond nodded. “ Yes, and there are others.”

Fingon tilted his head. “ More relatives?”

There was some hope in his voice and Elrond nodded. “ A cousin of yours.”

Fingon tensed up, his eyes went wide and he held his breath. “ Who, please, who?!”

Elrond smiled and got up. “ He is waiting outside, I will get him. And by the way, Glorfindel is also here, he too is a reborn. “ 

Fingon did remember that warrior, a very handsome golden haired warrior who had followed Turgon and fought for Gondolin. But he was so curious about who this relative was, he had to know but there was a fear within him, perhaps he would be disappointed. It could be someone he didn’t even like, there had been plenty of people in the huge family he hadn’t been able to see eye to eye with.

Elrond saw that Maedhros sat there staring at the wall, he hawked and the red head raised his gaze, staring at him. “ He is awake.”

Maedhros felt like fainting, he had to get up slowly and he followed Elrond without saying a word. He had no words to say there and then. He entered the room and saw that Fingon still sat in the bed, he just stared. Maedhros felt his eyes filling with tears, he gasped and suddenly Fingon was out of the bed, he had flung himself forth and embraced Maedhros in a bear hug that was making the tall redhead tremble. “ Nelyo!”

The voice was hoarse, filled with disbelief and relief and shock and he couldn’t help it, he kissed Fingon’s brow and let his hands run through the long black hair. It was like silk underneath his fingers and he saw that Elrond just nodded and left the room, the healer realized that they needed some privacy. Fingon suddenly flinched and pulled back, stared at Maedhros with shock, grasped his right arm. “ Your…your hand?!”

Maedhros took Fingon’s hands gently in his own. “ I am also re-embodied. I got my hand back with my new body.”

Fingon blinked, there were tears in his eyes. “ Oh how wonderful, but…you died too? How? Did those damned orcs get you in the end, was it a dragon? A balrog?”

Maedhros sat down on the bed and Fingon sat down next to him, it felt unreal to be sitting there next to him again, he looked the same, smelled the same, it was like a dream. “ No Fingon, it was…nothing like that. The oath killed me, or rather, what it had turned me into.”

Fingon looked confused. “ I don’t understand? You were so strong? What could have killed you? You survived Angband damn it”

Maedhros swallowed hard. “ Yes, but I could not survive the truth of what I had become, what we all had become. I ended myself.” 

Fingon let out a gasp, he stared at the red head with disbelief written all over his beautiful face. “Oh Eru no, that is…that is such a…sin”

Maedhros sighed. “ Yes, but it is what it is. I was returned for a reason, and I think that you must have been returned for a reason too.”

Fingon reached out, let his fingers run over Maedhros face, a feather soft touch. “ It is you, it is really you? I…cannot believe this”

Maedhros had to smile, having Fingon this close again was wonderful, and frightening too. He hadn’t anticipated anything like this. “ Neither do I, but we are both real, both here.”

Fingon embraced him again, he could feel that his cousin shivered and the love he had felt for the dark haired warrior returned with full strength. He whimpered and then he kissed Fingon again, no light chaste kiss but a real one, with a lot of passion. Fingon answered it, almost panting and tried to pull Maedhros even closer. Eru alone knew what would have happened if there hadn’t been a knock on the door and they pulled apart as if something had stung them. Maedhros knew that his voice was rather weird but he managed to speak. “ Enter”

The door opened and Halariel and the baby entered followed by Glorfindel and Elrond’s twins. Maedhros sighed, he would have preferred to be left alone with Fingon for a while and tell him of the things that had happened but he guessed that their curiosity had gotten the better of them. Maedhros managed to smile, it was a bit tense though, and unnatural. “ Fingon, you recognize Glorfindel? Those two ellyn are Elrond’s sons Elladan and Elrohir and the lovely elleth is Halariel, she is Glorfindel’s wife and the elfling is their son Findion.”

Fingon stared at Halariel, his mouth hung open and there was disbelief in his eyes. He stared from Halariel to Maedhros and back and Maedhros sighed and stared down. “ Yes, you are not being deceived by your eyes, Halariel…is my daughter”

Fingon made a strange sound, it sounded like a choked sob. He turned away, blinked hard. “So…you forgot me. You have bonded with someone and gotten married then…” 

The voice was so thin, so broken and Maedhros just knew it, he was indeed being punished for all his sins. He grasped onto Fingon who actually tried to resist. “ No, you are wrong, I did never forget you, ever! You are my one, listen to me, you have forever been in my heart.”

Fingon let out a keening noise. “ I don’t believe you Nelyo, she…she is your child you say. Then…you must have…loved some elleth.”

Maedhros sighed, the truth had to be told, it was no way around it now. “ I didn’t love Halariel’s mother Fingon, she was a servant girl helping me and Maglor during the final war against Morgoth. I was missing you, all the others were dead and …I was drunk and raped her.”

Fingon snapped his head around again, his eyes wide open. “ You did WHAT?!”

Maedhros sighed. “ You heard me, I raped Halariel’s mother, and a piece of Silmarilli leftover Maglor gave her as compensation made her conceive. I didn’t know I had sired a child before I was re-embodied, it happened less than two years ago.”

Fingon was still staring at him, eyes still wide open. “ How could you?!”

Maedhros felt tears in his eyes, they burned. He had probably lost Fingon forever, it was such a terrible irony there. “ I don’t know, I really don’t know. I was sent back to save her and retrieve the silmarilli power she harbored. “

Fingon shook his head, he was pale. “ This is…some sort of bizarre nightmare, I am really dead am I not? Is Namò torturing me?”

Maedhros nodded to the others and they took the hint and left the room. “ No, it is for real, you are really re-embodied. This is really middle earth, and I am real and I still love you Fingon, I really do.”

Fingon looked up at him, he looked so fragile, so vulnerable. “ I…I want to believe you, I do so want to believe you. I can’t think, I…it is too much, all of it…”

Maedhros grasped his hand, pressed it against his chest. “ If you cannot believe my words then please, believe this!”

Fingon sniffed and stared at Maedhros, he could feel it, the same connection as before, the same sensation of being just half a person without this powerful presence close by. He could feel Maedhros heart beating fast and hard and he could smell him and felt the heat from his body. It was really true, he was alive and his friend and lover was there too. Fingon forgot all about Halariel, forgot about the fact that Maedhros obviously had lain with someone else, it was in the past, this was a new life, a new reality.   
Maedhros could only embrace Fingon tightly and the black haired ellon started to weep. He wept like his heart was breaking and kept weeping until he fell asleep in Maedhros arms and the tall ellon remained sitting there, stroking his true love’s hair and humming gently, letting Fingon sleep.

When Fingon woke up again he was calm, and curious and even though he had some problems accepting the fact that Maedhros was both a father and a grandfather he knew that he would learn to adore Halariel and Findion too with time. Elrond declared that Fingon was in excellent health and could leave the healing ward and Maedhros immediately offered to take him to see the baths and Glorfindel ran to get some clothes he thought would be fitting. Fingon felt a bit overwhelmed by the friendly attitude everybody had towards him and he blushed and felt like hiding behind Maedhros.

The bathhouse was a very lovely place and Fingon felt like he truly had been remade after a hot bath, he did notice that Maedhros had lost most of the scars he had gotten during his captivity and he was just as elegant and muscular as before, or perhaps even a bit bulkier than before since he now made a living as a smith. Then they went to the dining hall and Maedhros told him everything of the place. Fingon had suddenly realized that he was famished and ate with a speed that made the cook lift an eyebrow in a gesture of disbelief. She had never seen an elf eat like that before, dwarves yes, but never an elf.

Maedhros was getting nervous, it was getting late and nobody had said anything about whether or not Fingon would get his own rooms. He sort of knew that Elrond assumed that they would share rooms but he didn’t dare to trust in that hope just yet. He had to gather all his courage before he asked. “So, there are a lot of empty rooms here, they are very nice. Or…would you like to stay with me?”

Fingon sighed and looked uncertain of himself. “ I…do you want me to?”

Maedhros felt his heart tremble within his chest. “ I do want you to stay with me, more than anything in the world. But it is up to you, the choice is yours, completely”

Fingon lifted a hand, let it slide through Maedhros hair and he had to close his eyes and shudder. It felt heavenly, it felt like salvation, like bliss. “ I chose to stay with you, no matter what have been done. I cannot deny the truth, my soul know it belongs with you”

Maedhros grasped Fingon’s hand and kissed it. “ As mine know it belongs with you!” 

Fingon blushed, he looked down, there was a very fragile expression within those lovely eyes. “Do…do we have to hide it? I mean…”

Maedhros shook his head. “ No, things are very different now, they will accept it. Fear not.”

Fingon looked very relieved. “ I…that is good. Things have changed then?”

Maedhros grasped his hand and they walked slowly through the gardens towards the building where Maedhros had his rooms. “ Yes, a lot has changed, you have a lot to learn now, the world is rather different.” 

Fingon sighed. “ I believe you, just this place, it is otherworldly. What about Morgoth, is he still around?”

There was a hint of the old battle readiness within his voice and Maedhros had to grin. “ No, the valar defeated him in the end but his second in command escaped and is now gaining power again, he is a scourge”

Fingon frowned. “ Sauron? I remember that one yes, Morgoths little ass kisser.”

Maedhros stopped outside of his door. “ I hope you know that there is no turning back whence you have passed through this door? “ 

Fingon smiled, he had regained his confidence and although he still looked a bit confused he knew he was safe. He had almost felt as though his heart would stop beating when he discovered Halariel, if Maedhros had truly forgotten about him and gotten married it would have been better to have faded! The truth had been a rather nasty shock, he had never known that his Nelyo could even do things like that, he had always been such a polite and well behaved ellon around the ellith and although he had been with some ellith before Fingon became his lover Fingon knew that it had been out of curiosity more than real desire.   
But he just knew it deep within that Nelyo was telling the truth, that Fingon was his real true love. And that knowledge felt so wonderful, like true safety. “ I have no plans of ever turning back.”

Maedhros let out a low almost growling sound, he bent down and nipped the tip of a delicately pointed ear teasingly. Fingon let out a loud gasp, his heart started hammering with a mix of anticipation and a strange fear. It felt as though his feelings were this much more powerful now, so unbridled and unrestrained. It scared him, it was like a re-awakening and he let the knowledge of what the situation meant sink in. If the valar were merciful he and Maedhros could have forever together. He was pushed through the door and they entered a rather small but nice room Fingon immediately knew was Nelyo’s. There were equipment everywhere, it looked as if a tornado had gone through the room and he grinned softly. “You have not changed a bit, I remember your clutter from Tirion, your mother was desperate at times.”

Maedhros just grinned. “ Aye, I remember. Now it is Halariel who is trying to teach me how to keep my rooms tidy,”

It felt so weird saying that name, it was as if he really fully understood the reality of it all there and then. Halariel was for real and would forever be a part of his life, just as Fingon would. Maedhros felt himself tremble, the love and longing getting the better of him, he had no patience and he almost ripped the tunic of his dark haired lover. Fingon gasped and Maedhros had to admire Fingon’s lithe and yet powerful frame. He looked like before, less scars but he was the same and Maedhros got a wicked glimpse within his eyes. “ I wonder…” 

Fingon shivered as strong hands caressed him, got reacquainted with his body, he was burning! “What?”

Maedhros unbuckled Fingon’s belt and pulled his pants and underwear down in one go, Fingon squeaked and then he moaned as Maedhros gently started caressing his already hard length, it felt better than ever and he gasped and had to fight the desperate urge to thrust himself into the grip. “You did enjoy certain things more than others, I wonder if that is still so?” 

Maedhros was kneeling down and his eyes never left Fingon’s, the black haired ellon just gasped for air and his eyes rolled up, Eru, it was too much, and yet not enough and the sensation was so familiar and at the same time new. Fingon trembled from head to toe, he would have collapsed if Maedhros hadn’t kept a firm grip on his hips. The end came so suddenly and so violently he couldn’t stop himself from screaming his lovers name, seeing stars and sparks. Maedhros didn’t let go until Fingon was utterly spent and finished with a gentle and yet very erotic lick along the now softening shaft. “ I think you ought to work a bit on the endurance part, you never came that fast before.”

Fingon just giggled, he felt giddy, light headed and weird and wonderful. “ I know, this was sort of my first time, in this life. “

Maedhros nodded. “ Mine too, I haven’t been with anyone. “ 

Fingon bent forward and kissed Maedhros with passion, he could feel the taste of his own salty essence on his lips and it sent his heart racing once more. He remembered so much, oh Eru how he remembered. His voice was rather husky when he made his Nelyo stand up again. “ I guess favors are to be returned?”

Maedhros licked his lips, the eyes were burning. “ I don’t mind if you do…”

Fingon was slowly removing Maedhros tunic and pants, he marveled at the sight in front of him and when he finally knelt down Maedhros was already pretty close.   
Before long Fingon grinned and stared at his lover with narrow eyes. “ I am not the only one with an endurance issue for damn sure!! How about making use of that bed over there?”

Maedhros just nodded, he was still shaking with the aftershocks of his orgasm and he couldn’t remember having come that hard ever before. His legs were ready to give out underneath him. “Yes, lets”

The two of them woke up rather late in the day, the bed looked as if a major battle had been fought in the middle of it, the sheets ripped and there were feathers everywhere since a pillow had ruptured. The blankets were sticky and the place reeked of sex. They had finally fallen asleep due to sheer exhaustion and Maedhros was the first one to open his eyes. He was aching like crazy all over, and he made a grimace. He had really been just as eager as Fingon but it had indeed been a first time for the both of them and the effects of their vigorous lovemaking could be felt. He moaned and grinned, they would both have a funny walk for a few days, he was sure of it. He stared at Fingon, he still slept. Feathers stuck in his dark hair and clinging to his sweaty skin and Maedhros knew that he looked just as bad, if not worse. It was different in one way this time, they had said their vows. Why they didn’t know but when they had reached that first peak of absolute pleasure together they had just started speaking in unison. Now they were truly bonded and nothing would separate them again, and it felt so right, so very very right. And Fingon had promised to help him look for his brother, it was such a relief.

There was a knock on the door and Maedhros squeaked and tossed a blanket over them, the door opened and Halariel entered. She carried a tray with some food and two cups of Erestor’s best herbal mix, it was perfect for removing hang overs and Maedhros sighed with relief. That was just what they needed now, it was just as good for removing other types of aches and pains too. Halariel sniffed the air and shook her head. “ Ada, I bet those others living in this building must have had the entertainment of a lifetime tonight, I bet you two kept them all awake.”

Maedhros blushed like crazy and Halariel set the tray down on a table. “ You took your lover to this dungeon of yours? Gee, I would have guessed that the sight of this room would have scared the living daylights out of him. It looked bad before, now it looks even worse!”

Maedhros had to laugh, he remembered the one time when he and Fingon overslept and Nerdanel caught them in bed together, he would never forget the expression within her eyes. She had promised to never tell Fëanor of the relationship but she had been shocked, to say the least. Now it was Halariel who stood there and stared at him but she wasn’t shocked at all. She looked almost relieved. He hawked. “ Well, he is used to the fact that I never manage to keep my rooms tidy. Ah, by the way, we said our vows…”   
Halariel smiled, a very wide and very warm smile and for the first time he didn’t doubt that she did love him, that she really had accepted him as her father., “That is wonderful ada, I am so glad on your behalf. I have worried about your and your lack of a lover, but now things are just perfect. I am so happy you finally have someone special in your life, and can enjoy a healthy love life again and be happy and content. But I refuse to refer to him as my daer-naneth”   
Maedhros started laughing so hard Fingon woke up, he looked terribly confused, his lover and his lovers daughter were laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes and when Maedhros managed to explain the situation Fingon too started laughing and they all agreed that the term “uncle” perhaps was the best fitting one. Halariel gave them both a hug in spite of the feathers and the smells and when she finally left the room Maedhros sent Fingon a rather simmering glance and Fingon groaned and prepared for yet another round. “ And here we go again!”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics on top of the story is a song i strongly suggest you listen to, it is Beyond beautiful. And it fits this final Chapter perfectly!

Epilogue: Heartsong.

“Everything owes its existence solely and entirely to sound”   
Peter Guy Manners

ICELANDIC  
Heyr, himna smiður,  
hvers skáldið biður.  
Komi mjúk til mín  
miskunnin þín.  
Því heit eg á þig,  
þú hefur skaptan mig.  
Eg er þrællinn þinn,  
þú ert drottinn minn.

Guð, heit eg á þig,  
að þú græðir mig.  
Minnst þú, mildingur, mín,  
mest þurfum þín.  
Ryð þú, röðla gramur,  
ríklyndur og framur,  
hölds hverri sorg  
úr hjartaborg.

Gæt þú, mildingur, mín,  
mest þurfum þín,  
helzt hverja stund  
á hölda grund.  
Send þú, meyjar mögur,  
málsefnin fögur,  
öll er hjálp af þér,  
í hjarta mér.

ENGLISH  
Hear, smith of the heavens,  
what the poet asks.  
May softly come unto me  
thy mercy.  
So I call on thee,  
for thou hast created me.  
I am thy slave,  
thou art my Lord.

God, I call on thee  
to heal me.  
Remember me, mild one,  
Most we need thee.  
Drive out, O king of suns,  
generous and great,  
every human sorrow  
from the castle of the heart.

Watch over me, mild one,  
Most we need thee,  
truly every moment  
in the world of men.  
send us, son of the virgin,  
good causes,  
all aid is from thee,  
in my heart

 

 

It took months before Fingon was able to come to terms with the great changes that had happened since his death. He often spent hours reading and he was also being told a lot by Elrond and other who had survived the last couple of ages. Fingon was eager to participate in the defense of Imladris, he would ride out with the guards and he and Maedhros was quite a team. They struck awe into the very soul of everybody who saw them fighting.   
Maedhros had found a new sort of peace now, a balance he had lacked earlier in life. He would spend as much time as possible with Halariel and her family and Elrond did hardly recognize him at times. He had never seen this relaxed and carefree side of his foster father before and he realized that the oath had lain like a huge heavy stone around the neck of everybody bound by it. Now Maedhros was free and he was enjoying that freedom immensely. With Fingon there by his side too he had become cheerful and he was grinning most of the time. But one thing still bothered him and one evening in spring he and Fingon left Imladris, they were going to search for Maglor and Elrond wished them luck but he had little hope of success. He knew that Maglor had to be alive but nobody had seen him for ages and that meant that he was hiding, and hiding well too. 

Maedhros and Fingon first rode to the grey havens to hear if anyone there had heard anything that could give them an idea of where his lost brother could be. Nobody knew anything for sure, there were legends of people hearing song coming from the shores at night but nobody knew if this was true or not. It could be very old tales too, back from the early second age. There was only one thing to do, go looking. They sort of guessed that Maglor would be to the south of the havens, it was not very likely that he had gone to the north since that was a very changed area, it would of course hold a lot of memories too and Maedhros somehow guessed that Maglor would avoid those places that reminded him of the past. So they rode south, and followed the shore line. It was the best option and Maedhros had sworn that he would continue looking until he found his brother, he would never back off from this quest. Fingon supported him whole heartedly and it made him feel as though there was hope.

They sort of rode in a zig zag pattern along the coast, it wasn’t fast but it did ensure them that he wasn’t in any of the areas they visited. Here and there they encountered old tales and legends of a strange voice in the night or the sighting of a tall cloaked figure by the shores and Maedhros sort of felt that they all were telling the truth. He had been there for sure. Weeks turned into months, they rode south, then north again, turned back. Tales and legends changed from one village to the next, some swore that they had seen a ghost by the beach and others were sure that it was some creature of Sauron trying to lure people to a watery grave. It became frustrating and Maedhros did notice that people were unused to seeing elves these days. Many were suspicious or downright hostile and they had to be careful. They had chosen to dress in rather anonymous clothes which didn’t reveal any wealth and they rode plain horses that didn’t tempt anyone to attempts at horse theft. It wasn’t until winter was returning that they found something which rekindled their hope, it was a villager telling of a cove which was off limits to everybody. Nobody ever went to that place and the captains avoided the place too. They were told of an eerie voice which sang so hauntingly beautifully and so filled with sorrow it drove people in sane just listening to it once.

Maedhros instantly wanted to go there, it was a fresh track, this could be it. Fingon was a little more reluctant but he too had high hopes regarding this tale. They left their horses at a farm which lay nearby and was inhabited by some very friendly humans and they walked towards the cove in the shelter of the night. It was a lovely place with huge limestone cliffs and many caves and it was easy to see how this could be a refuge for someone trying to hide. It was almost impossible to find someone there if that person wasn’t willing to be found. But there were small subtle signs of the place being inhabited. To a human the signs would have been easily overlooked but to an elf they were rather apparent. Maedhros knew it, his brother had been there and perhaps he still was there. 

They knew that Maglor never would come to them, they would have to wait until he revealed himself and so they sought cover in a small cave and sat there in silence. The sun rose and Maedhros and Fingon shared some lembas and a cag of wine, they still kept their silence. If Maglor was there he was probably as skittish as a wild beast and twice as nervous. They sat there waiting and the sun did finally go down once more. There was a gentle breeze coming in from the sea and the scent of the place reminded Maedhros of the happy days of youth when they had visited the coast and gone swimming, the whole family. Perhaps that was why Maglor had picked this place? As the stars became visible again and the sounds of the night got louder the two elves sat there in utter silence, both very tense and they were using their sharp senses for all that they were worth. 

Maedhros had almost started to believe that they were wrong and that Maglor had moved on, that they were sitting there in vain, he was ready to curl up and go to sleep but he started when an incredibly eerie sound suddenly broke the silence. It was a loud keening noise that no human ever could have been able to make and it was apparently an attempt at song but it failed miserably. It just sounded awful and yet it had a sort of ragged beauty to it, no wonder this sound made humans lose their minds. Maedhros crept forth, he stared out of the opening of the small cave, saw a tall dark figure on the beach, reed like and fragile, it looked more like some sort of wraith than an elf. The hair seemed to be incredibly long and tangled and it looked like sea weed and the creature was so thin, it looked more like a skeleton with skin on it than an ellon. Maedhros choked a gasp of pity and despair. His brother, it was his brother. Or what was left of him anyhow, and it wasn’t much. 

They slowly left the cave, the creature on the sand was unaware of them, he just stood there with his feet in the water, making those weird sounds that reverberated through the cove and created weird echoes that probably scared the living daylights out of anyone brave enough to enter it. Maedhros whimpered, Maglor was almost naked, he only wore a piece of incredibly dirty and tattered cloth around his hips and to his shock and horror he realized that it was the remains of an old banner, probably the one they had fought underneath during the war of wrath.   
Maglor just stood there, the eyes staring out into nothing, empty. Fingon whispered to Maedhros. “ I think he is insane, or just completely lost in his memories.” 

Maedhros felt tears stinging his eyes, his beautiful brother, who could make anyone laugh or cry or feel any emotion imaginable just by singing. Now he was reduced to a state that was so horrifying to behold he had a hard time believing that his eyes didn’t lie to him. He remembered his brother’s smile, his somewhat stern approach to the duties he had been given as a youth and his joy when he was allowed to just sing and play and be himself. He remembered Maglor flirting with the ladies of the court and the way his eyes would shine whenever their father praised his talent and skills.

The two had made their way down to the shore, they slowly walked towards the dark haired ellon who just stood there, like a tree firmly rooted in the ground. To Maedhros he seemed to be naught more than an animal, the body covered with sores and scabs and he did stink, of old rotten fish, decaying seaweed and infected wounds. It made Maedhros cringe and Fingon shook his head slowly in dread. “This is not fair, oh Eru it is so unfair.”

Maedhros sighed and hesitated, the wraithlike creature hadn’t noticed them yet, it was in itself a sign that Maglor was rather demented, before he had been one it was impossible to sneak up to. “He is punishing himself”

The words were a mere whisper but they were so filled with sorrow, so filled with pain. Maedhros had never thought that Maglor would have allowed this to happen to himself, he had been the voice of reason, of common sense and wisdom. Yes, he was a terrifying sight when caught by wrath but he had a kind heart and such compassion with others, Of all of them Maglor had been the best one, the one most innocent, the truly good son. Seeing him thus broke Maedhros heart and he was just happy their father wasn’t there to see this, it would have crushed him completely.

Maedhros did wet his lips, reached out and touched his brother’s bony shoulder very gently, he looked just as bad as he himself had when he was rescued from the clutches of Morgoth. Maglor let out a strange wailing sound, he jerked but didn’t turn his head, he just stared out into nothing and Maedhros sobbed. “ Maglor? Macalaüre? It is me, Nelyo, please, look at me?”

The emaciated ellon slowly turned his head, it was an almost absurd sight and it made Maedhros cringe, the body seemed almost stiff. And the eyes, Eru the eyes. They were empty and yet filled with eons of time, of anger, pain, sorrow, grief, love, longing. It was like a mirror where all your thoughts were returned to you, just ten times stronger than normal and Fingon let out a small yelp at the sight. Maglor’s pupils filled the entire eye, as if the sclera was gone completely and it was terrifying. Maedhros managed to make a squeaking sound. “ Brother?”

The creature that was Maglor just stared, the eyes still empty and there was no reaction to indicate that he was even aware of their presence. He just stood there, like a statue. Maedhros sobbed, he reached out and touched his brother once more, Maglor didn’t move, he just moved his lips and the weird sound could be heard once again. It made Fingon wince and cover his ears, it was awful. “What are we to do? We cannot let him stay here? He is close to death!”

Fingon’s voice was revealing how upset he was and Maedhros sighed and Fingon saw tears running down his cheeks. “ We have to bring him with us.”

Fingon made a grimace. “ You know how people will react to the sight of him? They’ll think he is some evil creature for sure.”

Maedhros nodded. “ Yes, I know. We will have to avoid being seen then.”

Fingon sighed and rolled his eyes. “ That will be hard, and how are we to treat him?” 

Maedhros tried to smile. “ As if he is made from eggshells!” 

Fingon felt frustrated, yes, he was full of pity and also rather angry at destiny itself for having done this to someone he had considered a friend. “ It will be hell, I can tell you that for sure! He will suffer no matter what we do.” 

Maedhros gritted his teeth together. “ I survived? He can survive too”

Fingon took his lovers hand very gently. “ Nelyo, he isn’t you! He is not as strong as you were.” 

Maedhros lowered his gaze, stared at the sand. “ I know of herbs that may keep him sedated. It will be alright. I am sure Elrond can help him.”

Fingon just shrugged. “ Perhaps, but the responsibility is yours Nelyo, he is so very weak and I fear that he won’t survive being moved. “

Maedhros nodded slowly. “ Maybe, but we have to try. I can’t just leave him here to die, if he can’t make it he will die among friends, among family.”

He reached out again and took hold of Maglor’s hand. He cringed when he felt the hard scorched skin of his palm where the Silmaril had burned him. It had been millennia, and the wound had never really healed. Maglor didn’t react at all, he just kept staring and whimpering that broken line of what had to have been some lament. Fingon felt like running away, it was too much, to terrible. He had never seen anything this bad, ever! Maedhros had looked just as bad but he had been mentally strong and he had been surprisingly sane after his ordeal. Maglor on the other hand seemed to be utterly mad.   
Maedhros took a deep breath and bent down, lifted Maglor as if he was a child. “ Forgive me brother!” 

Maglor made a screeching sound that was frightening and Fingon bit his lower lip.. “ If he continue doing that we’ll have to gag him!”

Maedhros just sent him a sorrow filled glance and started carrying his brother away from the beach as if he was a piece of wood. Maglor kept keening and he moved his head slowly from one side to the other in a weird almost mechanical manner but he didn’t struggle. He was probably too weak. Maedhros carried him up to where they had been camping and put him down gently. Maglor didn’t move at all, he just lay there on the sand like a doll someone had tossed away and the sight almost broke Fingon’s heart. Maedhros became almost manical, he got a fire going, gathered some more firewood, found their small box of medical supplies and it was rather apparent that what they had were nowhere near enough. He sighed and turned to Fingon. “ You must go to that village, buy some supplies. Clothes, blankets, medicine. “

Fingon nodded slowly, in a way happy he could get away from this for a while. “ Of course. Do you even think he can make it?”

Maedhros closed his eyes, the pain in his eyes too visible. “ I have to hope. There is nothing else I can do. He is my brother, I owe him to at least try.”

Fingon nodded and left the small cave, he almost ran back to the village where they had heard of the cove and he managed to buy the needed supplies without arising any suspicion at all. He just turned on all of his charm and claimed that one of their horses had bolted with all of their supplies still on it. He had quite a huge load to carry when he returned but it was all needed and he was strong. Maedhros had gotten quite a fire going, he had shot some small grouse like birds and plucked them and he was trying to make some sort of soup. Fingon dropped the bags on the ground and stared at Maglor, he hadn’t moved at all, but his head jerked from one side to the other in a strange mechanical rhythm. It made Fingon feel sick, it was so unnatural.   
Maedhros went through the bags, he picked out a few items and mixed some dried herbs with warm water, let it drip through a piece of cloth to remove the wet herbal leaves and mixed it with the broth he had cleansed in a similar way. He stared at Fingon. “ You must hold him upright, I will try to feed him.”

Fingon nodded, he sat down and got Maglor into an upright position, he was just limp, didn’t resist nor help Fingon keeping his upper body steady. Maedhros had found a spoon in their luggage and he sighed and nodded his head. “ Maglor? I will try to feed you some broth, you need it” 

He lifted the spoon and held it gently against Maglor’s dry and cracked lips, at first his brother didn’t respond at all but then finally he opened his mouth and Maedhros poured the thin liquid slowly into his mouth. Maglor did swallow, Maedhros sighed with relief. It was possible to feed him, he didn’t seem to be aware of the fact that he was getting food into him at all. Fingon sent Maedhros a warning glance. “ He cannot be fed too much, that might kill him.” 

Maedhros just nodded. “ I know, but he has to regain some strength before we can travel, and he need the nutrition badly.” 

Fingon sighed and let Maedhros continue. He managed to get perhaps a cup of broth into Maglor before he started to resist and it was probably just good, he shouldn’t eat too much, his stomach was probably not used to food at all. The herbs kicked inn rather fast and Maglor just sighed and fell asleep. Maedhros took a deep breath. “ We have to clean his wounds and get all the filth off of him, he looks grey all over”

Fingon nodded and untied the dirty excuse for a loincloth. It had almost grown into the skin in some places and the sight made Fingon cringe and swallow hard several times. Maglor did stink terribly, he couldn’t have taken a bath for ages and he probably never cleaned himself at all. Maedhros just shook his head in pain and disbelief and wet a cloth in some hot water. He started washing his brother’s body slowly, the injuries and emaciation got even more apparent when the thick layer of grime was gone. The sores had to be the result of flea bites and small cuts and sores he had to have gotten from getting into contact with sharp rocks. The hair was stiff with sweat, grime and salt and Maedhros didn’t hesitate. He took a good knife and cut it, then he shaved Maglor’s head and both ellyn shuddered at the sight of all the fleas and lice.

Many of the wounds were old and the infections had gotten deep into the tissue. Maedhros had a terrible expression on his face, of steel hard determination and Fingon wondered if this was how he had looked before he flung himself to his death. He cut into the wounds, removed all the infected tissue and Fingon assisted him with herbs that stopped the bleeding and stitched the wounds as Maedhros cleaned them. It took a long time, the sun was on the way down again before they were done and Maedhros covered Maglor’s body with some healing salve and wrapped him in some soft blankets. Now it was all up to destiny. 

Maglor did wake up when darkness fell, he moaned and tossed himself around and Maedhros managed to make him drink some more broth with sleeping potion in it. Fingon really wondered how they were to get this wreck of an elf back to Imladris alive. The next day was the same, they fed Maglor when he woke up, washed him, put salve on the wounds, massaged his limbs and prayed. It became a routine, and Maedhros gradually increased the amount of broth he fed his brother. Fingon did notice a change, it was so miniscule it was hard to detect it but Maglor didn’t look quite so thin anymore and the sores healed although slowly for an elf. Maedhros didn’t give up, not a single second did he doubt that they would finish this task and save Maglor. He never left his brother’s side when he was awake, sat there and talked softly and gently of the things that had happened, of the life he now lived. Maglor didn’t seem to react at all but Fingon noticed that he had stopped making those weird awful sounds.

After two weeks they left the cove, the winter had hit them with its full force now and it wasn’t possible to stay there any longer. Maglor was still very weak and the cold could be fatal, they switched having him in the saddle in front of them and bought an extra horse from a farmer. Travelling was hard and slow now but they endured, they managed to keep Maglor warm in spite of it all, they fed him and kept him comfortable and Maedhros was filled with determination and he would not quit no matter what. He would bring Maglor home.

They sometimes stayed in inns where the humans were friendly, other nights they stayed in barns or out in the woods but they never stopped for more than a few hours. It was as if a fever had possessed Maedhros, he felt that they had to get back home as fast as possible. Maglor was getting a little stronger physically but he was still a mess otherwise. He appeared to be completely trapped within his own little world of torment and grief and nothing they did seemed to be able to pull him out of it. It was terrible to behold. 

Maedhros was secretly afraid that Maglor’s fëa was lost, that his brother never would return to his old self. He never put words to his fear but Fingon knew, he could almost read his lover’s mind. He shared the same worries and tried to give Maedhros some hope and comfort when the doubt rode him and he started to think that it all would be in vain. When they finally approached Imladris again they had been gone a year and some months and Fingon sighed with relief when they were met by the guards. They recognized Maedhros and Fingon but all stared at the strange ellon who was placed on Maedhros horse in front of him. He looked more like some wraith than an elf and Maedhros sent them an apologetic smile before he made the horse trot on.   
They reached the city before sundown and many had gathered there since the guards had sent a hawk to notify Elrond of their arrival. The healer and his staff were ready and Maedhros saw that Halariel and Glorfindel were there too, Findion were running around trying to catch some butterflies and Halariel had to grasp him, he didn’t care about the approaching riders at all. Maedhros stopped his horse and slipped down from the saddle, grasped Maglor and pulled him down very gently. Elrond just stared, it was Halariel all over again, just worse, way worse. She had been conscious although deranged. This was something very different and much much more serious. He was deeply shocked by the sight of his foster father, he had never encountered an elf who had done something like this to himself. 

They carried Maglor to the infirmary and Maedhros hugged and kissed Halariel and Findion recognized him and hugged him too, with a lot of zeal and vigor. Halariel claimed that the boy was draining her completely, he was high and low and everywhere and keeping an eye on him was a job for at least three people. Maedhros felt a pang of guilt, elflings grew so fast, in little more than a year his grandson had gone from being barely able to take care of himself to be a whirlwind of mischief and pranks. Halariel had been right, the self-proclaimed uncle’s had taught the little one everything they knew and she had been almost ballistic with fury when she found that her son had tried to “improve the design” of her favorite dress by drawing on it with ink. It had been utterly ruined and she had made Elladan and Elrohir get her a new one. Findion didn’t understand why she was so upset though, he thought it looked good. 

Maedhros hurried after Elrond and Fingon took care of their baggage and horses, the infirmary was silent and Elrond was already busy when Maedhros entered, he had undressed Maglor who was just as passive as before. He didn’t react to anything and Elrond cringed at the sight of all the scars and the visible bones. Maedhros just stood there, he didn’t interfere with Elrond’s work and the healer sighed and put his hand on Maglor’s forehead. “ I think you have done an amazing job with his injuries, he should recover physically. But his mental state is a whole different business, I have never encountered something like this.”

Maedhros was staring at Elrond and his eyes were filled with despair “ Please, explain?” 

Elrond sat down, he looked tired. “ I think your brother has been caught by his own grief and sorrow and regret to a degree where he has tried to…erase …himself. I cannot explain it otherwise. He has trapped his own mind within his own personal hell and believes that he belongs there, that he ought to be punished.” 

Maedhros bit his lower lip, he felt like weeping. “ I feared something like that, of all of us, Maglor was the most stubborn one.” 

Elrond smiled. “ Yes, stubborn enough to save me and my brother. I remember that. I have no idea of how to bring him back. He has wanted this Maedhros, he isn’t like Halariel who was held in captivity by the power she harbored. She was a hostage, he is his own tormentor and I don’t know what it will take to make him see that he is wrong.”

Maedhros closed his eyes in despair. “ So what are we to do?” 

Elrond looked down. “ Keep him fed, clothed. Make sure that he is comfortable and maybe, just maybe one day something will bring him back.”

Maedhros sighed and there was such sorrow in his eyes. “ It was not what I wanted to hear.”

Elrond got up and patted him on his shoulder. “ I wish I could have given you better news, but I do think that honesty is worth more than gold. At least you know the prognosis now.”

Maedhros took a deep breath. “ At least he is among friends, and I will not let him down.” 

Elrond sent him a quick smile. “ I know.” 

Maedhros went to his rooms where Fingon already waited with a hot bath and some food. Maedhros didn’t have to tell Fingon anything, his face spoke volumes and his lover embraced him tightly, just held him through the night, shared his strength and love with the tall redhead. Maglor was being kept in the infirmary for weeks, he was too weak to move around and Elrond made special food that would strengthen him. Slowly he started to look more normal, he gained some weight and his hair grew back, the skin looked healthy and he didn’t startle people anymore but he was unable to take care of himself. He was like a toddler, had to be fed and dressed and washed and Maedhros and Fingon split the tasks between them. The minstrel didn’t improve at all, he was still almost comatose in a way, he didn’t respond to anything. 

They had gotten a small cabin for him on the outskirts of Imladris and he could be left alone quite safely for if they placed him on a bench in the sun he would just remain there until someone came to move him back inside. Maedhros wept rather often, he would beg and pray and almost shake his brother, desperate for some sort of reaction, but to no prevail. Maglor was like a living dead, he was breathing and eating and physically there but he was gone. The lights were on but nobody was home and Maedhros was often terribly sad and Fingon had to talk to him through the night to make the despair let go of him. 

Then one evening there was a celebration of some sort, Erestor had managed to convince Maedhros that it would be a good idea to bring Maglor to the party, it could perhaps reach his bewildered mind. Maedhros was reluctant at first but Fingon supported Erestor and Elrond confirmed that it couldn’t make things any worse. They placed Maglor on a bench by the fireplace and gave him some wine and the eyes were just staring into nothing like before. Halariel had also tried to talk to Maglor, to get a reaction from him but she had no such luck. She saw how this affected Maedhros and she did pity him a lot and she would have loved to get to know her uncle. He was after all family and she found the whole thing tragic.

There was dancing and singing and lots of merrymaking, the mood was high and Halariel had gone to put Findion to bed when something happened. It became apparent that Findion hadn’t been watched as well as his mother believed for he had learned a few new pranks and had tried one of them out, and the victim was Lindir. He had a very beautiful harp and as he sat down to start playing it the strings snapped and cut his fingers pretty bad. Lindir swore and Elrond rushed forth to help him with the nasty cuts. The harp was not completely ruined but it needed new strings and one of the other musicians came forth with a new one. But Lindir couldn’t play for several days and so they just changed the plan and started playing a song which didn’t need a harp at all.

They sat there listening when Maedhros suddenly realized that Maglor was moving, on his own behalf. He just stared at his brother in slack jawed amazement as the previously catatonic ellon slowly moved towards the harp that was left on a chair. There was a sort of desperation within the eyes, like he was drowning and the harp a lifeline. Maglor grasped onto the instrument, his fingers were stiff and the skin hard and insensitive but he sat down with it and tried to play. It was a good harp, with a nice sound to it and everybody stared with huge eyes as a faint ghost of a smile flew across Maglor’s face. He started playing, a very simple old song often used as a lullaby and they were all surprised when someone started singing to accompany the harp. It was Halariel, she remembered that her mother had sung that lullaby and Maglor was suddenly transformed. 

He was sitting there with his eyes closed and his fingers moved with an elegance born out of eons of time and practice. He wasn’t nowhere near as good as he had been but he did make the harp sing and Halariel’s voice was making the music complete in an almost eerie way. She had a very unusual voice for a female, a bit deep and husky and it was so filled with emotion it made everybody just sit there in shock. Glorfindel had barely ever heard her sing and he was in awe, and so was Maedhros. Halariel was slowly changing the tune and he realized what she was doing, she was using the music as bait, luring Maglor back to the world of the living through that one thing he couldn’t resist.

She had reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, let the power she still harbored flow freely. It recognized him, merged with his energy and Halariel was wielding it like a conductor’s staff. She sang of the light of a sunrise, of the sound of a child’s laughter. She sang of the stillness of a forest in winter, of the forgiveness of the allfather. He followed, tried to capture the tune and the emotions with the harp and it was wondrous to behold. It was a dance, a duet, a symphony of emotion and healing and Halariel was guiding Maglor through the maze of his own mind like an expert. She was taunting him, teasing his sense of musicality, triggering his need to create something perfect.   
And he was starting to pay attention to his surroundings in a new way, the other musicians tried to join in, to help Halariel coax him further away from the catatonic state. She controlled them all, used the music and the sound like tool, as precise as a surgeon’s scalpel.

Maedhros was in awe, he had never seen anything like that before but neither had any of the others. Halariel had a very powerful voice and it was heard from afar, it created images from her life, and from the things she had read about as well. She stared at Maedhros, gestured for him to join her. He hesitated at first, then he too started to sing, to create the images of his past life, of how things had changed. Maglor was listening, it was very apparent and together Halariel and Maedhros brought him back. It wasn’t done in a flash, they stood there, singing for what had to be hours but time stood still, or so it seemed. It felt like a short minute.

Halariel was almost in a trance, her healing talent burst out into full bloom and she used the music as a sort of extension of herself. Her aura embraced them all, washed away sorrow and fear and the hall was silent. Everybody just sat there, staring and not daring to move an inch. Even the elflings held their mouths shut and stared wide eyed at the strange thing that happened. The remaining silmarilli power within Halariel did recognize Maglor, did find him familiar and since every piece of malice now was gone from it, the power only tried to help. It was speeding things up, doing in minutes what could have taken months without it. It was made from pure light and so it sought out every trace of darkness eager to destroy it. 

It showed him the errors of his ways, showed him that he had been wrong, that he didn’t deserve what he had done to himself. He wasn’t to be punished in any way for his good deeds did mean so much more that those that may have been considered evil or wicked. He was resisting, adamant in his belief in his own wretchedness, in his self-punishment. He refused to give in, fought the light with all his might but he was weak now, fragile. The good memories of his youth was forced forth, the power of Halariel showed him that there still was light in the world, still hope. That he had earned to live, to thrive and start anew. Slowly and painstakingly the power removed every last piece of the self-loathing and fear, showed him that he was forgiven a long time ago, that there was no further punishment awaiting his soul. He was free, he was redeemed.   
The distant empty gaze changed, he became aware of himself once more, became conscious. Maedhros had been singing of their experiences, of the past and also a possible future and Maglor blinked a few times and stared at his brother.   
He started to shiver, saw Fingon and his hands let go of the harp, he whimpered and hid his face behind his hands. Maedhros knelt down next to him, touched his hand gently. “ Maglor? It is me, your eyes are not betraying you.”

Maglor shivered so bad they all saw it, Fingon caught the harp discretely before it hit the floor and Halariel sat down too. “I…I must be dead then, this must the halls..but…”

Maedhros shook his head. “ No Maglor, you are not dead, you are alive.!” 

Maglor just stared, eyes wide open, he looked from one of them to the other. “ But…?” 

Maedhros smiled gently. “ We have been reborn Maglor, and we went searching for you and found you on a shore, almost dead. You have been here for some months now, you are in Imladris, it is a safe haven for us elves.”

Maglor made a short keening sound. “ The others?”

Maedhros sighed. “ I am sorry Maglor, they have not been reborn, at least not on this side of the sundering sea, and I doubt that they ever will be.”

Maglor stared at the surroundings, then he saw Elrond and a peculiar expression crossed his face. “ I know you?”

Elrond walked over, touched his hand. “ Yes you do, I am Elrond.” 

Maglor sniffed, his eyes were filling up with tears. “ Oh Eru, I…I have no words. I never thought I would see any of you again, your brother?”

Elrond swallowed hard, his face calm but the sorrow visible in his eyes. “ No longer with us I am afraid, he chose the fate of man and died a long time ago.”

Maglor trembled. “ How much time?”

Maedhros stroked his hair. “ You are better off not knowing brother, at least for now. Thousands of years have gone.”

Maglor jerked and his eyes were filled with disbelief. “ That long? I…I can’t remember it being that long? I remember….cold, and hunger and….nothing”

Elrond smiled with a sad glimpse within his eyes. “ You tried to erase your own soul Maglor, to become naught but a wraith. It is not what Eru has intended for you, believe me. He is nothing if not forgiving.”

Maglor looked a bit as if he was in doubt, he swallowed hard and then he noticed Halariel, he blinked and confusion overtook his features. “Who?”

Halariel sat down on her haunches close to him. “ I am Halariel, my mother served you and Maedhros during the last war, she …left with a piece of the silmarilli leftovers that you gave her. Maedhros is my father, and you are my uncle.”

Maglor looked shocked, his jaw dropped and then he reached out, almost as if in a dream and touched her hair. “ Like blood and fire, so like your mother.”

He suddenly turned toward Maedhros, rather abruptly. “ She is yours? Then by Eru I hope you have treated her well or else I will…” 

Halariel just grinned. “ Worry not, he is a perfect father and an even better grandfather, I have a son and I will let you meet him tomorrow. The silmarilli piece you gave my mother have given me strange powers Maglor, they helped me heal you now.” 

Maglor stared at her, his eyes sane and clear and Maedhros was silently crying in joy of having his brother back. Maglor just reached out, touched his cheeks lovingly. “Then it is true what they say, nothing is ever done without a cause. I only thought I should compensate that elleth, give her something of value, Eru was already making his plans I guess. “

Maedhros embraced Maglor gently and the minstrel sighed and returned the hug. Maedhros whispered softly. “ Yes, it has gone full circle now, you gave her that piece so that her daughter later could rescue you. “ 

Maglor just smiled, he closed his eyes and there was peace and hope on his face once more. “Yes, I have been rescued. And now I want to know it all, everything that has happened since you were returned. I see that Fingon too is back?” 

Maedhros released the grip and leaned back, wiping tears off his face. “Yes, yes he is. And if I were to tell you everything right here and now I fear we will be stuck here for quite a while.” 

Maglor let his fingers run through his brother’s long red hair, lovingly and in wonderment. “ We have eternity brother, I can wait” 

Maedhros embraced him once more, Halariel joined in on the hug and so did Fingon and Elrond and before long the entire hall was cheering, even Lindir who still felt a bit sore about his injured fingers. 

It didn’t take long before Maglor once again became well known as a minstrel and a singer, he got his voice back and his skills and Lindir were an eager apprentice and spent a lot of time with the ellon who had been an idol to him for a very long time. Maedhros wasn’t surprised at all when he one morning came strolling by Maglor’s hut and caught Lindir trying to sneak out, rather disheveled and flushed and also very satisfied judging from the sheepish expression on his face.

Halariel was happy, Maglor began teaching Findion the harp and the boy was very eager to learn and she breathed a sigh of relief. She wanted her son to become peaceful and safe, and even though Glorfindel probably would object to his choice of becoming a musician nothing could have made her more happy. They were all family and a tightly knit unit and for the years to come they all knew that they owed their happiness to something that earlier on only had brought death and misery. There seems that there is something good in everything, even a piece of discarded Silmaril. And even a dark deed can sometimes bring something good in the end. 

 

The end. 

This last chapter was strongly inspired by the melody Cymatics by Nigel Stanford and the song Heyr himna smiður. It is beyond beautiful, an ancient Icelandic hymn from the 12th century and is sung by Eivør Pàlsdottir of færøyene. . The title means” listen smith of the heavens” I posted the lyrics on top of the story, it fitted somehow. 

So, this is it folks, end of this tale. I hope you have enjoyed it. Now I have to finish another ongoing story and a novel of which I have about thirty pages left, gee, no rest for the creative mind. Have a nice day, Nuredhel over but not out!


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